Our friend, Ana, made an excellent suggestion that we all go dark for the weekend in honor of Bas. I almost did this. I seriously considered interrupting our string of now 390 consecutive weeks of brunch. That would have been a fine tribute. But then I recalled Bas' last message to us which read in part:
| Please keep blogging, [R]emember your joy when you first found Blogland. Keep the torch burning and give it new bloggers. |
So carry on we shall. This will be my simple gesture of hope, gratitude, and respect.
Our question this week comes from Joeyred.
How has being a spanko changed your life?
I invite you to enter your responses as comments below. At the conclusion of the weekend, I'll post an edited summary.
16 comments :
Great question! It is seemingly so simple, but upon reflection, the answer becomes complex.
So, in a word - Completely! That's how it has changed my life.
I am not one who knew I enjoyed this until the first time it happened. Then I found that the benefits (pain relief; stress relief; connection) greatly exceeded any inhibitions that I harbored.
I have become a more open and relaxed individual, I have found a non-substance related way to escape and relax, and I have met a lot of really wonderful people. Including joeyred. (If only virtually.)
(PS to Bonnie - I am glad you posted today - and I think both the dark approach and the carry on approach are appropriate. They both are from a place of respect and I know that Bas never once judged the way we chose to approach our blogs or our particular dynamics.)
It has given my marriage a spark that it never has before..I'm more of a spanko then Tyler and that can be rough..I crave , need, desire it and I think he can take it or leave it...I approach life and new things in general now ...
I'm sorry I didn't know Bas his blog is great.. hugs to all my friends who r hurting
Being a spanking enthusiast, and more specifically a spanking blogger, has allowed me to meet a large number of like-minded individuals with whom I can share my thoughts, desires, frustrations and triumphs. I have finally found a group that I fit into and where I can be myself.
I met Bas and all the other lovely people here in our little community.
Being a spanko hasn't changed me, at least not yet, as its a fairly new concept. Feelings that have been there since I was a very young girl now have a name. But knowing there's a name for it hasn't changed me either. It this process of discovery that's changed me so much. Learning these thoughts are okay and here's others like me has been huge. Im slowly growing closer to my husband as I'm growing closer to my inner self. I think the biggest thing was finding this community of people. So being a spanko hasn't changed me in the slightest yet. It's all of you that I've found... You are what has changed my life!
I have been a spanko all my life. I started spanking at 14/15 and I have never quit. Perhaps Joey meant how has sharing my spanking interest with others changed my life. It has made me feel completely normal as I have found acceptance of my kink with others. And I am not talking about blogland. Bacall and I have met well over a 100 kindred spirits. We would suggest that others might benefit from being a little more open to real life encounters.
It's made it a lot more fun! I've met incredible people from all across the country and even outside of it through this common thread of kink. Some in person, some online through groups and blogging. I can't even imagine not knowing all of these wonderful friends and I doubt we ever would've crossed paths otherwise.
I have always been into spanking and for the most part I have always told the person I was seeing that it was a big turn on and I have to say I have been extremely lucky in life and the lovely ladies I was happy to call girl friends.
What changed my life dramatically was when I started spanking others apart from my wife and then starting a spanking blog. The details will unfold in my blog but to find a community of spankers that shared thoughts and aspirations, to get into the minds of the wonderful people, both cyber and in the flesh, i have come across has made me feel normal for want of a better word. It does not matter whether they are lurkers or prolific bloggers there is always something to learn and because of that I am going in directions I could only have dreamed about a few years ago.
Thank you one and all.
BOB B :)x
Great topic. For me, it is a work in progress. And, while we have been doing this for about eight years, what it does for me and for my wife changes, sometimes in some fairly dramatic ways. When we first took up spanking of the DD variety, it was all about trying to bring about changes in me. Changing my behavior. Reducing my "type-A" assertive, domineering tendencies. And, giving my wife a way to act on her frustrations. As time has gone by, that last one has become more important. As has my wife's enjoyment of and desire for the act of spanking me and making me submit. In short, as time goes by our DD and spanking has become less about what it does for me and more about it does for her. While it is always a work in progress it has definitely made her more confident, more assertive, and less frustrated.
The wonderful people I've met here in our community.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Like others, I think this has always been a part of me and therefore there was no specific change with being a spanko. Becoming more active in the spanko community (even just as a lurker at first) has changed me dramatically. I've made many wonderful friends, gained a deeper understanding of this part of my nature, and also learned plenty of vanilla things as well. Not only has my writing ability grown, but I think I've learned more about politics, spirituality, and history from discussions with spankos than with any classes on these subjects. When a group has a sensitivity to prejudice in one area, I think they can become more willing to have open-minded discussions on other sensitive subjects as well.
Kia
Being a spanko has always been a part of me, though in my youth I did not understand it. I simply had passing thoughts and daydreams. I did not realize how deeply connected it is to my sexuality and being until much later and the fantasies continued. What changed for me was when I took the chance to explore this part of myself and met people here who I grew to respect and accepted me for who I was. For me, sharing that secret part of myself allowed me to be more open with my husband and I fell in love with him all over again. While he may never understand my need and never embrace it in the way I do, he accepts me for me and loves me truly. And the friendships I have made here are true. So the wonderful relationships I have made, the total honesty and intimacy with my husband has grown, and the person who had the most difficult time accepting this part of herself - me - now embraces that side...that is how being a spanko has changed my life. Thank-you Joey for the great question. And thank-you Bonnie for hosting brunch. Everyone is honoring Bas is their own way and I think Bas would be happy. :-) Hugs, Terpsichore
My condolances tothe Bas family and friends, real life and virtual...
Thanks to Bonnie, several years ago I started reading this blog and then others...
I have become comfortable within my own skin, and fine defining myself as a spanko among other descriptors.
Thanks Bonnie... rest in peace Bas...
(1) It has made me more understanding of kinks, in general
(2) It has made me more open about my own sexual interests
I don't know if there have been any other effects.
P.S. I'm glad you didn't ruin your string of Brunches.
There have been many changes that have come from just acknowledging that I like the spanking. Most important one would be the change in my relationship with Rob. We have become so close, after 25 years of marriage. There is a great intimacy there that did not really exist prior. In many ways I was a very inhibited woman sexually, which stemmed from both growing up a "good catholic girl" but also from just growing up in a time where you mostly did not talk about sex, and certainly not anyhing which was considerd outside the vanilla realm.
With all of that I found Blogland. It was completely freeing to me. Making friends with people who I could talk about this stuff with, get feedback, give feedback, understand and learn from. That has really been life changing. I have many FTF friends, but none that I would ever be able to discuss this stuff with. It feels good to just be me. It helped me to understand myself more.
And then I'd say its changed my husband. The spanking act made him realize that if he was going to do that, he would have to stand up and lead. This was a big surprise to me. As for the spanking, he has taken to it, but says that he could leave it just as easily. He does it for me, and notices how much the dynamic has improved our marriage for the better. And we are happy.
Lastly, I never, in a million years thought that I'd be blogging about spanking and ttwd/dd (we are back now and my blog is back where it belongs). If I can make one tiny difference to someone by my words, just as others have done for me, then that is what counts to me.
Thanks Bonnie and great question Joey! Hugs all around, and to all who are celebrating the life of our friend Bas, and especially to his Lisa and family,
<3 Katie
I have found a great source of pleasure, a release that was never imaginable, a way to avoid the snarky or bitchy (some of the time - that's just being realistic), I've made great friends and had amazing blogland validation. It's been nothing short of a gift.
hugs,
fiona
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