Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Spanko Tapes

This post has been literally months in the making. For the amusement of MBS readers, I recorded a conversation between Randy and me. I transcribed the discussion immediately before a spanking. It was fun and readers seemed to enjoy it.

So, I figured, why not record a spanking? Wouldn't that be even better?

As it turned out, the transcribed audio from a single spanking was fairly boring. After about five iterations, “Whack! Ow!” becomes monotonous, especially in printed format.

I needed another idea. There was some good dialogue, but these nuggets were often widely spaced. So I assembled the following series of vignettes from a number of different recordings. All of the dialogue took place while Randy was giving me a spanking. I edited ever so slightly to enhance the clarity, but the conversations are otherwise authentic.

R: What a beautiful round bottom you have

B: Ow. Thanks, I think

R: I love how it flares at the hips and kind of tucks under where it meets your legs

B: Ouch!

R: And these curvaceous crests right here...

B: If you love it, why do you hit it? Oh!

R: Because your rear looks so gorgeous painted red

B: I guess I should have expected that answer

            - - - - -

R: Do you know why I spank you hard?

B: Because if you spanked me softly, I might not notice?

R: No

B: Is it so I'll remember you fondly?

R: You're getting warmer

B: Very funny

R: I spank you hard because you deserve it

B: I deserve it? How so?

R: You soooo deserve your hard spankings

B: Why? I've been good

R: Precisely. For a woman who loves to be spanked, what better reward could there be? You totally deserve to be spanked until you can't sit

B: (silence)

R: You especially love it when I hit you with this brush. Right HERE where you sit...

B: Ouch. You're confusing me

            - - - - -

B: Eeeyow! What is that?

R: It's a paddle

B: It hurts

R: You're getting spanked. It's supposed to hurt

B: Yeah, so you say. But what is that thing?

R: Wouldn't you like to know. Hey, get back in position!

B: I just wanted to see what you are using

R: Just for that, you'll get double

B: Double what?

R: Double spankings

B: If you always decide when it's done anyway, double has no meaning for me

R: OK, then. Does this have a meaning?

B: Ack! No. Wait!

R: So do you like double? Or would you like to try for triple?

B: You're mean

R: That may be, but your bottom is bright red

B: Double mean

R: How do you feel about quadruple sore?

B: Humpf

            - - - - -

R: Your ass is simply designed with spanking in mind. It's perfect. I spank really hard and it just bounces right back

B: That's because I work out

R: No, really. I think it's like an evolutionary advantage. You are the product of centuries of spanko women

B: I don't think my mother was a spanko

R: Well maybe it was a great-aunt or something, but you have the ass genes

B: How could I inherent ass genes from my great-aunt, Mr. Science?

R: Easy, they're recessive

B: I don't even think I have a great-aunt

R: Work with me here. Nature designed you to lie across my lap

B: So did (adult daughter) get these genes?

R: We're not going there

B: She should have gotten my cast iron butt and your neanderthal sense of humor, right?

R: Obviously, I'm not spanking hard enough

B: Ow!

            - - - - -

R: So are you having fun yet?

B: Fun?

R: Yeah, you tell all your blog friends how much fun it is to get your butt beat. Are you enjoying this?

B: I don't know. Ow

R: To read your blog, you'd think this (whack whack whack!) is pretty much better than a chocolate orgasm

B: I didn't say that

R: Are you *sure* you didn't say that?

B: No, but it doesn't sound like something I would say

R: Nevertheless, you say that spankings are fun

B: Yeah, I guess

R: So, is this spanking fun?

B: Ow. Yes, it is. Ouch.

R: Are we a bit sarcastic?

B: You ask a lot of questions

R: I just want to know if you're having a good time

B: OK, I'm loving it all. All except the twenty questions that is

R: Do you really love it?

B: %#$&!

            - - - - -

So, there you have it. There's a lot more, but these snippets should provide a taste of our banter.


Anonymous said...

hahahhaha. Thank you for providing a refreshing comical beginning to my day.


Daisychain said...

ABSOLUTELY BLOODY BRILLIANT, Bonnie! Great reading... I was giggling all the way through! Hugs, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BabyMan said...

Thanks for your blog. I've been luking for a couple of years.

I can see that kind of banter growing with me and my SugarAnne. But right now it's more a reassuring tender and intimate sort of one way dialogue. I think I'm not yet use to words that are resistant but actions (willfully over the knee) that say otherwise.
Thanks for the insight. I found it humorous and erotic.

Anonymous said...

Really entertaining stuff!

Hermione said...

Bonnie - You've hinted about this post from time to time and I had no idea what to expect. I loved it!

"For a woman who loves to be spanked, what better reward could there be?" - that's exactly what Ron thinks too.


ronnie said...

LOL, very, very good Bonnie, thanks for sharing.


Sara said...

Wonderful! I think the banter might just be the best part of the spanko life...well one of the best parts! ;) Thanks for sharing!

Indy said...

I think my favorite line is "Ouch. You're confusing me."
It captures so well that feeling of trying to banter and concentrate on processing the pain at the same time.

And I hate it when they won't let me see what they're using! Even if that tactic has made me change my mind about a few implements.

Janet said...


That was GREAT!!! I love to see the humorous side of TTWD. Wil and I have had a few of those conversations during a spanking.

