Sunday, October 11, 2009

MBS Spanko Brunch #195

Hi everybody, and welcome back! This week, we get the opportunity to gaze into the great beyond and ponder tomorrow's mysteries.

What do think the future holds for spanking and spanking enthusiasts? Can we gain anything approaching mainstream acceptance? Or will we be repressed by waves of political correctness or moral righteousness? Can vanilla society, or at least a majority of the people in it, come to understand that we are sensible, caring, productive citizens? Do you think media might play a role in delivering this message? Can bloggers help? Or will our community be better served by looking inward and supporting our own?

So, what do you think? To register your views, enter a comment below. Everyone with a relevant opinion is welcome to join in the discussion. You can even be anonymous if you prefer. Once we've all taken our turns, I will post an edited summary.


Our Bottoms Burn said...

We don't feel repressed at all. If someone does, we feel it is all in their minds, rather than external. I have not noticed any condemnation of adult spanking by the media - quite the opposite.

People need to accept themselves as they are. The enjoyment of spanking is wide spread and I think it will continue to grow through thoughtful Blogs like MBS.

To those that have yet to "come out" to other spanking enthusiasts, I strongly encourage you to delurk. I can almost guarantee you will start to like yourself better.

Florida Dom said...

I often call spanking the last taboo and I don't know why that is. One of those magazine TV shows recently had a woman who breastfeeds her kids until they're about six. But yet they never do a segment on why people like to spank and get spanked. Has even Oprah ever dealt with this? Or those wild shows like Maury and Springer? It's occasionally featured on HBO's Real Sex.

But even if it doesn' become mainstream, I think the Internet has allowed spankows to find each other and realize there are a lot more of us that people think. I don't know if that's the best we can hope for now.

When I was a teen-ager in the 1950s, I had no idea there were so many people like me. The good thing is that today's teen-agers know that because of the cyber world. For now I don't know if we can hope for much more.


S.N.M. said...


I don't think we're particularly repressed. Ours is just one of many common sexual fetishes. I think the only reason people are ashamed to talk about it is because society is ashamed of sexuality in general, and any permutations of the vanilla norm make it worse still.

If everyone suddenly knew I was a spanko, I don't think my relationships with anyone I know would change (though they might occasionally make jokes). The only reason they don't know is because they don't ask, and they shouldn't; a person's sexuality is no one else's business.

Hermione said...

A century or so ago, women were prohibited from voting. Female medical students were ridiculed, harassed, and even expelled. Fifty years ago, blacks and whites would never have studied, travelled or eaten together. Not so long ago gay marriage would have been unthinkable.

I think times are changing, and eventually spanking will become as commonplace and accepted as other forms of sexual activity. It's possible that more positive media attention could help in that acceptance; maybe as the number of blogs grows our presence might make an impact.

Spanking isn't new, nor is it unknown to many adults. I think our time will come.


Muffin said...

Mr.D says that the internet has already expanded the world's exposure to spanking, helping people to realize it's not such a weird quirk, and that it is more common than people thought. He recalls that it hasn't been too many years ago that the only way you could find anything related to spanking was through magazines that were difficult to find, and expensive when you did.

That being said, we had an experience this week that fits this topic well. We decided, for spiritual and moral reasons (and Muffin's temporary bout of insanity) to "come out of the closet" to one of our church's leaders. I made the colossal error of telling him we were making bare-bottomed spanking videos. (WHERE WAS MY BRAIN THAT DAY??) It turns out he knew very little, if anything, about LDD, referring to it as "a bit of sado-masochism," (add posh British accent.) We discovered that he was accepting of whatever we chose to enjoy in the privacy of our own bedroom, as long as we were mutually consentual, and was content for us to be participating in written forums on the internet, but he's not pleased with the videos. So moral righteousness steps in. But we're still content, spiritually, with what we've been doing, so don't envision much of a change in our practices.

Do we think it will ever change? Maybe to a small extent, but I think that by having become so open to the concept myself, that I expect the rest of the world to just know that I'm a hard-wired spanko by looking at me, and when our church friend was so stunned, I was shocked at his innocence! For me, I'd love to see the day I could wear a "Spank Me" tee-shirt in public! LOL

Meow said...

Bonnie, I think that there will always be people who look at you and see only how different you are, whether you're gay, goth, spanko, old, overweight, handicapped or just different in some identifiable or outspoken way. As soon as we "come out", they wonder how we could "do it" in some way different from how they "do it". I hope that in the future they will be an ever-shrinking minority and that the open-mnded or indifferent will be the majority. Meow

PS: I already put up my "Lurk No More" notice!

Anonymous said...

