Friday, April 13, 2007

Bonnie's Mailbag

It's been about a month since we last opened the mailbag. Looking inside, I find a good collection of mail messages. Here's what you have to say.

Question: Should a woman in need of chastisement be dealt with in public, if the behavior shocks the conscience?

Response: Only if the spanker seeks to be incarcerated. Take my word. The police don't know the difference between domestic discipline and domestic violence.

Question: helo do you and or your girl friends like a good spanking sounds like your in to geting spanked id love to spank some girls back sides with a wooden paddle if your or any of your girl friends would like to be spanked and paddled please let me knoe

Response: gurls get hott wen u lurn too spel

Question: I was wondering if you have ever wet your pants during a spanking. Maybe even tried adult diapers and then got a spanking for peeing your diaper.

Response: Uh uh.

Statement: I love spanking     (this was the entire message)

Response: What a coincidence!

Question: Do you wear your thongs pulled all the way up your crack?

Response: Is there another method?

Question: Do you ever feel like a traitor to your gender? After all, you encourage women to demean themselves and men to degrade, humiliate, and abuse them.

Response: Whoa! Wait a minute. I've never said anything of the sort. I believe in safe, sane, and consensual play. I would never encourage anyone to undertake activities that are unsafe or unwelcome. At our house, spankings are given for the purpose of mutual enjoyment. There's no abuse. Nor are there any of the other negative feelings you list. Randy loves me, and even during a spanking, he treats me with compassion and respect.

I don't see a contradiction between being a spanko and being pro-woman. As strong and independent people, we are empowered to pursue this lifestyle if we so choose. There is nothing humilating about couples celebrating their love together.

Question: Did I miss June Cleaver?

Response: No, you didn't. She'll be appearing here soon.

Question: Does you bottom ever get itchy after a hard spanking?

Response: Yes, sometimes it does.

Question: Any tattoos?

Response: Nope.

Question: Do you have any suggestions about deciding on a safe word?

Response: The key to selecting a safe word is simplicity. It has to be a word that you will remember at times when you are completely distracted.

It's almost cliche, but Randy and I use the stop light system. Green means keep going (never used). Yellow means please slow down or give me a short break. Red means stop immediately! If I call out "Red!" Randy jumps in to save me. I've only needed it a few times, but I was mighty glad to have it.

That's it until next time. Have a wonderful weekend!


Emmy said...

Hi Bonnie,
This is my first comment here. I just had to jump in. I love your style and sense of humor, today you are at your best.
I am one of those lurkers in the "waiting to be spanked" catagory. At the age of 62, well, my odds are probably pretty low. Just getting around to sorting all this out after a lifetime in silence thinking I was odd and alone.
Thanks to you, a few selected other sites, and your contingent of loyal commenters I now understand.

Anonymous said...

Great answers, Bonnie!!! And your reply in reponse to the person that asked if you feel like a a traitor to your gender was right on the mark!!!


Greenwoman said...

Another entertaining mail bag Bonny. I just love your responses...I about fell out of the chair a few times. *grins*

Ofia said...

Entertaining responses. :D

And thanks for answering my question!

Paul said...

Bonnie, I love your answers. When are we going to get away from the old canard that we in the lifestyle do not respect and appreciate our women.
There are so many strong women just in this corner of blog land, I don't even need to mention my Mel or indeed you dear Bonnie. This subject pushes my buttons, so I'll shut up.
Warm hugs,

emeraldeyes said...

Hi Bonnie,
Just wanted to say, thanks for the great post! I love this mail bag thing you have going, do you do it often? I am still trying to plow my way through your archives (ok yeah i'm stuck on the spanking pages lol but I am trying to get past them!)
I loved your response to the question from the guy who couldn't spell right, it was fantastic!
Keep up the great work!

emeraldeyes x

jade said...

Hey Bonnie,
Just wanted to let you know I don't comment much but I read often. Thanks for the entertaining and thoughtful posts!

Amber Pixie Wells said...

I love your responses!!! Very well done.

New Beginnings said...

I really love your mail and your responses! I have to agree with you and Paul. I have met the strongest women here. And I also see more love and respect for women from the men here than I see in the general population.


