Monday, October 17, 2005

Spanking 101: How Hard is Hard Enough?

So you're just starting your spanking relationship. You want the "real" spanking experience, not some inferior imitation. You've received a few whacks here and there. It was fun and a real turn-on, but you're yearning for that traditional tail-warmer. You want your partner to give you more, much more. You sometimes wonder if there's not something special out there that you're missing.

Your partner is a nice enough guy, but he doesn't really understand all this spanking business. He participates because you asked him. He certainly has no idea what to try next. You are going to have to tell him, no doubt in exquisite detail. But that begs the question, what do you truly want?

For someone who is just learning about how spanking can enhance their relationship, these are very natural questions. The answers get right to the bottom of this activity and its appropriate role in our lives. Each couple is likely to define erotic spanking slightly differently. As with intercourse, the act may be the same, but the meaning that people derive from it can vary greatly. In this context, there are few answers that are objectively right or wrong. Each couple must determine what works best for them.

Every couple who tries spanking, or any other new sexual practice, has at least one objective. Hopefully, they don't have two conflicting aims, but that's another discussion. The goal might be foreplay. It could be just be simple curiosity or a desire for variety. Whatever the reason, the immediate result is generally that nice, healthy glow.

As their interests grow, many couples find other, more meaningful purposes. Among these are fulfillment, communication, intimacy, and trust. For most of us, these elements hold the true value inherent in adult spanking. The pain, it turns out, is not an objective at all. Rather, it's merely a byproduct, a means to an end (and a sore end at that!).

The answer, then, to the original question is "it depends." Each of us is different, physically and emotionally. We have different pain tolerances and levels of desire for physical contact. Issues like how hard and how many are important only in regard to meeting our own individual needs. What is insufficient for one person may be excessive for another. While it can be interesting and fun to compare experiences with others, the details are often not as instructive as they might seem.

The key is to keep in mind what you hope to achieve through your spankings. If this subject is not a part of your discussions, it should be. Within these bounds, your feelings should guide you. There's nothing wrong with starting slowly. In fact, it's probably beneficial to enjoy each step along the path to a richer relationship. You can always turn up the intensity later.

With time, experience, and communication, your partner will learn what you like and where your limits lie. Considerable skill is required to visit those limits without violating them. The reward, however, for both participants, is well worth the effort.

In summary, here are some suggestions for finding your level:
  • Know what you want
  • Clearly communicate your needs
  • Be open to experimentation
  • Share your feelings
  • Be willing to admit when things aren't working
  • Use a safeword
  • Learn from your experiences
  • Don't blame your partner
  • Recognize and respect your differences
  • Celebrate your achievements
  • Seek that which is truly valuable to you
  • Don't be afraid to make it fun

Enjoy yourselves and happy spanking!


little one said...

Very insightful Bonnie. Too many people jump in way too quickly, without thought or indepth verbal communication. One often expects their partner to be able to read their mind and get angry when they don't get what they need/want... thus leading to leaving themselves wondering what went wrong.

Very good post.

Have a good day.

little one

padme said...

I agree with what little one said here. I really liked what you said in this post bonnie...
Thanks for your kind words at my blog yesterday...

Storm Rider said...

I followed you here by the pic of your ass in someones comment box!
Im going to have to tell my woman to check you out!
(nice ass by the way)

tboneslagirl said...

How true...Bonnie
Excellent ideas for the new spanko and the seasoned spanko. Thank you for posting it

PS. Thank you for the link

Bonnie said...

Thanks, everyone! I'm pleased that you enjoyed my little tutorial. This post is purposely a bit different than most. My mail suggests that there are a number of newbies that read this blog. I think that's wonderful. We all must begin somewhere. If I can share what I've learned, perhaps it will clear the path for those who follow.

I will probably add more installments for beginners in the future.

Storm Rider - Welcome! I'm glad you like my ass. It has served me well (and my husband certainly seems to enjoy it).

Tboneslagirl - Thanks and welcome to you as well. I like your blog, especially with the new look. Very nice!

Janeen said...

Very good tutorial Bonnie. I'm sure it will help a lot of people

I think it takes a long time to come to the point that is right for each couple.

Bonnie said...


Thanks. I does take a lot of time and effort to get things right. Some couples, alas, never do. Hopefully, we can make things a little bit easier for others by sharing our lessons learned (too often the hard way).


spankergood said...

<<>> Really enjoyed, finding and reading your Blog site. Just started a Blog site of my own... you can find it at "The Naked Truth" ...<<>> My e-mail, if you'd like to contact me, with any new postings, is "" <<>> Have a great trip, and I look forward to reading some more great postings. Glad I'm not the only one out there, who enjoys a little "spanking" LIT.

Anonymous said...

Thanx so much for your tutorials bonnie, you have helped us so much in many ways.
We are both very new to spanking & have just ordered our first new paddle.
Once again thankyou :)

Anonymous said...

I've been with my boyfriend about a year now..
he's smacked my butt a couple times but doesnt kno I'm really into it..
I want him to spank me but I dont want to have to ask for one..
what should I do?

sixofthebest said...

There are two types of spankings. For sexual pleasure, or punishments. If for sexual pleasure it can be a very light spanking, such as 'over the knee', and with the hand given 'love pats'. If on the other hand its a punishment type 'spanking'. The use of a cane is appropriate. 'six of the best on her bare bottom would be perfect.

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