Monday, January 02, 2006

A New Year, A New Lesson

Experiments can result in success, failure, or occasionally, something else completely unexpected. Were the outcome known in advance, it wouldn’t be an experiment. My dear husband, Randy, regularly employs the scientific method when it comes to my spankings. He is endlessly inventive and relishes a well-executed surprise. Saturday night, in honor of the New Year, he unleashed a new mind-blowing experiment. As his designated lab animal, I had the honor of testing it.

He warned me earlier in the day that I should be prepared for a “rockin’ New Year’s Eve celebration.” After all these years, I certainly knew what that meant, or at least, I thought I did. I spent the early evening answering e-mail and visiting some of my favorite spanko blogs. A little after ten o’clock, Randy appeared beside me. The time had come.

“Let’s go, Bon.” Upon hearing his words, those pesky little butterflies took flight within my stomach. I told myself that there was no reason for me to be nervous. But I was. This was my dear husband. He wouldn’t hurt me. It was just spanking and lovemaking. I positively adore those activities. I knew he'd gone to a lot of trouble to plan something special for the occasion. Yet still I hesitated.

“Are you coming?” His voice was soothing, but his message was impatient. He placed his hand gently upon my shoulder. It was time for our celebration.

I stood and followed him into the living room. He had arranged various spanking and bondage accessories on and around the couch. Seeing this collection arrayed before me, I knew I was in for the full treatment. He quickly separated me from my clothing. Once I was completely naked, he forcefully took me in his strong arms and began to kiss me. His lips caressed mine as his hands moved all over my exposed flesh. As reluctant as I had been, my resistance was falling fast.

I gasped as his mouth moved downward, kissing my earlobe, my neck, my shoulder, my chest, and my breasts. He kissed, licked, sucked, and nibbled each nipple in most delightful way. At this rate, I knew I would soon be ready for almost anything.

Randy had me lean against the back of the couch facing away from it. When he knelt before me, I parted my thighs to welcome his overture. Almost from the moment his tongue made contact, I felt lost in lusty delirium. His skilled technique yielded a soaring orgasm. I shook as waves of pleasure washed over me. It was all I could do to maintain my balance.

Randy stood and embraced me again. I buried my face in his chest. This was a place where I belonged. I might have been happy to stand there in his arms all evening. But that was clearly not the plan.

He was gentle as he turned me around to face the couch and he slowly bent my body over the back of it. I didn’t have much of an opportunity to get comfortable before Randy placed a scarf over my eyes. Plunged into darkness, I lay passively as more changes unfolded. My hands were bound in front of me. My ankles were then tied to a spreader bar. So far, we were on reasonably familiar ground. I trusted my lover to protect me.

What happened next was something I didn’t anticipate. Randy placed over my ears his new noise canceling headphones. Our daughter and I had pooled our funds to buy these for him as a surprise Christmas gift this year. My ears were instantly filled with swirling spacy techno music. Combined with the blindfold, it created a completely disorienting environment.

I struggled to keep my wits and not panic. I felt cut off and isolated from the world. This was not much fun. Before I could further ponder my fate, there was a sudden explosion on the surface of my bottom as a wooden paddle struck. I know I screamed involuntarily, but I couldn’t hear it. That was weird. Again the paddle fell. The loud hypnotic music scrambled my mind. Over and over, the paddle scalded my skin. It hurt intensely. I had no way to communicate. I felt completely trapped.

“Red! Red! Red!” I yelled. That was it. I had invoked my safeword for the first time in recent memory. I just couldn’t take it any longer.

Randy responded as my champion. He pulled off the headphones and the blindfold. Just as quickly, he removed the bonds and set me free.

He sat on the couch. I curled up on his lap and cried. He hugged me tightly. I felt so broken up and scared that I couldn't speak. I was disappointed that I had ruined all of his plans. Randy told me later that he had no idea why I was so upset and at that moment, I was unable to explain. I just wept uncontrollably.

