Welcome to our first springtime brunch! This week's question was submitted by a longtime reader.
Do you or your partner ever feel ambivalence, regrets, or second thoughts before, during, or after a spanking? If so, what form do these feelings take? Do you ever act upon them? If so, how?
If you would like to take a whack at our question, please leave a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will publish an edited summary of our discussion.
15 comments :
My regrets, ambivalence, second thoughts come from the inevitable problems involved in living in a mixed marriage between a vanilla and a spanko partner. He wants to meet my needs; I don't want him to feel too pressured - they don't always meet up too well. The regrets, etc come during - "should I say something, ask for more?", after - "Why didn't he...?, should I say something now, later, never?, does he just hate to...?" Of course, usually it's quite good, but since we're so different it's easy to doubt when spankings are short, and since he's not a spanko he's always anxious to move on to the part he considers more fun.
I'm in a long term relationship with a strict top who is the man of my dreams. But a girl should be careful what she wishes for... Sometimes, in that moment when I've bratted a bit too much, and I'm over his knee, he's lecturing as he's pulling the old panties down, I'll have this goose-pimple-inducing, shivering to my soul, overwhelmed by fear of what's in store-type of feeling. It usually only lasts until the first few spanks land. I think it comes from never having been spanked as a child, fantasizing about it incessantly, and years of not knowing where my desires came from. Words cannot express how liberating that first adult spanking was, discovering blogs like this one, generally not worrying about it anymore. But in that brief moment of inevitability, when we both know that I'm gonna get it good, I get so worked up.
Jean Marie
Typically the only time the 2nd thoughts come is right before the spanking is about to start. We'll just be sitting and chatting and then he gets the look or starts to talk about what's coming. Usually I'm all into being spanked until that moment comes and I have 2nd thoughts. Or when I let my smart mouth get the better of me after I had already been spanked and end up getting a 2nd one in the same night. I typically do what I'm told in a spanking especially when I know I'm in alot of trouble. But in those instances of when I have second thoughts he has to pull me over his, I do not go willingly. Sometimes I feel a bit ambivalent after the spanking is over if I don't feel like I've been punished enough, it happens sometimes I guess. Then I wonder if I should say I feel like I should be spanked more or not. I wonder if anyone else ever feels that way. I try though to follow his instructions and submit to the spanking because I know I'm in trouble and deserve the punishment.
I never feel regret though about the spanking or anything. It's more about my behavior and what I did to earn it than the spanking itself. So while I may be nervous and have 2nd thoughts I know if I didn't get the spanking I'd be upset. If that makes any sense :)
Regrets, no. Ambivalence and second thoughts, always. I know that I want and need to be spanked, it has to happen but it can take a long time for the magic to start happening for me, anything from five minutes to a quarter of an hour. There is a word that often goes through my head during this part of a spanking and that word is OB*****HELLTHATF******HURTSWHYDOIDOTHIS! So I always really want a spanking but I know that I am going to have to tough it out, during the first part of a spanking. That is why there is always second thoughts and ambivalence before a spanking but that little visit to endorphin heaven makes it worth it in the end.
Prefectdt
Hi Bonnie,
My eager anticipation of a spanking is often mixed with apprehension, and I do start having second thoughts as zero hour approaches. I would never act on those feelings and try to avoid a spanking, because the sense of impending doom actually serves to heighten my arousal during the experience.
On the rare occasion when the swats are too severe, I find myself wondering why I'm putting myself through this. But that usually passes quickly and I start to enjoy the sensations.
Afterward, I have never felt regret, because what we do is completely consensual and I welcome every stroke.
Hugs,
Hermione
I've never felt regret in my experiences with Mr. W., but I do, every time, think to myself after the first minute or so, "Why do I like this???" It's less of a thought and more like screaming at myself in my head. I call it my "What was I thinking?" moment. Then I stop thinking, and it's no longer about whether I feel ambivalent or am having second thoughts because that part of my brain is no longer involved.