Bonnie said...

Emmy - It's wonderful to hear from you. You're always welcome here. You are definitely neither odd nor alone.

Thank you for the comment!

Tigger - Thanks. I have to admit that I was a bit annoyed by the guy who wanted to tell me that I was a traitor to my gender.

I recognize there are both men and women who look at this lifestyle and see only exploitation. But their perceptions simply don't match with our real world experiences.

Green - Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the mailbag!

Ofia - You're very welcome.

Paul - Me too, dear friend. Me too...

Em - You're most welcome. The mailbag feature runs about once per month.

You mentioned the spelling challenged correspondent. I try not to be critical of people whose first language is not English. In fact, I am very interested to hear the opinions of people from other countries and different cultures. If they make the attempt to communicate with me in English, I am inclined to overlook a few spelling or grammar issues.

However, young American males whose idea of literate prose is a slap-dash text message get no such free pass. If what they write is humorously inept, then into the mailbag it goes.

Jade - Hi! It's great to hear from you again.

APW - Thank you. I hope your server is on the mend.

PK - Welcome back. Sorry about the Cheetos...

I think what tends to make spanko relationships strong is that in order to succeed, we must communicate openly, effectively, and frequently. This kind of interaction would be beneficial to any loving partnership, but for us, it's essential.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for putting the "traitor to your gender" guy in his place. I'm a bit tired of people assuming that what isn't normal for them OBVIOUSLY isn't normal for anyone, and then run around screaming "abuse" or "satanism" or somesuch other response. It also bothers me when people comment on things they really have no idea about.


adultsforum said...

Hi... I'm the admin of I read your blog and it sound interesting to me.I hope you keep it up as there will always be someone who read your blog.

I'm also writing this with the hope that you can contribute some stories, jokes, pictures and other relevant material to my forum at however if you were to post a URL pls note that only related URLs are allowed.

THanks in advance.


Anonymous said...

You do have good advice in your tutorials SSC; however, you posted advice on another site(Southern Angel) to just "bend over and take it" and that it strengthened your relationship when Randy spanked you when or more then you wanted at the time. I understand that you have years of trust but theirs is a new relationship.

She posted a photo of herself very pink from waist to knee, said that she didn't want spanked that night and that he used a new one inch thick wood paddle. Better advice would have been to tell them to communicate honestly and for her not to submit to a spanking that she isn't up for - doesn't consent to.
She took it and they were fighting. Time to communicate not surrender to his wishes even when they turn you off. That's the beginning of abuse. Marriage gives sexual consent but a married woman can be raped by her husband. I know you would never advocate abuse or rape.

We've all been to the university and enjoy spanking but you never want to encourage someone to go to far and abuse. Surrendering control seems to be a necessary bit for most yet since they use safe words it isn't really total. Safe words are a must if you can't just communicate to your partner that they are about to move from turn on to turn off. So if she didn't want spanked that meant stop before you start not it will strengthen your relationship to take it.

I love being spanked - mostly OTK. Hugh would never spank when I didn't want it. He does also spank spontaneously for a minute if I'm to rude(I have very strong feelings.) :) It's in fun clears the air makes me feel feminine stings a bit and I like the forced pull over. It's done with my implied approval and doesn't usually lead to sex until later which almost always includes spanking.:)

I'm spanked a lot and none of it's abuse. I enjoy it. I've just dealt with women who are abused and all of them started out accepting punishment from their partners who thought they deserved it or just felt like hitting them. Guys(not men abuse isn't manly) who think that a tawse, cane or prison strap is appropriate leaving bruises, welts and bleeding. They enjoy hurting the ones they claim to love.

