What role, if any, does fear play in your spanking experiences? In this context, is fear necessarily a negative emotion or can it sometimes be positive?
I would love to hear your thoughts. Just enter a comment below and at the conclusion of the weekend, I will publish an edited summary.
17 comments :
I don't know about fear but I can sometimes get nervous and apprehensive, especially if we are trying something new. A little nervousness can be a good thing heightening the experience but I don't think we should be experiencing real fear. After all we are doing this for fun surely.
I don't have fear before a spanking, I trust my HoH 100% and know he wouldn't ever do anything to harm me. I DO feel anxious before a spanking, like I just want to get it over with.
I think without a bit of fear (meaning apprehension, nervousness etc) the real spanking experience can fall short. Certainly the anticipation is part of the overall experience. I'd call this a "healthy fear."
My husband recently told me he was going to give me a (well deserved) punishment spanking. He said "I don't want you to be afraid." I assured him I wasn't, as in not quaking in my boots or fearing he would hurt me, but a healthy fear is unavoidable. He can be stern, and intimidating and he sure as hell knows how to administer a spanking.
When he instructs me to lie over his lap, or locks the door, or unbuckles his belt, my heartbeat accelerates. Even the sound of the implement drawer being opened gets me nervous.
However, true fear that stems from a lack of trust isn't a good thing and I think the spanker needs to be sure he/she is control and calm to establish that necessary trust.
JGirl
I don't think fear has a place in TTWD. I have a healthy respect for my husband when he's wielding an implement and may be a little apprehensive about getting spanked, but I don't fear going to him for a punishment. My submission to him is out of love and respect, not because I'm scared of him. The day fear enters the equation is the day I withdraw consent.
There is a fear element to being punished by Mistress - but I don't believe this is a negative emotion. I know from experience Mistress has the ability to punish me beyond my limits. I accept that may happen and that very knowledge that I might suffer adds the fear element beyond what Simon describes as nervous apprehension.
I want to feel fear at the prospect of a punishment spanking. It does not play a big role now, as I know what to expect. But, when we first started experimenting with DD, the prospect of being spanked terrified me. Especially the first time. I had read the DWC stories about men brought to tears and sobs during their spanking sessions, and the thought of crying in front of my wife, as a result of her giving me a very hard spanking, caused me real fear. I really do wish that was still a prevalent part of the experience.
I have to agree with Jason Girl's comment. Any time I know I am to be punished I fear the pain/embarrassment of the spanking, but I never fear my husband. I try to remember how much better things will be afterwards and focus on what I did to get myself spanked in the first place so I can learn from it. I also get spankings for other reasons than punishment, and in that case I just do my best to hold still and let myself cry if I have to. Unfortunately the pain of a spanking can't be avoided, but that is really the only thing that scares me. We have one paddle that I am also a little afraid of but I know that my HOH always has my best interest in mind so I trust him implicitly no matter what implement he wields.
I agree a certain amount of nervousness, apprehension can heighten the experience. I think this is a natural response and healthy. I never fear my HoH though, I trust him completely and agree with the others that true fear has no place in ttwd.
Even outside DD, anxiety of the pain to come can provide an adrenaline jolt that is far from unpleasant. I feel it in a good role-play scene, or when a top is pushing my limits, and I enjoy it. It's not the primary motivator for me, as I'm more of an endorphin junkie. Nonetheless. I know quite a few people for whom it is absolutely central to the spanking experience.
The amusement park analogy works pretty well to describe the difference between a positive kind of fear an a negative one. Even those of us who enjoy roller coasters probably wouldn't want to ride on them without safety restraints-- that wouldn't be a pleasant kind of fear at all.
As Simon said, a little anxiety heightens the experience. I am not especially eager for the pain beforehand, and am a little anxious until I am warmed up and well into the session. I don't feel any real fear, but pretending that I do makes it all the more exciting.
From a man's point of view as a 'spanker'. I have never had fear of spanking a woman. As to the women I have spanked, they neither had such fear. Because of trust.
Butterflies and anticipation, yes...fear, no. The only thing I am ever afraid of during a spanking is that it is going to end too soon. :-) Hugs
I never feel fear before or during a spanking but sometimes I do get nervous and a little anxious.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Fear? No, not true fear. If I truly feared someone, there would be no trust. However, there is an emotion I would liken to fear when it comes to a spanking but it's more like anxiety. The anxious anticipation certainly plays a part in spankings! In discipline, a healthy fear of being disciplined can aid in deterring of unwanted behavior.
I think in order to have a successful DD relationship, you need to have a healthy fear of the spanking itself, otherwise there's not much motivation to obey your HoH.
Anxiety at the anticipation of a spanking is certainly part of my spanking fantasies. I've had no real fear of spankings in the past, and I don't anticipate ever having fear of spankings from my boyfriend.
In my post about how spankings can become positive experiences (like any other slightly scary experience like whitewater rafting), I never used the word "fear".
http://startingoutspanking.blogspot.com/2012/08/opponent-process-pleasure-from-pain.html
I sure would like one tonight...
Fear no, nervous excitement yes. Ultimately I want to come away from a spanking feeling positive. Negative emotions don't play a part in what we do. Trust in the top is key to removing fear.
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