Amid the sobs, I recall thinking that this isn’t like me. Generally, I’m willing to try almost anything. Even now, I don’t fully comprehend what happened.

After what was probably ten or fifteen minutes of cuddling, I had settled down to the point where Randy was able to get up, cover me with a blanket, and clean up his toys. He turned on the television and I watched poor old Dick Clark for a while. He brought me my comfortable nightgown, robe, and slippers. Now I was beginning to feel human again.

Randy was very apologetic. He didn’t know what he had done wrong and I couldn’t tell him because I had no desire to revisit that scary place. Just before midnight, I asked him to give me a hand spanking over his lap. He happily complied. It made my bottom feel warm and stingy and nice. It was precisely what I needed.

After midnight, we moved upstairs to our bedroom. Once there, we made tender love beneath the covers. It was an act of confirmation and reassurance. The bond between us remains strong. While we may encounter bumps in the road, our direction remains constant.

Here’s what I learned:

  1. Everyone needs a safeword.

  2. Some experiments don’t succeed.

  3. We can learn more from failure than from success.

  4. Even experienced players have limits.

  5. Those limits are not always where we think they are.

  6. Love will see us through life’s trials.

  7. A challenge overcome together only strengthens our relationship.

I realize this tale is not our usual joyful spank-o-rama, but at least it had a happy ending.

Keywords: , ,


FlinchFlower said...

Bonnie - what a great post. It's fantastic for a number of reasons, IMHO, not the least of is dealing with a subject we don't hear much about - actually having to USE a safeword. It was comforting for me to read that you had to use it, comforting for me to read that your beloved respected it. But most of all, the I appreciated the calm and rational tone of the whole thing - the tone that says, 'wow, I'm a little astounded to be writing this, but I still know I'm okay, even though something scary happened. For me, as someone just getting brave enough to admit that I want someone to spank me, it was incredibly valuable to read this. Thank you from the bottom of my naughty little heart!


ann regel said...

Thank you for your post, Bonnie. I am sure you will reflect on what happened and gather more insights into it. Who'da thunk noise cancelling headphones would have had that effect? I know I would have been freaked out by not being able to guage when the next spank was going to land or know how hard.

I loved your list of what you learned. I especially like the last one about overcoming challenges together strengthens the relationship. That is a wonderful reminder. I am glad to know it brought you and Randy closer!

Bonnie said...

Flinch - Thank you. I wasn't quite sure how, or even whether, to share this episode. It was an unusual story, not to mention an unususal experience.

I've used my safeword maybe a dozen times over the many years we've been together. I had no doubt that Randy would rush in and save me. He's done it before (under slightly different circumstances).

Your description of my attitude, "wow, I'm a little astounded to be writing this, but I still know I'm okay, even though something scary happened" is exactly right. The earthquake knocked a glass off of the counter, but the mess is all cleaned up and the foundation of our relationship remains as strong as ever.

I'm glad my words were helpful for you. I look forward to hearing about the many happy adventures in your future.

Smart - I am still astonished by how totally disorienting that experience was. I described it to Randy this morning as feeling claustrophobic within my own head. I know that doesn't make much sense, but I just couldn't stand it any longer.

Maybe the biggest lesson in all this is that as experienced as we are, there are still places we haven't yet visited. I have no fear of Randy seriously hurting me physically. We know each other too well for that. The psyche, however, can be a bit more fragile. I guess I forget that sometimes.

I'm glad you liked the list. I started to write about the lesson I learned and it turned out that there were several lessons. As usual, I learn the hard way, but I do learn.

wind walker said...

wow, that was a very intense post...while i'm glad that experience created such a wise list of lessons, the experience it's self sounded terrifying...

storm & i have experimented over the last 10 years & not all of it was fabulous...but the goal is to learn & move on...for us just saying "well, that didn't work out at all!" & letting go helps a bunch....

i pity the people who don't have someone they can love & trust like yours for randy.....i truly pity them...

jade said...

