Welcome back, dear friends. Our topic for this week is one I have discussed on the blog before, but I don't recall ever explicitly asking your opinion.
Over the past four and a half years, I have had hundreds of readers (primarily women, but several men as well) share with me that they always dreamed of being spanked. Many of them subsequently realized these aspirations and reported back their impressions. I don't think a single person ever said, "It was terrible. I didn't enjoy being spanked. I don't know why I ever thought I would." What I heard instead was an almost unanimous enthusiasm to go further and try more.
It's possible that those whose experiments failed didn't bother to write me back, but the more likely explanation is that people who are interested in spanking in the abstract tend to be more interested once they get a spicy taste of reality. Even if their first experience was less than perfect (and most are), their craving is typically intensified.
So what do you think? Why is it that few, if any, first timers walk away?
To join in our brunch conversation, all you need to do is enter a comment below. I would especially like to hear from readers who experienced their first adult spanking recently. Once everyone has spoken, I will post an edited summary.
12 comments :
I remember Nick telling me when I first got the courage to bring it up that he was more than willing to try it but I might not like it in reality as much as I did in fantasy. One of the few times he has been dead wrong!!
People who are spanko have usually known since they were children. We're sure, we don't want to go back. I guess some vanilla men who have to be talked into it may decide to give it up but most seem to like the idea.
I have often worried about men who are spanko's but waited like I did until 20 or more years into the marriage to bring it up. Much harder for them to talk a vanilla wife into letting them spank them than we woman who just have to talk them into spanking us. That could be a tough situation.
PK
As PK said, engaging in spanking is probably something the person has thought of, dreamed about and longed for over a period of many years. The first time is always the hardest for any new experience, and especially so for one so emotionally charged. But once that difficult first step has been taken, the worst is over. The second time is easier, and the third easier still. It's a slippery slope, but such a nice one!
The last sentence in Hermione's comment confirmed my impression that a first spanking is a little like the first time you have sex; it's usually pretty gruesome but there still aren't many 'one time only' almost-virgins around. I generally cringe at pop psychology expressions like "I'm emotionally invested in this" but it's true for spankos especially; we can't just shrug off a lifetime of intense fantasies because of one lacklustre encounter.
(Sorry I was away for so long, guys, but I was taking a grad course and I vowed to stay away from all non-essential websites until it was over. And my final exam was on Wednesday. Really looking forward to catching up with MBS and all those videos that went viral on YouTube.)
~Missy
For me the feeling of freedom and the sdrenaline rush was the keeper. I remember being confused at my enjoyment and by the fact that I was so excited and so relaxed at 1 time. I can not fathom going back to no spanking. I miss it when we go to long with out. I need the feeling. For me it is the "peaceful easy feeling".
Bonnie,
I don't think this is all of it, but I do believe that the physiological reward that the brain receives (and that OTHER PLACES in turn receive) could be at least part of the reason that first timers don't walk away. There were psychological reasons did brought me to spanking in the first place, that can't be discounted, but you don't usually hear about the real butt to brain to sex organs connection.
Watch this video to know what I mean. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xb46gc_manswers-does-spanking-turn-you-ony_sexy or you can google *pudendal nerve* and see how it works - biologically speaking!
Hugs!
Elysia
I think once you have come to grips with the fact you want to be spanked you have worked out in your mind that your going to like it. You have in essence become a spanko before getting spanked.
You have fantasized a about it for so long and know it is what you need... in some form. The issue has likely been finding a trustworthy sole to bare your desire and derriere to that can understand your need and give you what you crave vs what THEY think a spanking should be.
My long standing fantasies had more to do with dominance than with spanking, but not quite in the fully BDSM sense. The first time I found something online that made it all 'click' as to what it was I'd been feeling, it was spanking/discipline related.
My first spanking experience was with my husband, after having timidly approached the subject of domestic discipline. It was exhilarating, scary, and much like first time sex - somewhat awkward for us both. Yet, I know instantly, that I wanted more.
Well I would assume that most people getting into the scene have put the time and research into it way before experiencing it and so they lessened the percentage of failure. But I actually think there are a lot of people it doesn't fit for, but like you said Bonnie, we just don't hear from them about it :)
I think some first time spankos end up leaving the scene because it was more intense than they expected it to be. They have a vision in their mind of something more playful and then it ends up being something both emotionally and physically more intense.
When I first met Todd, I knew that spanking in all it's forms was right for me, but I was nervous at first that the disciplinary aspect was a bit more than I could handle, but as time went by we worked it into a very comfortable and necessary part of our lives.
Who's to say if it would have worked that way for others if they'd been more patient but I'm sure glad it worked for me :)
Suzy
I wondered about what my reaction would be to the reality when I received my first requested spanking. I was surprised that it hurt as much as it did. I was relieved my boyfriend enjoyed it. I love it!
Hi Bonnie~I've been a lurker for almost a year now and finally have decided to join in. I, too, fantasized about spankings for over 20 yrs of marriage before I finally got brave enough to bring it up. It took some doing to talk my husband into it but WOW we've found we both like it a LOT! I only wish I had asked for it sooner! It's true, our first attempts were far from great, but practice makes perfect and it was fun, fun, fun. It added some spice to our love life & it didn't take us long to get it right. Now I can't even imagine giving it up. I would also like to say I really enjoy your site~thanks for making it available!
My husband and I have been married for six years. I confessed during his first deployment to Afghanistan that I wanted to be spanked, and after a year of waiting, I had the most boring and unsatisfying spanking EVER! And I craved more, but I wanted him to learn a little on his own. I can count on my fingers the amount of spankings I've had the past six years. This just fuels my desire because I'm still unsatisfied (though he's gotten really good the last few months). Despite the bad and infrequent experiences, I would never give up on that perfect "butt whoopin'," as it is sometimes to referred to in our redneck/hillbilly mix. I even go as far as to tell my hubby, though I don't think I could ever follow through with it, that if he won't give it to me, I'll someone who will ;)
I have read accounts on other blogs and boards of women who ask for a spanking, but then don't enjoy it as much as they expected. Most seem to seek advice and try again (and again) and eventually get it right. Sometimes the partner is unenthusiastic, too, but that is a different question.
I think that by the time one asks for a apanking, one has read enough erotica and other material to know that spanking is a real turn-on.
As for myself, I only worry that if I ever "turn it up a notch" (allowing implements instead of hand; light bondage; blindfolds), I may lose the enjoyment. I would hope that I would either decide to go back to hand only or adjust the use of implements so that they are enjoyable, too.
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