Play: A Queen’s Command

As part of my never ending search for new ways to tell spanko tales, here is an original one act Elizabethan play.

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Scene One – Setting: Late fifteenth century England, in a large bedroom of well-maintained Windex Castle.

Velveeta (a servant): Hath thou heardest the news, thy Grace?

Lady Windex (a noble woman): Tell me, prithee, oh Velveeta.

Velveeta: Valorous Samsonite toldeth me Queen Mazola seeks a bride for her son, Rolo, the Dark Grey Prince.

Lady Windex: Nonsense, is that gent not a fool?

Velveeta: Aye, mine Grace, but a handsome and wealthy fool.

Lady Windex: Pray telleth, how doth the queen mean to findeth this bride?

Velveeta: Samsonite sayeth she plans to have the Prince spank every maiden in the county and then selecteth the one who fits his hand most wonderously.

Lady Windex: He shalt beest an old fool ere he finishes. Willest thou offer thy gentle derriere for this fool’s quest?

Velveeta: No choice I have.

Lady Windex: Art thou speaketh liketh Yoda again?

Velveeta: Beggeth pardon, thy Grace.

Lady Windex: Whatethever.

Velveeta: Ladies at court calleth the Dark Grey Prince, “Ratslay’r.”

Lady Windex: Sayeth no more.

Scene Two – Setting: Lavish palace throne room

Sir Corvair (An elderly royal advisor): Maid Playtex? Art thee hither?

Prince Rolo (Queen Mazola’s only son and heir): Oh, Playtex, tis thy time. I shalt spankest thee.

Sir Corvair: Alas, Majesty, the Maid Playtex hath fled the castle.

Prince Rolo: Captain of the Guard! Seizeth Maid Playtex! Bringeth the lady hither.

Sir Michelob: (the robust Captain of the Guard): Aye, Majesty, at once. (Leaves)

Prince Rolo: Tis foul fates yond spoileth mine own plans. But it matters not. Sir Corvair, who art inscribed in the book for the morrow’s spanking?

Sir Corvair: Tis the wench Velveeta, a servant of Lady Windex, Sire.

Prince Rolo: Bringeth the lady ere me.

Sir Corvair: Ye be wantin’ me to wait afore the Cap’n o’ the Guard to return?

Prince Rolo: Speakest thou as a pirate? I shall slay thee. Goeth now!

Sir Corvair: I beseech thee, oh mighty Monarch, to forgive mine feeble levity.

Prince Rolo: Whyeth art thou still hither?! (to self) I hath jesters too numbered and advisors too scarce.

Scene Three – Setting: Windex Castle reception room

Sir Chapstick (military aid to Lady Windex): Announcing Sir Corvair who cometh in the stead of Prince Rolo.

Lady Windex: How now, Sir Corvair? What business doth thee bringeth?

Sir Corvair: I presenteth this royal order on behalf of our gentle sovereign, Prince Rolo. His mother, the Queen, hath decreed all maidens in the county shalt beeth spanked by his Majesty, the Prince, for the purpose of selecting an appropriate bride and future queen.

Lady Windex: What bringeth thee hither? A maiden I am not.

Sir Corvair: I am commanded to retrieve the maiden Velveeta who art in thy employ.

Lady Windex: Velveeta? The wench is but a youth.

Sir Corvair: My most humble apology, thy Grace, these art mine orders.

Lady Windex: Cometh forward, Velveeta. What sayest thou?

Velveeta: I sayeth I wouldst much like to meeteth the Prince.

Lady Windex: And what of this spanking talk?

Velveeta: Tis of no worry. I doth favor a stout rogue with a rough hand.

Lady Windex: Then I shalt grant thy release from mine service. Fare thee well and sendeth our greeting to the Prince. Thanketh thee, noble knight. (Sir Corvair and Velveeta depart)

Scene Four – Setting: Lavish palace throne room

Sir Michelob: Announcing Velveeta, a wench of Windex, as ordered to court for spanking by His Majesty, Prince Rolo.

Prince Rolo: Cometh hither, mine girl. (Velveeta approaches the throne) Knowest wherefore thou werest summoned?

Velveeta: Aye, thy Majesty. Thou intend to spanketh me.

Prince Rolo: Correct. Bactine, taketh yonder wench and prepareth her like the others.

