Monday, January 10, 2011

Bonnie's Mailbag

Yes, it's time for the mailbag again and it's really full!

Request: I would like to send you this link to our blog. If you would like to check it out,and if you like what you read,we were wondering if you could be so kind to put the link on your blog.

Response: I love new spanking blogs and the people who write them. I'd be delighted to give you a link.

Question: I don't see myself in a relationship with a partner who desires the kind of disciplinary or correctional spankings I read about here on your blog. I am not oriented that way and I don't see myself changing at this point in my life. Does this make me a lightweight? Does spanking have to be a real form of correction in a relationship to be considered true spanking. I know that spanking can be many things to different couples but I'm sure you understand what I am asking.

Response: Actually, I don't write about disciplinary spankings because my husband and I don't do that.  We love spankings and there are at least ten good reasons to spank. But punishment isn't one of them for us.  It's just not our thing.

My standard advice to newbies (not to imply that you are one) is to find your own path.  There is no single right way to do anything, except in the context of one person or one relationship.  I suggest you allow your own feelings and values to guide you.  Please don't let anyone tell you what a "true" spanking is.

Question: Do you like diapers?

Response: If the alternative is babies making messes all over, then yes, I like diapers.

Question: My wife and I have the laptop here in bed and found your name on a blog about spanking!  We've just recently discovered how this turns everyone on when having sex.  We've been experimenting just recently with different types of spankings with our girlfriend, Crystal.  It's amazing how wet the girls get when their bottom is popped!  Do you suggest a website for threesomes on this subject?   (MFF)  My wife is actually a lipstick lesbian.  Crystal is bisexual and spends weekend nights with us.   Her and Susie are very sexy little barefoot ladies.  Their rule to live by is "no underwear and no shoes" which I love.  Anyway, do you know of a good spanking website?

Response: My blogroll at the right contains over 370 links to spanking-related blogs including several that feature lesbians, bisexuality, poly, and many other flavors of kinky fun. I think everyone's tastes are a little different (and some are VERY different), so rather than sending you to one particular blog, I invite you to sample the buffet.

Request: I'm new to blogging, but have created one as a place for my original images that seem to share a common theme with yours.  I would appreciate it if you'd take a look and if you feel it appropriate, add it to your list of Kindred Spirits.

Response: So long as your blog (1) has significant spanking content, (2) does not depict children or non-consenting adults, (3) is not blatantly commercial, and (4) is not extremely graphic or offensive, I am definitely interested in giving you a link.

Comment: wondering what the front side looks like....I am sure just as shapely as the back

Response: No, actually, the bumps on the front are much smaller than those in back.

Request: Will you ask my question at brunch?

Response: Yes, I love having reader questions for brunch!

Question: How did you lose your virginity?

Response: I had sex with a boy.

Request: Will you link my commercial site?

Response: As a matter of policy, I don't accept any advertising or endorse commercial sites.

Request: would you submit to our [top list]?

Response: I used to spend a lot of time fooling with those sites. Eventually, however, I figured out that I was giving them many times more traffic than they were giving me. I now find other uses for my time and energy.

Request: Will you link my [non-English] blog?

Response: This is a difficult issue for me. I get a surprising amount of traffic from non-English language blogs and sites. I feel obligated to reciprocate, but I have no practical way to determine whether the content would be of interest to MBS readers. So I decided not to link these blogs, but I'm not entirely comfortable with that stance.

Statement: If you truly are just Bonnie, and not some organization of numerous people, you are one amazing woman!

Response: It's just me. Thank you.

Question: I have a desire to be spanked, but am not sure who to contact and want something ligit?

Response: I don't know enough about your situation to make a specific suggestion. However, there are many, many people in our community who have walked this path. I think you can learn a great deal about the possibilities by reading blogs written by spankees.

Question: Do you have special panties that are just for spankings?

Response: Yes, there are a few. One in particular has a target on the seat. Also, every time I wear a thong, I know Randy will spank me.

