Our question this time is derived from an experience I had this week. As longtime partners, my husband and I have fallen into a pleasant routine in terms of spankings, lovemaking, meals, evenings out, walking together, and a great many other events in our lives. On Thursday, Randy decided to break the routine and deliver a very significant and very unexpected spanking. I was caught by surprise and my initial reaction was not as accepting as it should have been. But we worked through it and the outcome was positive.
Do you and your partner experience unexpected spankings? Do you have routines that when broken upset the the expected order of things? How important is it to have a plan and keep to it? Do you think that changing the order or timing of spankings can serve as an expression of dominance?
I invite you to join our discussion. Just enter your response in the form of a comment below and at the end of the weekend, I will post an edited summary.
17 comments :
Bonnie, we do have a routine also, but still many unexpected spankings. Part of that is to show she will spank when she wants to. All though it throws me for a curve I do love it.
Yes Honey spank me, what position should I present my bottom in.
archedone
I like the idea of spontaneous spankings in theory, but in practice I'm still not sure. Sometimes when I'm not expecting it, I'm not in the head space to be as receptive to his HOH-y-ness as I would be if I have time to prepare. I think the unexpected assertion of his dominance does good things for keeping me in the a fore mentioned head space, but it may take time to get there.
Its much more fun when she's not expecting it. For me, at least. :)
Our lives are very much governed by routine, and if Ron were to do something spontaneous I would ask the alien what he had done with my husband. Our spankings, along with many other activities, are always scheduled in advance. We both feel unsettled when unexpected events disrupt the usual patterns.
A spontaneous spanking would be nice, and certainly would illustrate his dominance. I might be taken aback, but I would do my best to submit and even enjoy the surprise.
I agree with TL. Part of what A. and I are aiming for is her assertion of HOH status. That suggests spontaneous DD-oriented spankings whenever she thinks one has been earned. That's the theory. In practice, on the rare occasion that she has ordered one that I didn't anticipate, I found myself very resistant to it, because I wasn't in the right "head space." On the other hand, that is kind of the point -- she is supposed to be in charge and I am supposed to submit, even when it is hard to do so.
I always know why I'm being spanked but I never know when, with what, or for how long. I've come to know that maintenance will either be at bed time or early in the morning but punishment could happen anytime we are alone. A few times he's been given to reach down during a goodbye hug and give me a smack (not playful either) if he thinks I'm struggling, to remind me to behave while we are apart. He doesn't warn me of upcoming discipline either, which is wise because I would have worked myself into a complete state by the time we get to it. I'm making him sound cruel but he needs to do it this way to make me let go of control issues. Submission training.
Bea
Do you and your partner experience unexpected spankings? All the ones that I've experienced have been unexpected, mainly because the few (and quick) ones I've gotten were from my "vanilla" partner. While I'd love know when the fun is coming, I feel a bit of a glow after any.
How important is it to have a plan and keep to it? I live by plans but not around fun stuff. I like to be innovative and be open to suggestions.
Do you think that changing the order or timing of spankings can serve as an expression of dominance? This is a tough question to answer and I think it has to do a lot with the personalities of the people involved. In my relationship, it probably would but I don't have a DD relationship by any stretch of the imagination so it's not something I've really thought about. To me that would be more of a change in routine to spice things up.
Master likes to keep me on my 'toes'..in more ways than one. The unexpected is the rule for me! It sure does keep His dominance in the fore front.
abby
Sometimes my Master surprise me with unexpected punishment.
We practice discipline consensual. With established rules of behavior. When I break those rules, I know that I will receive spanking for it. However, sometimes I think "mistakenly" had followed the rules and it is in these moments i got an unexpected spanking.
This does not happen very often because I'm very careful with the rules, but Sometimes It Happens!
Do you and your partner experience unexpected spankings? I'd say all of our spankings are unexpected. Even when he promises one for "later tonight", I never know if he will change his mind or let it get too late or forget. Sometimes I have told him, "I thought you had forgotten. I'm not ready."
Do you have routines that when broken upset the the expected order of things? We have no regularity, so no routines. He has a typical pattern of hand, a cane, and a paddle that he might change up a bit, but it is not very upsetting. At one point his pattern of spanking and taking breaks had become a bit predictable, but then it suddenly became more varied. I like when I think the spanking is over, and he picks up the paddle again!!
How important is it to have a plan and keep to it? The only plan should be his plan for an approximate duration or outcome (tears, begging, etc.). I don't have to know his plan, and it is probably better if I don't.
Do you think that changing the order or timing of spankings can serve as an expression of dominance? Certainly. I think he should change it up. I would have clear limits, though, that a spanking cannot make me late for anything. If I am about to leave the house, the spanking will have to wait until I return.
We don't have a routine. We spank when we feel like it. We sometimes plan one a day ahead, just to enjoy the anticipation.
We do have a routine but there are also spontaneous spankings. It does throw me when this happens but it usually ends up with us feeling even more connected. It definitely feels like an expression of dominance and also keeps me on my toes.
Hugs,
Roz
I have a routine most of the time. I am a creature of habit so like it that way. But sometimes having something unexpected come up can be fun. I guess it depends on the delivery. I may be resistant if I found it too hard or out of context.
Hi,
Well all my spankings come as a surprise. I mean I'm an angel, so I'm always surprised that he wants to punish me ;)
We have a big famuly, and are really busy, and routine sort of gets thrown out of the window, as much as we try to keep to it.
My husband does however surprise me, with new rules and expectations, and it does get me sometime to get used to it.
But all in all, most of the time, it works out positive, and if it doesn't then he will rethink the situation :)
Living with D. I just never know when I will be bent over, and usually bared for whatever spanking he fancies to apply to my poor rear. Having this threat all the time, I find very exciting . It can be embarrassing. Once we had friends for supper; I was in the kitchen; in comes D, bends me over the work top, and spanks me soundly. The sound of the ringing smacks must have been heard by our guests, in fact I know it was, because when I joined them at the table, a soft cushion had been placed on my chair ! I would not want to change anything.. S.
I wish I did get spontaneous spankings but unfortunately I live a long way from my Mistress so everything has to be arranged in advance. With regards to routine they do often follow a set pattern but every so often she will surprise me with something new or a change in the pattern.
I am mostly more comfortable with our routines, but recently, as I have posted, my husband has been changing things up on me. Although I was shaken and resistant at first, changing things had a positive outcome for us. Yes, it was definitely an expression of his dominance. Good question Bonnie!
Sara
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