Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Female Bottom: An Owner’s Manual


Hi! It’s me, your bottom. That thing upon which you sit. The place where, you know...

If you take good care of me, I can provide a lifetime of fun. We both enjoy spankings and sex, but it's important to remember a few simple rules:
  1. For safety and a more enjoyable spanking experience, keep those love pats on the spanking surfaces illustrated above. Whacks delivered on the hips, legs, or too high on the bottom can injure bones.

  2. When starting with a new implement, test it first to gain an understanding of its capabilities and the recipient's responses.

  3. Be careful with wooden or similar rigid spanking implements, especially if the spankee is slender. Applied improperly, they can cause serious harm.

  4. Thin, whippy implements have the potential to break the skin. Use them with caution.

  5. A few bruises and minor abrasions are all part of a good time, but any bleeding cuts need to be attended promptly to prevent infection.

  6. The quality of a spanking is not measured by a numerical count, skin color, or intensity. It is best measured by the value the participants derive from the experience.

  7. That long slow kiss afterward is great for you, but don't forget my aftercare as well. A gentle rubdown with some soothing aloe lotion is a special delight.

  8. Should you decide to insert a toy or a body part inside, please, oh please, do it slowly and apply some lubricant first.

  9. Anal sex is like Las Vegas – What happens in there stays in there. Objects or body parts that enter must not visit any other orifice until after they have been thoroughly washed.

Treat me right and we can have a splendid time together. Despite being the butt of so many jokes, I still have a sense of humor. Just please, spare us that whole "Wide Load" gag, OK?

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19 comments :

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,
can I add one more
Aftercare is an important part of spanking . Gentle rubbing of aloe or lotion can go a long way to happy fun times.
Patricia

Bonnie said...

Patricia,

That's so right that I'm going to add it to the list! Thanks.

wind walker said...

bonnie, i so applaud this post!!

there isn't a single thing i disagree with!!

roper said...

Wise words, Bonnie.

rose said...

great post! i'm going to share it with my regular spanker! thanks!!
;P

IntricatePieces said...

oh my gosh this was an awesome post and way cute too.

Paul. said...

Hi Bonnie, good post, no matter how experienced we are, it never hurts to be reminded.
You go girl, thanks.
Hugs.
Paul

Anonymous said...

I love to read your posts, Bonnie, and this one is no exception!!! Great!!!

*hugs*
Tigger

Storm Rider said...

LMFAO!!!!
Ive just read a blog posted by an ass!!!! EXCEPT THIS ONE MAKES PERFECTLY GOOD SENSE!!!lol
GREAT ASS....OOPS ... I MEAN POST, BONNIE!!!lol

Bonnie said...

Wind - Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wasn't quite sure whether to classify this post as a tutorial or as humor.

Roper - Thanks! I assure you that any wisdom I possess was gained the hard way.

Rose - Thanks. Please do!

Intricate - I appreciate your kind words. I really enjoy reading your blog.

Paul - If I can both educate and make people smile, then I've achieved two of my aims.

Tigger - Thank you. I always appreciate your support.

Storm - What can I say? There's one in every crowd. If I have to be an ass, I'd rather be a smart one.

rivka said...

ROFL!!!!! That was hilarious and absolutely wonderful! LOVED it, Bonnie.

It's Your Turn said...

Nice!

miss kitty said...

Very funny and very wise...

Aristotle said...

Thank for a wise...and funny...tutorial. The bottom belonging to my darling wife will grealy benefit from your advice!

Aristotle

Fanny Annie said...

Bonnie, thank you for such a humorous tutorial.:) I intend to have the gentleman responsible for my bottom in 24 hours read this before proceeding.

Annie:)

Katie_Spades said...

I must say that that was some wise advice and should be taken seriously, not to mention it was quite cute... thanks for posting because not only was it informative, but it was cute and funny at the same time!

XOXO,
Katie

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,i think your ideal of a butt coming with its owners manual is really sexy.the circles you made on the seat of your jeans showing the spank spot. the buttocks are the biggest muscles in the body,but as we know their not made of still. all the best,BOB

Anonymous said...

once i spanked her too hard. i was told to get over her knees and found out how much it stings. now i know better and stop when she says no more.yzhcc

Anonymous said...

my first spanking given to me by my wife was quite painful. i had forgotten how much your bottom stings. when my father used a hairbrush on my bare biottom i ended up crying and not able to sit down without a pillow. now twenty years later after agreeing to be spanked for getting her very upset she administered my whipping by using her bathbrush on my bare bottom. wow did that sting! it taught me a lesson i wont forget.

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