Good morning, everyone. It's time again for our weekly brunch. Have a seat anywhere that looks comfortable. There's plenty of food, coffee, and juice so there's no need to be bashful. Please help yourselves.
Around the blogs this week, it seemed as though several couples were struggling with how best to define their relationship. I would love to hear your thoughts. The question is:
If you wanted to explain how your relationship operates to a sympathetic but vanilla friend, how would you do so?
I look forward to reading your inspired explanations.
16 comments :
Quite simple, Bonnie - I'd have him read my blog! It's all about me working out how I feel about spanking, after I was able to say out loud that I liked it!
Flinchflower
I've actually tried to do this with a couple of my male friends. They don't really get it. They think it's just about me getting what I want when I need it. Of course they're envious, but I tell them that's not the point. So then they say, well is she a masochist? and I have to explain it's not quite that either. It's not that she likes pain, it's that she needs it. Needs it if she is to feel whole and cared for and fulfilled. She needs to concede control. Only by losing herself can she find herself. As for me, it's not mainly a physical thing. I get a jolt of adrenalin from ordering her to kneel and kiss my hand, just as much as from ordering her to kneel for sex. I think they still don't understand. Maybe some of your other readers can pass on some tips!
I love being a slave to my Master. It is the thrill and pleasure I get from not knowing and sometimes knowing what Master has planned for me. I get to experience things now that before I could only dream of doing. And it is much better living it than just dreaming of it. Life with my Master is never boring!!!
OK I asked the beloved for help on this one - he said our relationship is based on trust, love, compromise and all the other bits of a vanilla relationship with a hint of a discipline aspect thrown in.
My ass does NOT agree with that this morning!!! But he's right, the spanking wouldn't.....couldn't exist without all the other stuff. As for the spanking aspect - well my friends have seen me go flying off the rails a few times in my life and they're happy enough that I'm managing to stay on for now. If getting my backside reddened is what it takes to keep me out of the morgue/jail/other not nice place....I think they'd be happy. (Once they got over asking me how I managed to get into another abusive relationship!!)
To be honest - I think I'd follow flinchflower's example and tell them to read the blog. Its all in there somewhere!(But I really really don't want to be sharing this with any of my friends ever. I'm still hugely embarrassed bout the whole thing in real life!!)
So there you go - after all that hot air, our relationship operates just as a vanilla one does, with a few extras thrown in. Hows that?
cuddlybum
It depends on what kind of person you wish to tell. If he/she is open-minded I shouldn't have a problem with. But only if they were really interested and the opportunity was there. Then I would tell them I'm getting spanked when I don't behave nice and when I'm very stressed. If that's ok, possibly I would tell that spanking is an upgrading for our sexlife. For some people you may change the followed order.
I should like to thank you for meeting an other couple on your blog some weeks ago. We have a regular contect now, which is really nice. Thanks again.
For us it's about exciting the other person, and keeping things interesting in the bedroom (or kitchen, or den, or where ever). Wether it's spanking (by far our favorite), or bondage, or straight vanilla sex, it's about fufilling desires.
I've mentioned before we were outed to our friends, and when asked about it I respond, We've been together a long time, we've tried just about everything you can think of, some things just require props.
Mike
I actually do have a vanilla friend (or so I think!) that I would love to talk to about spanking, so this question is very interesting.
However, I think that bringing the subject up in conversation would be pretty easy because I actually write spanking stories for an online publisher. Though my friend knows I write these "erotic romances," she doesn't know they are about spanking, and is always asking me what they are about, as well as hinting that she'd love to read them. I usually smile and give her the general idea, sans the part about the spanking, of course. *grin*
Sooooo, were I to actually confess my love of spanking, and tell her that my hubby spanks me quite regularly, I think I would have to explain that it's about more than just getting my bottom reddened, (though that is a huge part of it!!!) but about my desire to explore my submissive side.
Now, would she understand why being put over my hubby's knee, "held down," and paddled turns me on like it does? I don't know. But it would be fun to find out!!!
*hugs*
Tigger
This is a difficult one Bonnie.
It depends on the sort of person who is interested.
Mel and I talked about this at some length.
If the person knew us well, it shouldn't be a problem.
The most important thing is that both partners do the explaining, that way it's easier to prove that it's consensual and that it's an essential part of our relationship.
We would point out that it's about love, trust, nurturing, completion and security.
I'd then point the individual to some good blogs and websites, this should do it, if they are reasonable.
Mel's younger sister burst in on us one Sunday and discovered me spanking Mel, she'd had a row with her mum amd needed Mel to commiserate with her, fortunately she knew how much we loved each other, that there was no way I would abuse Mel and that Mel was too strong a character to allow herself to be abused.
