Welcome back to our weekly discussion. Thanks go to Hermione for filling in so ably while we were on vacation last week.
Our topic this time can be summarized by this slightly corrupted mantra:
"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that sting."
For most of us, the pain of a spanking is not the primary objective, but rather the means to an end (pun intended). But without the pain, it's not even a spanking and none of the associated benefits are realized.
For you and/or your partner, what role does pain play in unlocking the magic of spanking?
To participate in our conversation, just enter a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary.
16 comments :
It very much depends on my mood at the time. I like my good girl spankings, everything from soft little pats, to well, much 'stricter' play.
Sometimes I'm in the mood for how a wood paddle, or brush or spoon feels, and yes, they all have their unique feel.
Or maybe leather, the Delicious London Tanner boudoir paddle, oh yum! Or maybe the scary tawse.
But yes, often the pain that comes with the spanking is a big part of it, knowing it's not in my control, once its started, that all I can do is take it....
Angie
Hey, Bonnie, snap!! I was on holiday last week too, with my family.
Re: the question...
On a percentage thing, I would say, being out of control of whats happening, is 50%, the pain 30%, and therefore the resulting humiliation of submitting, 20%. This is because, without the pain..which I cannot control, I would be smirking and feeling IN CONTROL! So the pain is there to say to my headspace, "shit, this freakin hurts and I can't stop it hurting!"...I then HAVE to submit to Davey's authority, which is humiliating because I am a strong, VERY independent woman in all ways, so its incredibly mindblowingly sexy to have to admit he has control.... and none of this would happen without him TAKING control in the first place!!
I hope this makes sense! Hugs, Daisy xxxxxx
Is it really the pain of spanking that arouses me? I don't think so. A hug that goes on to include a couple dozen pats on my clothed bottom will get my juices flowing. So will six noisy but harmless swats mixed in with other forms of foreplay. But there's more to it than that for me.
During a spanking I want to really feel pain. I crave it; being able to suffer, to endure it and to emerge on the other side is an emotional achievement. As a spanking progresses, I feel the pain less, or am less aware of it. I love the unexpected sharpness of what Ron calls "misfires" - a swat that lands too high, or the impact of a paddle held at the wrong angle. They make me gasp and hope for more. Ron usually ends with an extra effort that leaves me feeling that I have had enough, but not too much. Feeling the afterglow the next day is always a special secret that I carry with me, and no one ever suspects what I have endured.
Hugs,
Hermione
We don't do punishment, so I can't speak to that. However, our erotic sessions sometimes get very intense, with the impact of the paddle probably approaching that of punishment, so I can speak of the pain. He has me wait and pats me softly, sometimes for ten seconds or more after I'm in position, then spaces the swats perfectly, allowing the sensation of each to come in three waves: the initial slap and sting, the numbness that follows, and then the burning surge that follows. Each stage, from the starting anticipation through the post-numbness burn, provides its own kind of arousal for me. I suppose the next-to-best is the anticipation, when the adrenalin starts to flow. The best is the big burn that starts on my backside, focuses "down there," then sweeps down to my toes and up to the top of my head. After going through that several times, I'm ready for the real action, so I take him down even though he's twice my size!
Welcome back Bonnie, hope you enjoyed your holiday.
It is enduring the pain that brings on the "I can take it" adrenaline rush and eventually the release of the endorphins and that sweet high. In short, without the pain there is no gain.
As a male spankee, I do have to watch out for the ever present male ego. There are two pain limits, the tolerance limit, which is always the same and the pleasure limit, which can vary due to mood, physical condition and so many other factors. It is always a struggle not to let the ego get in the way and go for the tolerance limit, just to show off what you can take.
Prefectdt
Bonnie - hope you had an amazing holiday..wish I was you!
For me, I love spanking, hard, soft and of course related sensual play. So fun! But...I will say this...if there is no pain it can be kind of boring. A very nice man spanked me not so long ago...and really...it was so gentle I could have fallen asleep. Just not right for me. I love the unexpected sharpness...there are times when a nice moderate handspanking is great...like a massage really....but a single unexpected sharp swat makes it all the better. I don't yet give up total control....I have not found someone I can do that with yet - and am not spanked by someone I am in a relationship with...but I certainly do give up control. I like it when they take control...whilst in my situation...respecting my witholding of control.
Pain is a big part of it, as is mindset and trust. Hugely.
This is something I've struggled with; for a long time I felt that I loved spankings afterward, but hated the act itself because of the intense pain. I often needed to be spanked, but detested it. Those that have addressed this so far have eloquently articulated the conundrum. It has to hurt. Reading the previous postings has been very theraputic for me. Thanks, Bonnie, and all who spoke.
Jean Marie
I hate pain, yet I often consider myself a true pain slut in the deepest sense of the word, when I am in the RIGHT frame of mind for it.
So what puts me in the right frame of mind? Well, not really anything at all that Dante or anyone or anything else does or says... it truly is all about me.
I have to be feeling self-confident and open and trusting of myself enough to let someone else inside my head. And when that happens, I am capable of doing or experiencing just about anything!
And when in that space, I'm not even feeling the pain, but if I were, I'd simply see it as even more of a challenge and motivation to push the envelope even farther.
