Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Lost Interview

About a year ago, I agreed to be interviewed by someone who was doing research. I came across these questions and answers recently and thought some readers might enjoy them.

1) What is your sexual orientation and what aspect of BDSM do you consider yourself a part of?

I am a straight submissive female. I have been married to the same man for over thirty years. I am also a born spanko. Spanking lies at the very core of my sexuality, I like being tied up (nothing extreme or exotic, thank you) but only if there is a spanking involved. Even intercourse hopefully involves reddening my bottom. I have no interest in any other sort of pain. I'm not much for labels because most of them don't fit very well. I will accept submissive, bottom, and spanko.

2) How long have you known you had this kink?

As long as I can remember

3) What was your process of understanding what it was? Did you meet other people, did you have a particular experience, or did the Internet help you a lot?

I wish I had had the benefit of the internet or other people. In the sixties and seventies, the only resource a younger person could access was the popular media. Spanking references were commonplace and these served to heighten my interest without ever satisfying it. The same questions and fantasies persisted in my head for years.

As I discovered my sexuality as a teen, spanking quite naturally became a central element. I experimented with high school boyfriends (always at my insistence) with fairly disastrous results. It wasn't until I met Randy in college that all of the pieces clicked into place.

By the late seventies, there were magazines like Penthouse that featured stories about adult couples enjoying spanking together in a sexual context. Even if some of the tales seemed a bit contrived, those stories provided a certain degree of confirmation.

In the nineties, the internet arrived and with it, the opportunity to interact with real people who liked the same things that we did. Finding the early Usenet groups was the biggest revelation of all. There were thousands of seemingly normal people (OK, not all normal) who were dedicated spankos. All of a sudden, we weren't weird any more. This secret we had been so carefully hiding was known by others and being openly discussed.

Since then, we've progressed though forums to blogs to Twitter and beyond. I remain dedicated to sharing with others the incredible revelation that we are not strange and definitely not alone. This kind of affirmation can change lives for the better. I want those who choose to follow to walk an easier road than we did.

4) Are you “out” to any of your family/friends about it? If so, how did they react? If you choose not to tell people, why?

Not really. We've never discussed our interest with our adult daughter, but I think she knows. She probably wishes she didn't. Older relatives wouldn't understand and would worry about me. There's no need for that.

I have lots of vanilla friends in the real world and kinky friends in cyberspace. They don't know about each other and I intend to keep it that way. The price for being out is just too high.

5) Do you believe that being into BDSM is something a person is born with or something that is a result of life experiences? Or both? Where do you think your kink comes from?

I think there is an inborn component, but environment can contribute as well. I was most likely the beneficiary of both.

6) How do you think most of the world perceives people who are into BDSM? Does it bother you at all, or not?

The two most common stereotypes are a source of humor and dangerous/crazy. Both are troublesome. The parallel some observers draw to the treatment of gays in past times is right on target. I was particularly annoyed by the film Secretary. Here is, at long last, a somewhat sympathetic portrayal of a BDSM relationship, but they had to make it dysfunctional and strange. Why did the Lea character have to be recently released from a mental institution? What does that say about the rest of us?

In recent years, we spankos have gotten a small measure of relief as popular media have begun to acknowledge that even many vanilla couples enjoy a few slaps on the bottom during lovemaking. A sexy spanking is now kind of all right, though any other sort of play might as well be hardcore torture.

7) Do you have any feelings of guilt/shame for being into BDSM? If yes or no, why?

No, but I had those feelings in the past. We are far beyond any guilt or shame. This is who were are, we enjoy it, and we certainly aren't going to hide from it.

8) Any experiences you’ve had that you would like to share with me, that you want to contribute, that you find interesting.

I've written over 1600 posts on my blog including a hundred or so real life spanking accounts. If you can be more specific about the types of experiences that interest you, I can point you there. Or feel free to browse if you prefer.

My next message from the researcher was a thank you and a request to use text from the blog with citation. After I granted this request, I never heard from her again. I assume she must have found what she wanted. I don't know whether her work has been published.


Bleuame said...

This is a great read, Bonnie. Thanks for sharing. I particularly like your reply to #6.

kiwigirliegirl said...

this is an awesome read bonnie, thank you so much for sharing, i too wonder if she ever did get published and its a shame she never got back in touch.

Florida Dom said...

I could really relate to this interview and what it was like growing up before the Internet and how the Penthouse stories -- did you read Variations? -- were a source of confirmation.


Hermione said...

Hi Bonnie,

I enjoyed the interview, and hope that the researcher eventually published it, and that it earned her a Ph.D.


sixofthebest said...

Bravo, Bravo, Bravo, Bonnie. Excellent essay. I agree with what you have said 100%. And thank you for telling it like it is. You will always remain in my opinion Queen of the SPANKO bloggers. Thank you.

Anonymous said...


Thank you for sharing your responses. I really liked your answer to #3, helping to make the road easier for those who choose to follow. I am someone that has benefited from your blog and I am sure there are countless others.

Thank you.


Terpsichore said...

that was great...thank-you for sharing...you have helped many feel not alone... :-)

ronnie said...


I enjoyed the interview. Thank you for sharing. I wonder if it was ever published but I suppose know way of finding out.


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