Saturday, February 04, 2012

MBS Spanko Brunch #316

Hello again, my friends. Please pull up a nicely padded seat and join the conversation!

Fetlife is billed as the Facebook for kinksters. Are you a member? If so, how often do you visit? If not, why not? What aspects of the Fetlife community are appealing or unappealing to you?

To join our brunch discussion, just enter your response as a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary.

29 comments :

morningstar said...

oh boyyyyyyyyy I could write a book on this topic.

I was one of the first people on FetLife - I was a beta tester (the joys of attending munches and meeting like minded people. I met John - owner - at a munch)

I beta tested for a bit - then when it was up and running I completely forgot about it.

Then months later (many many months later) someone asked if I had heard of FetLife.... so I wandered back to take a look.

I was impressed. In those days you have to remember it was very small and consisted mostly of local (to me) folks. As it grew I found it interesting and fun - all these new folks to 'chat' with......

Then it became the same old same old.. and I left.

Now I go on maybe twice a month - sometimes more - but mostly I go on to check on events here in our hometown.

A lot of us "old timers" are starting to say FetLife has opened the flood gates to a whole bunch of folks who just want instant gratification. I know we see them coming out to events here and muddying the waters.

Recently I read a thread on some group or another about how the lifestyle is becoming "watered down" and some blame put on sites like FetLife and others that opened up a more or less closed community to people who want to be in on the latest "fad".

Now I try very hard to stay on the sidelines of everything - from FetLife to events. This is a very personal choice. I am not happy with the behaviours of those "newbies / wannabees" who claim expertise......... or knowledge ... who have no basic social skills - never mind BDSM rules and protocols.

I believe sites like FetLife - though meaning well - have caused more problems than I need or want.

(putting my soap box away - and mumbling an apology for voicing a very non-popular opinion)

James said...

I enjoyed FetLife, when it first started, I used to sign in quite alot.

But I have to agree with morningstar, it's become a not so nice place to visit. I may go in to check on some happenings in the area, but other than that I stay away, and I sure don't post anymore.

A lot of wanna be's, an some not very nice people.

james

sunnygirl said...

Not a member. Have never visited, either.

Spanky said...

We have not ventured into FetLife. Our anonymity is important to us, and therefore we aren't interested in meeting like-minded people in person. I have to admit I have thought of making an account just to lurk, but haven't done it. I find that I waste quite enough time already between my blog and trying to keep up with all the others! But it is a temptation.

Dioneo said...

I'm on FetLife sporadically (Dioneo_D). I joined as SpankoLife began to have its troubles, hoping FL would be a good substitute. I've met some new friends there--and some old ones--but it definitely has a different vibe. It's a very diverse community, and yet the core membership seems to have a darker slant than is my ideal. The diversity of kinks on there is in some sense its best aspect and in other senses a weakness. Whatever you're into, you'll most likely find like-minded folks there. But, it's kind of overwhelming and I think it takes away from a sense of community that a more specialized site would have. At the very least, it could offer search features.

sarah thorne said...

Yep. I am a member. I guess it's been 2 or 3 years? I put off joining, altho my friends had all joined. And when I finally did, I only checked in once a month or so, if that. But then, I got a bit more involved as I got used to the site, and like it well enough. It's just another way to keep in touch with people you've met who may not be close enough that you talk to them everyday through other means (Yahoo, email and phone), but with whom you'd like to develop a bit more knowledge of outside of maybe a party where you see one another once a year.

sarah

overherlap said...

I have not joined Fetlife because I am only interested in F/M & M/F spanking, primarily of a disciplinary nature. Not at all interested in BDSM & Bondage, so I do not see place for me there.
Dave

joeyred51 said...

I am a member of FL and like to visit the site to learn about events in the NY area. I belong to a great club, The Spanking Club of New York. Events are posted on FL as well as who will be attending from around the country.

There are also lots of excellent materials on Shibari, a fetish which I enjoy very much.

I am on FL often to correspond with my friends to stay connected with them.

