Bonnie's Mailbag

Could it really be time again for another installment of the mailbag? My calendar tell me it is, so here we go. Some messages may be edited or paraphrased for clarity and brevity.

Question: My husband won't spank me unless he feels there is a valid reason. He's looking for some sort of infraction to justify the spanking.

Response: My first thought is why can't spanking have intrinsic merit? Can't it just be enjoyed for its own sake (or because it leads to even more fun in bed)?

But since you're asking the question, I presume you've already tried that approach. How about this instead? Randy and I have a longstanding understanding that if I wear thong-style underwear, I am asking him to spank me. Naughtiness doesn't enter into the equation for us, but if your husband decided that thongs were indecent, that could be your ticket to Sore Bottom City.

Question: What is a meme?

Response: A meme, in the most common definition, is a popular concept or notion that travels through society and is passed from one person to another. In blog parlance, however, it has come to mean a series of questions and answers that bloggers use to share aspects of themselves. This meme also typically passes from one blogger to another.

Question: In a room with 100 people, how many of those people would be spankos? (Assuming the room is not a dungeon VBG)

Response: I have no idea what proportion of the population is spankos. The first challenge would be getting folks to answer the question truthfully. I suspect the vast majority of spankos are not ready to be "out."

The next issue is who exactly qualifies as a spanko. I have heard from literally hundreds of women (and a few men) who have suppressed these desires for most of their lives. They desperately want to partake, but their partners are unaware, unwilling, or non-existent. Even though they're not active, I would be inclined to include these folks in our tally.

I've seen studies (though I am unable to cite them now) that claim that up to fifty percent of the population fantasizes about kinky pursuits of some kind. That seems a bit high to me, but who am I to say what people fantasize about? I've seen other studies that suggest the number is more like ten percent. That number seems low. So, I guess my original answer has to stand. I don't know.

Question: I am very new to this. I am in my 40's and am on the brink of entering into a new relationship that involves spanking. My gentleman friend has told me that I will be spanked and that I should pick out the "cane". Now what? Where do I look for something to use? I jokingly showed him an Ostrich feather from a website. He was not amused. What is considered "average" for the number of strokes for a newbie?

Response: When reading your question, my first thought was that you may want to take your time in getting started with spanking. The cane is a pretty serious implement that, I think, might be more appropriate after you've gained some experience together.

Here are two articles I wrote about introducing spanking into your relationship. I hope you will find them helpful.

Top Ten Suggestions for Newbie Spankos
Your First Spanking

Question: Have you ever been spanked while wearing black panties?

Response: Yes, I believe so.

Question: Some of the bloggers you list in your blogroll have an "Updated" next to the blog title. Is this a Blogger feature that works automatically, needs to be set up, or do you just do it by hand?

Response: What you are seeing is provided by a site called blogrolling.com. They allow you to maintain your links all in one place. As a bonus, they will tell you when one of the blogs you link has been updated. This is the source of the "Updated" tag.

This latter feature had been broken for months. It became so frustrating that I've taken to using an RSS reader to keep up with everyone. Blogrolling seems to have fixed it in the last several of weeks. I guess we'll see if it lasts.

Question: Do spankings create stress and/or cause blood pressure to rise?

Response: I don't think consensual adult spankings themselves should be a source of stress. They certainly are not for me. With that said, like most strenuous sexual activities, a good spanking will raise blood pressure and heart rate temporarily (just as exercise does), but it usually drops to normal again soon afterward.

I have no medical training and I won't pretend I can give expert advice on the human body, but I doubt there's any connection between spankings and elevated blood pressure.

I believe spankings can reduce stress. We held a brunch on this topic last year and the verdict was pretty much unanimous. I also wrote a Spanking 101 post on this topic.

Question: Will you post a banner for my pay site?

Response: No, all of the resources linked here are free. I have no plans to accept advertising.

Question: Can you fart in a skirt?

Response: I'll bet if you think about that one for an hour or two, you can figure it out for yourself.

Question: I get very few comments on my blog. Any tips on encouraging others to interact?

Response: I think the best way to attract quality visitors (especially those who comment) is to leave comments and get involved with the conversations on some of the larger blogs. If readers there like what you have to say, they will follow you back to your own blog.

The next step is to have interesting content that will cause first time readers to want to return. The challenge, of course, for all of us is to keep it fresh.

Statement: I'd like to get my hands on your butt.

Response: That territory has already been claimed.