Question: I have finally convinced my fiance to spank me but when he gets to the where it just starts to hurt (feel good) he stops and can't control himself. He finds it really erotic to be a spanker but just can't control himself. What should we do so that I can get that release that I need and he can enjoy it also?

Response: You're actually doing a lot better than many couples do at the beginning. Unlikely as it may seem today, the fact that he finds spanking play to be erotic is a very good sign. It means that he will keep coming back for more!

My first suggestion is a simple one. I think a pleasant discussion is in order. You each have desires. It would be great to find common ground. The best time for this talk is when you're both feeling comfortable and stress-free. It could be when you're sharing a meal or even in bed after lovemaking. You don't want to drop a lot of heavy expectations on him, yet at the same time, you owe it to yourself to help him meet your needs.

I love experimentation. If you regularly try new things and then discuss them afterward, you learn together in a supportive climate. Those activities you enjoy are continued. Those that don't work can be dropped or rethought. In this setting, things that don't satisfy aren't anybody's fault.

More to your question, praise can go a long way - "Oh, I really like what you're doing. Please keep going." Praise after the fact helps too - "That was our best spanking yet. I think your technique is improving." On the flip side, I would avoid direct criticism unless he is truly hurting you. In other words, show him what you like.

Most men tend to be very visually oriented. Perhaps partially concealing the target with a thin pair of panties would delay his uncontrollable urges for a bit. Also, the whole ritual of eventually lowering them adds some fun to the proceedings.

Another idea would be to place an implement (such as a small paddle) in his hand. This would allow you feel a lot more sting in the same amount of time.

If all else fails, you could try a spanking after the lovemaking or at a different time. I typically don't find this arrangement quite as satisfying, but it would solve the immediate problem. Randy and I have on occasion alternated different types of play (spanking, lovemaking, snuggling, even napping) over an extended period of time. These games can be a lot of fun.

I think you will find your good spanking soon. You're definitely on the right track!

Question: How do you manage to get 10m hits?

Response: Publish content that people like and keep doing it for a very long time.

Question: I noticed my blog is no longer listed in your blog roll. Did I do something to pissyou off or did you just pear back you blog list.

Response: Not at all. Your blog had been dormant for more than two months, so we removed the link. Now that it's active again, I will happily restore your link. The intent of this housekeeping is to spare MBS readers the irritation of visiting stale blogs and to try to manage the size of the blogroll.

Questions: When your husband inserts a butt plug in you, what kind of lubrication does he use? Also do you feel humiliated to have this done to you and talked about on the blog?

Response: It's usually just plain KY jelly. I don't think there is anything inherently humiliating about a couple expressing their mutual love through sex (or spanking). I share some of what we do together in hopes that it will inspire others in their journeys and/or help them to become more comfortable with their desires.

With that said, if our family, neighbors, or coworkers learned what happens in our bedroom, it would be very embarrassing. We take steps to avoid that possibility.

Request: would like to know your thoughts on me taking you out to dinner some time

Response: I believe this invitation is genuine and offered in the spirit of friendship. I also believe this guy should understand without being told that no happily married woman is going to accept such a proposition from a guy with whom she has never talked.

Comment: I continue to enjoy reading your blog and have been particularly pleased to see the increase in F/M members and blogs.

Response: Thank you. There really has been a significant growth in the number of F/M bloggers over the past couple of years. I think as more F/M spanking enthusiasts come forward, this part of the community gains confidence and people feel more comfortable participating.

Question: My wife and I have been largely happily married since we were 20. Apart from the usual ups and downs of relationships, we pride ourselves on being pretty in tune with each other. However, in recent years the issue of spanking has become a thorny issue. My wife is reasonably adventurous in sexual matters and doesn’t actually object to bending over or laying over my lap. She will also take a playful spanking but would probably prefer we did something else.

