Bonnie Before Blogging: Part Three

Finding this interview has been like opening a kinky time capsule for me.

Q11: Do you consider yourself to be submissive?

A11: I am, but not completely so. Outside the bedroom, I am fairly independent. I’m opinionated and I’m not afraid to share my thoughts. I don’t think Randy would ever want me to be any different in this regard. Once the bedroom door closes, though, everything changes. I want my man to be in charge. If that means spanking me and making love to me in whatever fashion he fancies, so be it. He doesn’t take control so much as I loan my control to him for the duration of the session. I want him to take me past my comfort point and beyond where I would go on my own. I find that kind of limit expansion to be exciting and liberating. If that makes me submissive, then I am submissive.

Q12: Do you feel embarrassed about being spanked?

A12: Not really. I would compare it with sex. When I was a teenager, I would have been horrified and embarrassed if I thought that anyone knew I had sex with my boyfriend. I knew in my own mind that there was nothing wrong with it, but I just didn’t think anyone outside my immediate circle of friends would ever understand. Fast forward to today, I would be worried if I thought anyone believed that Randy and I didn’t have sex. It’s not embarrassing at all. It’s natural and what people should do when they are in love. What could possibly be wrong with two lovers celebrating their intimate partnership in the privacy of their bedroom? Spanking is very much like that, at least for me. This is just another method we use to express our mutual affection. Why should I feel guilty or embarrassed about the manner in which my husband demonstrates his love? There’s no reason I can imagine.

Q13: You’ve said that the idea of discipline is a turn-on, but you and Randy don’t practice it. Why not?

A13: That’s a bit complicated. Let’s see if I can untangle it. Since childhood, many of my fantasies have included punishment themes. I’m attracted to the idea of a big, authoritarian man physically correcting me. With that said, fantasies live only in our minds. In this real world, I am a strong and capable adult woman. I would never aspire to be any less. I can manage my life just fine without the need for a parent or an overseer. Randy is no more qualified to judge me than I am for him. Our relationship is simply not about judging. We enjoy disciplinary role play sometimes, but it’s just that. I would never presume to tell any other couple how their relationship should operate, but this arrangement is what works best for us.

Q14: What goes through your head during a spanking?

A14: During the actual spanking, I don’t think there’s much going on in there at all! My thoughts at those moments are limited to “Ow! That hurts!” or “This is definitely more than I wanted,” or maybe even “How can I get out of here?”

It’s beforehand that my mind truly runs wild. It’s strange that I simultaneously anticipate and dread my spankings, but I do. This sort of nervous ambivalence triggers a strong sexual response well before the action begins. I guess I think about the actual act sometimes, but more often my focus is upon the way it makes me feel or the events that are likely to follow.

Immediately after the spanking, I feel extremely aroused. I want my man to make unrestrained love to me in whatever manner he finds most appealing. At this time, my submissive streak is most apparent. After the lovemaking, I feel this incredible peace and warmth. Randy does an amazing job of aftercare. He usually hugs and caresses me. I just want to snuggle up and be as close to him as I can. I never feel more in love than I do there in his arms.

Q15: You say, “it’s not about the pain.” What do you mean?

A15: When people think about spankings, it’s easy to get caught up in the physical act. After all, it is pretty mind-blowing to voluntarily lie across your lover’s lap while he beats your bare bottom with a wooden board. The pain can be quite intense. No amount of preparation or experience ever changes that reality.

But there is also a spiritual aspect that may not be so obvious to those who have yet to experience it. At least at our house, the primary goal of a spanking is not a warm, red, stinging bottom. That outcome is merely an unavoidable byproduct of a more important aim. For reasons I don’t fully comprehend, a well executed spanking can transport my mind to a different space. It’s an intoxicating blend of euphoria, sexual energy, connectedness, and fulfillment. I suppose this sensation might be compared to a “runner’s high.” I love that place, and in fact I crave it sometimes.

The final installment is coming up next.