The worst line and one I hear way too often accompanied with an evil grin is......."It's suppose to hurt!" God I hate that response!

Incredible post, thank you for sharing it.


Keagen said...

LOL I laughed all the way through this. My favorite line is, "How could I inherit ass genes from my great-aunt, Mr. Science?" "Did (adult daughter) get these genes?"

*grins* Stupendous. Thank you for sharing.

Impish1 said...

Hilarious, sexy, and fun! Thanks for letting us in. I think a lot of us are curious about how other do this...

Anonymous said...

Wonderful. We also manage some great dialogue while I'm being spanked and I've often wondered why. Reading this I think I've worked it out. The spanker is completely calm, in control; the recipient is the opposite, everything you say is entirely spontaneous. All great comic dialogue has this interplay, the striaght man and the fall guy who walks into the punch line everytime....its the essence of great slapstick......owww, bad pun; deserves a smack!


Anonymous said...

I love the line about evolving from generations of spanko women.

I had a great aunt; you didn't miss much. Advertisers says they don't bother trying to lure aged consumers because they're so brand loyal they won't try anything newfangled. Not Helen! Every new thing that came out she had to have it."What's a chalupa?" "You wouldn't like it." "It looks good in the ad. It's so hard not being able to get out and do for yourself." Yikes. So the next day I would bring her a chalupa ("That doesn't look like the one in the commercial") she'd take one bite, say it was disgusting and give it to her Pekingese.

Scunge said...

Sir and I LOVED this,though we don't EVER use the word hit,only spank! So anyway we were wondering just when you were able to bug our room!? All of this was VERY familiar to us. Hee,hee! We loved this post,more please! :)

A. Lurker said...

Wow! This was so funny - it could be a regular column like "Keyword Chaos","In with the New", etc. I love it!

Jennie said...

Fabulous. Thanks!

R Humphries said...

Lol Bonnie and Randy ... In my stories one of the protagonists often muses that "women were born broad of beam and perfectly designed to absorb six of the best" ... this has been a subject of objective/subjective discussion between Jojo and I for some years ... great that you have fun ... best always ... RH

jim said...

Racy and intellectually stimulating---a winning combination!

Bonnie said...

C - I'm glad you enjoyed our exchanges.

Daisy - Thank you!

BabyMan - We also have some episodes that are a "reassuring tender and intimate sort of one way dialogue." I purposely selected vignettes that I thought might be amusing to read.

Mick - Thanks!

Hermione - Our men know us pretty well, don't they? ;)

Ronnie - You're very welcome.

Sara - I love the banter too and I always felt as though as I couldn't quite capture the nuances when working just from memory. This has been a fun exercise because the words are often quite different than my (admittedly altered state) recollection.

Indy - Randy delights in getting me all mixed up and turned around during a spanking. I just can't think very clearly when he is whacking my bottom.

Janet - Thanks. Randy has numerous variations on the "it's supposed to hurt" theme. They all elicit the same response from me.

Keagen - You're welcome. Our spanking conversations often end up in places neither of us could anticipate.

Impish1 - I'm always looking for new ways to share our memorable experiences. I thought this might be something different. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Recidivist - I agree. Everything I say at those moments is spontaneous. Sometimes, it comes out sounding stupid or at least non-sequitir. Other times, we get the type of interplay I captured here. There are occasions when we have to stop the spanking because we're both laughing so hard. That's another reason I always say there's a lot more to spanking than just swatting someone's bottom.

Missy - I think Randy says that stuff just to hear my response. True to form, our exchange headed off into unknown territory.

Scunge - That's not a word I would commonly use either, but my bottom was hurting and my mind was scrambled at that point.

I had the same impression when I watched some of Muffin's videos. I told her that other than the accent, their give and take could absolutely be us!

I do have plenty more recorded spankings. I just have to find the time to transcribe them.

R - Possibly, but the recordings are fairly time-consuming to compile. There's a lot of dialog that just isn't particularly compelling.

Jennie - You're welcome!

RH - Randy would definitely agree with that observation. He often discusses the "designed for spanking" theme.

Jim - Thanks!

Lady Heather said...

OMG that's too funny Bonnie. Especially since I've recently met and begun dating a guy who I never in a million years would have thought was spanko. A couple of quietly whispered comments cured that thought - he's as spanko as I am, and already seems to be taking me "in hand" - haha. Somehow, he's got the idea that when it's not just us, that I get to put a marble in my pocket whenever I act up and earn discipline.

So now I just end up laughing whenever marbles come up because I'm usually trying to literally LOSE mine! (The pocket marbles that is ... what an in joke.) But(t) boy is it fun to be back in spanking-town. My stress levels are down, my happiness factor is way up, my satisfaction with life in general is even more up ... all cuz I found someone truly special who just happens to share the same kink I do.

So, in short, I can "feel" for you, literally. My bottom smarts pretty reguarly, too!!!! Usually on Thursday nights when his 17yo son is at Scouts!

Our Bottoms Burn said...

Fun, Thanks for sharing

Gent51 said...

Great stories Bonnie, I like the non-fiction the best.-smiles-

I also like your Brunches and Ask Bonnie, lots of funny stuff in there.

How you find the time for it all is beyond me, but thanks for sharing this part of your life with us.


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