Yes, we're back, though more in body more than in spirit. I'll have more details later, but travel glitches changed our plans considerably. I'd like to offer my heartfelt gratitude to everyone who wished us well. You folks *almost* made me want to come home!
Every relationship is a little bit different (some, admittedly, are a whole lot different, but that's another brunch topic!). As couples, we tend over time to find and settle into certain types of interactions that work well for us. As is often the case, there are seldom definitively right or wrong approaches, except in the context of a particular relationship. For today's brunch, I'd like to discuss and celebrate some of our differences.
In your relationship, is it acceptable for the spankee to initiate spankings and related activities? If so, in what circumstances is this permissible? Is it ever preferable?
If you have some thoughts you would like to contribute, I invite you to leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Once everyone has provided their responses, I will publish a summary of the discussion.
16 comments :
In our house it's definitely not ok for the spankee to make a request, then again it is right off the radar for the putative spanker to do so as well.
C'est la vie vanille !
opb
Good question Bonnie!
It's acceptable, if I feel like being spanked, for me to let Pab know. He almost always gives some sort of smacking. Sometimes it's less than I was expecting -- generally it's a lot more than I was hoping for.
What doesn't work for us is for me to decide on how I'm going to be spanked (how hard, with what, whatever). That sort of control doesn't work for me, and is a definitely mood killer for him too.
Our best scenes are always based on him deciding with what and for how long. Which is cool with me. :)
-Mija
It's definitely ok for me to let D know that I want to be spanked. He's perfectly ok with that since I was the once that introduced spanking into our relationship in the first place.
However, I don't get to choose how long I'll be spanked, what implement he's going to use, position, or how long the spanking is going to last. So sometimes I get a lot more than I bargained for!!! Which is ok of course because he knows what I need.
He can, of course, choose to spank me any time he feels like, with or without reason, whenever he feels necessary LOL.
Great question Bonnie!!!
~TX Spankogirl~
Unlike Mija, not only is it OK but it is preferred a lot of times in our situation, just because Dante likes to see me take some initiative and ask for what I want. But there are "proper" ways to do it... I can email a request or simply ask if he feels like playing, or I can hand him the paddle or hairbrush or tawse or whatever or leave it in an obvious, very obvious place.
Then he ultimately determines the exact time... may not be that day, but usually soon after. I do get to pick implements, sometimes, or am given a choice of toys or I might want one and he will often accomodate, but then throw in a few more.
Like Mija though, I don't ever get to dictate how, how long, how hard, etc. And neither of us would ever want it that way... that, to me, is topping from the bottom and I've done that way too many times in the past.
Frankly, it's just better for both of us when Dante makes those decisions!
Great question Bonnie... hope the mislaid plans didn't totally destroy your time away, and hope you come back feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, and thoroughly spanked *grins*
Hugs,
Tiggs
Good question Bonnie ... it's very ok for me to request a spanking from Dave ... either to ask him for one, or to simply lay over his lap and hand him something to use ... any number of ways. Though I can and do ask for certain implements or positions, Dave still decides. And when it comes to punishment or maintenance spankings, I have no decision about any aspect of it. Sometimes we'll play with implements, spank different ways with different things to fill an afternoon or evening, but come to think of it, he still pretty much decides! Suffice it to say, I can ask if I want or need a spanking, and it still fits very well iside us, his dominance and my submission. I'm really enjoying the other responses here too.
Hugs!
Cindy
I would say that Mel initiated more than half of her spankings. She was perfectly at liberty to ask for a good girl spanking and by her behaviour often asked for more severe spankings.
What she didn't control was the duration, severity or implements used.
She frequently received rather more than she expected, but she would agree never more than she needed.
An interesting question Bonnie, I hope your break, if not perfect, at least allowed both of you to relax.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
My hubby and I don't prectice DD, which means that all of our spankings are either playful and/or erotic, which means that it's totally acceptable for me to initiate spankings!!! I'll either thrust out my bottom and give him a saucy look over my shoulder, bend over the bed or back of the couch, or simply climb over his lap!!! He quickly gets the idea!!!
*hugs*
Tigger
Welcome back, Bonnie. We hope your travel glitches didn't get in the way of a good time.
In our relationship, Suzy is certainly able to initiate a spanking. If she wants an erotic-type spanking, she just asks. Either verbally... or with her 'body language' (read sticking her naked bottom in the air during making-out... lol).
