Sunday, January 29, 2006

Spanko Sunday Brunch

The coffee's warm. C'mon in and find a seat anywhere you like

Welcome to the My Bottom Smarts Spanko Sunday Brunch.

The way the brunch works is that I will present a question below. Readers are invited to respond to the question by adding comments. If you have a blog, you are welcome to post your answers there and leave me a link (if you don't know how to link, just tell me where to look and I will find your response). If there are readers who would prefer not to post comments, they can send their contributions via e-mail. In any case, please feel free to reference and build upon the thoughts of others.

Tomorrow, I will assemble and post a summary of everyone's thoughts. I like this format because it gives every reader an equal voice and an opportunity to be heard. For bloggers who are just beginning, the brunch can provide some welcome exposure among a larger community. For us veterans, it's a wonderful chance to meet new friends, get to know each other a little better, and exchange ideas. The brunch concept worked really well last week and I hope we have as much fun this time.

OK, here's our question...

How do spankings benefit you, your partner, and your relationship?

I await your insight.


Linda said...

Another great question Bonnie.

For Mark and me, spanking is mostly used as forplay. Over the years however; we both realized there was so much more to it then just the simple act of "spanking". The trust, respect and love shared between the two of us has strengthened our relationship and gave us a foundation to build on. It takes a great deal of trust to allow someone much larger and stronger than myself to hold me down and weild a strap, cane, paddle, etc. and not actually "hurt" me. By the same token, he has to trust me enough to be honest with him and let him know when something is too much or just not working for me. One of the most important benefits is open and honest communication.

We have both found that spanking is a great stress reliever for both of us and has also become a need for me to cleanse myself.

Very recently we were faced with a situation in which Mark actually used spanking as a punishment. In 23 years together we had never gone beyond the "bedroom". When the opportunity presented itself, as hard as it was for both of us, we knew it was right. Our marriage was strong before, but honestly since that day, our relationship has taken yet another leap and the bond between us has solidified even more because of it.

The benefits for both of us goes way beyond sexual gratification. Something I don't think Mark and I ever expected. :)

Anonymous said...

For my wife and I it's about foreplay. Spanking for us started as something that was erotic, a little different, kinky, and it spiced things up. Now it's moved a passed that and it's about enjoying each other, pushing each other and ourselves, and I guess play. It's fun, it still very erotic, it's complex enough to keep our imaginations active in relation to our sex life.

To me the act of getting spanked is very erotic. But, not so much the actual act of spanking someone. My wife enjoys being spanked, among other things, so the erotic part of me spanking her is knowing that I'm giving her pleasure. I beleive it's pretty much the same for her. So for us it's giving the other person something they enjoy.

Great question,


Mark said...

I will start by saying a spanking (giving or seeing) titillates me. Having a woman's bottom on my lap (my favorite position) gives me an opportunity to apply heat to her seat, and also to move my fingers elsewhere to perform further effects on her.

It's never been about discipline for me, possibly because the spankings I got as a child did little to discipline me. I also have this serious fear of ever hurting a woman, so to me, spanking is all about the eroticism. Spankings tend to get the women more physical with me afterwards.

AngelBrat said...

Spanking sets me back on an even keel like absolutely nothing else. When I'm hurt, when I'm angry, when I'm stressed, when I'm just being a flat out bitch, a hard spanking is the one thing that will take me back to where I need to be. The fact that Nick is willing to do this for me has made me fall even more in love with him.

Discipline definitely comes into play for us as well, and a spanking resolves things quite well for both of us. I find myself finally able to let go of the guilt for whatever I did that's come between us, and he's satisfied that I'm clear on the fact that what I did was actually wrong and harmful to us. Once I've been spanked, there's no bringing the incident that led to it up again.

Anonymous said...

Great question!

Spanking is completely sexual for my husband and me. I had always been fascinated with getting spanked ever since I read my first historical romance novel as a teenager. There was always something so hot about a guy putting a girl over his knee for a well-deserved spanking, and I used to fantasize about spanking constantly.

