I recently came across an advice column in a Scottish newspaper where a reader asked about spanking. The columnist, to my delight, handled the query quite well.
First, she assured the concerned gentleman that consensual spanking was neither weird nor dangerous. Next, she encouraged him to at least talk with his wife before engaging a professional. Regardless of her opinion of the merits of the man's request, his wife might prefer to keep this activity at home. Finally, the columnist urged the man to come to terms with his desires.
I think this was an excellent answer. The columnist may or may not be familiar with recreational spanking, but either way, she displayed a lot of common sense. Her advice was practical and non-judgmental.
Spanking enthusiasts are too often the subject of ridicule in the media. The recent case of Max Mosley (Google it if you must) is but one recent example. Is it any wonder that people interested in spanking hide in the shadows for year upon year?
One of the objectives of this blog has always been to provide a clear and rational perspective of our lifestyle. We're not scary and there isn't anything wrong with us. We are friends, neighbors, co-workers, and family members. I know from my correspondence that this gentle message has helped numerous people to accept this aspect of themselves or their partners. I feel privileged to provide this service.
And yet, until the mainstream media stops using us as fodder for jokes (much like gays and lesbians were treated a generation ago), we cannot show our true selves. I say thank you to Ms. Burnie for addressing the issue with sensitivity. It may be a small step in the right direction, but it is a step.
12 comments :
Well said, Bonnie! (As usual)
Like the gay community, we simply need to say "no" to living our lives in the shadows. If we refuse to leave, no matter the stupid remarks, they will have to come to terms with dealing with us. It's about time people understand that the sexual life of a people are their own to with as they please.
I think your link to the paper went bad.
I agree with radagast, which is why I'm 100% open about my lifestyle, hiding it only from children. My family (other than stated children), friends and coworkers all know of my kink, and I'd have it no other way. I use my real name for spanking parties and my own blog (which my father doesn't care for). I'm about as "out" as a spanko can be. I feel that this is how spankos have to be if we're ever to be accepted. Much like the homosexual community, without some kind of public image, we will never be accepted, though. Until more of us open up about our interests, perhaps even a celebrity or two, then we'll continue to be pushed to the shadows.
Couldn't get the link to the paper to work properly but I agree with the point that you made about suffering ridicule. On the Max Mosley thing, at least two of the ladies involved took part in the "Bums on the Run" fund raising campaign, last year, helping to raise over £11000 for Cancer Research. As well as fighting the suppression and ridicule I believe we have to present a positive image to the world and do more things like that fund raising event.
Prefectdt
I'm glad it wasn't just me who couldn't get the paper link to work!
I prefer it to be a "secret society", personally....for if adults know about it, sooner or later, your kids find out...and I think, for mine anyway, the last thing they want to think about is their parents having a sexlife, let alone a kinky one!!!
But I agree, it should not generally be thought of as abnormal! It is the most natural thing in the world!
I love the red tag idea, i would love it to spread, no-one at all having any idea what it means unless they have read Bonnies blog.... likeminded people would recognise each other and no-one else would notice anything....
Come on, everyone, lets get this going!!! Buy your red ribbons here, lol...xxx
Hmmm.....had no trouble with the link.
Good article!
Bonnie, while agreeing that it would be a good thing if we could be seen in a better light.
The lady that you praise isn't quite so praiseworthy as you think, read her article on the Max Mosley affair, her comments on a spanking model, one that most of us know well, are far less that kind or enlightened.
But not unexpected.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
As far as I'm concerned, re/ spanking or any other erotic activity, it really all boils down to two words: 1) consenting, and 2) adults. In the absence of either of those words, I have a huge problem, but given their joint presence it is, or should be, outside both the criminal and critical arenas. If it involves marital infidelity, then it's the wronged spouse's business also, but certainly not the general public's.
Anon VII
Everyone - The image of the newspaper was never meant to do anything. It's just a picture of a rather unusual newspaper.
Indiana - Thank you!
Radagast - You and Thomas both make a strong argument and a good point. For our cause to prevail, we must strive to live the change we espouse.
For many of us, though, the price is too high, at least for now. I fully recognize and appreciate that you who are out pay dues for all of us. I am humbly grateful for your contributions.
Rosy - Sorry for any confusion.
Thomas - I'm sure you are correct. Randy and I talked tonight at dinner about the possibility of being out someday. I think it would be refreshing to just be me all of the time. It could happen.
Prefectdt - Yes, that's a great approach for spreading the word in a constructive and non-threatening way!
Daisy - Randy and I are still in the closet because of the issue you mention. We have people in our lives, including some who are elderly, who couldn't handle the truth about us. The security of our jobs might also be impacted by an indiscreet revelation. In short, the cost is too high right now. However, situations change and we shall change with them.
As for the tag, I need to find that thing!
Anon - Thanks!
Paul - Oops. What can I say? This column was sent to me by a reader and I took it at face value. I defer to your superior knowledge and retract my misplaced praise. Thank you for setting me straight.
Anon VII - I completely agree.
Bonnie, that's the most reasonable response I've seen yet. The usual advice is to find a therapist and get help.
The article I read about Mosley seemed more concerned about the use of Nazi uniforms than about spanking.
Hugs,
Hermione
People, being people will generally disparage or ridicule something unfamiliar to them. Twas ever thus and spanking is no exception.
I ran an adult bookstore back in the 80s - a guy came in and mumbled that he wanted a "mumble mumble" movie to watch. Our clerk got him an enema movie (he thought that was what the guy said). The customer, outraged, slid it back across the counter and scathingly spat back at the clerk "I didn't say "enema", I said "ANIMAL"! What do you think I am, a SICKO or something?"
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