In the meantime, it's the weekend again, and time for brunch. Our topic fits right in with the LOL Day theme. I know we've discussed this before, but it's been a while.
What advice would you give to someone who has long dreamed about spanking or being spanked, but has never explored these aspirations in real life? How does one begin?
I invite you to share your experiences and insights in the form of a comment below. At the conclusion of the weekend, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.
20 comments :
I'm glad you're asking this question, Bonnie. Too often people feel like they can't join in the conversation unless they are already experienced or in a relationship.
BDSM munches can be a great way to meet people in person in a safe, public setting. Another way is to visit people's blogs or other social media to find someone (or someones) who seem safe and sane. Of course we can always misjudge, and newbies should be very, very careful about safety. Don't assume that people's first impressions are always honest. Be slow to give out any identifying or real-life information.
Safety first. I can't emphasize that enough.
Well if they are in a committed relationship already they could just buy an implement they are interested in, lay it out one evening, wear something sexy and say, "I've been wanting to try something new!" Might work :)
Hi Bonnie, :)
Thank you SO much for all that you do around Blogland! LOL Day was wonderful! Your hard work is appreciated! :)
I would say that the key is to research. Read around the blogs, etc. to understand some safe ways to proceed. When ready to get started, make sure that you have a trustworthy partner who you can talk to about moving forward. I'd say take it nice and easy at first, and see where it leads. Have some spanky fun practice sessions. I think a safe word from the start, is a good idea as well. Just in case! Thanks Bonnie! Many hugs,
<3 Katie
Sorry...as someone who has participated in Carnival several times over three decades, I have to point out your typo: It is "Mardi Gras", not "Marde Gras". It's ok... we all make mistakes now and again.
I would say to ask for what you want, but don't expect too much from your partner if it turns out that he or see is a vanilla. If you don't have a regular bf/gf/husband/wife, then you may be able to find someone else to fill the role. If you think you want it, you will probably like it. You'll never know for sure until you try it. Would you like to turn 60 knowing you never tried this thing that you always wanted to do?
Haha. Now I have a typo. "...he or she". Lol.
OK, Jenny, I fixed my early morning fumblefingery. Thanks!
I am going to answer this question as someone who has a partner as that is my only personal experience. If you have a partner and have these desires I recommend that you take some time to read and feel comfortable. My Bottom Smarts is a great resource for anyone wishing for information and support on receiving a first spanking and safe play. And, hearing others stories can help you to accept this part of yourself and prepare you to share when you are ready. The next step is share. Communicate your feelings with your partner. Whether you talk to them, write them, email them...start the conversation no matter how difficult...and hopefully your partner will respond positively and the play can begin. Start small...baby steps...and enjoy the process of getting closer with one another and hopefully your reality will be better than your dreams. :-)
Reading spanking blogs is a great way to start. The rest depends on whether the person has a significant other or not. If so, then telling the SO about your dream in an honest but light-hearted way would be the next step.
I would echo reading lots of blogs. Blogs like this made me much more accepting of this part of myself.Take things slowly and don't rush into anything just because you have an opportunity to experience it, it's easy to get caught up in the excitement of finally being able to try spanking and get carried away. I did and it didn't lead to a great first experience. There are lots of sites nowadays where you can meet like-minded people so I'd recommend joining some and just chatting to people to begin with, just remember to be careful if you take it further.
BlueShins
A good way to start is by attending one of the yearly 'spanking parties, that are being organized on one of the 'spanking blogs.
My S said last week that her first spanking came 'out of the blue' . That too was my first attempt. Having dreamed for some time of spanking her curvy rear, a bit of naughtiness made me think, well why not , and I soon had her across my knee, my palm drumming away on the set of her tight skirt. It was neither a lengthy nor a hard spanking, and S was soon back on he feet, one hand rubbing her bottom. What was her reaction going to be; I need not have worried. She grinned, pulled up her skirt, lowered her panties, to show her bare cheeks, only slightly pink. You can guess what that led to, and has continued to do so ever since. D.
I someone does not have a partner, I recommend that they Google SCONY and read the material about spanking. The site covers safe play, safe words and has lots of materials for people who want an adult spanking.
I recommend that someone meet members online and communicate about their desire. Members can help with suggestions on how to play safe.
I started in this manner, finding SCONY online and meeting people in the club who helped me. Eventually, I attended an event and felt very safe and comfortable.
joey
I've recently had someone on another journal site (vanilla) where I write, actually ask me for advice. Though it's a vanilla site, my writings are similar to my blog and story site. The guy who reads just started dating a girl who likes spanking and some bondage but he isn't sure she has ever done either, and he certainly hasn't and he was not sure what his next course of action should be! My advice to him was to find out for sure if she had ever participated in any of it, and if so, let her guide him as to what she likes and how she likes it. I told him that fantasy and reality are VERY different! Imagining a paddling and receiving one are very different if you have no idea what it's like!! :)
If someone has been dreaming about spanking for a while, likely the first time will be different than you imagine. I remember the first time I asked for a spanking. I was nervous but just blurted out one night that I wanted a spanking. Thankfully was willing, and although the spanking was less than I wanted, it was a start.