I am a scientist that studies the effect of music on the brain, so I suggest one possible cause of the uncomfortable feelings was the music. Please don't think I'm trying to diagnose you, but I wanted to offer a possible explanation. I'm speculating that if you were entering into an altered state, the music might have intensified that and the sensory deprivation might have increase the feelings of uneasiness causing the reaction you had.

Or it could be something completely different. Just thought I'd throw that into the mix in case it helps.

I appreciated you sharing this--I didn't really think I needed a safeword with my beau. Now I'll rethink that.

CeeCi said...

Bonnie-The moment you mentioned the headphones, I became afraid for you. This recounting of your experience is so valuable. I've even discussed your post with MoJo and we agree that by sharing this event with all of us, you've done something quite valuable.

Like so many others, I too am a new spanko. Every time MoJo and I enjoy our play we go further than before. Yet, before I received my first spanking, MoJo informed me that if I did not have a safe word we would not begin.

Knowing I can stop him with a word empowers me. Insisting on a safe word made me undertand that he does not seek to harm me physically and has created a trust I've had with no other man. Your post has shown me that when two people love and trust one another even missteps can become a beautiful dance.

Bonnie said...

Wind - Yes, it was intense. The toughest part, I think, was being so thoroughly unprepared. I had no idea that Randy would use the headphones, and I certainly didn't anticipate my reaction.

We believe that mistakes are all right, so long as we continue to learn.

Jade - Thank you for your insight. Your theory makes more sense than any explanation I have.

I do think every couple needs a safeword. Though I use mine very, very rarely, I recall one occasion when I injured my back during some rather "active" sex. The bad pain prevented me from enjoying the good pain. It made no sense to continue. I invoked my safeword and relief came immediately. That simple insurance policy just makes sense.

CeeCi - I'm glad my post was helpful. It's important to be safe, especially when exploring limits.

Bravo to MoJo for protecting you. This lifestyle may involve pain, but it's not about cruelty or neglect.

I agree that trust is the key. Without it, there can be no real intimacy. With trust, you can navigate safely, even through the roughest waters.

Edward said...

Been there and done that.And felt like a worm for scaring my girl so bad.But thats what the safe word is for.I think whats important is the confirmation and reasurance after the blunder.At least it is for me,to know she still trusts me,loves me and wants me to continue.As a man and a newbie to this form of play I'm still nervous and scared about what will happen to us with this play.Thank you for having the courage to share this!

little one said...


I don't know what to say to this... WOW, was the first thing thing that came to mind. I'm so glad there was a happy ending. You never cease to amaze me. You may have been terrified, but between you and Randy it sounds like it was handled perfectly. Many thanks for sharing the not so good with us as well as the wonderful. You're lessons learned were very valuable, not just to you, but to many many others as well.

Bonnie said...

Edward - You're right. That's what a safeword is for. Even people who think they are too experienced or (worse yet) too tough to use one are likely to need it eventually.

Little - You're welcome! A good relationship is one that stand strong even during tough times.

rivka said...

Thank you so much for posting that... it just shows the *other* side of this kink. The not-so-perfectly-dreamy side that you won't read about in too many places. The reality.

carrielily said...

I'm glad you were able to remember your safeword. Often my safeword, even though it is easy enough to remember, totally goes from my head when involved in intense play. Fortunately, my hubby will give me a gentle reminder. "If you need to use it your safe word is. .. " I'm glad you and Randy came through to the other side intact and closer. *smiles*

Bonnie said...

Rivka - You know, it happens. It's not the end of the world, but there are times that aren't much fun. I think overcoming these experiences, and in fact, gbrowing as a result, has made me stronger and more confident in other aspects of my life.

Carrielilly - That's an excellent suggestion. I remembered, I suppose, because we've used the same word for more than twenty years. But it would be easy enough to forget when one's mind is lost in the moment. A helpful reminder would be great.

The biggest challenge in this instance was that Randy had no idea I was about to jump out of my skin. As well as we know each other, he just couldn't read me. Fortunately, it all worked out fine.

Anonymous said...

I love this, Bonnie. Thank you for sharing.

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