Dragon's Rose said...

Yep, I'm on fet. I visit once or twice a month to check out local events, chat with lifestyle friends and look at a few new pics. There are places for people who sew, love corsets and where Christianity and kink mix. An all in one kinda place. Don't like the spako groups though.

kzroth.com said...

Okay, I just joined. Not sure why, curiosity I guess. From the outsider just wondering around it looks to have some interest. Most of the writing groups I'm on have become way too vitriolic. At least with a BDSM group you sort of expect a level of, um, aggression. My muse is always on the look out for new playgrounds.

This is She. said...

I love fetlife :) I access it nearly everyday. What is appealing to me is the fact that I have a better opportunity of making friends with other open minded people, like myself. There are unappealing aspects, though, and that is all the DRAMA. But, you know, that is not fetlife's fault.. it is the fault of people who are too bored in their lives. Some people just gotta troll. I don't let it get to me, though. I just ignore it :)

Hermione said...

Like Sunnygirl, I am not a member, nor have I ever visited. I joined Spankolife, but only signed in a few times, and didn't stay long. I have more than enough to keep me busy with my own blog and the others I frequent to need any more diversions. There are only so many hours in the day I can devote to online activities.

abby said...

Never joined, never visited. If I get curious enough I mighgt some day. abby

Scunge said...

Was one of the first 20,000 to join,but I hardly go there anymore. My fiance goes much more than I do,and lets me know if I need to check something out. There seem to be quite a bit of friend collectors on there that don't bother to read profiles.

Duality said...

I haven't joined FL because Grace enjoys it so much that I don't want to intrude into it. That said, she does talk a bit about it from time to time. It just seems to be a place where people who think their definition of what the "lifestyle" (be that any and all of the fetish lifestyles) is is the only REAL definition of the way it should be. So there is a lot of drama generated by people over the silliest of things. Like who is and isn't a submissive for example. Just nonsense. But there does seem to be some very good support groups full of very nice people who aren't as judgmental of every little nitpicking thing that you do, so I would highly recommend the group to those who are searching for information.

Loki_Darksong said...

I rather enjoy Fetlife. I am a regular visitor with a group that I co-lead.

I have met many new friends, both local and at a distance. I have found resources that even I would have had trouble locating via Fetlife. And I have become more active within The Scene as a result of joining. And I mean this as an S/Mer as well as a Spanker, although I do not see the separation of the two as necessarily.

Of course I will not say that the site does not have its share of flaws. Some people have joined Fetlife just to prop themselves up in some imagined way. Or worse, spread discourse and misinformation as gospel with the most selfish of reasons. I am an experienced member of this community, with twenty-five years under my belt. I have tried to counter that wherever it occurs, especially when someone new to Fetlife is involved.

Giving aid to those who are new, no matter what sex, or race, or orientation, is one of the main reasons why I like the site. It gives the people who do not have the ability to say visit a club or a event or a group a chance to meet others and to learn from them how to be an experienced and safe person within our realm.

Now if we can just get folks to understand that!

Oh and overherlap, trust me. There are plenty of F/M and M/F spanking groups on Fetlife for you to explore. ;-)

Daisychain said...

Nope. I am busy enough just keeping up here! I think I may have visited it once...if that is the site we were encouraged to visit once, years ago? but if so, it was just the once... xxx

Dr. Ken said...

Yes, I'm on FetLife. I go there maybe once a week or so...not really on a regular basis. It's more BDSM oriented than I like, and not really geared toward spanking-only people such as myself. There are a lot of spanking groups, but it's obviously not the main focus of the site.

SpankoLife would be a better alternative, but their software hasn't worked properfly for months. I really can't recommend it, based on that fact.

Erica said...

I spend more time on FetLife than I care to admit. :-) I really do enjoy the community of it, for the most part, and it's a fun social network for those of the kink persuasion.

Dislikes? As with any big group, you get some really rude people on occasion. Flame wars erupt. Sock puppets torment others. But you'll find that anywhere. And some of the pictures really make me crave brain bleach...