What a great question Bonnie. The only reason I became brave enough to clue my husband in that I was into spanking was because I kept seeing it mentioned in my magazines, and also seeing it joked about in tv shows. It made me realize that spanking was out there and talked about more than I realized. I hope that someday it will gain more mainstream acceptance, but I don't know how soon that will happen. As for me in my personal life, I wouldn't share it with anyone I know. I have a feeling people would be judgemental. I am content at this point to be a part of the blogger community and I am more than happy with the friendship and support here.

Lurvspanking said...

I wrote a long comment and Blogger ate it. I can't tell you how much I hate Blogger. It is the worst blogging platform in the history of the Universe!

Anyway, to recap, I wrote another short story called "Exchanging spanking vows".

It's copyright free and please modify to fit your own situation. These vows demonstrate the vast gulf between the spanko and vanilla world.

I happen to agree with Bonnie. Spanking is viewed as dangerous and deviant [except of school children] and all about whips, chains and black leather. The other viewpoint is ridicule and contempt for the Christian 'Taken In Hand' movement. 'Those poor abused women' is the most common refrain when referring to women who submit to a husband's discipline.

I've never had a conversation about spanking with someone not in the scene.


Sara said...

I am not quite sure why spanking is seen as different, more 'out there'; than other sexual play. I guess because it can be mistaken for abuse? Maybe? But I agree with Hermione and a few others, I think it will be more accepted, and I really do think bloggers help move our society towards an awareness. I know I have had comments here and there from people who said they found my blog by mistake and were intrigued although perhaps not personally interested in spanking or DD. I do believe I might never have had the courage to explore had it not been for the blogs I read!

Spank-A-Lot said...

Hmmm....tons of questions here.....maybe I could put it in Q&A form.

What does the future hold for spanking and spanking enthusiasts?
I may be wrong here, but I think increasingly spanking is fast gaining new popularity. In the bedroom, more and more couples are taking to spanking as a form of foreplay. Lifestyle wise, I guess many many people are incorporating corporal punishment or domestic discipline into their relationships. Interestingly enough, its not just the "old folks" who are moving back "to the times long ago" but young couples are kinda accepting and experimenting with spankings as their own form of "carrot and stick" kinda motivation.

Can we gain anything approaching mainstream acceptance?
Well then it probably wouldn't be the alternative lifestyle anymore would it. But personally, I feel there is nothing much to gain or lose....for me at least. Spanking relationships are largely personel and intimate. Its like sex is pretty mainstream, but it not like dinners among friends are all about "Oh she sucked me real good last night" or "Yeah he really went down on me". Not the dinner conversations I suppose and so even if spanking does go mainstream, it may not change things much.

Can vanilla society or at least a majority of people in it, come to understand that we are sensible, caring, productive citizens?
Now this may kinda be tied into the above. Despite what I said earlier, I guess one of the obvious benefits of spanking getting mainstream would be less shifty or nasty looks when one realises we are into spanking. However, to a certain extent, the spankings in the media have also played a certain part in giving spankings that bad reputation that it currently has. So proper publicity may help change the popular perception towards spankos though sadly.....none of us (I think) have enough influence to shape the media.

Do you think the media might play a role in delivering this message? Can bloggers help?
Now I lumped this two cause I thought its sorta linked. Well as mentioned above.....the right media coverage on spankings would indeed help shape the perception of all spankos and all things spanking for the better. Bloggers will indeed be of help. This is of course. Though it also depends on the content of the blog.

Or wil our community be better served by looking inward and supporting our own?
Well I believe there has to be a good balance. On one hand, looking inward to the spanking community and supporting those who have been ostracised or bullied just for being a spanko. At the same time "educate" vanillas on the outside that apart from the fact that we enjoy either dishing out spankings or receiving a spanking, we are very much human like any other.

Sorry if I bored anyone with that long comment.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't matter what society thinks. Intimacy in any form is a private concern. There is no oppression like self-imposed oppression. Never let other people define who you are, or how to live your life. Safe and sane, consensual adult play isn't the business of anyone but said consenting adults.

R Humphries said...

Back in Edwardian London ‘Houses of Flagellation’ were all the rage … In fact the obituary of the most famous dominatrix, Theresa ‘Six of the Best’ Berkeley was published in the London Times! … even when I was coming of age in London in the 1970’s I think people were much more open about sex in general … we even flirted in the work-place, it was all light-hearted titillation and we were far more likely to confess to our ‘kinks’ … somewhere in the 80’s political correctness became the vogue and society in general became more tight-lipped … I don’t think spanko’s are any more repressed than any other group considered to be outside the mainstream … fortunately we do have out-lets to meet and communicate (this being a perfect example) … and as long as the lunatic fringes of the political extremes don’t feel the need to interfere I think that we get along quite nicely … RH

Graham said...

