Spanking 101: How Hard is Hard Enough?

So you're just starting your spanking relationship. You want the "real" spanking experience, not some inferior imitation. You've received a few whacks here and there. It was fun and a real turn-on, but you're yearning for that traditional tail-warmer. You want your partner to give you more, much more. You sometimes wonder if there's not something special out there that you're missing.

Your partner is a nice enough guy, but he doesn't really understand all this spanking business. He participates because you asked him. He certainly has no idea what to try next. You are going to have to tell him, no doubt in exquisite detail. But that begs the question, what do you truly want?

For someone who is just learning about how spanking can enhance their relationship, these are very natural questions. The answers get right to the bottom of this activity and its appropriate role in our lives. Each couple is likely to define erotic spanking slightly differently. As with intercourse, the act may be the same, but the meaning that people derive from it can vary greatly. In this context, there are few answers that are objectively right or wrong. Each couple must determine what works best for them.

Every couple who tries spanking, or any other new sexual practice, has at least one objective. Hopefully, they don't have two conflicting aims, but that's another discussion. The goal might be foreplay. It could be just be simple curiosity or a desire for variety. Whatever the reason, the immediate result is generally that nice, healthy glow.

As their interests grow, many couples find other, more meaningful purposes. Among these are fulfillment, communication, intimacy, and trust. For most of us, these elements hold the true value inherent in adult spanking. The pain, it turns out, is not an objective at all. Rather, it's merely a byproduct, a means to an end (and a sore end at that!).

The answer, then, to the original question is "it depends." Each of us is different, physically and emotionally. We have different pain tolerances and levels of desire for physical contact. Issues like how hard and how many are important only in regard to meeting our own individual needs. What is insufficient for one person may be excessive for another. While it can be interesting and fun to compare experiences with others, the details are often not as instructive as they might seem.

The key is to keep in mind what you hope to achieve through your spankings. If this subject is not a part of your discussions, it should be. Within these bounds, your feelings should guide you. There's nothing wrong with starting slowly. In fact, it's probably beneficial to enjoy each step along the path to a richer relationship. You can always turn up the intensity later.

With time, experience, and communication, your partner will learn what you like and where your limits lie. Considerable skill is required to visit those limits without violating them. The reward, however, for both participants, is well worth the effort.

In summary, here are some suggestions for finding your level:

• Know what you want
• Clearly communicate your needs
• Be open to experimentation
• Share your feelings
• Be willing to admit when things aren't working
• Use a safeword
• Learn from your experiences
• Don't blame your partner
• Recognize and respect your differences
• Celebrate your achievements
• Seek that which is truly valuable to you
• Don't be afraid to make it fun

Enjoy yourselves and happy spanking!