Afterward, when all is said and done and the world stops floating, the things I remember most are not at all associated with pain... it's that same sense of trust and respect and vulnerability and intimacy, merging completely into one another. That's really what the whole spanking thing is all about for me anyway!
Great question! Welcome back!
I'm not into punishment or discipline and like OTK hand spankings the best. What I'm into is inflicting stinging pleasure and the intensity of these sting depends on my partner and our communication. But what I want to do is either give pleasure or arousal and as a switch that's what I want also.
I live with pain ALL the time. I have fibromyalgia,the really funny thing is spanking seems to help it. Must be the endorphins. I LOVE the pain I get from spanking ANY of it. Just so glad I found a caring and wonderful Sir,he knows me so well now and knows my and my bottom's limits. Though he has pushed beyond just a bit sometimes and oh the sensation of THAT!
Oops meant to say welcome back as well!
It figures that I finally make it back to a brunch, and step into a conversation that I'm really the less qualified person to comment on it. I guess that I'll leave this one up to Cookie. I will say that there are times, not just during our "Cookie Challenges," in which I try to test her pain tolerance. She's come a long way since I first met her two years ago, and her bottom is conditioned to handle a lot. Still, the threat of bringing out the nylon cane or our "wedding gift" paddle will keep her in line when she starts to misbehave.
I would like to comment on Scunge's reply, though. I have known a good number (at least five or six) of spankos with fibromyalgia. Like yourself, the endorphin rush helps them to control the pain from the infliction, sometimes for several days. Leelee, in particular, enjoys reaching subspace just for this reason.
We don't do punishment spanking either, but we definitely both enjoy impact play-- spanking, paddling, a bit of caning, etc.
I am not a pain slut, but I really enjoy subspace. My Man uses a moderate amount of intensity at the beginning and switches between hand spanking and different implements. This is enjoyable for both of us and helps me last longer.
If there is intense pain right at the beginning, I am tempted to use my safe word and bail early on the scene. An appropriate build-up of intensity is important because it lengthens the play time.
I have frequently referred to myself as an unrepentant spanking sadist. The "sting aspect" of spanking is central to my enjoyment of the experience of administering spankings. As I say that I am a sadist, I am really only turned on by causing pain via spanking. I would not be turned on by hitting someone on the toe with a hammer. I have pinched nipples of partners and played with nipple clamps, in that it provided them an intense stimulation that they found arousing. It really didn't do much for me other than enjoyng their arousal. Were I to have spanked them though I would have been thrilled (and usually I did.)
I dislike the kind of spanking that is controlled by the bottom. If the bottom is continuously telling me how she would like it...a little harder....a little softer....a little faster...not there-lower....etc. It does nothing for me. The kind of spanking that leaves the spankee kind of slightly warm and pink and well just kind of tingly doesn't do it for me. I want way greater intensity and sting.
Years ago when I was first into this I went through a switch period particulary as I was being trained in the "how-to's" of spanking. I realized that it was my imagining of the sensation of my bottom partner, her pain, her emotions, her franticness and urgency to try to end the spanking or get releif, that I find stimulating. I found that being a recipieint as well as a Top enhanced the intensity of my imaginings and empathy with my spankee which ratcheted up my arousal at the stinging sensations she was experiencing.
I am aging and mellowing. Particularly with my swan, I am finding that recently I am working at giving her spankings that have milder, slower, and less intensive aspects interspresed with the greater intensity I enjoy inflicting. I've developped a vastly renewed appreciation for hand spanking which for years I had viewed as just kind of wimpy. I have learned that while I want her to experience huge intense stinging sensations, if I give her periods when she can as she refers to it "catch up" with the sensations, we wind up with us both quite happy at the end of a spanking despite her having received an intense blistering as part of our play.
Anyway I would have to concur that, "it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that sting."
Tom (Raheretic)
Go confidently in the dirction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
I feel exactly the same way as Tiggs: "Afterward, when all is said and done and the world stops floating, the things I remember most are not at all associated with pain... it's that same sense of trust and respect and vulnerability and intimacy, merging completely into one another. That's really what the whole spanking thing is all about for me anyway."
~MissyH
For me the arousal comes from the sting, and our spanking sessions are all about sex. Actually, if he wants certain things in the bedroom, he has to spank me long and hard enough to get me to agree to them. He's doesn’t get there (especially if he wants anal play, which isn’t my favorite thing) until my bottom is all red and stingy.
I'm not into extreme pain, however; and I haven't had a punishment spanking since I was 12--they were actually beatings. So the idea of a punishment spanking--at least at this point-- doesn't activate my sensors at all.
My best stingy zone comes from a nice hard OTK hand spanking, followed by a short paddle or leather belt/strap. I absolutely love that. I think that’s why I like Thomas’s spanking videos so much. He usually starts with a delicious OTK hand spanking. Of course, he goes at Cookie with much more than I could stand. Cookie is amazing. For me, a little bruising is fine, but no welts, blisters or broken skin--I'm diabetic--and that's just too much for me.
Canes and heavy paddles scare me to death right now. The site of one approaching my bottom would make me scream my safe word before it ever struck.
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