Thursday, December 03, 2015

Answering Glory

I received an e-mail recently from a woman who calls herself Glory. She finds it strange that I allow Randy to spank me:

I don't remember how I stumbled across your blog, but I was so surprised by your writings that I feel compelled to ask. is this all true? Do you really let your husband spank you hard with paddles and brushes? Does he also slap or punch you? I have known women who were in abusive relationships with men and they could not see how bad it was until they became free. Do you ever think that this might be your situation?

...and so on for a couple more paragraphs.

I appreciate that Glory was polite and respectful in her inquiry. She clearly doesn't understand the relationship that Randy and I share. I think that she wants to help me.

If Glory misunderstands my articles, I have to imagine that she is not alone. I want to take this opportunity to address her concerns and set the record straight.
  1. Randy and I are partners, lovers, and best friends. That has been true for nearly forty years and will remain so for life.

  2. Randy enjoys spanking me. I enjoy being spanked by him. Spankings are an integral part of our lives together. We own spanking toys, spanking clothing and spanking furniture. It's part of our shared identity.

  3. Spankings are unquestionably a big part of our sex life, but they are more than that. Regular spankings connect us as nothing else has.

  4. I am a mature adult woman who is entirely capable of making my own decisions. I've held responsible jobs for more than thirty years. I'm no doormat.

  5. Everything Randy and I do together and everything he does to me is 100% consensual. I am a willing and often eager participant in every spanking.

  6. I like to be spanked. It hurts, of course, but it introduces a tremendous closeness and reinforces the strong bond between us.

  7. I want him to spank me. When we have to skip a week because of real world concerns, I feel disappointed.

  8. I prefer that my spankings be relatively severe. That's why we have a paddle collection. Those intense burning sensations and the emotions they evoke are transformative in ways that are hard to explain to someone who has yet to experience it.

  9. Randy has never intentionally struck me anywhere other than on my bottom, and maybe the very tops of my thighs occasionally.

  10. An abuser aims to diminish his victim. In contrast, Randy lifts me up and helps me to live my fantasies.
So, yes Glory, I really, really do get my bottom spanked hard with serious implements and it's been going on since the 1970s. I love him and he loves me. We express our love in many ways, and one of them happens to involve me lying across his lap and accepting a spanking. Please don't feel sorry for me. We have a good life together. If I could do it all over, there are many things I would change, but I never regret being married to Randy or the many spankings we've shared.


Leigh Smith said...

Nice reply but I'm not sure you or we will ever convince others who are not spankos that it is what we crave.

Anonymous said...

A more articulate and comprehensive response to this bewildered woman could not have been crafted. You have brilliantly illustrated a very loving, enduring relationship, and long may it continue. -JJ

abby said...

A wonderfully worded reply....that love, from both of you to each other, is clearly shown in your writings.
hugs abby

Darren said...

Excellent response, and incisive comments - but I suspect Glory is informed more by belief than rationality.
I've been married for 37 years to a feminist who enjoys and initiates spankings, (and canings, and paddlings and...) as part of our sex life. For her the keywords are self-determination and consensualty, and, of course, equality

sixofthebest said...

Bonnie, I agree with you 100% of the answer you gave this misinformed woman about us 'spanko's. And such thoughts from this woman about us, will forever be misinformed. And maybe forever more.

Cat said...

Excellent reply Bonnie and I agree with everything you said. I very much know the difference between abuse and a loving, consenting relationship as I almost died in an abusive relationship...nothing like my relationship with my ex or with Matthew which were both 100% loving and consensual. I agree with Sunny...not sure if Glory will believe you or any of us but at least you tried to educate her.

Hugs and blessings...Cat

lindy thomas said...

Well written Bonnie. Hope Glory can understand a bit better what goes on in a spankos mind and life. It's a pity we can't all band together to explain to her and others with her views that we all consent and it is definitely not abuse.
Hugs Lindy

an English Rose said...

