Monday, November 13, 2006

Keyword Chaos Rides Again

Here we go again. It's time for Keyword Chaos, the feature where we have a little fun with the search phrases people use to find MBS.

Please understand that I have no desire to ridicule anyone. I consider the fact that they arrived at MBS through whatever means to be a positive event. On the other hand, I just can't write material as funny as some these search engine queries.
  • female standing scissor spanking - Standing is all right, just be sure not to run!

  • spank my bottom and call me red - Well, boy howdy, Red, you sure know how to have a good time!

  • why spanking be fun - Spanking be fun 'cause we be gettin' it on

  • knitting knickers - Don't get your knickers in a knot, get knots in your knickers!

  • sorority paddle booth - Best fund raiser we ever had!

  • anal plug discipline stories - My plug was so naughty that I gave it to the dog

  • visual panty lines - As opposed to auditory panty lines I suppose?

  • self spanking how to - Smack rear end with hairbrush, rinse, repeat

  • aunty monica my nipples are so hard - If you're cold, then put on a sweater

  • karaoke skirt lap caress - A karaoke skirt? I picture a kind of conical mirrorball design

  • woman's buttocks is as big as an elephant - Yeah and your grammar aren't too good neither

  • women's quilted housecoat - OK, now we're getting kinky!

  • understanding but severe spankers - There, there, dear, it will heal in a week or so

  • if you join spank my bottom - This could be a very popular club

  • butt plug in my ass for a week - The resulting blast shattered windows within a one mile radius

  • incredibly juicy spanking stories - Honey, why are we turning into an orange grove?

  • miss may spanking - Perhaps Playboy Magazine is spicing things up

  • my spanking leggings - No sense getting cold legs while your bottom is being warmed

  • bonnie bare - Dream 0n...

  • buttman swat - Holy paddle, Buttman!

  • loopy johnny spankings on the pussy - Don't try this at home

  • husband used to spank me - Now he just waves a hairbrush and gives me a dirty look

  • caning during intercourse - ...And on weekends, we work for the circus as contortionists

  • brother-sister spankos - The family that flays together, stays together

  • cheerleading wearing butt-plug - I could imagine the "splits" being an issue

  • bible belt spanking - Oh no, not that thing again!

  • erotic spanking degrading - No way! Degrading is shopping for a bathing suit

  • spanked by stranger - Say, do I know you?

  • housewives paddled on the buttocks - If you're going to paddle those housewives, that's the best place

  • the spanking ritual - I thought it was your turn to bring the goat

  • large fox tail butt plugs - For that Davy Crockett look

  • mommy spanks email - Take that, you nasty spammer you!

  • old naked spankers - Oops, sorry love, wrong cane.

  • bucking booty - A cowboy's delight

  • my rabbit chewed a hole in my leather sofa - Mmmm, tastes just like chicken!

  • my bum hurts from spanking story - Wow, that must be an incredibly realistic story!

  • ouch! my bottom is on fire - Quick! Sit in the rain barrel!

  • my bottom hurts blog - After I sat on the keyboard, nothing worked right

  • best bubble butt contest - Can you imagine the talent competition?

  • how to prepare for a spanking - It's not exactly like studying for test

  • spank curtsy - Strict adherence to protocol is essential during a formal spanking

  • paddling jeri ryan - Yet another spanko trekker fantasy, six of the best for seven of nine

  • domestic ass paddle - Those imported models just don't last

  • does it hurt to be spanked? - Yup

  • the truth about spanking bare bottom - It makes a cool sound

  • my wife needs good spanking stories - Feel free to read mine or create your own

  • discomfort caused by thong panties - Randy spanks me when I wear a thong. Does that count?

  • weird spanking implements - Let's see... Wooden shoe, Tupperware lid, scratching post, plastic anteater, paper towel roll, cuckoo clock, paint-by-numbers book, oatmeal box...


Anonymous said...

Okay.. I want to hear more about the cuckoo clock!! Loved the butt plug explosion. That was true genius! I love it when you do your keyword chaos. Too funny!!


Doc said...

my rabbit chewed a hole in my leather sofa - Mmmm, tastes just like chicken!

I was having a bad few minutes, wasn't feeling at all happy... and then key word chaos hit. Who can help but smile when reading key word chaos.

Why would anyone search that?

A.S.S. said...

LOL... this is always one of our favorite posts! Funny and insightful. We'd steal this idea from you in a second, but just don't get the strange keyword hits you do. That, or we aren't as clever as you are in coming up with responses!