Despite my vocal reactions to spankings, it is the one area of my life that, when happening, is actually without language. My fantasies revolve around language, my daily life revolves around language, but in general, our scenarios are not prequeled by chastisement or lectures, nor does language appear during them, other than such things as being told to count and then doing so. Without language, my centers of analysis shut off as well, and I think that is why I so easily shed my apprehension. One of the reasons I don't like to have to count during a spanking is because it does keep me so much in my head, and it maintains a level of anxiety that I'd prefer to leave behind. Of course, that part's not up to me, is it? :-)
I am so curious about the top's perscpective on this subject. What do you experience if the stroke goes awry? When you see your beloved bottom wince later, the next day, the day after that?
Yes, I regretted every stroke of the punishment paddling I got on Friday. We don't have rules but every year or two I do something that is so careless and dangerous that it requires a very painful effective reminder never to do it again.
We had been playing for the 11 days before so I was a bit tender to begin with and Friday was going to be a spank free day but I ruined that.
Hugh said; "You can't go one day can you?" Then he got the half inch thick black rubber paddle did a short warm up to prevent bruising and waited a bit to let my full sensitivity return. He then had me kneel on all fours on the bad and paddled my bare bottom hard and fast. Every swat felt like fire It brought tears to my eyes. I never cry but with a few more spanks I would have. My bottom was burning sitting, standing it just burned I' wasn't bruised just sore and not in the way I like. When it was over I said;"I'm good." He said; "We'll see about that tomorrow."
For anyone who's still reading it's Day 14 and still going strong.
I burned all of day 12 and was so aroused after the pain faded a bit. Peter talked about keeping the burn going. Have you ever tried wintergreen, peppermint or spearmint essential oil? They keep the surface blood pumping and a tingle going for hours but don't burn after bathing. Don't use them on scratched skin or genalatia unless want to cause pain. could that be what Peter intented?
So I felt tender all day on day 13 tender and aroused. Before dinner I complained that he had hurt me and didn't know what it felt like. He bent over put his hands on the bed and said I could give him a couple of swats. I didn't even get to eight before he turned sat on the edge of the bed took the paddle pulled me over straddling his thigh and started using it on me. It was all thud since he spanked over my velvet robe and I got so turned on rubbing against his thigh with my legs spread. The warmth spread and felt so good until the sting started. I said I was afraid of the burn returning and he stopped spanking massaged the sting away and said that he'd give me a proper spanking in the morning. He did.
This morning started with kissing and cuddles then Hugh had me fetch the Rose Blush and the black rubber paddles. I didn't want the black one but he said he'd use it over the bed clothes. I returned and assumed the morning spanking position. I lie down on his hand with my legs parted and bottom raised a little so that he can stimulate me while he spanks me. He started spanking with his hand slowly increasing the force of the spanks then repeated the rhythm with the rose blush until I was very aroused then he covered me and began spanking me with the black paddle. As his pace increased so did my moans until he pulled down the covers and paddled me bare just long and hard enough to make me hot, rosy and desperate to feel him inside me. He pulled me on top and I ecstatically rode him through two intense climaxes before we came together explosively. I always come again when I feel him coming. The hard paddling on Fri had a silver lining.
We had responsibilities so after I gushed about how wonderful he made me feel we spoke as lovers do and I told that I loved the way he spanked me. He said that he loved spanking me and that he was going to spank me again tomorrow. Then I got back in position and he applied lavender lotion to my rosy cheeks and upper thighs(he used the rose blush on them just enough that I still feel the tingle.) After he finished with the lotion he applied about a half dozen sharp spanks to my sit spots to bring the sting back and finished me off with peppermint oil.
Since I had complained about the hard paddling I wanted to post about the benefits including how much more conscious I am of my actions and their consequences. I'm happier more conscientious and relaxed when I get frequent spankings that leave a lasting impression. It's very lucky that my husband loves providing them.
Yes, I can still feel my spanking in a good way and am anticipating being well spanked and loved again tomorrow and probably daily for the rest of the week since we will have the time.
I'm glad I stopped in after over a year so I could post about my trauma since all of my old post were about play even if it was hard play at times. this was dead serious. Although I regretted the paddling for two days I know I deserved it.
Nice Brunch Bonnie,
Xandra
Do you or your partner ever feel ambivalence, regrets, or second thoughts before, during, or after a spanking? I would say regret it is agreed upon before we do the act, and I know that for my own well being that what she is doing for me is what I need. There have been times to where she has had feelings that, what she was doing was wrong but but as we talked about the spanking that i had recived she has had less regret about it.