I wanted to give it a try for years, but never felt comfortable enough with a guy to bring up the subject, until I met my husband. With him, I knew I could share my most intimate fantasies, and still can.

When we were first dating, the spankings were nothing more than little light pats on the bottom, both of us too new to the whole thing. But then, as we both got more comfortable with spanking, he started putting me over his knee more and more, and we began adding implements, such as the hairbrush, several types of paddles, a strap, and most recently, a bathbrush, to our repetoire as well. And while we don't use spanking as a form of discipline per se, I've recently started to get spanked for being "naughty!" If I act a little fussy, he simply tells me to put the misdeed on my "Why I Should be Spanked" list. I pout a little, but do as he asks, knowing that a spanking was just what I was angling for the whole time!

As you've guessed, spanking is an incredible turn-on for both of us! Just the very idea that I'm going to get a spanking is enough to make me melt! I can't deny that I like the submissive aspect of it, and my husband has said that he'd be lying if he didn't admit that there's something arousing about being dominant.

As for how spanking benefits out relationship, it has helped us communicate better, not only in the bedroom, but outside of it as well. And though I'm not sure exactly how, it has also made us closer as a couple.



galros said...

I just wrote a huge long post about this on my blog. Still not entirley clear on what I want to say, but here goes.

Spanking started out as a sexual kinky thing. It added a bit of spice to an otherwise great sex life. Its become more than that now. It brings us closer together, lets us (both!) release tension in a slightly better way than throwing things and screaming!!

The spanking itself is always an experience - doesn't matter what its for!! If its a foreplay thing, it makes the sex that bit more intense. If its for release, the aftermath makes us feel closer and more intimate than ever. It builds trust, both ways, it takes down another block in our respective walls each time, it bonds us together.

I don't think we'd still be together or be as close without this aspect of our relationship. It allows us to talk about difficult things, to talk about things in a slightly calmer manner, to say potentially hurtful things in a safe environment.

Most of all, it makes me feel safe. Wrapped in my beloveds arms after a spanking, is the safest place in the world to be.

That's still not too clear, but if you look at it squinty and sideways it might make sense.

Complicated question!

rivka said...

For me spanking is a motivational tool; both discipline and erotic. The idea of spanking is a turn on all in itself, the actual act just pushes me over the edge. True disciplinary spankings are a deterrent for specific acts - therefore, I feel it helps me to avoid things I really don't want to do.

My partner benefits from it by an incredibly strong response from me. *g* Either way (discipline or erotic), he's going to get results that please him. As far as the erotic, he gets just as turned on by the idea of giving that sort of spanking as I do receiving it.

Our relationship has become amazingly strong and closer because of spanking. Sharing that same desire has made us open up more than ever before. We've learned more about each other and about what's pleasing to one another through breaking down communication barriers as a direct result of having a "spanking lifestyle." ;)

Bonnie said...

You folks are fantastic! This discussion is going to be difficult to summarize because there's so much great material here.

OK, here's my response. For us, it's difficult to separate the benefits of the spankings from those of the lovemaking that inevitably follows. These are wrapped up so tightly that they feel like two halves of the same activity. I will therefore consider both together.

During a spanking, my benefits include sexual arousal, feelings of warmth and closeness, physical contact, a sense of being truly alive, undeniable confirmation of our love, fulfilling my desire to submit, a breaking down of barriers, and a redefinition of limits.

After the spanking, I enjoy somewhat different benefits including "rebooting" my emotions, calmness, promoting a feeling of connectedness, a regaining of perspective, feeling loved, improved communications, and re-establishment of the order of things.

Randy listed as his benefits fun, great sex, making me happier, and
a genuine display of love.

In terms of our relationship, I would count everything above, plus bringing us closer as a couple.

This is a simple question that was less than simple to answer. Thanks, everyone for your marvelous responses!

Anonymous said...