Bactine (a weary looking female servant): Aye, thy Majesty (leaves with Velveeta)

Prince Rolo: (to the assembled courtiers) I rather favor this one. The lady is pleasant to the eye. Methinks I shalt enjoyeth striking her bum.

(after several minutes pass, Bactine leads Velveeta back into the throne room. Velveeta is now wearing a short, plain, white chemise and nothing else)

Prince Rolo (Clearly pleased with his prize): Approacheth the throne. (Velveeta slowly complies) Fearest not.

(Prince Rolo rises from his throne. He takes Velveeta by the hand and leads her to a simple wooden bench positioned nearby. He sits and then guides Velveeta down across his lap in a manner that uncovers her pale, round bottom)

Prince Rolo (To Velveeta, but sufficiently loud to be heard by the entire court): I shalt commenceth the spanking. Preparest thou.

Velveeta: Aye, Thy Majesty.

Prince Rolo (to no one and everyone): Such a polite wench.

(Prince Rolo begins to swat Velveeta’s exposed cheeks with his hand in a deliberate right-left pattern. The repeated impacts generate loud clapping flesh upon flesh sounds that echo through the castle far beyond the throne room. Velveeta remains stoic.)

Prince Rolo (winded): If I hadst to spanketh thee for a lifetime, it would beest a chore. Thy bum doth beest scarlet, but thee careth not.

(Spanking resumes, now at a faster pace, for several minutes. Velveeta still shows no reaction)

Prince Rolo (now frustrated and whiny): Mine hand hurteth.

(Queen Mazola enters the throne room. The courtiers all bow)

Queen Mazola (Annoyed): For the sake of Peter, Paul, and Mary, what goeth on hither? I hearest thy slaps from mine own tower.

Prince Rolo: I spanketh but nothing happeneth. Mummy, I injured mine palm.

Velveeta: Has't ye a hairbrush?

Queen Mazola (exasperated): Nay, lass. Thou art more female than a Ratslay’r can handle. (Courtiers quietly snicker)

Prince Rolo (Embarrassed): Prithee, Mummy, sayeth not that word.

Queen Mazola: Bactine, prepareth this brave wench to depart. She hath served nobly. (Bactine and Velveeta leave) Corvair, payeth the lady ten pieces of gold for her trouble and returneth her to Windex Castle.

Prince Rolo: But, Mummy…

Queen Mazola Silence! Returneth to thy chambers and practice upon thy pillow.

(Prince Rolo departs, sobbing quietly)

Queen Mazola (To the courtiers): Mine own mother toldeth me an heir wouldst beest a most superb blessing. She toldeth me not that said blessing wouldst beest cast upon thee who point and chuckle at our misfortune.

Opening Night: The Spanking Booth

It's not often that I can post something that is both on topic and unlike anything that has appeared at MBS before. Today, however, is just such a day.

It is my pleasure to introduce a new, original one-act play entitled The Spanking Booth.

I hope you enjoy it!

Play: The Spanking Booth

The Spanking Booth
A One-Act Play by Bonnie

Setting: A small town county fair in the Midwestern United States. It’s a place where it seems that everyone knows each other perhaps a bit too well. Today is the opening day. Afternoon is reluctantly passing into evening, but most of the day’s dusty heat remains. A long string of hastily constructed booths line the colorful and noisy midway. The proprietors loudly promote funnel cakes, dubious games of skill, cotton candy, and carnival rides to all who pass.

At the far end of the midway, where tent-like booths give way to simple tables, lies the charity aisle. Here, boy scouts and band boosters, fraternal orders and firefighters, cheerleaders and civic organizations, all solicit donations for their favorite causes. Beyond this collection of mostly bored do-gooders sits a solitary booth, seemingly set back from the others. On the side is a discrete sign that reads “Spanking Booth – For the Benefit of Disabled Children.” In this sea of gaudiness, the plain white booth seems almost spartan.

The booth is actually a tent measuring ten feet square with the peak of the roof standing approximately eight feet above the dirt floor. Plasticized canvas covers three walls and the front is open to the midway. Inside, there are three metal folding chairs and a simple collapsible table that is set just inside the booth and spans most of the entrance. On the table are two carefully arranged stacks of single-fold color brochures describing the work of the Disabled Children’s Relief Society.