I for one can say that, when I have to have a dreaded spanking it mostly depends on what the infraction was as to what implement that I will be punnished with, I know that her feelings are strong for me and we have been together for the last 15 years. To take advantage of her would be serious grounds for a good paddling and i know that could also be the end of our relationship.
Thanks A Brunch
Baby josie
p.s. I an going to have to try the peppermeint oil, thanks Xandra.
Ambivalence is a regular occurence for me. I want spankings. I need spankings. I crave spankings... and in the event, spanking hurts, often atrociously. Once it begins, I am powerless to stop it or effect the course of events, and I can feel frightened and angry and desperate to end my suffering. There is nothing to be done about it. It just is.
swan
Not yet, but the relationship is very new....just over a month. However, I will say my partner loves her spankings, is almost begging to be spanked when we get together, and we are expanding the spanking with bondage and other play, which really turns her on.
Her only ambivalence is when I bring out my rubber spatula- she does not like that, and knows it will be used as a punishment for her. She regrets telling me she doesn't like the spatula....GRIN
Just my general attitude toward spanking goes through various stages of interest (I've heard others say this, as well). At times it seems like THE most important thing--I find myself sitting in my apartment in front of my computer thinking, "Gawd, I REALLY want to spank somebody right now!"
And then a few days later I might not even think about and not even feel that interested in it, almost to the point where I think I could give it up.
And then within a day or two it goes back to being interesting and something I want to indulge in. It just goes in cycles.
No regrets, no second thoughts, but ambivalence--my interest waxes and wanes. It'll never go away for good, and will always come back--but sometimes it's far down on my "list".
I have to agree with impish1, as I also live in a mixed relationship. I often regret not asking for the spanking I really want or regret not talking to him about it more. I do love the spankings I get and once I'm over his knee all is almost perfect. It's the constant balance between my needs and my respect for him, and the fact that spanking just isn't his thing. Still I love him so much for accepting that I have this kink, and the fact that he is trying. Now if only it would happen more often :-)
One posting asked about the top's perspective. My significant other showed me Abby's words and begged me to reply.
Spanking Jean Marie fuels our sex life, fuels my whole life. She needs it, and I love providing her discipline. I anticipate our sessions without any qualms.
When I was younger it bothered me to see a lovely backside blemished with bruises that I'd put there. But every single sub did not share my squeemishness. They reveled in having their bottoms marked.
The third spanking I ever gave was administered to a professional sub. She was bent over quite far, and I was really giving it to her with the strap. I hit too low and caught her across her engorged and exposed sex. I apologized and went on with the lesson, but would like to again, sincerely say "sorry" if Bunny is reading this by any chance.
Kyle
Ambivalence before... and uncertainty and lots of doubts and wonderings about why I want it or need it or like it... but not afterward, not at all! And never, ever about anything physical such as whether it was too hard or uncomfortable or whatever. I launch myself into a place in my head during spankings that I can't get to any other time or way.
Great question!
About the peppermint essential oil Baby Josie be careful not to accidentally get any on the genitalia or anus unless you want major pain. : 0 and I'm guessing you don't.
Dr Ken; the hormone levels play a part in the desire to spank just like the desire to have sex.
Kyle, I know you were responding to Abby but I'm taking the opportunity to rant on bruises. Please don't take offence I'm just passing on info.
Even though many prize bruises, repeated deep bruising is dangerous and can lead to bleeding after years of skin damage.
You shouldn't spank a bruised area or it can't heal. If you don't play very often it isn't a problem. Arnica on bruises augments healing as you must know. Occasional light bruising isn't a worry. Black and blue bums should be avoided. thick rubber doesn't damage the skin and can provide a lovely sexy thud.
Friday the point was a deterrent painful reminder that I agreed with but it was the most painful spanking of my life and he's spanked me since we were dating. We play frequently for the sensation, arousal in our marriage not discipline and without warm-ups I would be bruised constantly and that would make daily play impossible. Sorry I got off on a personal tangent but I'll leave it in.
Xandra
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