Our best recent one was... "mother-in-law caned naughty college brat." All we could think of was... gee, wonder if they ever found what they were looking for (and then, were exactly would that be... lol).

~Todd & Suzy

Haron said...

"Why spanking be fun?"

Yes, why indeed? LOL These were so funny. Don't you feel happy for the leather sofa and the quilted housecoat people - they were looking for boring vanilla things, and instead they found _this_! How lucky they are.

Ford said...

Got to admit these keywords and your comments had DW and I in fits of laughter - thanks for sharing them.

Anonymous said...

LOL funny, Bonnie!!!


Lee said...

"paddling jeri ryan - Yet another spanko trekker fantasy, six of the best for seven of nine"

And here I thought I was the only Trekkie/spanko around! Just goes to show you....

Paul said...

I love this one Bonnie, you are so funny.
Warm hugs,

bbobb said...


Let me add another voice to the chorus praising this feature of yours. I've been saving any interesting search terms I get, but I don't get the number or the quality that you do.

One of my favorites of the ones I've received is "katie spades switch". To which I would reply, "I swear I don't have it. I'd certainly like to try it on Kasey, but I've never even seen it."


Kayley said...

Oh, I could never miss you list, Bonnie! I was just telling Jack some of the things were looking for when coming to your blog and I said: "How come they are so funny?" Actually, to flatter you, they wouldn't be THAt funny if your comments wouldn't be funny and twisting the meanings! ;)

Anyway, I was gonna say that I also got the guy looking for "husband used to spank me". I remember cuz I am keeping a list of some... lol *learnt from the mistress of keyword chaos ;) *

Thanks for another laugh! ;)


Gadfly said...

I just got here.

So far, I've loved the "anything but that" post and the hairbrush you thought you needed -- but turned out to be almost more than you could handle.

Loved them!

Here is a thing I wrote in that vein. I tend to be a bit more psychological, but in the end, it's all about the spanking (pun intended)

Spanky said...

What a hoot! And to think I found you with with something mundane like "erotic spanking." Clearly didn't have my thinking cap on that day. (Or maybe I did, seeing how it worked out!) All my best! Kallisto would send her's to, but she just gave it to me. Thanks again!

Bonnie said...

Eva - Truth be known, Randy helps with this feature. We sit around and I toss out search phrases. We each take turns thinking of a good response. I write down the best of them and they end up here. We always eventually end up laughing ourselves silly.

Doc - I'm glad I was able to inject a little fun into your day. Many of the word combinations don't make much sense. These are my favorites!

Todd and Suzy - The key to this feature is starting with the right terms. I dug through about 3000 queries to pick these fifty. Once you find search strings that are completely off the wall, it's easy to add a punchline. In fact, the most difficult part is sometimes selecting which punchline is best.

I've considered tossing out a few of these oddball search strings and challenge the readers to come up with the silliest punchline. that might be fun.

Haron - I sometimes wonder what vanilla folk think when they wander past here. Intrigued? Horrified? Or perhaps equal measures of both?

Ford - You're most welcome. I always say that I can't write material this funny. Fortunately, my dear readers are here to bail me out.

Tigger - Thanks!

Lee - The final frontier has never been so much fun!

Paul - Thank you!

Bbobb - Thanks. I get a lot of searches where the keywords are the name of a different spanko blog. I want to answer, "yes, that is a good blog, but this isn't it!"

Kay - Needless to say, we have a lot of fun with keyword chaos.

Gad - Hi, and welcome!

Spanky - Sounds like fun. Enjoy!

The Former Blogger Formerly Known As Josh Cohen said...

* if you join spank my bottom - This could be a very popular club

I believe this refers to a WAV file of a girl saying "if you join I'll let you spank my bottom". I have it somewhere on my HD.

* butt plug in my ass for a week - The resulting blast shattered windows within a one mile radius

Totally unrelated to spanking, but as my dog got older when I was a kid, I always thought that, to combat her incessant flatulence, we should put a plug in her butt at night, and then in the morning hold our breaths and pull it as she ran out to use the bathroom in the morning, propelling her across the neighborhood. She would have gotten exercise, too, walking home.

I was a strange kid.

* housewives paddled on the buttocks - If you're going to paddle those housewives, that's the best place

All of history isn't extinct fish and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

* paddling jeri ryan - Yet another spanko trekker fantasy, six of the best for seven of nine

Oh, come on now, we ALL know she's got a kinky streak. Or, at least, we all hope so.

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