Saturday, December 01, 2012

MBS Spanko Brunch #359

Hello again, and welcome to our first brunch for December, 2012. Before we get too deep into our holiday celebrations, we have a somewhat more serious question this week. It involves blogger friends who leave without a trace.

Many bloggers retire because they find other interests, no longer feel that blogging is rewarding, or experience a change in life circumstances. They offer up a final post and ride into the sunset. I think we can all recognize the necessity to move on sometimes. But these good folks are not the subject of today's brunch.

A number of readers write to ask me what I know about about one disappeared blogger or another. In most cases, I know no more than they do. So we are left to wonder.

Do you think there is, or should be, an certain etiquette associated with closing a blog? Should we encourage bloggers to acknowledge their departure in some fashion? Should we encourage them to leave their old posts in place as an archive or barring that, take the blog private rather than deleting everything.

This is a tricky question because bloggers own their content and have the right to do with it as they choose. On the other hand, the loss of such content can be a tremendous blow to the community and future readers.

What do you think?

Please enter your thoughts below as a comment and at the end of the weekend, I will post an edited summary.


Anonymous said...

Hi Bonnie, I had to close my blog quickly to protect my privacy and I was sorry to leave people hanging. I started a new one and hope people can find me (you've helped a lot with that).

Perhaps someday soon I can open the old one again.

MrBBSpanker said...

It would be nice to know if someone is leaving. There is an interesting idea in your post about leaving useful information up that could be helpful to others who come along later. And sometimes it seems like some disappear because they share personal info and are discovered by non-lifestyle friends or family. Completely understandable.

Ultimately the decision is of course left up to the individual blogger. Albeit online, if their blog is of a personal nature and we feel a connection with them, we feel like we get to know them. They become part of our community. It would be nice to know the person behind the blog is alright.

sunnygirl said...

It would be nice to know if they are "going off the air" but I guess the reason they are might determine whether or not they can do a "goodby" post.

Julia said...

DH used to blog. He did it quite frequently and had quite a presence in blogland. Then he got laid off in 2008, and things changed. After a year of not finding work, he started to loose confidence in himself, his ability to entertain people, and he just disappeared. He couldn't stand going back to it, and honestly, it is still a work in progress. A man and his ego is a very sensitive thing, and his was very badly bruised by loosing his job.

Kitty - The Submissive Wife said...

Sometimes when people state that they are leaving, it can sound like a dramatic bid for attention. And sometimes it is. But, it is nice to have a transition post out - because people do wonder. I know there are people who don't so much intend to leave as life just gets busy and they fade away. That's okay.

It is when there has been trouble in the relationship or severe medical issues that I wish for a little note about where someone has gone, because well, I worry. I don't know many bloggers in real life, but having made some connections through blogging, when they just go, the loss is felt.

So, yes, I would prefer a note if someone becomes aware that they are done blogging for now.

Hermione said...

I would love to make a good-bye post mandatory for bloggers who are about to depart the scene, but unfortunately that isn't always possible. It depends on the circumstances surrounding the departure. I can understand how it would not be possible, in cases of inadvertent exposure or severe health issues, to write a farewell post.

If it's breach of privacy, it would be better to go private than to delete, but the desire to remove all traces of the blog leads to impulsive deletion.

Unfortunately, deleting anything from the internet is very difficult, if not impossible. Blog posts stay around in cached form for a long time, and with the Wayback Machine available, deleted blogs persist for many years.

It's very hard for this community when a popular, well-known and much-loved blogger suddenly leaves without a trace, but in the end, how to handle it is a personal decision.


That does not look like a very difficult set of questions but they have so many varied and complicated answers.

I think it depends on why the blogger has given up blogging and their own personality and reasons for blogging in the first place. It is just something that has to be down to personal choice, for the individual to make.

Having said that though, it is nice to have a little notice and a chance to leave a goodbye comment but (and sorry for the caps lock and exclamation marks, this is important) ONLY IF IT IS SAFE AND CONVENIENT TO HAVE A FAREWELL POST!!!


Fondles said...

I know its not always possible but a goodbye post would b nice. Whether or not to leave the posts up for others may be a decision that depends on the reason for leaving in the first place tho.

Anonymous said...

I agree really with what's been said above, it depends on personal circumstances. I know bloggers who have had to delete everything because they no longer wanted a 'kink' presence on the net, and I have also come across others who have stopped posting but kept in there like in the case of bitchy jones.