I say be honest and say what you feel, answer any questions and then be patient. Like all things, it takes time to learn the intimate needs of our partner.
George
Fabulous brunch question.
I would say, it depends on the person and their situation. If they are married, find a time when they have privacy and time and explore your partners thoughts on spanking...
I agree that reading blogs is a great way to learn, but because my spankings have occurred with my Sir, I don't know about outside of a relationship.
Hugs,
fiona
Hi all! I would have to say that whether you are in a relationship or looking, be honest with yourself and those you wish to play with. Give it time, because you have probably been thinking about this for quite a while and your partner, if you have one, needs to catch up with you a bit. Don't forget to have fun and be able to laugh at yourself too :)
Purchase/stream the movie Secretary. The one with James Spader spanking Maggie Gyllenhaal from 2002. If there isn't a spark, then you and your partner get to enjoy a quirky movie.
If there IS a spark, you will be enjoying the start of something very new and exciting.
It just may be easier to watch this couple explore each other (spanking) than to just coldly take the leap yourselves. Act out part of the movie, discuss, rewind and replay. Whatever might turn you on.
Hi Bonnie
Great question and i am sorry if i go on a bit but for most in a vanilla relationship, or not, it must be a very confusing and frustrating subject. Most of us are talking from the scene as such and are already tops or bottoms so to speak. From a top point of view where do you start finding someone that likes pain inflicted upon them because most of the population don’t. When i was young i use to enjoy casually bringing it in to the conversation to sound people out so to speak and most reactions were no one is going to do that to me. If you’re a bottom and you want to feel that stinging sensation again most people feel uncomfortable inflicting the pain on the one they love.
All the comments hear are valid because life is so diverse and things just happen out the blue but for the most part, as Anastasia said, it is all about safety and making sure you do not get carried away with the moment. There are a lot of sites out there where you can meet genuine people but there are also a lot of dangerous people as well. Every now and again i dabble a bit in Fetlife i am not really into amassing a load of friends i do not know but Erica, Pink and Lea have always got interesting stuff to say and for the most part makes me laugh and there are a lot of experienced people there and quite a lot of horror stories. As already mentioned the munchies are a good place to start because you are not on your own, you are with like minded people but for some this can be too much especially if you are very shy.
I was contacted through fet about a year ago by some one that liked my profile, she said it sounded genuine which is what i wanted it to sound like. She had always had these feelings but knew the person she was with would not even entertain it. When they broke up she found fet and dived right in feet first. I explained she needs to take things slowly. Because she is submissive it does not mean that she should be forced to do anything she is not comfortable with. It was too late she decided to meet someone alone, at their house, before the kettle had chance to boil he was naked and not very pleasant. Luckily she got out before any proper harm was done. She then disappeared, a waste of a lovely lady that could have eventually found what she was looking for.
At the end of the day it is about common sense and safety and as already mentioned being as truthful with the partner you are or are thinking about being with. Research as much as possible, meet people but never ever in private. Make sure your safety always comes first. As Joey said read and learn from real peoples experiences. As Sarah said there is a vast deference between imagining being paddled and receiving one so you need to completely trust the person you are handing your body over too. Most of all enjoy what you are getting into and don’t every think you are a freak you’re not you are just you.
Sorry to go on and it s probable not my place to but it just makes me mad when you loses people because they are up lead the wrong path and are not as lucky as all of us here
BOB B
For me, I started playing in the seventh grade and just tried to inveigle any girl and then woman into spanking.. I had trouble at first with the party scene and was scared of playing until my fourth party. My advice for someone who has a relationship and spanking is really a core part of you is to gradually talk to your partner and see whether he (or she) is willing to explore. If he or she isn't, it's probably not going to be a long-lasting relationship because ultimately needs have to be accommodated. If, however, you're a first-timer, I would suggest several things: try out some of the blogs that Bonnie has provided (including this one) and see which one has approaches that you feel comfortable; join some of the Yahoo spanking groups, some of which hold events; through fetlife find groups in your area and go to their munches; communicate with those whose comments online or profiles in fetlife seem to be of interest and I would also recommend SCONY if you're in the east as the party you should go to first, because Ms. Margaret is very protective of those new to the scene. You don't need to stay in that group -- I didn't -- but it's a very good place to start. Above all know yourself, know what you think you'd like or want and convey that to anyone who is of interest to you. You may expand in other directions, but start with who you are and what you want.
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.