Jen's Question

I received this interesting question recently from a friend named Jen:

You've expressed fondness for the trappings of punishment and the headspace that accompanies that scene. Can you elaborate? Specifically, what is about being subjected to harsh corporal punishment that appeals to you?

Wow, Jen, you just asked me to open my head and explain how it works. Why do I like what I like? That's a tall order, but I'll take a whack at it.

I guess I should start by saying that these experiences are intensely intimate and profoundly sexual for me. Spankings lie at the very core of my sexuality. I am capable of achieving orgasm without being spanked, but why would I? The act of spanking is not foreplay, but rather an integral component of the sex act between my husband and me.

The punishment spanking aspect is one small but essential part of my kink. Most of our spanking sessions are not oriented toward punishment. Many are fun. Many are sexy. Many are aimed at stress relief or connection or affirmation. But once in a while, I need/want something else. It may be the same paddle strikes bottom physical action, but in my mind, it's quite different.

Here's where it gets tricky. I am submissive, but that is limited to my relationship with Randy, and even then, primarily in our bedroom. Within that somewhat limited scope, it's still a powerful force. There are times when I need/want Randy to re-establish the order of things. If that means expressing his dominance by giving me a strong taste of humility, then humble I shall be.

But there's another, deeper layer. I crave to be, at least in my mind, the bad girl who has misbehaved and now needs to be corrected in the sternest fashion. I don't need or want to actually do anything harmful or wrong. It's enough to feel as though I did or at least could have. Sometimes, we set the mood by dressing me in a pleated skirt and sweater, or reviewing a list of demerits. Randy punctuates the spanking that follows with words like "naughty," "young lady," and "punishment." The combination of pulsing pain, stern words, and flowing endorphins guides me into a very small and submissive place. Eventually, I reach a moment of physical capitulation where my body stops struggling and accepts everything he wants to give me. It's not usually sexy in that moment, but when I reflect later upon what happened to me, it is immensely arousing. I rub my bottom and think, "Randy gave me the hard punishment spanking I deserved, and it still hurts." Then I feel redemption. We embrace and all is well again. At that point, I am enthusiastically ready for the adult entertainment portion of the proceedings.

I not certain whether that explanation clears up the mystery or expands it. Either way, I crave that corporal punishment headspace sometimes and it feels like what I need.