Sunday, November 19, 2006

MBS Spanko Brunch #44

This week's question touches upon how the purpose of our spankings and the role they play in our lives.

Do you and your partner consider spankings to be primarily recreational/erotic, primarily disciplinary, or a mix of both? If both, how do you reconcile the different objectives?

I would be delighted to add your contribution to our brunch discussion. Please leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Once everyone has provided their responses, I will publish a summary of the discussion.


Mike said...

For my wife and I it is purely 100% erotic. I think that's why neither of us hesitates to switch.


Doc said...

This may be a bit of a deviation from the topic but... Here it goes.

My partner and I are at a straights when it comes to spanking. I on one hand find it extremely erotic, though think I would find it an excellent motivator and 'punisher'. My partner on that other hovering hand though, finds spanking... scary. They can't seem to get it out of their heads during the act that it is some how abuse and thus we have put a stop to this practice. Unfortunate.

My partner understands my needs and as a hypothetical method of fixing this dilemma we have decided that I may seek out spankings else where. It is not that my partner does not love pleasuring me, and not that we haven't communicated what the truth of spanking is for me, we have. My partner has simply decided it's not for him.

So getting back to the brunch question. Spanking me, for my partner, would be like punishing them.

jeanmarie said...

For Kyle & me it's definately both, but to someone outside our relationship, or outside the scene, it would be difficult to decipher the line between erotic and disciplinary.

Pleasure spankings are fore-play for us, but that doesn't mean that they're all soft and sweet. It could be a session of patty-cake on my bottom, full of caresses and kisses, but it could also be a stiff set with the razor strap. (Something about that leather implement excites me incredibly, and I've orgasmed spontaneously, without a touch to any of my nasty bits on many occasions.) It could be just a few playful swats before he's hard and I'm wet and we have to fuck like bunnies, or it could build for hours until we do the deed. Pleasure spankings can even include role-play, where I might be lectured sternly and paddled harshly - but we're reading each other throughout, and doing only what the other wants.

Punishment spankings are the other side of the same coin; still currency, but different. They're for when he thinks my attitude needs adjusting, or when I need the release of a good cry and cleansing chastisement. They're business-like, but he might still caress me tenderly (just to contrast the touch with the painful), compliment the way I'm taking my lesson, kiss me. They are not brief, they have to take us to the place where I'm contrite and he's forgiving. They don't culminate in sex right afterwards, but we've made amazing love an hour or two after punishment, as make-up sex.

I don't know if the distinction is any clearer, but we need them both.

jeanmarie said...

I'm going to add something to what Jean Marie said, and use her account to do so, because I've never posted here before.
Because Jean Marie has it in her head that leather implements are warming and erotic, and wooden implements are hard-edged and crueler, we often let that be the distinction between fun spanking and punishment. She'll find a lengthy, demanding session with the strap or a leather paddle erotic. She'll tear-up like a naughty little girl in need of punishment when I tell her that she's going to get a good, old fashioned hairbrush spanking. (She really knows that she's been bad and is in for it if I get out the cane.)
So that is the tangible manifestation for us as to whether the spanking's intent is pleasure or pain. Jean Marie's emotional connection to the act is the key factor. I can spank the hell out of her, but if the context is playful, she'll find it erotic. I could give her just two wallops with the hairbrush (though I never would let her off that lightly), and she'd cry like a baby and beg for my forgiveness, and be too emotionally spent to want to make love until much later. It's complex because her psyche is complex, but because she's stunningly beautiful and endlessly fascinating and amazingly loving, it's worth putting up with and trying to figure out.

bbobb said...

For Kasey and me, it's all about fun and games. While we do have rules that are "punishable" with spankings that's really just part of the game.


Paul said...

Mel and I had a D D and D/s relationship. That said the majority of our spankings were erotic.
Erotic spanking weren't necessarily painless, that depended very much on Mel's needs, however they always culminated with wonderful sex.
Punishments while rare happened, they could be less painful than erotic spankings, the cane was always used for punishment, as with others sex didn't follow punishment, there would be cuddles and forgiveness and in the later evening at bedtime, very good sex.
Thanks Bonnie.
Warm hugs,

Spanky said...

My vote is for primarily recreational/erotic. There is an element of D&s that can enter at times, and Kallisto enjoys both "good girl" and "bad girl" spankings. But we primarily engage in spanking as a fun warm up for sex. But, we're new at this too!

jeanmarie said...

Okay, now I'm totally confused! Inspired by this dialogue, Kyle said he wanted to "experiment" this morning.

First he lubricated my rectum and gave me a warm water enema. Nothing puts me in a submissive mood like this ritual. Maybe you're not into this as much as we are, but to the un-initiated I say, try it, you'll like it.

Then he stuffed a halved cotton ball in each of my ears and blindfolded me with one of his neckties. He went further and wrapped my head with several ties; I've always scoffed at those leather head-covering hoods, but sense deprivation is interesting, I now know. Kyle picked me up and put me over his knee. He says he spanked me with all wooden toys first, the hairbrush, the kitchen spoon, and the cane. But he used each sparingly; it tingled, stung, titilated. Intermittently, he fingered my wet pussy and pinched my erect nipples; I came over and over.

He then stood me up and bent me over the bed. He swears that he used the beloved razor strap. The strokes were hard and fast and had me gasping and dancing. Every time I started to crumple into sobs, he revived me with a quick fuck from behind. He strapped my already sensitized bottom and rogered my invigorated sex over and over. I was in heaven. I was a rag doll that nearly collapsed from weak knees for what seemed like hours.

