tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17086386.post113479217020724942..comments2024-03-23T11:22:28.132-07:00Comments on My Bottom Smarts: Spanking 101: Peeling Back the LabelsBonniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09061952016296339760noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17086386.post-1149940193313038442006-06-10T04:49:00.000-07:002006-06-10T04:49:00.000-07:00Hi Bonnie,Oh, labels. I hate labels, and I really ...Hi Bonnie,<BR/><BR/>Oh, labels. I hate labels, and I really hate when people use them as a way of dismissing another group of people, or belittling them.<BR/><BR/>I am not submissive by nature, but I'm an ardent spanko, and enthusiastic bottom.<BR/><BR/>My husband has been spanking me for three years now - since I finally came out to him. We (by joint choice) restrain ourselves to erotic spanking, and the playful 'mini-spankings' that have always been a part of our relationship.<BR/><BR/>While I agree that bottoming is an action, I think there is more to it than that, though.<BR/><BR/>Spanking is as strong a craving to me as sex - sometimes more. I don't just want it - I NEED it. For pleasure, for stress release, for connection with my partner.<BR/><BR/>Outside of the act of being spanked, I really don't submit to my partner, nor does he want/expect me to. And yet...somehow...him becoming my spanker has changed our relationship dynamic slightly.<BR/><BR/>We are closer than we were before (probably because I finally took off my masks before him), but I also have more respect for him. It's not that I didn't before, but something has changed. I think I show him more casual respect than I used to.<BR/><BR/>Oh, I still tease him, and give him a hard time. I'm a confirmed smart-ass, and he likes that. And if I feel strongly about something, I'll get in his face about it.<BR/><BR/>But there's been a subtle shift that I'm having trouble articulating.<BR/><BR/>Funny that...getting your ass thoroughly tanned a couple of times by a man changes something in the interaction between the two of you. Go figure. ;)<BR/><BR/>It hasn't from his perspective, and he didn't know what I meant when I brought it up - but other spankos give me the nod. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17086386.post-1137314005952672692006-01-15T00:33:00.000-08:002006-01-15T00:33:00.000-08:00Just found your fine blog and I would like to take...Just found your fine blog and I would like to take the opportunity to introduce myself and my partner Maartje to all of your visitors and share our wonderful experience. It may be that you´d want to place this post elsewehere on your site because it is not exactly a reply to this particular post of yours. But that is fine with me.<BR/><BR/>We are in this wonderful D/s DD relationship for nine months now and with a mix a of amazement and gratitude we look at what it has brought us so far.<BR/>I have always had a keen interest in spanking and discipline and have had various relationships that always catered for my spanking needs in one way or another. I was never decided on what was deeper rooted in me, the dominant or the submissive side. In some relationship I have been switching, in others I confined myself to the dominant role. <BR/>Before I met Maartje I was exclusively dominant in a D/s relationship that lasted 5 years. And it seemed to me that the bottom side in me had completely vanished.<BR/>Now I have met my new love and in our first conversation she asked me what the word 'spanking' meant. She had never been into anything of the sort. But she was more than ready to discover the world of spanking and discipline. At first it was me dominating her in what developed as a genuine D/s relationship with spanking being the main theme. But after some 3 months the dominant qualities that Maartje had shown already in other areas began to emerge also in the D/s part of our relationship. <BR/>What we have seen growing since then is truly unique I think. I had never thought that it would be possible to have a D/s dynamic between two persons where they can both be dominant. I knew about the phenomenon of switching where two partners alternate between topping and bottoming. But in a D/s context that seemed to be impossible to me as one could not combine submissiveness and dominance in one person.<BR/>In what we have going now so strongly I am the overall dominant. That is the basis of our D/s DD relationship. I can always stop (for a good reason) any action that Maartje takes as a dominant. But she can dominate me, spank me, discipline me. She not only enjoys that but also is of the opinion that I can only (continue to) be the strong man that she adores when I am disciplined on a regular basis. And I agree. It enhances my qualities of a true dominant as it makes me a whole person. It now seems impossible to me to be exclusively the dominant in a relationship, to never be able to put my head in her lap, to surrender. I would not be my real self. Maartje feels much more safe with me as a whole person. who can be strong and firm with her and is vigilant in putting boundaries to what she is doing. She also thinks (and I agree) that surrendering is a sign of strong character.<BR/> <BR/>We would be most interested to hear from anyone in the group in reaction to our story and whether anyone is in a relationship wholly or partly similar to ours.<BR/><BR/>Regards,<BR/>Barend and MaartjeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17086386.post-1135039084478486732005-12-19T16:38:00.000-08:002005-12-19T16:38:00.000-08:00Pink,I completely agree. In the final analysis, t...Pink,<BR/><BR/>I completely agree. In the final analysis, there are only two opinions that really matter.Bonniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09061952016296339760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17086386.post-1134879886961205452005-12-17T20:24:00.000-08:002005-12-17T20:24:00.000-08:00Thank you, Rivka.I've wanted to convey this messag...Thank you, Rivka.<BR/><BR/>I've wanted to convey this message for some time, but it was important to me that it be done in a way that doesn't judge anyone's choices. I won't pretend that I have any idea which lifestyle is best for someone else.<BR/><BR/>I too sincerely hope these Spanking 101 articles will help to make someone's journey easier.Bonniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09061952016296339760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17086386.post-1134876021615558272005-12-17T19:20:00.000-08:002005-12-17T19:20:00.000-08:00This was a great post, Bonnie. I've been there: wo...This was a great post, Bonnie. I've been there: worried about labels, definitions, fitting into somebody else's words. <BR/><BR/>Rico and I realized we didn't fit, completely, in the DD realm when we started to discover the seperate, but not so seperate, world of D/s. We don't fit well there either, however, for one reason or another. <BR/>So, we're somewhere inbetween. It took a while to get to the place where I could forget about everybody else and just let us be who *we* are on my own. <BR/><BR/>I hope others just starting out read this and avoid some of the awkwardness I went through. :)rivkahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08227437711801799412noreply@blogger.com