Monday, March 27, 2006

Little White Lies


Hello. My name in Bonnie and I'm a liar.

For a person who considers herself to be open and honest, I tell a lot of lies. Really. I'm not talking about omitting certain personal details here on the blog. These are out and out falsehoods.

Everyday, I mislead and misinform. Take a normal Monday morning for example. When I arrive at work, I am greeted by the locals in standard fashion:

"G'morning, Bonnie. Didja do anything exciting this weekend?"

My response, alas, is factually deficient:

"No, Bob. It was pretty quiet. We mostly stuck close to home."

Had I been inclined toward honesty, I might have told dear old Bob an entirely different story:

"Exciting? OMG! First Randy tied me to the coffee table and then he beat my bottom with a leather strap until it turned bright red. I loved every minute!"

You see? The fibs just roll off my tongue. I've been lying for so long that I'm good at it. Worse yet, I walk around thinking that I'm the proverbial open book. My book, the real one, is not only closed. It's locked in a safe!

So am I a hypocrite as well as a liar? Maybe so.

My rationalization is that our community is not ready to deal with sex perverts in their midst. Now I realize that we don't do anything that isn't enjoyed by lots and lots of other couples. No doubt some of them live in our town. They just don't admit to their kinks. It's sort of like "don't ask, don't tell."

The person you see here on this blog is not the real me. It simply couldn't be, unless I chose to veer wildly off topic. But sometimes I think my blog personna is closer to the actual me than the mask I show the real life world.

I often ponder the implications of this double life. I have two sets of friends who, if I'm fortunate, will never meet. That's a shame because, excepting this spanking business, I think you'd find a lot in common.

As I sit here this morning, I possess more questions than answers. I'm not ready to be "out," but neither am I willing to change who I am. For now, I suppose, the lies must continue. But I don't have to like it.

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14 comments :

Paul said...

Oh Bonnie,
I suspect there are a lot of us out here who are sometimes sparing of the truth to the outside world and even to our families.
Can you imagine, Bob says fancy a drink Bonnie, you reply, sorry Bob, I've a date with Randy to be spanked, and he replies, lucky you!
It would be nice to be open about our kinks, can't see it happening any time soon, shame. :-)
Hugs
Paul.

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!
So true, Bonnie!!!
I do the same thing!!!

*hugs*
Tigger

CeeCi said...

It seems more like self-preservation than lying to me. Spanking or any other kink is something that goes to our core. Why would we want to expose ourselves to possible shame and ridicule when all we have to do is keep our thoughts private? If this is lying, then you're in good company...I'm a liar, too.

Anonymous said...

We have shared our spanking interest with two other couples who pressed us to tell them what our kink was. The wine was good and so we did. Their response was something like "you call that kinky?". And so it goes. Don

Anonymous said...

As a owner of a business that employees 40 I always wondered what people think of me especially my employees. My husband joined the company 4 years ago after retring as a police captain. People at work think I am the dominate person in our realtioship but did add that they know when we get together to share martial bliss it has to be explosive. Oh yeah it's explosive sometimes so much so my butt is still red and hot on Monday.

I think we all tell or let people know what is right for the situtation not more and not less just enough.

Caia said...

Another liar here, Bonnie! I think we all have lead "double lives" in a way. This part is private and thats OK.

Caia

Bonnie said...

Paul - No, I can't see it either. That's our dilemma I guess.

Tigger - Every once in a while I step back and say "Surely there must be an easier way." Shortly thereafter, I come back to my senses and reply, "There's not, and stop calling me Shirley!"

CeeCi - The conundrum for me is having to choose between being true to myself and being honest with the rest of the world? It seems I have selected the selfish path. Could there be another way out I haven't considered? I don't know.

I will say that one of the major benefits of spanko blogging is being able to exchange thoughts with like-minded folk who don't judge me too harshly for my kinky proclivities.

Don - Now that's funny! I suspect there are a lot more spankos out there than anyone realizes. How ironic it would be if we were all hiding in separate closets because we're each afraid of what the others might think.

Anon - Your approach seems very practical. Thanks!

Caia - I suppose it must this way. I'll just have to come here when I need to fly my spanko banner.

Lee said...

One of my good friends who doesn't know, but wouldn't care if she did once said to me "If you tell everyone all your secrets, you cease to become who you are, and become who everyone else sees you as." This coming from probably the only one (besides a significant other) who will ever know that I have a kinky side. Sometimes its nice to have a few things to myself.

Marcus said...

My father has said many times, "Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it."

Sure you omit details.

However, if you feel you need to pay for lying, I'm sure Randy can help...

rivka said...

Yep... I'm one too, I suppose. I most definitely live a two-faced life as far as the real world vs. this kink goes.

Bonnie said...

Lee - You make a good point. I hadn't considered it that way. Thanks!

Marcus - I knew someone had to suggest a spanking for lying about spanking. The problem is that I'd just lie about it!

Rivka - That's true. But you know, I'm grateful we have the Internet to allow us to share among our cyber-community. For the first ten years Randy and I were together, we really thought our kink was strange and unusual. We had no idea there were so many like-minded people. So although we must remain in the closet, we needn't hide in there alone!

agiftofgrace said...

Oh, Bonnie!! You're no liar!!! Sheesh, darlin, you've just mastered the art of discretion. Since when is that a bad thing? You have every right to keep your private life private, and it shows a certain level of maturity that you do.

Really now, when you tell Bob you had an ordinary weekend, does he come back with a story about his sex life? I'm willing to bet the people you work with probably all use a certain amount of discretion--and that the people who don't use discretion have the rest of your coworkers talking about them behind their backs.

I really hope that you can relax about it and understand that it really is okay to have separate groups of friends, and I hope that unnerving sense of disconnection fades away.

Bonnie said...

Gift - Welcome to MBS!

You're correct, of course. I just wish we lived in a world where I didn't have to hide.

Shimon said...

I understand how you feel. I'm into spanking but have never done it in r/t. just been involved in blogs like this

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