I agree that a spanking-only forum is nicer for us, but IMHO, SpankoLife sucks. I belonged there for a while and left.

thecanery said...

I think I still have a valid membership, but I never visit these days. It's not really my scene to be honest. There seems to be a gap between silly bratty spanking sites and the more extreme stuff like FL.

A.S.S. said...

We both are members and have been since pretty early on (amongst the first 35,000 or so to sign up). How much we visit varies. Probably averages to about 4 or 5 times a week these days, though many of those are shorter visits. The best thing about the site is seeing how vast the spanko world really is. It can be easy to think of it being only as big as your experiences are... that it is bloggers or a certain party group or message board. The spanko world is massive though. There are groups everywhere. We find them in Kansas, Connecticut and Hawaii... South Africa and Australia. Then beyond the groups, actual spankos are even more prevalent. They're everywhere!

It's a little like the first time you realized, 'Hey, I am not alone in these desires'... only way bigger! That makes it pretty easy to talk with people that share your interests in spanking.

As for the downside, that's pretty easy... the petty drama. It can be endless. People gripping about who is on your friend's list, thinly veiled snark, gossip mongering... yada-yada-yada. Can steer clear of it, but its not always easy. Overall though, it is a very good site for spankos.

:)
~Todd and Suzy

Molded By Him said...

I'm not a member as we're just exploring our sexuality together. I would imagine as we become more free in our responses to each other, I would like to join and learn more about ways to please.

Lea said...

I'm a very active member on Fetlife. I think I check it more than my Facebook, lol. Kinky things are more interesting to read about than my aunt putting her house up for sale, after all. One's enjoyment of it probably depends on how involved they choose to get. It's a nice way to stay in touch with friends in the scene (who some may not want to mix on their Facebook) and I like to participate in many discussions in various group forms. Learn a lot of interesting stuff and it often inspires a blog topic of my own.

Spankedhortic II said...

I did register with Fetlife when it first opened up. I got in contact with some real time wasters and found, as the site grew, that it got harder and harder to find interesting threads to read and it took too much of my computer time (which is very short some days). It must be more than a year since I have been back there and I do not intend to go there anymore.

Prefectdt

Molly said...

Yes I am a member of Fetlife, an interesting place on the web. If it is happening in the world of kink someone on Fet is bound to know about it.

I use the site mainly to organise the local munch that I run and to keep in touch with real life friends I have made through that and other events we have been too, as well as few international friends too. As I said, for me it is a great place to find out what other local people up too and also the events that are on in my local area.

Like any social network site it attracts the fucktards but considering the number of active users I would have to say that in general they are not too bothersome either.

There are however a great many 'experts; on fetlife who really know nothing about fuck all but like to talk about it all as if they do and there are also a lot of people with strong opinions that can be delivered in an offensive manner. If you can learn to identify these people, take them with a pinch of salt and of the course not forget the most important rule of social sites ... do not allow the place to become your whole life... then there is much to enjoy.

Mollyxxx

Rod of "The Canery" blog said...

Despite my earlier comment, perhaps I should give it another try...

Hobbes said...

Yes, I am a member of the site and get there probably once or twice a week. It is so broad that nine-five percent does not interest me but . . . that said, there are some nice spanking pics, spanko folks, groups, discussion threads that make it worth the time to visit and post. Facebook does not entrall me and I likely spend about the same amount of time on each, less than an hour a week. Now the place I never miss and enjoy the most is this one.

CurtisG said...

Because I chose to be part of a few groups on Fet Life, I get e-mails about threads that have been started in some of them and I join in on those that interest me and about which I have something to offer. I also, on occasion, look at threads that interest me but for which I have nothing to offer. My problem with Fet Life is that it tends to be dominated by people who are into many things beyond the spanking for pleasure that I'm into and thus it's hard to find connections with the like-minded.

Texringer said...

I was going to post, but CurtisG said everything I had to say. Said it well, too!

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