Sunday, July 08, 2012

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 8

Our topic of the week was one suggestion for convincing a hesitant partner to spank. Here's what you had to say.

Ana: I am going to cheat and put more than one answer because I don't think one is enough. Or consider this a mult-part answer.

1) It is not abuse.
2) You will not really hurt me.
3) We can stop the second that you don't feel comfortable.

Sunny Girl: I didn't have to convince him once I had convinced myself.

Texringer: Similar to Ana's #3 response: let's just experiment with it. Trying new things is fun.

Fondlers Anonymous: I'd go with the "spanking turns me on" argument. That usually seems to be able to get them curious enough to try.

Ticcers Aloud: Hubby just spanked my ass and waited for my response. So I'd say give them a cheekie light spank and see how they go with that, then work from there.

Jean Marie: I now only date men who are spankos, but that wasn't the case when I was younger. After graduating from college, my lover was an ass-man, as many men are, and he often complimented me on my "ample understanding." Once he did this as I was getting ready for bed, and I'd just bared my bottom. He complimented and caressed it, as expected. But I countered that it would be prettier if pinker, and laid across his knee. He got the hint, and when he saw how this turned me on, spanking became a regular form of foreplay.

So my answer is not just to tell the other party that spanking turns you on, show them!

KiKi: I get really stressed out during the holidays (as I'm sure most women do), birthday parties or any family functions. Last Thanksgiving was probably the jump start we needed to get into spanking as much as I crave it.

I was getting myself and my daughter ready, preparing the food and rushing around the house. I don't even remember what happened but I started screaming and yelling and just plain throwing a fit. He got so upset he just sat there and stared at me like I was insane and refused to go anywhere until I quit. I stormed out and just sat in the car waiting for him to come out. We ended up having an mad, awkward Thanksgiving and it just sucked! The next day, we had a talk and I flat out told him "well, if you would have taken me into the bedroom, flipped me over your knee and whipped my ass, I PROBABLY wouldn't have continued to act that way." And NO, I did not act that way on purpose. It is a normal habit of mine to stress and overreact at times like those. I explained that I act that way because I get so stressed and overwhelmed plus I know I can because he will still love me when it's all over. After the long talk, he finally understood that sometimes I just need someone to 'slap it out of me' and bring me back to reality.

That seemed to do the trick! :)

Bratty Adaline: I'd just bare it and see what occurs. :)

Lea: You've had a lot of great tips in the past on this subject. I think starting at a playful/sexual angle is more likely to get a partner on board. For those who want the discipline aspect, that's a much harder sell. People either have that in them or they don't.

Kat: I get bedroom spankings, sometimes for stress relief, but never for discipline.

I've always had to proceed gently with my husband on the subject of spankings. He came from an abusive family, and has serious issues about hitting anyone, least of all a woman. And I love him so much that I *never ever* pressed the issue. I cheerfully -- truly -- pretty much gave up on being spanked to be with him.

Early on in our relationship, I'd asked, we'd discussed it, and we decided that it wasn't in his best interest. Forget all the standard speeches, because they don't apply.

Nevertheless, I'd always joked on occasion that he ought to turn me over his knee, or that I deserved a spanking, or some such thing. Always was I greeted with silence.

One day, after we'd been married about ten years, I was cooking in the kitchen and he walked by and slapped my bottom. I turned around immediately, planted my hands on my hips, and demanded to know why he could slap my ass in the kitchen and not in the bedroom.

It obviously worked, because he tried it... and I did absolutely everything I could to show him how I loved it. Since that day, he's grown into quite the accomplished spanker. He has even gotten downright playful with it -- and it was totally worth the wait. :)

Joan: Honestly, I just demanded one more (then another, then another) after one of those random sex-based ass smacks.

Mrs. Soft Bottom: For us, the hardest thing that he needed to get over was the "I don't want to hurt you" aspect of the spankings. I think once he saw how turned on we both were by it, he was convinced.

You have to be willing to try it once and then talk about how you both felt afterward, and then re-adjust.

A'marie: All of my long-term relationships have been with non-spankers, so I am well acquainted with this particular topic.

Considering my lack of success, I'm not sure any advice I give on this matter would be helpful. :D However, I tend to think the, "This is what I want; this is what turns me on!" approach is best.

Hermione: My approach would be to tell my partner that spanking is what turns me on, and I would love it if he would give it a try.

Prefectdt: “If you don't spank me, I will let the tires down on your car.” Or similar bratting. :)

Ronnie: I always say communication is very important and I would approach by asking if we could try it as spanking is a turn on for me. Possibly by email and send a few links to blogs.

Daisy: Yes, go with the sexual turn on. Most people love to know how best to turn on their partner. If it is discipline you are after, still do the fun, sexy thing first, to get them used to it, then employ lots of communication to progress from there.

A-Non: We've done the experimental spanking, and we both liked it. We've played with a firm leather paddle and a wooden one, too, but he just doesn't take the initiative to do anything unless I ask. He jokes about it, but then nothing. I am trying to be patient, but I want more, and more often.

Perhaps making a date wouldn't feel so much like asking for you, yet it wouldn't require him to spontaneously start on his own. After a few such dates, assuming they go well, he might be more willing to take the lead.

Dragon's Rose: Dragon thought it was just a silly passing fantasy. I think he has changed his mind!

Bonnie: I agree with the suggestions to make those first spankings an extension of lovemaking. However, some couples are not intimate for a variety of reasons. In this case, I advocate making first spankings light-hearted and fun. A little good natured teasing can go a long way. There may come a time for serious spankings later, but this isn't it.

Thank you all for participating in our brunch this week!


Kitty - The Submissive Wife said...

Tough question - H and I discussed at dinner the other night - when do you tell them? He thought he would be upset to find out that I liked/needed spankings now if I had known that all the time.

Great roundup!

Enzo said...

I am on the flip side of this coin and perhaps you have asked this question already ( if so just point me in the right post direction), but I am the spanker and my partner is not into being spanked. As much as I believe my partner would benefit form a spanking for stress relief and other reasons she does not agree.

david said...

Hi Bonnie,its pure discipline in our house,years ago I`d done something that grinded her gears.She was ranting at me when I just blurted out "Are you going to spank me"Yes I am and she grabed me, pulled me over to the chair and spanked the living daylights out of me.After I just knelt at her feet crying saying how sorry I was,she ruffled my hair and the big love began,and its still the same today 40yrs to you &randy

Sadey Quinn said...

Really great collection of ideas... one of the more frequent comments I get is from women who want their husbands/boyfriends to be more dominant and spank them! It's a tough subject to bring up for a variety of reasons.

But yes, communication. Communication. Communication.

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