86% of all men and women are intrigued by having kinky sex.
Common sense dictates that these people are not all active spankos. But I think we can assume that a sizable number would be interested in our favorite aerobic exercise were the opportunity presented.
If you could offer some thoughts to the hoping/wishing/wondering/waiting portion of that eighty six percent, what would they be? Would you provide advice about getting started? Would you suggest they follow their dreams? Would you urge caution? Would you share your own positive experiences? Or would you direct them to a forum or information source?
For those who are not in a spanking relationship, what sort of advice or information would be beneficial for you?
I would love to hear from everyone this weekend, including those who are not currently active. As usual, please enter your response in the form of a comment below. At the conclusion of the weekend, I will post an edited summary.
23 comments :
I honestly feel like it's all of those choices. I would suggest they do some research, figure out what it is they like and don't like, visit some forums and blogs, and just talk to people. Make friends who can understand that need and who you can go to for advice. I'd tell them to be careful, go slow, and not rush into anything when meeting someone new.
Just as Brooke says. There are lots of websites out there for people to get an idea of what is happening out there. These are both in the form of forums and information sites as well as blogs. The blogs you have linked here are a great start (and probably finish), Bonny. I also would tell people to be careful and to make sure that they knew what kind of thing they wanted before they jumped in. But then, perhaps go for it!
I have recently become excited by the idea of my husband spanking me dont know how to bring it up. Dont want to scare him or make him think badly of me. Help
I believe that life is short, be adventurous, try new things and STOP worrying what other people - or your opinion of what society at large - would think. Read, comment, talk to your partner, join a spanking group - whatever suits your personality.
Relax, do no harm, and ENJOY!
I would suggest that people not wait 32 years to tell their spouse their most intimate needs. My husband and I have always been very open with each other about our sex life, but even though he playfully spanked me or swatted me, I never revealed the need to be tih. It just made me feel like a freak. Now I'm a 54 year old woman, and we are fumbling our way through this new lifestyle. My husband hesitates to cause me "pain", as I live with other pains. I think things would have been so much smoother if we started earlier. - Belle L.
THinking about a specific friend, I would tell her to do some research, but communication with your partner is most important. I would tell her that we talked for weeks without actually doing anything. I would tell her to be patient, not force it, but to have fun trying stuff out!
All are excellent suggestions. But the most important advice I could give them is FOLLOW THEIR DREAMS. Since all of us have only one life to live.
I am one of those interested people in need of advice. My only spanking experience before now was not so good. I blame myself, I didn't establish boundaries. I see that now and won't repeat that mistake. I'm now remarried to someone wonderful.
I need advice on how to establish rules. My husband isn't the best at remembering what I tell him. If I tell him "don't take the trash down on Tuesday because we're on a one day delay this week," he only remembers "trash...Tuesday...this week" and so the trash goes down a day early. lol So, with that in mind, would it be too much for me to make him a list of exactly what it is I want and have a list of no-nos and have him study it before we start? I'm not submissive and I am not sure how to make him understand that I like to be spanked, but my needs are very specific and I have some fears I'm trying to work through. I need to take this one step at a time. Thanks. :)
We are who we are and the greatest gift you can give is your true self. Sharing my secret desires with Nina has made us closer and improved our relationship, but it is a journey that is still ongoing. I enthusiastically agree that everyone should follow their dreams, and don't wait until tomorrow to start!!
Dear Bonnie, on another subject matter. A nostalgic subject matter. In your column blog dated Feb 16th 2006, you and your husband Randy list 10 renowned celebraties, that he would like to spank. And 10 renowned celebraties that you would like to be spanked by. As of today, would you and your husband, still pick the same ones.
I agree with Belle L and with Sixofthebest. It took me 27 years to get brave enough to reveal my desires in this area to my husband. It has been awesome and I so wish I had done it sooner! You only live once so make it count & follow your dreams!
Make Mine Red
I'd say life is short and go for it! Express caution and try to do a bit of research first to make things as safe and informed as possible, but give it a try.
I would direct them to the many excellent blogs out there about spanking and I would also try to answer there questions if I could.