Finally that new year's where you were so freaked out by Randy's idea of fun that you couldn't even talk to him about it borders on abuse but he stopped when you said RED!. It just sounded so sad that he didn't make love to you until you asked him to spank you again. Then there was his birthday gift of paddling you in a decorated storage locker or the paddling in the limo to and from dinner that the driver was in on. Not my idea of sexy hopefully it's yours.:) It sounds like you steel yourself and endure as much as you can(just take it) to please him. It sounds like he plans there scenes to please himself without taking into account what would please you most unless you enjoy being spanked in front of drivers and custodians. I prefer a nice meal, cozy fire, good champagne,
dark chocolate, jewelry and a weekend full of making love and spanking. What to do? ;)

I'm not trying to offend you. I trust that you have a loving relationship. Just remember that with 2 mil hits some of your readers are beating or being beaten. The just take what ever he wants to do to you advice can be unintentional dangerous or even life threatening. That's the advice given in slave training. A good submissive accepts whatever her master wants until she ends up in the ER or a shelter and some go back for more.

Again no offence intended. Enjoy your lifestyle and stay safe.


Reesa Roberts said...

Hi, Bonnie, great replies, as usual! I love your mail bag articles!


Bonnie said...

Xandra - This blog offers a point of view. I share with readers lessons I have learned over the course of many years. One objective in doing so is to shatter preconceptions about adult spanking being crazy, dangerous, or weird.

I speak often of safety, consent, and communication issues. Can I include those words of caution in every post and comment? Of course not. But they always underlie my message. With or without spanking, I want couples to be successful and satisfied in their relationships.

Randy has never violated my trust by knowingly exceeding my limits or by acting without my consent. We play hard occasionally, but I've never felt as though I was in genuine peril. ...And yes, I do find these scenarios a big turn-on.

I am quite aware that someone could twist my words into inspiration for abuse. There are some topics I won't touch for precisely this reason. However, I believe that the benefit derived from straight talk about these issues more than compensates for that one admittedly ugly prospect.

While I may be submissive in the bedroom, I'm no wallflower. In most other aspects of our marriage, we share responsibility and control. In addition, I work in an office where I am surrounded by men. I have to be assertive to survive and I can definitely hold my own.

Finally, I have to point out that among spanko blogs, mine is comparatively tame. You won't read about Randy and I doing LDD, M/s, TIH, TPE, punishments, and so forth. We are first and foremost loving partners who spice up our romance with a dash of spanking.

Thank you for keeping me on my toes. I understand your point, and to a certain degree, I agree with you. I will redouble my efforts to carefully consider any advice I offer.

Reesa - Thank you!

Bonnie said...

Lee - My concern wasn't so much putting this fellow in his place as correcting his misconceptions about my message. People are entitled to think whatever they choose, but when they decide they know what I think, I have to speak up.

Thanks for your support.

Adults Forum - I'll check it out.

Anonymous said...


Glad to hear that you both enjoy the scenes that Randy plans.
I get that you only give up control to Randy and that you would never want to play with others in that way. It's the same with us. You just play harder then we do and I do think you have the most sane site on the topic. The LDD scene isn't loving imho just abuse. Beating a woman to tears as a requirement of love is sick more so on a daily or weekly schedule then expecting her to show her gratitude with a BJ.... please.

My main point, that you get, is that consent should always be required. I don't mean discussed every time just that BOTH partners should be up for it . You postpone them we don't keep track . I'm up for it 99.9% of the time. :) We may sound vanilla in the spanko world even though spanking is almost daily; because it's a part of our making love.

Enjoy each other and stay safe,

Daddio said...

this is a great site! :-)


Anonymous said...


I had determined to remain quiet and just listen to women (and some of the men) in the scene when the issue of feminism and spanking arose. But in light of the "traitor" comment in your mailbag and the preceding discussion, I wanted to say that, in my opinion, your blog provides the best example out there (and there are some other good ones) of a strong, equal, respectful and loving couple who happen to be spankos.

I have to say that I read the stories one of the previous commenters found troubling very differently than she did. I saw Randy and you both taking great delight in his efforts to surprise you. It also seemed that both of your were willing to accept the occasional unsuccessful experiment as a very reasonable price for an adventurous sex life. And I saw real togetherness in your and Randy's responses to a surprise that didn't work out so well.

Nonetheless, I found the discussion interesting. I especially liked your characteristically gracious and positive replies.

Anyway, thanks for continuing to share your stories and insight.

Loyal Lurker II

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