| My new girlfriend likes me to spank her. I know it's a real common kink, but here's the thing. She likes it really hard. Harder than I can spank it seems. She says she wants a spanking she can feel the next day. What suggestions do you have? |
It would be easy to recommend an implement/position/technique to ensure a sore tomorrow for Bill's enthusiastic girlfriend. But I wonder whether that's the advice I should be dispensing. A harder spanking is not necessarily a better spanking. As much as we enjoy a good bottom warming, a lasting relationship is more valuable.
This is a new couple and each partner is learning about the other, and hopefully, building trust. In this scenario, a more gradual approach seems wise. If Bill is spanking with his hand, perhaps a light implement is worth a try. If a light implement was used last time, then a longer spanking or a heavier implement might be indicated. But that big, brutal, bruising wooden frat paddle is likely to be overkill. Let's keep it fun. Let's not risk injuring her. Show her instead that you care.
Spanking can be a wonderful bonding experience. It works best when partners feel they are working together. And it can be so much more meaningful than just striking someone on the butt.
Get this right and Bill may get to spank his girlfriend many more times.
11 comments :
Hi Bonnie, that is great advice, especially for a new couple learning about each other, likes, dislikes etc. Far better to focus on the connection spanking brings and slowly build up. Communication is, of course, always key too.
Hugs
Roz
I agree, but in my case being a male, my wife decided a bath brush does what she wants, for me to remember just not the next day, but a few days later. I'm in a FLR and so my spankings are punishment. Jack
I think that the really important part of Bill's question is "Harder than I can spank it seems". I suspect that this might be less about the mechanics or the implements of spanking and more about his reluctance to inflict pain on another human being. I spank my wife with a variety of implements, but only with limited intensity (read "barely pink"). If she wanted bruises I don't know if I could do it. The thing to consider is how important is this to Bill's GF. If Bill can't learn to beat her hard enough, she has to decide if it is a deal breaker. Best wishes to Bill and GF!
Roz - That's a great point. Communications is everything. I think when you assume, you're usually wrong. But if you ask, you'll know the right answer every time.
Jack - With an established relationship such as yours, each partner has a good idea of what to expect from the other. But a new couple must start from the beginning.
Anon - That's a possibility, but I didn't sense reluctance. When Bill asked me for spanking suggestions, I interpreted that to mean he intended to try to meet his girlfriend's expressed needs. But you could be right.
Better to err on the side of caution, as Bill is doing. But since she asks for more, an implement, or a heavier one, and a longer spanking might satisfy her. Her feedback is very important.
Hugs,
Hermione
There’s no way my wife can spank me hard enough with her hand, and sometimes I crave an extended spanking (perhaps with a break or two for corner time or whatever).
So we’ve tried a wide variety of whips and paddles and settled on those we like best. There’ve been a few errant blows resulting in bruises or even blood.
The tricky thing for me is that when I get into subspace, the last thing I want to do is use a safe word (this has been more of a problem with bondage than spanking for me resulting in a sore neck or back). I suspect others are like this, so it’s best to err on the side of caution. But pretty soon the couple should figure out what works.
Rosco
Hermione - I agree, and were this not a new relationship, that would be my first response. Communication is essential.
Roscoe - Yes, it's a matter of trial and error to be sure, and that takes some time. What we don't know is how much previous experience Bill's eager girlfriend acquired during past adventures. If she is an experienced spanko and knows she needs the heavy paddle, then so be it. But if she is a newbie who doesn't fully comprehend the implications, more caution iseems warranted.
It may depend on whether she wants a spanking for pleasure or for punishment. If she wants it for the sensation, then he may need to slowly increase the intensity until she's satisfied. If she wants it for punishment, then he may need to increase the intensity until she stops misbehaving. I think Bill needs to be clear on her general need.
My experience is that different submissives need different levels of intensity to feel satisfied. Sometimes that level of intensity is more than I would be comfortable receiving. But I have to remember that I'm not the one receiving it.
Bill may need to get out of his comfort zone to satisfy her. He should do that carefully, watching carefully for feedback. But if he cares about her, he will explore this until she gets what she wants.
Rich Person
RP - That's a good point. They may want to find their way in either scenario, though the approach and pace could vary. Practice makes perfect. The fact that she is communicating her needs is a positive sign.
My other thought is that if she wants the experience of a sore bottom, he might arrange times when she can have that experience without it being quite so intense.
For example, he can tell her that he's going to paddle her before they go out of the house together, and that he's going to leave the paddle out for when they get home. If she misbehaves while they are out, she'll get the paddle again when they return. If she's well-behaved, she'll get a spanking.
This would give her the feeling of a sore bottom while they are out, which may give her the experience she wants without the spanking itself being more intense.
RP - Yes, that would be another permutation. Split shift spankings hurt a lot.
As you pointed out in your first message, the right approach will depend largely on what Bill's girlfriend seeks. Understanding her motivation will clarify a lot of other questions.
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