Our question this time deals with the interaction between our vanilla and spanko lives.
Does your interest is spanking have any effect upon the vanilla side of your life or how you deal with it? If so, what effects do you experience?
If you would like to be a part of our conversation, enter your response as a comment below. You can even remain anonymous if you prefer. Once everyone has taken a turn, I will post an edited summary.
18 comments :
There are small things like not being able to walk through a hardware store or kitchen 'implement' aisle without having a whole new perspective on the merchandise. Perhaps the most obvious is trying to hide reactions to ANY spanking related keyword that is overheard... anywhere.
I think my interest in spanking has indeed effected my vanilla life. 1st, it led us to Domestic discipline, which is different than generic spanking, and that has effected our whole marriage and family. Spanking has also made me more aware of male female dynamics in general and specifically the dynamics of dominance and submission, which are evrywheare around us, It has effected my understanding of what makes men and women tick. I see things I never noticed before in the couples around me. Even with people at work, I feel it has made me more aware of our interactions and the power dynamics that exist.
Being in Singapore, I guess even for me, spankings are largely kept underwraps. It does affect my vanilla life though sometimes "freudian slips" can be uncomfortable. And sometimes getting the weird looks from vanilla friends when i even mention the word spanking.
Now that I think a bit more about it, I suppose one big difference now is how I look at other people.
I've seen surveys that suggest that perhaps as much as 40% of the adult population in the US may engage in some sort of 'spanking related' activity.
I find my self wondering just how many of the people I interact with on a daily basis may be kindered spirits.
I think there is kind of indirect effect which I find negative: I am a very open person, generally. Keeping my spanking mojo and masochism secret is very hard for me. It has the effect that I try and avoid talking about all too private things in general in order to avoid these things slipping my tongue.
Tina
Spanking affects our vanilla lifestyle in many ways.
I completely agree with OnHerKnee. The cooking utensil isle and bath isle will NEVER look the same again. All I see now are implements!
Shopping has become quite interesting. We always seem to enter new stores looking for what could be used in our spanking side of life.
Then there's the relationship side. I never dreamed that spanking could lead to such openness, such intense conversations and such incredible love. It has also made us both look much deeper into ourselves and at our strengths and weaknesses.
I also find myself looking at some people and thinking, "She needs a good spanking!" I also see friends who don't have strong marriages and I wish I could share with them the secret we all in this bloggosphere know. A DD relationship not only can save a marriage it makes the marriage stronger then ever.
I have learned more about myself and my husband in the two years that we have lived a DD life then I did in the 27 years before TTWD. And from comments from my friends and family we have never seemed so happy. And we are!
Janet
I have found that I have a respect for other people in my vanilla life that I didn't have before being a spanked husband. Now that I am disciplined regularly, that helps me re-set my clock and be a better person all around. And yes, many times when I encounter people and see bad behavior, I think how much they might benefit from a good spanking, Men and women. Also, the day after with my bottom still burning I wonder if anyone else has as sore a bottom as me.
Hmmm, that's an interesting question. I think I have mostly noticed, like so many others, that shopping is a whole new experience. I even found an "implement" in the school supply aisle in the form of a flexible ruler, quite by accident. I wasn't looking for that in particular, it just jumped out at me when I saw it & boy does it sting! At 97 cents, it was a great find. I also found lipstick named "make me pink" and "warm me up". As it turns out, I really like both colors so they are now regulars for me. I wouldn't have noticed any of those things before.
Make Mine Red
It has changed me because I am now accountable to someone, which checks me yet frees me.... it is wonderful yet awful...exciting yet scary... I love it yet hate it...hope that makes things clear? LOL xxxxxxxxxxxx
I find that I listen more and talk less. I am always on the lookout for spanking references, images, and ideas that I can use on the blog, so I am more vigilant.
On the other hand, I am very cautious about what I say. I am always aware that the openness I enjoy in the blogosphere cannot carry over into real life, so I think before I speak, in case I say something that might give the game away.
At one time I was rather notorious for saying outrageous things to make people laugh. I have put that habit aside, knowing that I would bitterly regret saying anything about spanking to friends and colleagues, despite the momentary burst of attention it might give me.
I find myself growing less patient with the vanilla world and those I perceive to be "vanilla", and I can't wait to get back in touch and get together with spanking friends.
The fact that I so seldom have a spanking outlet makes me restless....
I may on occasion let slip a spanking reference in a vanilla conversation--just to test the waters and see if I get any unexpected reactions from someone--but for the most part, I keep the vanilla sida of things separate from my Spanko life.
Thank you Bonnie, for all the delicious meals you have served us. The one I like best is the 'rump stake', especially your's that I would love to spank.
I have been what you would call a "lurker". Decided it's time to come out of the closet. When I think about it, I consider this community my friends. Where better to get some insight than here. Thank you,Bonnie and all the others, for the wonderful insights to some of my questions in the past (as silent as they may have been, they were always answered from everyone's response). Don't really have a comment on this brunch right now, but do have some concerns that I would like to ask. I guess I will wait for the subject to come up. Thanks again
Like quite a few of the commentors I find that I notice a lot more about the people around me, I wonder if they are into ttwd and sometimes I look at girls and think they are "asking for it" i.e. wearing pajamas to the office supply store for example. I think it has added a level of fun for me even in my vanilla world because I think I've lightened up a bit.
If I were in a real spanking Dd relationship (my 'dream' right now), I expect it would give me greater clarity and confidence in my vanilla life - the security of knowing someone at home is looking out for me, even when I am out doing my own thing (work, social, etc.). I like the boundaryies. Without them, I tend to be a bit to open to do anything and a bit unfocused.
Congratulations on 250 brunches.
Spanking effects my vanilla life in both positive and negative ways. The two most prominent examples are.....
Positive - It brings a more balanced approach to my life and way of thinking and helps me to think through vanilla problems in a more effective way.
Negative - It takes up a lot of my time and I will often put a spanko appointment or commitment on a higher priority than a vanilla one. Therefor missing out on some vanilla events that I would have liked to have been at.
Prefectdt
Frankly, I would love it if my vanilla life shrinks, and my spanko life just becomes my real life! My wife is taking over more and more, and my real discipline spankings are about to start! Also, we have made some real spanko friends, also wife-dominant, who I believe we may soon meet in person. Yes, my vanilla life is certainly being effected!
I take chances, for example I'll let my husband spank me in the yard or when folks are over the house. We are not very discrete while we are in our home and all who enter beware. I would like to come out of the closet more as a spanko but my professional life holds me back. That is why I can't show too much of our faces on my public blog. I wish we all lived in the land of SPANK! What a great place it would be. xoxo
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