Monday, January 20, 2020

Coping with Hate

Readers tell me that they most want to hear about me getting my bubble busted. I do have those stories and I will share them as time allows. Today, however, I have another topic I need to discuss. If you really prefer a spanking fix, I invite you to explore fourteen years of MBS archive.

I spend a lot of time managing the links you see at the right. Part of the job involves searching for new spanko blogs. I perform searches, follow links, and accept recommendations. In each case, I find myself touring a potential spanko link and evaluating whether I think our MBS readers would enjoy the content. I try to be open-minded and link spanking sites even when their content doesn’t necessarily align with my own kinky preferences.

There have always been sites that I reject. Often these are too extreme or simply off topic. When I find such a site, I move on to the next potential link without giving it another thought. In the last couple years, though, I have seen a disturbing growth in sites dedicated to the abuse, denigration, subjugation, and violation of women and girls. Some of these men hold a grudge over some past slight. They appear to be offended by our very existence. Some claim that women are merely pleasure objects to be used. They promote non-consensual rape and mutilation. I find these people terrifying. I fear for their victims.

Of course I don’t link them, but what else can we do as a community?
  • We can spread the word. Kinky women, especially those who are new to the scene, need to be aware of this danger and know the common sense precautions that limit their risk. Let us generously share what we’ve learned with our younger sisters.

  • We can promptly report violent abusers to the authorities. Criminal acts should be never be excused or dismissed. Consent matters. Too late is too late.

  • We can support one another. Embrace the victims. Encourage and empower them. They are not to blame. We share their burden together.

  • We can begin to educate political decision makers, the media, law enforcement, and the general public about healthy kink. We understand that rough sex is completely different from domestic violence. But they don’t. The concept of consent is familiar in the vanilla world and equally applicable here.
One potential measure I didn’t mention above is direct confrontation. Extreme views arise from years of not listening to reason. Why would they listen to us now? A better strategy is to appeal to the majority of virtuous men who have the ability to watch out, intervene, and protect when necessary. To these allies, I ask you to please help us live and love. We are truly all in this life together.


morningstar said...

Excellent post Bonnie!!
When I was actively involved in the BDSM community I headed up a group supporting submissives - new and old. It always boggled my mind what some women will do in the hope of finding kink - fulfilling their need.

I liked your last paragraph to call on 'virtuous men' to help intervene and protect..... I am lucky to have one of those men in my life -- and know he would move heaven and earth to protect ........

I am gonna link to this post tomorrow -- hopefully get more people discussing this topic! Thanks for bringing it back to the forefront Bonnie :)

Erica Scott said...

There is some truly terrifying sh** out there.

You know what breaks my heart even more? There are women who want to be treated exactly like this. Who revel in it even as their bodies are broken. And of course, they will always find their counterparts. There is one member on another site who calls herself "Blood is Love" and posts pictures of herself beaten bloody. And the "loves" and comments of admiration pile up.

I fear for us sometimes. :-(

Roz said...

This is such a brilliant post Bonnie. Thank you for highlighting a very important issue. Abuse like that is just sickening.


Boosghost2 said...

Hello Ms. Bonnie,

I don't know if I have commented here before (or more correctly, don't remember HAHA!). I am Boo, relatively new to the lifestyle of DD, learning our way with my Sheriff.

Thank you for addressing this. Scariest thing in the world is knowing that abuse can happen under the guise of the lifestyle. Best thing is knowing that people are loud about it and confronting the issue head on.

Thanks for doing that!


I haven't really got anything to add except that I agree with what you are saying.


olivia said...

Thanks Bonnie. This is so important. I really appreciate you raising this up. 💜

Hermione said...

Well said, Bonnie. Thank you for bringing up this important subject.


Jay said...

This is honestly what terrifies me most today. Especially now that I’m trying to slowly start exploring again. (On Tuesday, I posted my first blog entry in four years on both Wordpress and Blogger.)

ronnie said...

Bonnie, totally agree. Thanks for raising this.


Bonnie said...

MS - Thank you for your contributions to our community and your follow-up post!

Erica - That's a different challenge that brings into question the limits of consent. At which point is someone no longer able to exercise free will? For minors or people with cognitive disabilities, the line seems clear and distinct. For a capable adult in a dysfunctional relationship, however, judging the boundary cases requires more wisdom than I possess.

Roz - Thank you. I never want to dampen anyone's enthusiasm, because let's face it, that's part of the fun. But a few common sense precautions can help to protect women from abusive predators.

Boo - I remember you! Welcome back and I agree.

Prefectdt - Thank you.

Olivia - It's not a happy topic to be sure, but forewarned is fore armed. These people prey on the uninformed.

Hermione - I shouldn't be shocked any more by what I see, but I am. There are some crazy, dangerous people out there who, if given the opportunity, would twist and destroy the joy of kink.

Jay - Welcome back!

Ronnie - Thanks for your support.

sissy snow said...

possibly not welcome opinion....

the domination between my wife and i sometimes sees her extremely physical with me. we agree that blood is not desired as with the person mentioned above. however some of the things we do many others would look at and say consensual yes safe maybe sane definitely not. however to us it is all three. crazy as i may be considered i get off on it going beyond.

now. to be those things you need to understand and be informed. the sites you speak of may attract a lady who does not fully understand what is about to happen

that i agree is not right

Bonnie said...

Sis - The purpose of my post was not to suggest that you and your partner shouldn't engage in whatever consensual activities you desire. I don't want to judge how people love because it's not my business. I say as long as its SSC in the context of your relationship, then flail away.

sissy snow said...

thank you for the understanding


i didnt feel judged btw. everyone has opinions. thats whats awesome about blogs like these

Rich Person said...

Thanks for writing on this important topic. The world is scary enough without people doing harm under the guise of BDSM.

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