Hi Bonnie, great answer to Glory. Why I wonder do people who are not interested n our lifestyle choices feel the need to stick their noses in and question us ? If we were not happy doing what we do we wouldn't be bragging about it out here would we? lol. If you don't like what we say don't come and visit us I say. I wonder what Glory is actually out here searching for...
love Jan, xx

Rich Person said...

It's a brilliant answer, Bonnie. But I think #10 gets to the heart of it. It shows it's a loving relationship, one that builds the other person up instead of tearing them down. Good work educating the public, to the degree the public is willing to be educated!

Terpsichore said...

very nicely answered

Hermione said...

A well-thought out and very clear answer, Bonnie, but I wonder why she could not have figured that out by reading even a small portion of your blog. I think that she can't believe a woman would actually want to be spanked, and nothing you say will change her mind.


Our Bottoms Burn said...

The country could use a few more people who speak/write with such clarity.

Country Spanker said...

I spank my wife but all we do she is very much in agreement with, and often does things to instigate a spanking. If she ever decides that she no longer wants spanking then it will end no question.

Bonnie said...

Thanks everyone for your responses. I have not heard back from Glory, so I don't know whether she read my post or what she might think about it.

Leigh - If we cannot achieve understanding, and perhaps we cannot, let's aim for tolerance. My hope would be that people might stop immediately assuming abuse and consider whether our relationships might be something else that is far more positive.

JJ - Aw, thank you!

Abby - Thanks.

Darren - My read is that Glory was simply uninformed. She heard about spousal abuse from friends and media. Now here I come writing about my experiences on the internet. My articles, to her, seemed to be superficially similar to abuse. A man hits his wife. She didn't have sufficient background to draw any other conclusion. I believe she was genuinely concerned about my well being.

Six - I didn't include the entire e-mail above, but I conclude that Glory was more uninformed than misinformed. I don't think that she is necessarily close-minded and that's why I chose to reply.

Cat - I don't know whether she will believe me either, but I wanted to explain about our lives.

Lindy - As with every social change, the effort is advanced one person at a time. The first step is to convince people that we are no danger to anyone, least of all ourselves.

Jan - I didn't perceive that Glory was finding fault with our lifestyle. Rather, she was confused and concerned. If she had been critical, I would have simply deleted her message and moved on.

RP - Thanks. I agree. That last item was placed there intentionally.

Terps - Thank you!

Hermione - I didn't see her as being close-minded so much as simply not having any experience that would help her understand a phenomenon that appears contradictory. Pain is bad, right? Why would anyone ever knowingly inflict pain on someone they love? There is, as we know, a very good reason, but Glory didn't know that.

OBB - Thank you.

CS - I'm sure that's true for us as well.

Florida Dom said...

Interesting that Gloria "stumbled'' across your blog. Maybe she has some spankings fantasies but doesn't understand them. And, Bonnie, always good to have you stop by.

abby williams said...

Hi Bonnie,

I'm finally back in action! And it is because I care so much about the spanking community and the people who are new to it, who need to know they are normal and loved. As well as the people who have known their whole lives, who need to know that this is ok, that it's not abuse, that it's living, if that's who they are. It's been a rough transition in Arizona, I miss Portland more than I could have ever known, hence the delay in working on anything. But I'm working on a book now, as well as finally blogging again, starting yesterday. I'm so glad you came back to blogging too. I wasn't sure what I would find when I got back online. I'm so happy that it's everyone I care about, plus so many more.

Abby W.

Mystery mom said...

Very well said! There are a lot of people who think it is abuse. I was abused for 9 years as a child. The biggest differences i see are when i was a child, i was belittled and my self esteem attacked. With my husband, he loves me very mich and is helping me to become a better person...the person i want to be. I have been wanting a spanking for a while and finally tonight, I got it! Afterwards, I felt so much relief and more focused and stress free. I have a type A personality (perfectionist, high strung, seeks to control every aspect of life) and I don't give up control easily. Being the submissive really helps. I also wanted to say that the spanking made me respect my husband more and I look forward to more in the future. Definitely consensual (and desired) as well as needed for me.

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