This is a very interesting question. While spanking is one of the more "mainstream" kinks out there, most people aren't interested in outing themselves or marching in spanko pride parades - for many of us, there could be potentially serious consequences if outed.

Now. Obviously, we'd all be better off in a sex-positive culture, and no one should be afraid of losing their job or family because of their spanking fetish (and it shouldn't be classified as a psychological disease.)

That said... part of what makes our fetish sexy is the fact that it's not mainstream. It's not vanilla. It's a little dangerous, taboo... dare I say naughty?! Maybe in a world of complete and total spanko acceptance, the fetish would lose some of its charge?

Handsdown said...

I had to snicker at the mention of moral righteousness considering the fact that most DD couples I know are very conservative Christians. I think the whole trouble for the spanking community lies in the fact that the use of corporal punishment in children is a hotly debated issue. Most vanilla’s don’t separate what the consenting adult community does from the corporal punishment of children---as homosexuality was once associated (incorrectly) with pedophilia. Regardless of what the vanilla world says or does, I’ll still enjoy my spankings and I thank my maker that I have someone I love who will spank me with pleasure. I don’t have to go around with “I like to be spanked” or “Spankophile” embroidered on the backside of my jeans and I don‘t think many people are denied jobs or refused access because they are spankophiles. The association with BDSM doesn’t help us, of course, again because that type of thing is often employed by serial killers and rapists. As with spanking, BDSM practice has problems when some use it outside the realm of consenting adults.
And that, I think, is the bottom line.

This didn't go in the first time I hit publish, so I reposted. Forgive me if it shows up twice.

Dave The Rave said...

As I have posted on a few blogs, I got spanked playfully many years ago and have since been spanked quite often.

Ironically, it seems to be "acceptable" for a mother or father to say they spanked their children or for people to remember having had that done to them.

However, if I were to say - "I got spanked last night at a friends' house", they would give me a 'WTF!' look.

Someone didn't like a comment I made and then said to me - "I should SPANK you!" I calmly said - 'Whenever you think you are big enough, go ahead.' She gave me a shocked look and called me a freak. My reply - "Well, you said it first!"

If enough people explain that consensual spankings are a part of a loving relationship, whether as foreplay or a form of control, all should be fine.

There are sites that sell chastity devices, but you never see them mentioned on the news. It's all about the one comment - "Perception is reality".

My advice is to spread the word and hope society accepts everyone as they are.

Bonnie said...

I don't know what the future holds. That's one reason I asked (it's also an interesting topic). Working against us are two seemingly opposite forces. Some very traditionally-minded people seem to frown on any sex that isn't missionary-style intercourse for the purpose of procreation. The idea of spanking as sexy foreplay is, in their view, a blatant and purposeful violation of divine law. They think we're dangerous, or maybe they just feel the need to condemn anyone who is different.

At the other end of the spectrum are people who are unable or unwilling to differentiate between consensual play and domestic violence. They are convinced that any woman who asks to be spanked or allows this to be done to her body must have been brainwashed by her abusive attacker. The violence against women groups have a legitimate cause and they do some great work in protecting women who are genuinely in peril. But I don't need or want any protection from Randy, no matter what he does to my bottom. This frame of mind is pervasive among police officers and within the criminal justice system in the US. If cops are called by a third party to address a domestic disturbance, even if the cause was a completely consensual spanking, there's a decent change that someone is going to jail.

I have heard from numerous readers who worry about even posting a comment because they are afraid they could lose jobs, friends, or family members were their proclivities revealed. For anyone working in child care, education, counseling, patient care, or similar fields, this is a legitimate concern. How horrible would it be to have kids harassed in school because of their parents' sexual preferences?

I can't just say, “So what.” The status quo is not good enough.

I think the Gay/Lesbian experience is instructive. They too still have a ways to go, but they are much further down this road. The GLBT community gained respect in the media only after they started to shape the message. High profile people like Elton John, Ellen DeGeneres, and Barney Frank were courageous enough to come out and accept whatever consequences followed (they fared a lot better than Oscar Wilde or Alan Turing before them). Soon after, television and films began to present more objective and sympathetic portrayals of Gay and Lesbian characters. What eventually happened was that many fair-minded people said, “These people seem OK and maybe the Gay and Lesbian people I know aren't scary either.”

We could conceivably follow a similar path to acceptance. But there might be another alternative. The internet is a huge part of our lives in ways that would have been inconceivable twenty years ago. This medium isn't finished growing up. The democratization of media we've seen is likely to continue and expand. Perhaps small people can deliver a big message. If so, we bloggers have an important role to play both inside and outside our community. Our message is that spanking enthusiasts are sensible, caring, and productive citizens. We are no threat to anyone. All we seek is tolerance and the freedom to live our lives in peace.

If we believe in and share our vision, it could become reality.

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