Monday, November 21, 2005

Spanking 101: The Elusive Why

"So why would anyone want to be spanked?" That's a question that all spankos periodically ask themselves and each other. If this question had one simple answer, you would already know it. I'd have to find another topic for tonight.

Even among people with an interest in adult spanking, we're all different. We have different backgrounds, emotions, values, preferences, and desires. Accordingly, there are many reasons why people find spankings beneficial. Here are ten:
  1. Sexual fulfillment
  2. Intimacy
  3. Stress relief
  4. Foreplay
  5. Bonding
  6. Communication
  7. Submission
  8. Discipline
  9. Focus
  10. Ritual

Most spankos would identify multiple items from this list as appealing to them.

The sexual fulfillment angle is a very popular one. Couples often use spanking as foreplay and in conjunction with intercourse. For most people, feeling your lover's hand on your bare bottom (or placing a hand on your lover's bare bottom) is clearly erotic. Administering a spanking is merely one additional step further. Some women achieve climax during a spanking.

Most people feel a need for intimacy. This requirement, for me, is both physical and spiritual. It can be remedied through close contact and lovemaking, but I sometimes seek something more. I never feel closer to my husband than the times we snuggle in bed following a spanking.

In today's world, stress is almost a given. We try to complete too many tasks in too little time. Freeway driving is a nightmare. The list goes on and on. Many spankees find that a spanking offers an emotional release that can effectively strip away nervous stress.

For those of us who possess this kink, spanking is superb foreplay. There's nothing like a few good swats on the behind to get me ready for sex.

Bonding renews and strengthens the relationship between loving partners. Spankings, for many couples, are a bonding experience. They bring the participants emotionally closer.

Communication is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Spankings can aid in communication by breaking down the spankee's barriers and inhibitions.

Submission is defined as a desire to be led by another and to place their needs ahead of one's own. Submission and its mirror image, dominance, take many forms. Some may be perceived as extreme, but others are quite innocuous. For a submissive, spankings can provide an outlet for those feelings.

Couples in domestic discipline relationships use spankings to enforce established rules. The desired result is a peaceful home and a loving relationship.

Many spanked women, including me, find that after a good spanking, their concentration and focus are improved.

Finally, many of us enjoy the ritual that sometimes accompanies a spanking. Done well, a ritual can make the experience more intense, more memorable, and more meaningful.

These ten considerations are not exhaustive. There are no doubt other reasons why people find adult spankings to be valuable. This list is intended to illustrate the broad spectrum of spanko life.

You may have noticed that pain isn't on the list. This omission is intentional. When people think about spankings, it’s easy to get caught up in the physical act. After all, it is pretty mind-blowing to voluntarily lie across your lover’s lap while he repeatedly beats your bare bottom with a wooden board. The pain can be quite intense. No amount of preparation or experience ever changes that reality. But there is also a spiritual aspect that may not be so obvious to those who have yet to experience it. At least at our house, the primary goal of a spanking is not a warm, red, stinging bottom. That outcome is merely an unavoidable byproduct of a more important aim. For reasons I don’t fully comprehend, a well-executed spanking can transport my mind to a different space. It’s an intoxicating blend of euphoria, sexual energy, connectedness, and fulfillment. I suppose this sensation might be compared to a “runner’s high.” I love that place, and in fact, I crave it sometimes.

As I said at the start, there is no one simple answer. But that is not to say there is no answer at all. Each person must seek their own resolution. But for those of us who love this lifestyle, those answers lie close at hand.



little one said...

An excellent, insightful piece Bonnie. It's amazing how one thing can have so many different meanings. I've always enjoyed hearing people try to explain what spanking means to them. I've learned a lot about myself by listening to others. Once again, thanks for sharing your time and experience, knowledge and talent wiht all of us. I appreciate it. :)

Storm Rider said...

Not only do you have a nice ass, you have a great way of expressing this life style! Not bad Bonnie!
I would have to agree with everything you stated (that will never happen again).
After a spanking my woman and I always become sexual but only because it has worked us both up!
But more than that we are so close afterwards!
I can honestly say I dont beleive we have ever been this close, and I like it!

dwcmike said...

A wonderful post Bonnie. You explain very clearly how spanking works for you and your partner, and it applies equally to many of us. Thank you for taking the time to clarify what many of us find more difficult to put into words. It applies equally, I Believe, to either the woman being spanked, or the man being spanked, by their partner, as long as it is willingly accepted by the spankee. The spankee may be reluctant, but at no time is the spanking forced upon the spankee, without their acquiescence.
bottoms up

padme said...

Thank you for this blog post. You really have a way with words, bonnie. :) I really enjoyed this one. Really puts in perspective what one gets from getting a spanking...

Bonnie said...

Little, Storm, Mike, and Shyanne - I'm pleased that you liked this essay. Most of us ponder the why questions. I know I have for years. I thought it might be helpful to write and share my answers.

How about the newbies in the group? Does this article make sense to you? Does it offer clarity, or just more confusion? Are there any spanking-related topics that you'd like to see covered in a future Spanking 101 post?

If you don't feel comfortable posting a request, you can send it to me via e-mail.

(Yes, Storm. When you suggested that I should post a picture of my naked bottom right after a spanking, I did hear you).

Janeen said...

Very nice Bonnie. All of the reasons on your list seem to fit, but there is also something more for me that I can't even express in thought, let alone words. (If that makes sense at all)

You are right about the pain aspect, in fantasy the more pain the better, in reality not so much! LOL

Very insightful post, thank you.

Bonnie said...

Janeen - Thanks. There are definitely a whole lot more reasons, perhaps one for every spanko.

Another good explanation I thought of later is the way a spanking can clear the air. All that came before is both forgiven and forgotten. The spankee feels cleansed and freed from whatever burdens she carried.

This one belongs on the list. I wish I had thought of it last night.

LOL about the fantasy pain. You're right!

dwcmike said...

just for the record, I agree with Storm's request 1000%. (yes it is possible to achieve 1000 percent.

Lisa said...

Thank you for expressing it so clearly. I have never been able to totally put into words why I love spankings but you just did it for me. Several of those items on your list are why I love it so.

Anonymous said...

That was very helpful, actually. If I had a penny for all the times my partner has asked "but why do you like it?" and I haven't been able to explain I'd be a rich woman.

Now I can just copy and paste... fantastic ;-)

Anonymous said...

Wow! I just found you! By accident! I'll be back!

Anonymous said...

Hello! I'm one of your 'lurkers, and boy am I pissed!

I keep typing up clever witty and charming introductions but the computer or Blogger keep eating them so I'll post as anonymous.

Mike from Cleveland here, I have a GGG wife but spanking play is never enough at home. I come her for inspiration, thanks.

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