Our topic this time is drawn from a e-mail from a young woman named Jenni. She is "totally obsessed" with the idea of being spanked, but has never experienced a spanking. She thinks her boyfriend would be willing to spank and she is not afraid of the pain. What worries Jenni most is the "feeling of pure humiliation" that accompanies being put across a lover's lap and soundly spanked.
Do you think that it's humiliating for an adult to receive a spanking? Why or why not? If so, is this feeling is an inherent part of a spanking or does it depend upon how the participants perceive it?
As always, I encourage you to answer our question in the form of a comment below. At the end of the weekend, I will post an edited summary.
31 comments :
Adult spanking does not need to be humiliating at all. It's all in the minds of the top and bottom. It can be in one mind or both. If the top likes to humiliate the bottom and the bottom is not into it, it can go downhill fast. I think it's possible for the bottom to want to and experience humiliation without the top even knowing it.
I am not of the opinion that humiliation, desired or not, is a healthy thing.
I don't think it's necessarily humiliating in general, but it can be depending on how it's handled and the mindset of the participants. Personally, I find it more humbling than anything. But it is when I've let go of stubbornness and pride and I'm feeling humble that I'm most open to Steve.
A little embarrassing or humbling, yes.
But humiliation has a negative or forced feel to it. In a DD context anyway, spanking is meant as more of a caring consensual act that will ultimately result in a positive effect.
It would also depend on a persons definition of what constitutes humiliation to them.
I think if the spanking is for punishment it could be a tad embarrassing or humiliating. If it is for fun and frolic, I think not.
I think it has to do with the mindset of the one over the knee. It might feel humiliating or embarrassing at first - it is a somewhat ludicrous position, after all - but that's part of the appeal. After a while it becomes perfectly natural, and if both parties approach it from that point of view, it isn't humiliating at all.
I think it depends on the spanking situation. If she just wants playful erotic spanks, then she should definitely discuss that before she ever goes across her bf's lap. You don't want him thinking you want him to just whack the heck out of for the sake of whacking. I prefer spanking as foreplay with playful swats and pillow talk and don't think there is anything humiliating there.
I have also used spanking, sparingly for discipline. In that case I expect a lesson to be learned and will even verbalize that the spankee should be embarrassed that I am having to spank her for such 'naughty' behavior.
There is certainly an element of humiliation in going over my wife’s knee for a spanking. Big boy reduced to naughty boy is an important part of my submission and I get a thrill when I am told to “get over my lap for a spanking and be quick about it.”
Head down, taring at the fibers of the carpet, knowing that my bare bottom is exposed on her knee and is about to be roasted with the hairbrush is definitely humiliating.
But,heck, that's why I like being spanked.
If the spanking is for punishing a naughty lady, by all means humiliation is very important. One example, would be to stand her in the corner, displaying her spanked reddened bare bottom.
it depends on the individuals concerned. there is no humiliation factor in my OTK or any other spanking sessions with BIKSS.
for us it's about connecting and enjoying our time together.
It depends on the reason for getting the spanking. If it is for fun/foreplay (spontaneous, casual, and quick) then it may be pure excitement without any embarrassment.
If it's something more formal, ritualized, for punishment, etc. it may be quite distressing and embarrassing. There is the physical embarrassment, yes, but for a punishment the anguish is usually more about "messing up" rather than only the physical position of being spanked.
There are also people who *enjoy* being embarrassed. If Jenni is not one of them, there are lots of things she can try to minimize it. Maybe if she is fully clothed, bent over a piece of furniture rather than a lap, etc. that might make her feel less vulnerable. Or, conversely, maybe OTK with lots of loving words and caresses may reassure her that it's an adult pastime and not something to be embarrassed about.
I think it has a lot to do with mindset and intent.
There is being humiliated and feeling a little humble or shamed and the differences might appear to be minuscule but it is a crucial difference.
Spankings don't have to be humiliating; they can be sexy, giggle-filled frolics. I like these about one quarter of the time. They always end up with hot, spicey sex.
I think spanks are best when punishing and humiliating! I LOVE it when I'm lectured, and told that I'm going to be spanked, then slowly bared, and put over the knee (or some embarassing position like the wheelbarrel, or just having to grab one's ankles), and being punished hard and long, long enough to be pushed past one's limits and to have to cry and beg for mercy. Even though I hate corner time, I need it sometimes. Finally, to be hugged, praised for taking my medicine so well, having my abused bottom caressed and lotion-massaged. That's when the resultant sex is mind-blowing, cathartic, cosmic...
Jean Marie
As Dana said, I don't think it is about humiliation as much as humility, i.e. being humbled. Submission is not an easy thing for most men, and for those in female-led spanking relationships, submission is part of both the attraction and the challenge.
I think if an adult is punished strictly for misdeeds as I do with Bob then yes a spanking is painful and humiliating. He knows he's going to be reduced to begging and kicking over my knee like a small child and knowing that is very humiliating. And then if you add a witness as I did once that brings humiliation to a whole new level.