- - - -
Characters: Karen is clearly in charge. She conceived the concept and is on hand to ensure that nothing untoward happens. Karen is matronly in appearance, but first impressions belie her liberated spirit. She wears a pair of nicely faded blue jeans and a plain white sleeveless top.

Kathy lives the busy life of a wife and mother. She is almost forty, but her sparkling blue eyes still shine with youthful exuberance. She is dedicated to her cause, but readily admits a fondness for the spanking aspects of the job as well. She wears a comfortable but stylish tan sundress.

Kimmy is Karen’s eighteen year old niece. She had asked to participate last year, but was denied because of her age. Undeterred, she is now back and ready to help. She wears a colorful bikini top and tiny white shorts. Her feet are bare.

- - - -
Karen: OK, it’s six o’clock and I think we’re all set up. Kath, have you got the cashbox?

Kathy: All ready. We’re open for business.

Karen: Kimmy said she was coming, but I haven’t heard from her today.

Kathy: I know she’ll be along. She really wanted to be a part of the booth this year.

Karen: Believe me, I’ve heard all about it. So, shall we drum up some business?

Kathy: Might as well. I’ll go first.

Kathy stands up and walks to the rear of the booth. She then claps her hand loudly against her bottom several times exclaiming, “Ow,” in a tone that is equal measures distress and delight.

Within a minute, a barrel-chested, middle-aged firefighter strolls over from a nearby booth.

Karen: Hello, Ned. You wanna get in on the fun? It’s for a good cause you know.

Ned: Why sure. This is the best deal in town.

Karen: OK, it’s two dollars a swat and spanking only. It’s no fair sneaking a feel.

Ned: I come out here every year. You know I know the rules. Besides, my wife is wandering around here somewhere. Here’s a ten.

Karen: Do you want to spank Kathy or me?

Ned: Oh, you, of course. She’s mighty cute with all that blonde hair, but you’re built like a real woman ought to be.

Karen: OK, you’re the customer. If you’re a-payin’ then I’m a-layin’. C’mon around here.

Karen bends forward so her torso is resting on the table. She leans on her forearms as she faces the midway.

Karen: Hon, make sure you get this man’s money, OK?

Kathy: Already safe in the box.

Karen: All right then, you may spank whenever you’re ready.

Ned delivers his five swats to Karen’s ample posterior in a deliberate fashion. They are forceful, but not excessive.

Karen: OK, that’s it! Whew! I’m a little out of practice.

Ned: Thank you, ladies.

Karen: Well, thank you, Ned, for helping our sweet babies.

Ned departs with a smile on his face

Kathy: How ’ya doing?

Karen: Well, I just got spanked and my butt hurts. But other than that, I’m doing terrific.

Both women notice that a line has formed in front of the booth.

Karen: Well, look at this. Hi guys! Are you ready to do some spanking to help the kids?

Three men nod and smile

Karen: Well, let’s go. Who’s first?

A slim 20-something man who looks to be a farmer steps to the front.

Karen: What’s your name, young man?

Max: Max… So how does this work?

Karen: Max, I’m going to let Kathy back there explain it to you while I help out Bill here.

Bill: Hi, Karen. I got twenty dollars that says I can make you yelp.

Karen: OK, you’re on. Give me that twenty and get on around here.

Bill: Can I spank hard?

Karen: Damn you, Bill. You always spank hard.

Bill (laughing): Aw, you remembered.

Karen: I gotta line waiting out here. Are you gonna talk or spank?

Needing no further encouragement, Bill applies his calloused palm to mete out ten very heavy swats. Just as he is concluding, Karen turns her head in time to see Kathy lying right beside her and getting similar treatment from Max. Max’s technique, however, seems somewhat tentative.

Karen stands and gives Bill a hug.

Karen: Thank you, hon. It hurt, but it was worth it for those kids.

Bill: I’m disappointed that you didn’t make a peep. Maybe I need to come back with more money.

Karen: You do what you gotta do, but please, let me cool off a little first.

Karen playfully fans her bottom. Bill, still chuckling, strolls off down the midway. Karen now notices that Max is still spanking Kathy.

Karen: Good Heavens! How much did this man donate?

Kathy: Fifty dollars!

Karen (under her breath): I’d rather take twenty five from that guy any day than go another round with old Bill.

Karen (speaking to a young man wearing a fool’s cap): Are you next?

Jester: Yes ’m.

Karen: Say, how old are you?

Jester: Eighteen, Ma’am.