I think its nice to leave a presence if its possible, but sometimes the persons personal circumstances probably just don't allow it.

Jenny said...

I'd write a big long comment, but it is way easier to say, "I agree with Hermione." Thanks! :)

Anonymous said...

I took my blog down (actually, made it private) some time ago, and it was a hard decision. I still miss using it communicate, but I also felt like I wanted something akin to a personal diary focusing on the DD aspects of our relationship. I liked sharing some of those with people, but as the blog became more popular, I began to find links to it on blogs and websites that had material that I really objected to, like drawings depicting spanking of children. I also felt like the wider the blog was distributed, the more I found myself self-censoring content, thereby inhibiting its original function as a journal.

I am happy to consider adding someone as an authorized viewer. I can be contacted at

Rosie said...

I think (most of the time) life intervenes. And usually, not in an epic and loud way. In a more quiet, lasting, pervasive way. In that case, it's not that the bloggers intend to abandon their blogs, it's more of moving into a new chapter of their life. They are less interested in it, have little to say, and quietly fade. More often than not, in my opinion, after so much time passes, they feel they cannot return, even to say goodbye, because no one is reading or it would seem weird at this point to do so.

But then, I've been wrong before :)

abby said...

I agree it would be nice to know that someone is leaving. We do feel a connection to each other, and I know I often wonder what happened.
hugs abby

Wilma Rubble said...

I haven't been at this very long, but so far I have experienced this twice. Both bloggers were among the first to comment on my blog and helped with support and kind words when I needed it.

One wrote a farewell for now post because of family medical issues. The others blog has laid dormant for a bit. The latter has me more worried than the former. Find myself looking at the blog on my blog roll and wondering and worrying. It is amazing how quickly we become attached to one another here. I might not know the blogger's face, but I do have a sincere concern.

So I would love if people would offer even a couple sentences even to say, I am stepping away. I do understand how this sometimes is not possible.

Belle L said...

I know that I would rather know what happened to someone, but I can imagine so many reasons why that person wouldn't want to share. I believe that a person should just do what is best for them. If for whatever reason they feel that they just can't blog, that's a good enough reason. We support people's decision to share, and we should support their decision not to. We do not know all the circumstances, and they may not be able to share it all. When people make a decision, they may at that point not want to be confused by other people's opinions, or feel they have to justify themselves. I believe in prayer, and I believe that God loves all the people that He created. It rains on the just and unjust, but I believe that He listens to our prayers. We should pray for those people, just like we pray for others that we must just put in God's hands (example: deployed military)Just my opinion.. God bless you all, Belle L.

Anastasia Vitsky said...

A while ago when I experienced a personal difficulty, I stated publicly that I would be taking a break from blogging and didn't know when. I worried whether it sounded like a bid for attention, but I received many expressions of thanks for saying so and not disappearing. Obviously, I am still here.

What I learned from that experience, and what I've learned from watching and worrying while other blogs disappear, is that online is a community like anything else. People have the right and ability to disappear at will. People do. But if circumstances allow, it is kinder and more respectful to at least say good-bye.

Most especially, if it's someone I've known for a while I worry.

ronnie said...

It's sad when a fellow blogger just disappears so yes, I'd love if they wrote a final goodbye post but as others have said, not always possible. Depends on their circumstances.


Ms. Betty said...

Hm, the thing is I don't think most exits are planned.

Having been there a few times, I can say that sometimes life just gets very intense and while you are certain you intend to keep blogging the days and weeks slip by and you may not get the chance or have the energy.

And well, who reads a spanking blog to read about the minutiae of packing, moving, work stress and playing with the cat?

Life has it's ups and downs, and sometimes fallow periods are required for fresh growth.

The death of a blog is like any other death, and maybe it's not always our right to know the reason why.

What I would suggest is that if a blog goes dark for some time, perhaps leave a comment or send an email telling the blogger they are missed, but no more.

After all, not everyone may feel comfortable discussing why they've gone silent in a public sphere.

Lea said...

I'd imagine if someone leaves because of worries of privacy and the like, they aren't in a position to say goodbye to everyone. I certainly appreciate when people post one final thing though so you know all is well and they just aren't blogging anymore for a variety of reasons. I would try to do that if I decided to stop.

sixofthebest said...

Dear Bonnie, if it is at all possible, 'spanko' bloggers, when they are closing out, should make an attempt to inform as of their intentions. Also since I believe that all 'spanko' blogs are valuable, they should be left for future generations to digest and ponder their contents.

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