Bob
I am sure 86% is true. In a long term relationship, straight sex will eventually become boring, and loose it's thrill, but there are many kinks, which will keep it alive, Our's are moderate spanking and bondage, but both must be with the tacit agreement of both of us. S will yelp and wriggle as she is spanked, but this is part of arousing her to a sexy peak, and the sight and feel of her bottom reddening and bouncing does the same for me as well. She also loves to be securely tied , in a exposed pose, so that I can have my wicked way with her, in any way I fancy. D
First, I would tell them they are not alone, that there is nothing unusual about their desires, and that they should pursue their dream. I would follow that up by sharing a little of my own personal experience, then would direct them to both my blog and this one, so they could read first-hand how enjoyable spanking can be.
I'd tell them to follow their dreams. Do some research, communicate with partner. I'd share my experiences and answers any questions they wanted to ask. I'd also direct them over to your blog.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
For those who are starting out and not in a relationship, I think the first thing is to know what you want out of spanking and your particular psychology. Second is to learn and communicate. Browse some groups, get to know which reflect how you feel about spanking and see what others say. Third is to connect via email or other forms if communication to explore with who your communicating whether they as persons as well as participants in the spanking scene are compatible. Fourth, it would probably be good to join a group, go to a munch or a party and learn what you can from those. When you connect with someone, know that the person on the bottom should have and take control of the scene, including and establishing a safe word. Also in connecting be sure you know what you want -- play, sex or its prelude, punishment, discipline. Whatever it is start slow and trust yourself as to what you want and get to trust whoever is your partner.
I would say to everyone, simply try it. Get reading about it, get some advice from the blogs, don't wait a million years like I did to talk to each other. What goes on behind closed doors is nobody's business(except on the blogs when it is everybody's business!) Maybe read some spanking stories and just have fun, Love Jan
Everyone has already posted really good thoughts and ideas, so I will offer a recent personal experience, because even those who are established within their fetish may still sometimes become shy about trying something new. When about a month ago, I suddenly found myself wanting to try using an actual bdsm-style ball gag, I wasn't sure how to bring it up to Mr. W, because we identify with having a spanking fetish and don't really have an interest in bondage or other such areas. I do, however, frequently share my fantasies with him, so I let him know that I'd been starting to fantasize about being gagged during a spanking (and other administrations to my backside). I explained fully why I thought it might be exciting, but also explained what I didn't want - I wanted to be able to have control over it, to get it out of my mouth if needed, to still be able to make sounds or even words. I talked a while before asking if he would be interested in trying it with me. He said he would, so we then browsed online to get an idea of what was out there, and then finally went to a few stores downtown so I could see them in person as well, to get a feel for size and texture. It made for an exciting day! We found just the right one together, and after all the talking and exploration of the idea, when we tried it out I wasn't afraid or embarrassed, I was just confident and turned on.
I would do all of those things. Life is too short, enjoy every minute if it. I would reassure them they are most definitely not alone in their desires. Directing them here to your site would probably be the best advice of all :)
Bonnie,
I agree with Belle. Also, tell them that there are all different kinds of kink and that just because they spank it doesn't mean that they'll wind up doing extreme things that scare them. I never knew that. Every glass of water finds it's own level.
Bea
If you have a particular kink you want to explore, but you aren't sure whether your partner will accept it, I would recommend breaking the ice with something a little less threatening than an open confession about what you want. Maybe watch some of the kinkier offerings on cable, like "Real Sex" on HBO. Or, if there is a blog or internet site that caters to your kink, show to your partner and judge their reaction. In our case, my own interest in spanking started with a segment on that fetish that I saw on a cable program. And, it was the Disciplinary Wives Club website that started my interest in DD. I worked up the courage to tell my wife about the DWC site, and she was surprisingly open to giving it a try.
Also, be comforted by the statistic Bonnie quoted: If 89% of the people out there are interested in kink, is it more likely that your partner is one of the 89% of kinksters or one of the 11% of pure vanillas? If you are yearning for some kink in your life, the odds are pretty good that your partner is, too.
I just sat down to work on blog catch up this week...and I saw the mouthwatering food on your blog and now I am starving!:) Blood sugar dive...brb once I can concentrate.:)
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