Karen: You got any ID?

Jester: No, Ma’am.

Karen: Well, if you find some that shows you’re of age, then you can come back. Otherwise, we can’t help you.

Kathy: Wow, we’ve never been so busy so fast.

Karen: Are you doing OK?

Kathy: Yeah, he didn’t spank hard at all.

Kimmy (crawling under the back of the booth): Hi Aunt Karen! Hi Kath! Am I too late?

Karen: No, you’re definitely not too late. Kathy, could you help this gentleman, I need to talk with Kimmy.

Kathy: I got ’im.

Karen takes Kimmy to the back for a hushed private conversation.

Karen: Kim, do you understand what you’re getting into here? These men give us donations in exchange for swats. Do you think you can do that? Do you even want to do that?

Kimmy: No problem. My boyfriend spanks me all the time and I love it.

Karen (ignoring for the moment the implications of the previous statement): All right then, I need you to sign this waiver. It says that if you are injured while in this booth, you won’t hold the Society responsible.

Kimmy: Sure, where do I sign? OK, I see. There! I’m legal.

Karen: Why don’t you have a seat and just watch for a bit. That will help you to understand how the booth works. In fact, since Kathy seems to be occupied, why don’t you tend the cashbox. You might have to make change, but mostly we just put all the money we get in there.

Kimmy: OK.

Karen (to a handsome young stranger): Well, hi there. Can I interest you in some spanking tonight?

Rob: That’s what I came to this fair to do.

Karen (Smiling): All right then! How much would you like to donate to help the disabled kids?

Rob: I’ve got twenty dollars, (pausing), or forty if I can spank her.

Karen (to Kimmy): Oh, little volunteer… Do we have a volunteer in the house?

Kimmy: What do I do?

Karen: Let me get his money. There, good. Now, missy, you lie across this table. Just like that. Now I need you, sir, to come around behind and stand right here.

Are you ready, Kim?

Kimmy: Ready as I’m gonna get, I guess.

Karen: OK, you’ve got twenty swats and I’ll count them out for you.

Kimmy whimpers softly as the attractive gentlemen spanks her firmly. He keeps a steady pace as Karen calls out the numbers. The slapping sound of each blow seems amplified in the small tent. After the twentieth swat is delivered, Kimmy arises slowly as she places both of her hands on her stinging bottom.

Kimmy: Ow, that was a good one. Thank you.

Rob: She told me it was for a worthy cause.

Kimmy (cooing): So what’s your name?

Rob: I’m Rob. Would you like to, I mean, can you, uh, go for a walk.

Karen: Get outta here, you two. We’ve got more spankings to take.

Kathy: She’s cute.

Karen: Yeah, probably too cute for her own good. Maybe next year, she’ll wear shorts that are long enough to cover up the handprints.

Kathy: Can you help out this next guy? I’m getting a bit tender, if you know what I mean.

Karen: Know it? I’m living it. Oh, hello, sir. You’re Eleanor’s son, Mark, aren’t you? Would you like to whack an old lady for charity?

Mark: Yes, ma’am, I surely would.

Karen: It’s two bucks a swat. How much would you like to donate?

Mark: I’m a little short. How about two swats for four dollars?

Karen: We can do that. Come around. My, it’s getting dark. I can see we should have set up a light or something. That’s about the only thing I can see. OK, I’m bent over and ready. Can you see what you’re swatting? With only two whacks, you wanna make sure you get ‘em right on target.

Mark: I think I know what to do.

Karen: Well, then it’s time for you to spank.

Young Mark strikes Karen twice in quick succession. From the sound alone, it’s immediately obvious that these are the hardest, most severe swats of the entire evening.

Karen (raising up quickly): Ow! You’ve got quite an arm there. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t have any more money or I’d be really hurting.

Mark (concerned): Was that too hard?

Karen: Nah. Honey, I’ve been spanked a thousand times and before I leave this Earth, I hope to be spanked a thousand more. I really don’t mind. In fact, don’t tell anybody, but I kind of like that tingly feeling.

Mark: Well, thank you and good luck with your charity.

Mark departs

Karen (to Kathy): Those kids are going to be living high this year. We’ve really earned a lot tonight.

Kathy: If I might make a suggestion, could we maybe save out a little bit to purchase some soft cushions for next year?

Karen: Next year? I vote we buy them for tomorrow night!

(Black out)