That was 43 years ago, my sister in law is still alive and one of my best friends, as far as I'm aware she hasn't told a soul.
Hugs.
Paul
interesting question. most of my vanilla friends have no idea about my blog or my D/s based relationships. i've tried to explain to a couple friends who are fairly open-minded, mostly by talking about how the spanking or bondage or other play adds spice, fun and adventure to my relationship. that the D/s things we share, in my view, make trust, cmmunication, openness and honesty a bigger part of the relationship and that for me the relationship is better for it. these friends are supportive of my choice, will tell me they don't understand, but accept this side of me. we ultimately don't talk much about my relationship(s). i find it easier to share that part of my life with people who understand this type of relationship. i think it's difficult for people outside of D/s, spankings to truly grasp that it really can add a great dimension to a relationship.
i hope that made sense. i felt like i was talking in cirlcs.....
rose
Bonnie,
What kk failed to do was answer the question you ask. We have told a few close freinds of ours about her spankings. She even tells them how much she enjoys them. So far everyone is ok with it.
To sit down and tell someone about what we do as as couple at the church brunch might not be as easy.
I think that telling someone you enjoy a good spanking now and then is nothing to be ashamed of. As long as it is something you enjoy and it is done with love and not hate.
I really think it depends on who you are telling. A buddy at the bar or the boss at work. I mean just think of sitting in a meeting and leaning over and telling your boss I wish you would just bend me over this table and spank me hard.
The ease of taking about it depends on who you are telling and why.
Thanks for the coffee & great donuts to.
Before telling others about our spanking life, I first have to tell my wife about my blogging our spanking life, and my describing my thoughts, and some of hers, and details of my being spanked. This I will do in September, when we are alone without any other family members around.
I just blogged about this today. Great minds think alike.
hugs, then bottoms up
DWCMIKE
I love football, fishing and ...spanking.It's no use talking to persons who are not really interested or promoting those items. No problem however when someone is sincerely interested in information.
You folks have outdone yourselves this week. The answers are all different, but all insightful.
I should probably clarify the context of the question. I envisioned the person to whom you would be explaining as someone who is supportive and understanding, yet vanilla. I hoped this rhetorical exercise might shed light upon what we believe to be the essence of our relationships. I didn't mean to suggest that anyone should out themselves without a full recognition of the consequences.
I hadn't considered Flinch's suggestion to point them at the blog. In my case, that might be overkill. I often wonder what goes through the mind of a vanilla reader who stumbles upon my blog by accident. I have to suspect some wrinkle their noses and think, "This woman spends a lot of time writing about spankings."
Our relationship is, at its heart, an old-fashioned romance. Randy and I were fairly compatible from the beginning and we have grown more so over time. Even after all of these years, we are still in love. I consider myself to be very fortunate in this regard.
Our sexuality includes plenty of kink because we both enjoy those activities. For us, spankings, bondage, submission, and all the rest are sex, every bit as much as intercourse. These practices are a turn on. Even talking or writing about them is arousing. The kinks in our relationship serve to amplify the positive elements that are already present - love, trust, communication, sharing, and a feeling of connectedness.
Hi Bonnie,
Thanks for your note on my new blog. I love your blog! Especially the hotel ritual which idea I may borrow please?!Ive only ever told my best friend who loved all the stories and then gave it a go with her hubby to no avail. Other than that I have a high powered job where my colleagues would choke on their coffee if I told em what we get up to!
Huggggs
SpankedMinx x x x x
Bonnie like you my husband and I have an old fashion love he was my frist and only lover so I think our love is a deep love that knows no bounds. I actually had a friend ask me if Bill spanks me several months ago. I told yes right out there I didn't hide it. she didn't understand it but than I said to her I don't understand how your husband can ask you for a bj while waiting in a parking lot for others to arrive. It's the same thing we both have different levels that we are willing to do and enjoy. I for one wouldn't feel comfortable haing oral sex with my husband in a public parking lot you do Her answer was what about the pain and the embrasment of getting spanked, My answer no more embrassing than have sex in public were all can see. each of us have different things in life that excite us to her the excitment of have sex in public carried them thru the night and exploded when they got home to my husband and I we enjoy spanking. Of course sshe thinks it's only for pleasure didn't ask if my husband discplines me and that is a story for another day.
Patricia
Bonnie - this provoked a lot of thought - I went into a lot more detail on my entry for today's blog, but I think the whole thing comes down to whether or not the person could accept your choices, if you tell them. If I didn't think the person would be accepting, I wouldn't come out to them. Geez, now I sound like my neighbor's gay son who won't tell his very manly dad about his homosexuality because his dad wouldn't accept his choice. WEG
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