Spanking for us is both erotic and discipline. I don't remember a time since we are married that Bill didn't spank me. For me it makes me feel loved, secure, and chersihed as well as sexual. For Bill he feels in control, my protector, my champion and my lover (his words) For us as a couple the feelings of warmth and openess (sp) are great. We talk about everthing because we know that nothing we can say to each other will be a shocker. There is a great deal more trust than would be a vanailla marriage. We love spending every minute we can get together. We both think that spanking has given us a demension to our life as a couple.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, spankings don't benifit our

In the early years of our marriage
there were lots of spankings. But
then middle age took its toll.

I remain a spanking fetishist but my
wife does not. So spanking is a
cause of a lot of friction and unfulfilled

rose said...

i would agre with anglebrat....spankings for me reboot my inner self. it forces me to let go of the shit i've been holding onto, relieves stress, definitely strengthens the emotional bond with my partner, great sex always follows, the time in subspace is glorious and the marks and stinging that my partner leaves me with are constant reminders to me of his care for me and desire to spend time with me. it's such a healing thing for me....being spanked, caressed and hugged as i cry out the garbage.

bonnie...i'm new to your blog. i'll be reading more often.

Caia said...

Hi Bonnie, I've never commented here before, but I love this idea of the Sunday Brunch!

Ok, my answer...
Spankings for us are both erotic and disciplinary. The erotic benefits are well, erotic!! As for the discipline ones, I agree with what some of your other readers have said. They help me to let go when I'm stressed, upset, angry, what have you. If I'm stressed than so is he. The spankings benefit us both by giving the stress or upset an outlet. So, we can come back to each other and reunite.

Great idea Bonnie!


Anonymous said...

Oooh! How original! :D

Nice way to get to know everyone and it gives people something to sink their teeth into to leave comments or do their own blogs, which, let's face it, sometimes is challenging when cramped for time.

Thanks Bonnie!


Carrielily said...

Wow, there's so much good information here! Your readers are so eloquent and thoughtful! Bonnie, this Sunday Brunch of yours is a fabulous idea!!!
I would have to agree with a lot of what was written here. . . hmm guess I need to read and comment a little earlier on Sundays! However, to me spanking is a great release of both tension and increased guilt. It is also a great way to express my submission to my husband. Lowering my panties and placing myself in postion to have my bottom spanked. Oh my, there's nothing like it.
It has dramatically improved our relationship sexually, physically, emotionally. . . all the way around!
Oh and it's a great way to move past tension in our relationship. ack sorry didn't mean to talk so much. Thanks for getting the ole' wheels turning again! Great question!!!!

ann regel said...

The benefits of a spanking relationship are nebulous to me. Some parts I can explain but the larger parts haven't come into focus yet.

When I am spanked, the first benefit is that I know My Guy cares enough about me to spank me. It is my thing and I introduced him to it. He does like it but first and foremost he is fulfilling something that I have only dreamed about for most of my life.

As I go through my days after a hard spanking, I can feel the results when I sit down and stand up. It is like the love of the spanking follow me around wherever I go.

The spanking brings us to a very intimate place afterward while we are cuddling. I feel like My Guy can look right into my very soul and see who I am. I feel very loved at this point and accepted for who I am. Being spanked and loved is something we alone share. Sure I blog about it but words can't express what we share.

The more nebulous parts are feeling submissive afterward. I just noticed after being spanked yesterday that I don't necessarily feel submissive right away. Yes I feel loved and I look up to My Guy but I could still be feisty if I wanted. Later in the day, however, submission deepened for me and I found myself feeling submissive in general, even to other authority figures. Weird, huh? Mr. Loving DD would say it makes a woman more feminine. I agree with that but I can't figure out exactly what that means.

My Guy would say he has an outlet for dealing with issues before they affect the relationship. It enhances communication and doesn't let resentment and unresolved issues drive us apart. A benefit for me is that I am clearly reminded that I am not responsible for everything. My Guy and I are a team and he is the leader. I don't have to shoulder the burden alone any more. I don't have to have all the answers and I can go to him and ask him for his thoughts. It is a wonderful and freeing thing. The benefits are just too numerous to name, even if I could.

Thanks for a stimulating question, Bonnie. Sorry I am late in commenting.

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