Sunday, February 26, 2006

Sunday Brunch Recap: Feb 26

I anticipated a broad spectrum of answers and you didn’t disappoint. Once again, the responses were both thoughtful and thought-provoking.

The question was: Do spankings make you feel embarrassed or humiliated?

Cuddlybum: Spankings don't make me feel embarrassed or humiliated, not the spanking itself anyway. Talking about it, writing about it, or admitting to someone I submit to it and like it (sometimes anyway!) are all embarrassing and humiliating. Very embarrassing.

Thankfully, my beloved knows this and wouldn't make me tell anyone or tell anyone himself that would make comments to me about it!

And sometimes, the embarrassment and humiliation are part of the game, aren’t they?

Roper: I'd say it depends upon the kind of spanking involved. If it's a punishment spanking (fortunately rare in our experience), there is always humiliation in being found out in wrong-doing and in having to admit guilt. This is essential, in my view, because if the one receiving the spanking doesn't believe they deserve it, then it's an assault, and in any case it won't achieve its desired result).

A recreational or maintenance spanking need not involve humiliation. It need not, but in our case it usually does, because humiliation excites Buttercup as much as the physical spanking itself. Sometimes we play out scenarios such as headmaster and naughty schoolgirl, where humiliation (baring the bottom, standing in the corner, etc) is an enjoyable part of the ritual.

Mike: When I first started spanking with my wife, before we were married, I was a little embarrassed to bring it up. But I did in the context of spanking her. This went on for a while. I was very embarrassed about asking for a spanking, and that is why I didn't for so long.

Although my wife doesn't mind at all and enjoys spanking me on occasion, I still feel a little embarrassed when they start. This is especially true if I bare myself for the spanking. Once the spanking really starts, the embarrassment fades away as the excitement and arousal grow. I don't ever feel humiliated.

When our friends found out about our spanking, I was both embarrassed and humiliated. To this day, we still get a little teasing about it.

Paul: In a perfect world a Dom or H of H would never humiliate or embarrass his/her sub or partner. For me that's a given.

As far as I am aware, in our 33 years together, I never humiliated my Mel. When it comes to embarrassment, I slipped up on occasion. Mel hated to have to hint too broadly or ask for a spanking. She found this very embarrassing. In the early years, I missed a trick or a few. Even in the later years, it happened if I was preoccupied or very tired. Fortunately, Mel learned to read me also.

A happy sub needs a keen and observant Dom. The only exception is if the sub wants to be humiliated or embarrassed. I'm not sure how I would handle that.

Rose: Spankings never embarrass or humiliate me. Even in my search for a regular dom, when the doms I was playing with were, um, not always to my liking, the spankings were always erotic, sensual and stress relieving. When I'm being spanked by a lover with whom I have a connection, the spankings get me extremely wet and aroused. Even the thought of a good spanking from Jefferson starts my feelings of arousal. Seeing him take out our "arsenal" of implements or seeing them out when I enter the bedroom makes me wet and excited. The connection that comes from a good spanking and the sweet cuddling and sex that follow are amazing! For me, it's a very sensual, connecting experience.

Tigger: Spankings never make me feel embarrassed or humiliated. Instead, they make me feel loved, cherished, incredibly close to my hubby, and wildly aroused!

Veronica: Spankings don't embarrass or humiliate me because, for me, they are all about eroticism and enjoyment...I love the feeling of anticipation I get in my stomach when my sweetie instructs me to get over his knee or pushes me over the couch...I might get a little over-anxious, depending on what implement he's going to use (that bath brush is just a killer), but that's all part of the fun, isn't it?...:-)

CeeCi: I've never felt embarrassed or humiliated because I want/need/desire spanking. Spanking has brought me closer to another person than I've ever been before.

Granted, it's not a topic I bring up to friends or family, yet I wonder if they're noticing the positive changes that have happened as a result of accepting this part of my being.

My relationship with MoJo and our exploration of our desires has been liberating. Embarrassment and humiliation just don't work into the equation of 'us'.

LA Girl: Spankings haven't ever humiliated or embarrassed me. They never had and never will.

I remember when we first started talking about spanking and D/s. I did feel totally embarrassed talking to him about this subject. I was afraid he would think was I totally out of my gourd. Instead, I found out he was more twisted than me.

