Our question this week is one I've fielded often over the years. We've discussed it here at brunch, of course, but it's been awhile. Aspiring spankees tell me that they have trouble convincing their reluctant partner to spank.
What one argument do you think is most likely to persuade a hesitant spouse, lover, or friend that giving an experimental spanking is worth a try?
To join our conversation, just enter your response below in the form of a comment. At the end of the weekend, I will post an edited summary.
21 comments :
I am going to cheat and put more than one because I don't think one is enough. Or consider this a mult-part answer.
1) It is not abuse.
2) You will not really hurt me.
3) We can stop the second that you don't feel comfortable.
I didn't have to convince him once I had convinced myself.
Similar to Ana's #3 response: let's just experiment with it. Trying new things is fun.
I'd go with the "spanking turns me on" argument. That usually seems to be able to get them curious enough to try.
hubby just spanked my ass and waited for my response. So Id say..... give them a cheekie light spank and see how they go with that, then work from there.
I now only date men who are spankos, but that wasn't the case when I was younger. After graduating from college, my lover was an ass-man, as many men are, and he often complimented me on my "ample understanding." Once he did this as I was getting ready for bed, and I'd just bared my bottom. He complimented and caressed it, as expected. But I countered that it be prettier if pinker, and laid across his knee. He got the hint, and when he saw how this turned me on, spanking became a regular form of foreplay.
So my answer is not just to tell the other party that spanking turns you on, show them!
Jean Marie
I get really stressed out during the holidays (as I'm sure most women do), birthday parties or any family functions. Last Thanksgiving was probably the jump start we needed to get into spanking as much as I crave it.
I was getting myself and my daughter ready, preparing the food and rushing around the house. I dont even remember what happened but I started screaming and yelling and just plain throwing a fit. He got so upset he just sat there and stared at me like I was insane and refused to go anywhere until I quit. I stormed out and just sat in the car waiting for him to come out. We ended up having an mad, awkard Thanksgiving and it just sucked! The next day, we had a talk and I flat out told him "well, if you would have taken me into the bedroom, flipped me over your knee and whipped my ass....I PROBABLY wouldnt have continued to act that way". And NO I did not act that way on purpose, it is a normal habit of mine to stress and overreact at times like those. I explained how I act that way because I get so stressed and overwhelmed plus I know I can because he will still love me when its all over. After the long talk, he finally understood that sometimes I just need someone to 'slap it out of me' and bring me back to reality.
That seemed to do the trick! :)
Hello Spanko World!
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I'd just bare it and see what occurs. :)
Also, nominated you for my one lovely blog list.
Besides being incredibly awesome you send an incredible amount of traffic to me. *grins*
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You've had a lot of great tips in the past on this. I think starting at a playful/sexual angle is more likely to get a partner on board. For those who may want the discipline aspect, that's a much harder sell. People either have that in them or they don't.
(I get bedroom spankings, sometimes for stress relief, but never for discipline.)
I've always had to proceed gently with my husband on the subject of spankings. He came from an abusive family, and has serious issues about hitting anyone, least of all a woman. And I love him so much that I *never ever* pressed the issue. I cheerfully -- truly -- pretty much gave up on being spanked to be with him.
Early on in our relationship, I'd asked, we'd discussed it, and we decided that it wasn't in his best interest. Forget all the standard speeches, because they don't apply.
Nevertheless, I'd always joked on occasion that he ought to turn me over his knee, or that I deserved a spanking, or some such thing. Always was I greeted with silence.
One day, after we'd been married about ten years, I was cooking in the kitchen and he walked by and slapped my bottom. I turned around immediately, planted my hands on my hips, and demanded to know why he could slap my ass in the kitchen and not in the bedroom.
It obviously worked, because he tried it... and I did absolutely everything I could to show him how I loved it.
Since that day, he's grown into quite the accomplished spanker -- has even gotten downright playful with it -- and it was totally worth the wait. :)
Dragon thought it was just a silly passing fantasy. I think he has changed his mind!
Honestly, I just demanded one more (then another, then another) after one of those random sex-based ass smacks.
For us the hardest thing that he needed to get over t was the " I dont want to hurt you " aspect of the spankings. I think once he saw how turned on we both were by it he was convinced.
You have to be willing to try it once and then talk about how you both felt after wards- then re-adjust.
All of my long-term relationships have been with non-spankers, so I am well acquainted with this particular topic.
Considering my lack of success, I'm not sure any advice I give on this matter would be helpful. :D However, I tend to think the, "This is what I want; this is what turns me on!" approach is best.
My approach would be to tell my partner that spanking is what turns me on, and I would love it if he would give it a try.
If you don't spank me, I will let the tires down on your car. Or similar bratting :)
Prefectdt
I don't seem to have a good answer for this, but I wanted to let you know that I named you as One Lovely Blog.
http://reneeroseclosetgirl.blogspot.com/2012/07/fondlers-anonymous-me-in-her-one-lovely.html
I always say communication is very important and I would approach by asking if we could try it as spanking is a turn on for me. Possibly by email and send a few links to blogs.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Yes, go with the sexual turn on...most people love to know how best to turn on their partner... if it is discipline you are after, still do the fun sexy thing first, to get them used to it, then lots of communication to progress from there...
We've done the experimental spanking, and we both liked it. We've played with a firm leather paddle and a wooden one, too, but he just doesn't take the initiative to do anything unless I ask. He jokes about it, but then nothing. I am trying to be patient, but I want more, and more often.
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