Sunday, August 06, 2006

MBS Spanko Brunch #29

For today's brunch, we will consider the one element that no spanking can do without: PAIN. It's a paradox, a two-sided coin, and a glass half filled.

What role does physical pain play in your spanking experience? Is it something to be feared and avoided if possible? Is it a necessary evil? Is it the key to nirvana? Or is it whole purpose of a spanking? Can pain play multiple roles at different times?

I invite you to share your insight and wisdom. Please leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Once everyone has submitted their responses, I will publish a summary of the discussion.


Mistress Sky said...

Oooohhh, Bonnie, what a question! I need the pain. It makes me come alive like nothing else I've ever experienced. It's my a Domme, I can do Bdsm without sex, but as a sub, I can't do sex without Bdsm, not anymore. It's become such an integral part of my life now, that the only thing I fear, would be its cessation!
Hugs, Sky

Doc said...

I love pain. It's simple to say. Sometimes I wonder if it is in part because of my EXTENSIVE martial arts backround.

So much about pain can ground a person, and to have my lover inflict it upon me reminds me that I am alive. I'm not talking from a place of emotional disturbance, what I am saying is that pain is something that I am able to embrace with ease and welcome, and perhaps that is because it is assosiated (for me) with something else pleasurable.

Physical pain is so much easier than emotional pain, and the type of pain that is produced by spanking, I find, is very alike to the kind of pain insited by say, a great workout - but with sex.

When stretching and going past the point that I think I can handle I find myself slipping into a place of physical and mental knowledge. When sparring or going for it on the focus mits I find myself slipping into the ache of my muscles.

Spanking without the pain? It wouldn't be the same, and it serves so many different purposes. I mean, we can't just not acknowldege the fact that the pain feels good - as much of an oxymoron that that is - but good in a non-distructive way.

I suppose what my rambles are trying to get at is: pain is a misleading word, for while the body may rebel it is release and pleasure for the mind and self - and ultimately pleasure for the body!

jeanmarie said...

The old weight-lifting adage is "No pain, no gain." In order to benefit, to grow and develop, you have to feel the burn. It holds true in spanking.
I can enjoy the light, playful session, but to do me any good, it has to hurt. I used to fear the pain, like a child begging, "Please not so hard," or "Not on the bare..." Through frequent acquaintance, I now respect the pain. There is a stage when I'll fight against the building pain, (rarely expressed in physical reaction but always a mental thing), which helps me break through to the other side. And the other side holds release, levels of nirvana, plateaus just like great sex. That's where spanking becomes great sex; in the intensity of sensation. It's why we seek out new implements; more stinging, really wicked, off the charts... The thrill of trying it out on your palm in the store sends tingle-shivers up & down the spine, knowing how it'll feel on the backside later. It's like a drug; give me more, I can handle it.
I could talk about it at length (and do in my writing), but most bottoms (and all good tops) already know what I'm saying. Those outside will never understand the paradox of craving pain to attain pleasure.
Another superb question, Bon; it awakened my appetite. I've gotta go upstairs and sate it.
Jean Marie

Anonymous said...

Yes, you must have pain to gain, and it must be more than you bargained for, but moderation in all things, which is where the safe word comes in. S.

bella said...

It's necessary, but not necessarily evil. I'm like Mistress Sky. Sex without pain doesn't do much for me.

The shift of balance that occurs while it's happening is very much like an orgasm's approach. He gives and I take. He gives more and I take more. And as it goes on, it's less about me and more about him. There's a crescendo... up and up. Then over the edge and it's blissful.

The pain, to me, brings a more intense feeling of intimacy. I feel more submissive and more grounded afterwards.

Is it the whole purpose of a spanking? Not entirely, but it's a big part of it.


New Beginnings said...

Oh yes, the pain must be there. We are so new that neither of us is sure of how hard and how long a spanking should go. But I know when he goes too light I feel frustrated and unfulfilled. It’s like dying of thirst and instead of him giving me a cup of water he is just flicking water in my face! I want him to put some muscle behind it! At the same time I then think of some of the more sever toys we have and wonder if I’ve said too much! We are new at this we are going to make mistake. Sometimes I’ll pay with frustration, some times I’ll pay with a bruised butt! But all said and done, I’m lovin’ it!


Dyke Grrl said...

Pain is definitely important, but I think it's the very particular kind of pain that a spanking offers. I've got a disorder that causes widespread pain in my body (ironically, the only place that is consistently without pain is my backside)--this pain drags me down, exhausts me, and keeps my body from producing endorphins when I exercise (and exercise without endorphins hurts like crazy, IMO).

Spanking pain... well, for one thing, it does produce endorphins, so I have a net improvement in how I feel. And it grounds me, helps me to center and feel balanced.

I agree with Elis that a spanking without (sufficient) pain is like being flicked with water when you're thirsty.

Good topic, as usual, Bonnie! Thanks!

Bonnie said...

For me, pain is not an end in itself, but rather the gateway to a whole range of pleasurable experiences and sensations. When Randy repeatedly strikes my bottom with the paddle, the pain it produces frees endorphins. The result is feelings of physical euphoria and emotional connectedness.

But this discussion goes far beyond biochemistry. The act of spanking and the experience of willingly accepting that spanking forge a bond between us. The pain and the heat cure that bond and make it strong. When the spanking is concluded, I feel submissive, aroused, and grateful in ways I could not without first working through and getting past that pain.