Wind Walker: At first, I was embarrassed by my own response to the spankings. I enjoyed the eroticism of it all, but was surprised by just how much I liked it. That embarrassed me a little bit, and I was embarrassed to find how much I needed to be spanked. I thought spankings would be just a fun kinky "foreplay" aspect. I had no real intention that it should become such a part of who I am.

I can't explain why I felt that way, but I can say that feeling of embarrassment was fleeting. Soon, I had no embarrassment at all. I accepted that spankings were incredible, in mind, body, & soul. I have never felt any kind of humiliation. I think if you are ever with a partner who makes you feel humiliated or embarrassed that you enjoy something, that's a signal of a bad relationship.

Bonnie: One reason I found this particular question so intriguing is that I changed my answer twice while pondering it.

My initial response was no, of course not. For Randy and me, spanking is an integral part of our lovemaking. I refuse to be embarrassed or ashamed about having sex with my husband. That's what we're supposed to do! Now, if we weren't making love at all, I might be a little uneasy about that, but spankings are an essential element of our lives together.

Thinking a little more, I recognized that it would be very uncomfortable if we were ever outed to friends, family, or coworkers. That is, thank goodness, only a hypothetical possibility, but the events chronicled in this blog hold great potential for embarrassment.

Finally, I identified one place where all of these emotions and many more come into play – in our fantasies! For a couple of hours on a Friday evening, I can be that naughty cheerleader or saucy wench. I can revel in submission and dance with discipline. It's not real life, but those experiences have a profound impact upon my state of mind. In ways I cannot fully explain, roleplaying scratches an itch that lies deep within my psyche.

So, I guess my answer must remain nuanced and ambiguous. But doesn't that accurately describe the paradox inherent in this thing we do?

SmartNnaughty: I suppose I should feel embarrassed or humiliated, but I never do. If it is a punishment or discipline spanking, I know I've earned it and I've got it coming.

I don't ever feel embarrassed by the spanking but sometimes by what led to the spanking: my behavior or choices. Now that is something to regret.

T-Bone: I'm not embarrassed. I'm horny. My girlfriend and I started spanking out of just kind of play wrestling. Now we spank each other all the time. Lately, she's been giving me these spank-handjobs. It's a spank, stroke, kind of thing. It's hot.

Marcus: The idea of being outed to coworkers would embarrass me immensely. However, I have never felt bad about liking to spank girls. I'm just picky about who I share it with. Strangely, the girls that like it seem able to express it easier than I can.

When I spank, I am never out to embarrass or humiliate. I want erotic arousal. I've never tried to hurt a woman, nor will I ever. So my answer is, I want to spank without causing anyone embarrassment. Myself included.

Great job, everyone! Thank you again for making our brunch a success.

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rivka said...

AWwww... sorry I missed it!! But it was great as always... Thanks so much for doing this every week Bonnie! I LOVE to read all the diverse answers out there.

roper said...

May I be permitted a come-back? I think my own response, included above, was on a different tangent to the others. Yes, buttercup would be profoundly humiliated if anyone ever found out what she and I do together. I'd never dream of embarrassing her that way. But in private, the two of us, a certain amount of humiliation ('stand in the corner with your bottom bared') is an enjoyable part of the ritual. I'd be surprised if there aren't others who feel the same way.

Anonymous said...

Once again, an excellent brunch!!! And very interesting reading!!!


wind walker said...

that was a very interesting question....i enjoyed participating in the brunch...and i look forward to seeing other brunch topics!!

MissyH said...

In an odd way I feel rather proud,
because it makes me feel distinctive and different and
even a bit . . .sophisticated?
Like having a European accent! LOL
(I don't).
I did a first tandem skydive last
September and it's kind of the
same feeling. People responded
with,"Why would anyone want to...?"
I felt like a member of a special
club and proudly displayed my
certficate and freefall photo on
the wall by my desk. People are
either wide-eyed and shocked or
this keen interested look kindles
in their eyes and they ask,"What
was it like?" I think it would
be the same if I displayed a
paddle and a spanking certificate.

Funny that the instructor who
jumps with you is called "Your
Jump Master" and you're all rigged
up in a harness and have to do
exactly what he says or else.

The tandem vocabulary is über
spanko friendly when you think
about it. When landing you skid
20 feet on your rump so you even
wind up with a tender bottom!
One of many congenial ways of acquiring that sensation!
What was the question? No, I'm
not embarrassed.

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