If she's looking for something with more sting, and some scolding type-play... we have a simple rule that she can break. She's supposed to 'shave' everyday. If she fails to do so, she gets an otk hand-spanking (which is her favorite).
In this way, she's able to ask... without using the actual words. No harm comes of breaking this silly rule (except perhaps some itching). Some would call this topping from the bottom, and they're probably right. But, it's what works for us.
Suzy would never-ever ask for a punishment spanking, so that's a non-issue.
Looking forward to what others have to say!
:)
~Todd & Suzy
YES, i think it's acceptable to ask. I do it at least half of the time and it usually ends up sexual. He decides how long and with what.
Excellent question, Bonnie. I'm starting to see some common threads in the responses.
Cindy is perfectly capable of asking for Good Girl spankings, and I have no problem with that. Usually the only time we make love without SOME sort of spanking involved is when I wake in the middle of the night with this incredible erection I seem to get when I sleep, and push inside of her.
She rarely asks for a specific implement during Good Girl spankings, as what she wants to feel is my hand as she lays across my lap. These seem to invariably lead to lots of fingering and touching during the spanking, and sometimes a deep squirting cum as she straddles my lap. This of course leads to pretend scolding for being such a naughty girl, and more spanks.
It is always my decision how long, how hard, and with what she is spanked, even for Good Girl spankings, but she is allowed more whining and to ask for them to be softer during these.
Punishment spankings are 99.9% of the time my idea. On those rare occasions when her guilt is overwhelming and she needs to 'ask' for a spanking she simply tells me, "I have something to tell you." and I take it from there. During punishment spankings she can whine, and plead, and cry all she wants. It will be over when her body tells me I got through to her, not her voice.
One of my deepest fantasies, (and for those of you counting I have 1397 'deepest' fantasies!) is to be sitting in my chair and have her come silently to me with one of our severest implements, bare her bottom, bend over the arm of another chair or kneel on hands and elbows at my feet and tell me, "I've been bad and need to be punished." and then just wait in silence while I simmer and decide on the proper course of action to correct this discretion.
It hasn't happened yet, but you can be sure you'll read about it on our blog if it ever does!
Hugs,
Dave
Bonnie,
I agree with tx Spankogirl! Since I was the one to bring spanking into the relationship I can always let him know I want a spanking. The thing is - I always want a spanking! So when we have time alone he can pick any toy any thing he wants!
I always love it when it is his idea however. And I love it when he come up with a reason, silly or serious. Punishment spanking, well of course they would be his idea but so far we haven't really gone there.
Hugs,
PK
Hi, Bonnie,
I ask D for a spanking at least once a week! He's always ready. But we're talking playful or erotic, not punishment.
I don't actually ask him - I just lay over his lap and he takes it from there...
BTW Dave your "deepest fantasy" above is really hot!
Huggs,
Reesa
I don't actually ask to be spanked, although it would be ok if I did. It would just spoil it a bit for me.
However, I'm not at all shy about initiating sex...and since I always get spanked as a precursor to sex...end of problem. ;)
Like most others, he decides what he's using, and when he's done. Although sometimes I ask for a bit more. *GRIN*
I topped from the bottom more when we were first starting out, although I viewed it (and still do) as healthy communication. I was his first spankee, and as we all know there's more to this than just whacking away at a butt, at least if you want it to be pleasurable.
And also like others, he can spank me whenever he likes. :)
For us, yes I can initiate. Since I am the one with the most interest in it and he is not, I normally initiate it. Though at times he does! Which is wonderful. He is doing this more and more as he can tell when I "need" one!
Carye
My boyfriend and I have agreed that either one of us can initiate a spanking. He thinks that it is great when I ask for a spanking or just lay across his lap. Obviously those are erotic spankings. For punishment spankings after the infraction has been either confessed by me or pointed out by him he decides when the spanking is going to take place. This system works very well for us since I loved to be spanked pretty much all the time.
~Erin
You mean like this afternoon when she wiggled her bottom at me while fixing lunch? You think that might be a clue she is feeling frisky? Could be. I have her scheduled for after coffee in the morning. And wonder of wonders a new restraint device arrived on the doorstep later in the day. I suppose we will have to test it out.
I love spanking
Don
Regrets the trip was not as advertised.
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