Monday, October 21, 2013

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Oct 20

Our question of the week dealt with fear. Here's what you had to say...

Simon: I don't know about fear, but I can sometimes get nervous and apprehensive, especially if we are trying something new. A little nervousness can be a good thing for heightening the experience, but I don't think we should be experiencing real fear. After all, we are doing this for fun surely.

Tricia: I don't have fear before a spanking, I trust my HoH 100% and know he wouldn't ever do anything to harm me. I DO feel anxious before a spanking, like I just want to get it over with.

Jason Girl: I think without a bit of fear (meaning apprehension, nervousness, etc.), the real spanking experience can fall short. Certainly the anticipation is part of the overall experience. I'd call this a "healthy fear."

My husband recently told me he was going to give me a (well deserved) punishment spanking. He said "I don't want you to be afraid." I assured him I wasn't, as in not quaking in my boots or fearing he would hurt me, but a healthy fear is unavoidable. He can be stern, and intimidating and he sure as hell knows how to administer a spanking.

When he instructs me to lie over his lap, or locks the door, or unbuckles his belt, my heartbeat accelerates. Even the sound of the implement drawer being opened gets me nervous.

However, true fear that stems from a lack of trust isn't a good thing and I think the spanker needs to be sure he/she is control and calm to establish that necessary trust.

Dana: I don't think fear has a place in TTWD. I have a healthy respect for my husband when he's wielding an implement and may be a little apprehensive about getting spanked, but I don't fear going to him for a punishment. My submission to him is out of love and respect, not because I'm scared of him. The day fear enters the equation is the day I withdraw consent.

Respecting Mistress: There is a fear element to being punished by Mistress. But I don't believe this is a negative emotion. I know from experience that Mistress has the ability to punish me beyond my limits. I accept that may happen and that very knowledge that I might suffer adds the fear element beyond what Simon describes as nervous apprehension.

Reece Seever: I want to feel fear at the prospect of a punishment spanking. It does not play a big role now, as I know what to expect. But, when we first started experimenting with DD, the prospect of being spanked terrified me. Especially the first time. I had read the DWC stories about men brought to tears and sobs during their spanking sessions, and the thought of crying in front of my wife, as a result of her giving me a very hard spanking, caused me real fear. I really do wish that was still a prevalent part of the experience.

River Wild: I have to agree with Jason Girl's comment. Any time I know I am to be punished, I fear the pain/embarrassment of the spanking, but I never fear my husband. I try to remember how much better things will be afterwards and focus on what I did to get myself spanked in the first place so I can learn from it. I also get spankings for other reasons than punishment, and in that case I just do my best to hold still and let myself cry if I have to. Unfortunately, the pain of a spanking can't be avoided, but that is really the only thing that scares me. We have one paddle that I am also a little afraid of, but I know that my HOH always has my best interest in mind so I trust him implicitly no matter which implement he wields.

Roz: I agree a certain amount of nervousness or apprehension can heighten the experience. I think this is a natural response and healthy. I never fear my HoH though, I trust him completely and agree with the others that true fear has no place in TTWD.

Indy: Even outside DD, anxiety of the pain to come can provide an adrenaline jolt that is far from unpleasant. I feel it in a good role-play scene, or when a top is pushing my limits, and I enjoy it. It's not the primary motivator for me, as I'm more of an endorphin junkie. Nonetheless. I know quite a few people for whom it is absolutely central to the spanking experience.

The amusement park analogy works pretty well to describe the difference between a positive kind of fear an a negative one. Even those of us who enjoy roller coasters probably wouldn't want to ride on them without safety restraints. That wouldn't be a pleasant kind of fear at all.

Hermione: As Simon said, a little anxiety heightens the experience. I am not especially eager for the pain beforehand, and am a little anxious until I am warmed up and well into the session. I don't feel any real fear, but pretending that I do makes it all the more exciting.

Six of the Best: From a man's point of view as a 'spanker'. I have never had fear of spanking a woman. As to the women I have spanked, they neither had such fear. That's because of trust.

Terpsichore: Butterflies and anticipation, yes. Fear, no. The only thing I am ever afraid of during a spanking is that it is going to end too soon. :-) Hugs

Ronnie: I never feel fear before or during a spanking, but sometimes I do get nervous and a little anxious.

Sarah Thorne: Fear? No, not true fear. If I truly feared someone, there would be no trust. However, there is an emotion I would liken to fear when it comes to a spanking, but it's more like anxiety. The anxious anticipation certainly plays a part in spankings! In discipline, a healthy fear of being disciplined can aid in deterring of unwanted behavior.

Hi Sarah, and welcome back! It's always a pleasure to hear from you.

Tori: I think in order to have a successful DD relationship, you need to have a healthy fear of the spanking itself. Otherwise, there's not much motivation to obey your HoH.

Jenny: Anxiety at the anticipation of a spanking is certainly part of my spanking fantasies. I've had no real fear of spankings in the past, and I don't anticipate ever having fear of spankings from my boyfriend.

In my post about how spankings can become positive experiences (like any other slightly scary experience like whitewater rafting), I never used the word "fear."

I sure would like one tonight...

DelFonte: Fear, no. Nervous excitement, yes. Ultimately, I want to come away from a spanking feeling positive. Negative emotions don't play a part in what we do. Trust in the top is key to removing fear.

Bonnie: In my mind, there's fear and then there's fear. Indy mentioned a roller coaster. This is a case where we can be perfectly safe, but feel momentarily as though we are in danger. Watching horror movies is another example. We can feel scared and yet never be in any peril. This is how it works for me. I'm not afraid of Randy, but sometimes his actions and words generate an emotional response. I know implicitly that he would never harm me, but in that moment, the fear I feel is real and it adds to the experience.

Thanks, everybody, for another excellent brunch!

1 comment :

Katie said...

Hi Bonnie! :)

Sorry that I missed this brunch! The topic was a great one and I enjoyed reading all of the things that people said here.

I am in agreement with the general consensus here. I trust Rob 100%. I am never afraid of being spanked, for whatever reason. He would never harm me in any way. I do think that there can be a little nervous anticipation because you know that you are going to be spanked. Let's face it! Spanking makes one's butt rather sore at times! ;) LOL! Many hugs,

<3 Katie

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