Spanko Fun the Whole Year Round

Last night, we were sitting on the couch, watching the Olympics and enjoying the final hours of Valentine’s Day. Without any warning, Randy patted his lap and nodded in a manner I know to mean that he wanted me to lie across his thighs. Before long, he was spanking me with his hand. His approach was more lighthearted than serious and my jeans offered considerably more protection than usual.

He told me that he intended to spank me until my bottom was pink in honor of Valentine's Day. "So," I boldly inquired, "Does that mean you will spank me orange for Halloween?" He laughed, but continued to intermittently swat my upturned rear. "How about a spanking with a spaghetti noodle in honor of Columbus Day?"

Getting into the act, he said "Yeah, and I could set your butt on fire for Independence Day!" "How about a turkey leg as a Thanksgiving implement?"

"Ewwwww!"

"OK, maybe not that, but I could always use a switch on Arbor Day..."

I told him that I didn't think it helped trees to tear off their branches in order to beat someone's behind.

"All right then." He was still absent-mindedly whacking away. "Monday is Presidents’ Day. I'll have to spank you stupid."

"I'm already getting dumb, I mean numb. Are you done?"

"I dunno... I can't really see what I'm doing with these damn jeans in the way."

If you can picture what happened next, well, that's what happened next. I have no idea how the Olympics turned out.

Keywords: spanking, spanking humor