Hours later, I adore the dull ache that follows a thorough spanking. Every time I bend or sit, I flash back to being face down across my husband’s lap and receiving his full attention. It’s a tremendous turn-on.

Anonymous said...

Okay, simply put, I'm not into pain, however, I do like the sting that comes with a good spanking!!! That being said, though, I don't want the pain to be so significant that I can feel it hours later, or that the spanking leaves bruises. I'm definitely not into that.


Paul said...

Bonnie, Mel and I discovered very early on, that if it wasn't hurting it wasn't working.
Mel's butt has to glow before she could fly.
She needed the spanking to last until the next one.
The harder she was spanked, hand, strap, belt or tawse, the hotter the sex. Vanilla sex was OK but spanking brought out the passion, we are talking good girl spankings here, I suspect that a non spanker would find our good girl spankings rather hard to take.
This was definitely an endorphin high and Mel needed to be held and loved and have as much bodily contact as possible, this is how we slept, Mel in my arms and a hot butt pressed into my groin, we never needed sleeping aids.
I still fall asleep with the memories.
Good topic Bonnie, thanks.

Mary said...

What role does physical pain play in your spanking experience?
Well "spankings are supposed to hurt" this is both what I feel when I am craving them and what I am told when I am resisting and complaining about the one I am getting. The physical pain makes the spnaking real and gets into my head and is freeing overall. Such a paradox - I can crave it - but then hate it the minute it really starts to hurt. Of course if he stopped I would be unsatisfied. Fortunately he doesn't listen to my complaints and this is almost where the magic happens - I am released from all concerns - he is clearly in charge and there is nothing left for me to do except follow directions and accept my spanking and I relax. I am granted freedom from all responsiblity - I can take it gracefully or fight it all the way - but I am no longer concerned about anything but my poor behind. Stangely I feel incredibly safe. This freedom and feeling him in control, and the pain blend and I become more deeply aroused and conntected. Is it something to be feared -- I don't mind that fear thinking ahead or moments before - but I hate feeling really afraid. The best cure for feeling afraid for me is being over his lap. I am okay there - but if I am asked to bend over the couch or lie on the bed - or even go to the corner - I just don't want to - even though he can create quite a scorching behind while I am over his lap- I do feel incredibly safe there.
and avoided if possible? - Well of course you should avoid a spanking - and recenlty spanked I will - but then time causes the pain to fade and the memory tricks you and you crave the closeness the excitement and forget just how bad it can hurt - and instead of remembering to be good - you test the limits again - or at least wiggle your behind to tease. Is it a necessary evil? Yes - without the pain it isn't a real spanking to me - and like others I will be frustrated. Is it the key to nirvana? Yes - it is a means to an end where I feel connected, alive, have orgasms easily, feel secure, happy, horney, and maybe even gain some discipline - definately feel more centered. Or is it whole purpose of a spanking? Pain is not the purpose for me - it is part of the process the purpose being all of the above. Can pain play multiple roles at different times? of course ... see all the comments ... as many roles as we desire it to play I guess.

Mija said...

I answered this question as part of a questionnaire that Iris wrote just before she joined the Punishment Book.

What I wrote then was:

I’m not someone who gets pleasure out of pain in the sense of conventional (to the degree I understand it) masochism. Everything about this actually *hurts* me, sometimes to the point where I feel a bit ill or faint. But it has to really hurt otherwise it doesn’t feel real or right. Someone said it was about “suffering” for them and that rang true for me as well. I like scenes to be as much like “real” punishments as possible – no gentle warm-ups, no erotic stroking.

What I do with the pain is experience and embrace it. And then I remember it. Generally with a lot of pleasure because of how much it hurt and how it didn't stop even when I wanted it to.

Mel said...

I agree with Doc, above, "Physical pain is so much easier than emotional pain". I believe that if it wasn't for the sharp pain caused by a spanking, I'd be a lot more self-destructive when dealing with my depression. The pain lets me release all of my built up anger, frustration and sadness and enables me to sail on the endorphins produced. A good spanking will leave me on a high for days.

Anonymous said...

As a spanker I really don't understand how my wife can take the pain. She has a way of telling me that it "hurts so good". I have tried to switch and I don't enjoy the pain at all. She has often had to coach me to continue a spanking when I feel she has had enough. She is in some sort of a head space where she needs me to continue so she can enjoy the experience. From the look of her bottom and the marks that would last for days you would think she was suffering. That is not the case, she would suffer if I stopped too soon.


wind walker said...

personally, i love/hate the pain. during the spanking (and i'm talking about heavy spankings with the paddle) i'm thinking "please make it stop" but at the same time i don't want it to stop....

the pain releases something in me that i used to bottle up..and still will bottle if i am not spanked regularly.

as for play spankings, i love the excites me. i wouldn't have it any other way.

padme said...

Great question for the brunch, bonnie. I agree with wind walker. I love/hate the pain. I am masochistic and find that I really relax after a really good spanking. I want to feel pain to release all the stress and tension. I hate some of the pain with spankings especially with the cane or paddle.
I find I go too long without pain and I start to crave it and really need it. During play spankings I love the pain!! I love a nicely red bottom that hurts to sit on.

Anonymous said...

I agree with many above! I like the release that I get from a good spanking. It centers me and comforts me and makes me feel closer to my husband than anything else ever could. I wish he would spank harder than he does, but so far he isn't comfortable with it. I'll just enjoy what I get!

Anon for now :-)

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