I have never felt humiliated...submissive more readily comes to mind. A first spanking is always so.....full of many thoughts.
abby
A punishment spanking is humiliating.
A reward spanking on the other hand is fun and sexy as hell!
Since this is a private one on one activity there is absolutely no reason it should be humiliating . . . unless she allows it to be in her own mind. We have been spanking for forty years and there is no humiliation involved unless you want that [and we do not].
I think the realization that one desires to be spanked can be very humiliating due to the cultural issues we bring to the experience.But those feelings come from within us and aren't inherent to the act itself and so don't have to be present-mindset is everything-as others have mentioned.(Gosh I sound like I'm at a lectern looking out over my glasses and my hair is wrapped too tightly on top of my head. Maybe I need a good spanking.....)
How I feel about a spanking depends completely on how my husband introduces it to me. If it is erotic, and he says that when he invites me into it - then i love it and am not the least bit embarrassed.
If it is for discipline, then I am embarrassed before the lecture begins.
God, I would love an erotic spanking with a furry paddling thing.....
hugs
lillie
Some people get an additional thrill out of humiliation. If that's not your gig, I don't think it needs to be humiliating at all! It's an intimate act, certainly, but doesn't need to be humiliating, IMHO
I think it depends on the individual. I've never had a humiliating spanking. I can't imagine a loving couple making it humiliating, but I guess it happens.
What does Jenni actually want ? If it is just a burning smarting bottom, then she can be spanked over thin clothing, touching her toes, where a good sized paddle will provide all the smart she craves, and little humiliation. But I suspect she really wants a proper spanking; bottom bare and spread, bent tightly over her boy friend's lap, and his hand landing on it until she is squirming and asking for mercy. Yes, this is humbling, but it also provides a sexy and fulfilling back ground to go with her smarting bottom. S.
This is one aspect I have never seen addressed, for me this rings so true. I to do have a hard time with the humiliation, and awkwardness of laying across someones lap. While ironically this is my favorite position, I find I am more at ease and comfortable in other positions.
C
I also think it depends entirely on the mindset of the person being spanked. As we all know there are many different types of spankings, some of which are more prone to induce humiliation than others. It could also easily depend on the spanking position. A diaper position spanking might be more humiliating.
I agree with everyone else; it is mostly the mindset of the spankee. I understand her concerns though; for as long as I remember, I have felt it humiliating to be spanked otk!! In our early days, I absolutely refused to be otk!!!! Fortunately, Davey was new to spanking and being HoH, and just accepted that, but it would be a different story now, I know!
I prefer lying on the bed, or bending over a sofa/table... I am gradually coming around, but it has been a long process. I am ok now with otk for all spankings except punishment. I still feel utterly humiliated in going otk for a punishment spanking. But, I think that is a good thing, because it is a sign of my submission to Davey that I obey him and accept his desired position for any spanking. He never does anything in order to humiliate me; far from it. It is entirely in my head. For other spankings, though, I now quite enjoy the intimacy and closeness of being otk...so I am progressing!!!
xxx
I've not had many spankings yet and they have all been across Starman's lap. To feel him under me, and his hand on my rump is very comforting. I don't know how I will react one day if I have to bend over something like the sofa back. I'm not sure, quite frankly, that my back could cope with it. I'm very comfortable in my own skin, and can think of a lot of much more humiliating things than being naked for a spanking. Mind games during a punishment could be humiliating, and for me that would be a very hard limit. Why would you really want to humiliate someone you love in that way?
I just wish my bottom still looked like it did thirty years ago!
Hugs, Ami
We are new to this whole spanking 'thing' too. I think it was more embarrassing asking than it was receiving.
The first time my husband spanked me we talked a lot before, during, and then WELL after (wink). I think if you go in with the mindset that this might be a tad awkward the first time- and not be afraid to address the elephant in the room, the embarrassment should be reduced greatly. AS for humiliation, even during punishment, I have never felt anything but love.
Good Luck !
Willie
I have to ask for a spanking... she is reluctant most of the time...
There is no humiliation... but I am always looking for a "brain centering" spanking... hard to get me to sweat and struggle a bit... but she does it to me because she knows I like it, want it, need it...
No it can be just a fun thing. Humiliation is sometimes a desired part of the scene, however.
Rod of The Canery blog
I have a blog about this www.1950princess.blogspot.co.uk
Princess x
Erotic spankings are not humiliating. They may seem a tad silly. I actually feel like I am getting an enjoyable massage when I get an erotic spanking.
Punishment can be embarrassing, but mostly because I am ashamed of doing something that was unacceptable. Being humbled or submitting can be part of humiliation. I would not want to be humiliated by my submission to a spanking. To me, submitting is done with some pride. I decide to submit, and then I do it. Getting a spanking does not make me into a lesser person, so it is not humiliating. It makes me into a better person.
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