When muscles did finally give out and I could no longer offer out my butt and my vag, I sprawled on the bed. Kyle unwrapped my head, harshly lectured me as my hearing returned. His angry face was in mine when he yanked off the last blindfold. "I'll teach you to hold your posture!" and "You ungrateful little bitch!" were some of the things I remember hearing. I was abruptly pulled over his lap and hand spanked. Kyle swears that each swat was feather-light, but with the tone change, I cried and balled and begged as if being beaten worse than ever in my life. The spanking took me deep into my sub-space, and it was a long time later that I realized his hand wasn't spanking anymore, it was lovingly caressing my tush. We cuddled while I cried it out, and hiccupped my way back to sanity.

My whole lower half; tummy, sex, and backside is glowing magnificently right now. But I had to tell you all that I don't know anything anymore. The line defining play from punishment isn't just blurred, it's gone. I thought that I knew, but Kyle's experiment taught me otherwise. I just know that I'm in nirvana...
Jean Marie

TX Spankogirl said...

I'd say our spankings are primarily recreational/erotic, but there are times that I do get a punishment spanking. Most of the time my spankings are infused with mind-blowing sex, before, during and after the spanking. But even after a punishment all is forgiven and it ends up with us making love, but it's a lot more gentle than other times LOL. We also have "discipline" sessions in our play, but these are different than true discipline spankings because there isn't that psychological humbling that comes along with real sorrow. Most of our sessions are all in fun, but that doesn't mean they don't hurt like the dickens!!! LOL

SylverSay said...

Spanking for me is a way of feeling loved. That my M would love me enough to do so, when I need it. He feels the same way about the spanking, that it is a loving act. It is not punishment, though he will playfully throw in a reason for the spanking. He has said that he could never actually punish me for something. So for us it is recreational/erotic.

Anonymous said...

Great question, Bonnie!!! Our spankings are recreational/erotic. For us, spanking is always foreplay!!!


cuddlybum said...

I'm not really getting disciplinary spankings at the minute but I do stil get stress relief spankings. Which are close but not the same.

There are times when an erotic session is much harder, more painful, but is easier to take. I think it has to do wit hthe mental states. The stress relief ones are hard, fast, with him telling me how daft it is to get this upset I'm nearly always put to bed for a nap afterwards, emphasising the child feeling.

Erotic spankings end up......elsewhere shall we say???
Plus for some reason - erotic spankings always seem to involve implements - stress ones involve his hand, my naked bum and possibly teh hairbrush.


Bonnie said...

If I had the opportunity to write this question again, I would have asked about more than just two purposes. There are, in fact, many lovely hues between black and white.

Randy and I don’t do discipline or punishment. These don’t make sense in the context of our relationship. However, like Cuddlybum, Randy does occasionally spank me for stress relief. These are hard spankings by necessity, but they are usually short in duration.

In contrast, our much more frequent erotic spankings can be quite intense, but they tend to be playful in tone and longer in duration. For Randy and me, a sexy spanking is the best possible foreplay. Just the sight of a paddle resting on our bed is frequently enough to get me in the mood. Regardless of the original intent, virtually all of our spankings lead to sex.

CeeCi said...

Our feet are firmly planted on the erotic/recreational side of the fence. The relationship we have, the people we are, has defined the role spanking takes in our lives. We're both very happy with the arrangement.

**Big Hugs**
♥ CeeCi

Lee said...

Even though I've never been in a serious relationship, I can completely see things staying on the erotic side of spanking (once I find someone to indulge me...). As far as the whole discipline thing goes, I don't see myself in a "strict" discipline relationship. Yet, I'm the type of person to never forgive myself once I've wronged someone, so it will be interesting to see if I adopt some kind of discipline aspect to it all, eventually.

Jigsaw Analogy said...

When I'm having a little less mental health turmoil than I currently am, there's a whole range of uses for spanking in our relationship. Foreplay (or just play) is definitely an aspect--this is the aspect I think W is most comfortable with.

Then there's stress-relief, or stress-prevention (a tingling butt makes me a far calmer driver, and far friendlier with family and friends).

And there's the role of spankings as discipline. These are in part about giving me the ability to let go of the self-punishment I'm inclined to do, and get some closure, and also to encourage me to change behaviors that it's difficult for me to change.

Right now, our entire relationship is complicated in ways that make spankings not a frequent option, and I do miss them and all of the ways they enhance our relationship and help me to be more secure and balanced.

Dave said...

Cindy receives the VAST majority of the spankings in our relationship, although we have begun to switch in the last year or so.

My spankings are pretty much 100% erotic, while she receives both erotic and punishment ones. I've added a post to our blog if you care to read more!


New Beginnings said...

Our spanking are all in the playful, sexual, erotic stage. I am so excited that we have made it this far I have no complaints! But because of the fantasies Ihave had through out my life I have always thought I wanted some discipline. I still do think that. But do I really? Probably, but I'm not worried and I am in no hurry. If it happens naturally someday I am all for it.

KirstyK said...

I receive both erotic and punishment spankings from my hubbie. It's very easy for me to tell the two apart as well! Joe will get that exasperated look in his eye after me continually baiting him and order me to the bedroom - I am expected to undress to my underwear, lie on our bed with my hips raised by pillows and to take my often long and painful spanking with grace. Erotic spankings are always a prequel to fabulous, hot sex. I normally will lie over Joes' lap - sometimes only wearing my nightie with no underwear on, and Joe will use a variety of straps and paddles on my willing behind. Often he'll pause to play with my wet pussy or to tease my nipples. I just love it!

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