Sunday, November 27, 2011

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 27

Our topic this week was how to handle situations where a spanking does not yield the expected resolution. Here are your thoughts.

morningstar: If I am receiving a punishment spanking and it doesn't settle it in my mind, there are two reactions I have:
1) I sulk – Yeah, yeah, I know. Very grownup of me!
2) I cry – Like a baby, with big, heaving, body-shaking sobs

W's reaction to both is pretty much the same. He calls me to sit by him and he rubs my back or simply gets me talking. Eventually, we sort things out and move forward again.

However, if either of us is angry about something, we try not to play at all until we have sorted things out. It's sort of a twist on what my father told me when I got married - Don't go to bed angry. W and I don't play with any mixed feelings, or at least we try not to. There are still times, but we're working on it!

Oh, and I have to say that I no longer receive punishment spankings. That always left me with extreme mixed emotions and sensitivities.

Dragon's Rose: I hate to admit it, but if a spanking doesn't clear the air, there is only one way to end it. Another spanking. The second round is harder and longer. Round two brings tears, closure and re-connection.

Mick: It happens. We have to talk it through and sometimes give it a little time for both of us to process. Then we talk it over some more.

Hermione: I'd say another spanking would help eliminate any residual stress. It couldn't hurt!

It always hurts for me!

Six of the Best: There is a motto that goes, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try try again." This would mean another spanking should follow. But that spanking should be a much harder one.

Jean Marie: This has never happened in any of my relationships, but I'd have to agree that if one spanking doesn't set things right, another, stiffer spanking is called for.

Dark Knight Fair Lady: From my perspective, I don't believe this has happened with us. We tend to talk things out before I spank. If a spanking didn't help us reconnect, I'm sure we would talk to settle what tension remained.

Lea: If I'm feeling resentful afterward, it's usually because the issue isn't resolved and sometimes can't be from a spanking alone. I usually have to talk it out with him eventually.

Arthur's Denial: Sometimes saying you are sorry after an argument with a loved one just isn't enough. One or both of you may continue to sense tension between you. At times, the same argument may continue to resurface time and time again. Negativity should be thought of as a cold virus.

Turn up the setting on your 'Anti-virus' software (so to speak). Keep Negativity out at all costs!

Bonnie: My answer has to be, “It depends.” There are some issues and stresses that can be easily resolved through spanking. Others require discussion, compromise, and/or time (and quite possibly, another spanking). It's unrealistic to believe that we can simply spank away all of our troubles. It's a very powerful tool for couples, but not the only one.

Daisy: I don't think there is a definitive answer. It depends on the reasons, the dynamic, and the situation.

In some cases, where I was dead stubborn (because I was sure I was in the right!) and refused to acknowledge the pain of a spanking, Davey soon realised that it was making things worse. He stopped and we sorted things out another way.

Yes, there are times when the residual feelings may be because a spanking wasn't hard/long enough to change the attitude. In those cases, another, harder spanking would be right. There are many tools to be used in this game of life. If one is not the right tool for the situation, try another!

David: After a spanking, I always say thank you and if you feel I would benefit from a further punishment, it would be justified. Then it's up to her. If I get something else, fair enough. If it's hugs and kisses instead, I just don't argue.

PS - I've stopped lurking. I'm Dave Touchingtoes and after all these years, this is a family I'd never met.

Welcome, Dave, to our community brunch!

Clara: I have no idea. When I'm depressed, I have higher pain tolerance and this overwhelming urge to be a total b*tch. So more spanking sounds like the best plan. If I wasn't in that state to begin with, then I don't see myself agreeing to the initial spanking. I'm big on talking. I also have issues left over from a previous abusive relationship, so I can't see that causing anything other than hurt.

But this is not a situation in which I've found myself, so who knows?

Thank you, everyone, for joining us for brunch!


kiwigirliegirl said...

Ohh such a great topic, well done bonnie
Well, having only being practising DD for 4 months - and only just getting on even ground and being consistent with it, its not really happened to us yet. Im sure it will, one thing ive noticed is that we all seem to go through the same struggles and triumphs just at a different I hope i can gain enough knowledge from you guys to help me cope with what i think will inevitably happen.
Love and hugs kiwi xxx

JJ said...

Bonnie thanks for doing this! This is a really cool! I love reading all the responses put together!! :)

P.S. I mentioned you in my latest blog post :)

Craig Aych said...

I'll add a few thoughts on the subject:

First of all, playing angry, upset or otherwise preoccupied is just a bad idea. The gentleman who passed his philosophy as a top/dom to me when I first entered the scene said it best: as a top/dom your emotion extends out through your hand. I did one scene, early on in my kink life, where I was upset and the bottom not only sensed it but got legitimately hurt as a result. I felt terrible and vowed never to do that again--and I haven't.

Secondly, if an issue isn't resolved in a spanking, spanking again harder isn't going to solve shit. That's just being a brute or not being sympathetic/compassionate to the other. Of course, there are dynamics where that could be the solution, who knows?, but in general, I think "going back for more" isn't going to solve a damn thing.

I am a firm believer in communication. You work out your issues verbally. Spanking is too fun and erotic, in my world, to be anything but enjoyable.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Craig. While "going back for more" may work for some people, I can also see that mindset being incredibly damaging and dangerous.

wordsmith said...

Bonnie - how do you process your bloglist? I was just browsing and realised two or three blogs I know well are not on it, but on the other hand are quite static at the moment, and one that has just closed down isn't there. Do you have some way of updating it to remove out-of-date blogs?

Bonnie said...

KGG - You're doing great! It just takes effort by both partners every day.

JJ - You're very welcome!

Craig - Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your perspective.

Anon - My answer began with "it depends," because each couple is different. I cannot offer an absolute answer because I don't think there is one. Thanks for joining our discussion.

WS - I have helpers who assist with the blogroll, but it is maintained manually. We routinely trim links to blogs that are not updated in two months. Those that are private, vacated, or deleted are removed immediately. In short, it's a lot of work!

If you find a good spanking blog that I don't have, please by all means send me the link.

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