The real problem is that my wife doesn’t really understand why I like to spank her ‘hard’ when a loving husband shouldn’t need to inflict pain upon their loved one. Also, she doesn’t understand that pain may be mixed with pleasure in the context of a loving relationship.

From my side, I accept that I do love to spank her ‘hard’ on the bottom but wouldn’t think of hurting her in any other shape or form. I don’t understand why I do feel as a loving husband that I love to spank my wife to the point she has a red bottom.

Is there anything out there that my wife and I can read to try and understand this?

Response: Your wife sounds like a wonderful partner. Yours is a marriage well worth the effort to preserve and strengthen. Please share with her, make her happy, and reassure her of your love.

With that said, she simply isn't a spanko. There is probably nothing you can say or do that will make her something she is not. The fact that your wife has been willing to entertain your spanking fantasies demonstrates dedication but not interest.

So where do you go from here? It seems your choices are (a) suppress your spanking interest, (b) play lightly within your wife's boundaries, (c) find someone to spank outside your home, (d) enjoy spanking vicariously through spanking websites/blogs/videos/etc., or (e) end your marriage.

I think (a) won't work for long. (b) may not be satisfying for either of you, but it could be part of an acceptable compromise. (c) works for some couples, but it can be disastrous for others. (d) may or may not provide relief. Please, please don't do (e). A good partner is a rare find.

I hope that helps. I wish I had a magic spanko potion, but I do not.

Comment: Did like your Web Page - some very great stories and you sound a very appreciated bottom, would liked to have creamed you when you were very sore...and creamed you again.

Response: I hear that alcohol will take that right off your monitor.

Request: I would really like to buy your panties.
Yeah, I'm serious! $100/pair, weekly, no games.

Response: OK, you got my attention. But no, thank you.

Comment: Great profile...and photo....just got to love spanking enthusiasts!!!

Response: Thanks.

Request: Simply are exquisit and all so delicious. Please take a few minutes to review My profile. If you have interest in pursuing further let Me know. Donot let the distance between us present any problems for you. It can be overcome if it is what we desire and you are willing to relocate when the time comes. I MUST have you. Let Me lead. you will find the journey MOST enlightening and very exhilirating

Response: Can you tell we've crossed over into the Fetlife messages? Rule one: read MY profile before you write.

Question: damn you got a meaty ass!!! all i want to know is that ass taste as good as it looks?

Response: Chicken. It tastes just like chicken.

Comment: I'm enjoying your blog site, and you have a great ass.

Response: Thank you.

Question: just thought i would say hi to you.
so how is life on your end?>
what have you been up to?

Response: Hi. I've been up to my ears in dopey e-mail messages.

Comment: great asssets lol
sorry realy
but I couldnt help that cheese line
have good one

Response: Hey, I know you! You're one of Erica's CHoS regulars.

Comment: A Hot 52 year old near me Yum

Response: “Hello” would be customary here.

Comment: Can I kiss your coccyx?

Response: OK, I've had enough!


Erica said...

ROFLMAO!!! Tell him to kiss his own coccyx.

Raven Red said...

Started giggling at the virginity question, eyes widening at the offer to buy panties, but the coccyx had me falling of the bed with laughter..

ronnie said...

Hi Bonnie,

The virginity one made me smile but "can I kiss your coccyx" had me in stitches.

Thanks for sharing these.


Hermione said...

Tastes like chicken" is my favourite. $100 worth of panties a week? I can imagine the FedEx man arriving!

Thanks for the laughs!


sixofthebest said...

Bonnie hear is an interesting question to ask us 'spanko's. I have always believed there are other world's in this greaat universe of ours. If there are, what do their 'bottom's look like, and are they 'spankable. No Bonnie, I have not been drinking, and I am quite sober, in asking this question.

Cara Bristol said...

Your mailbag was a fun read! You have a very successful blog. It's a great source for all things spanking. How do you find all the spanking sites you have listed? Do you regularly search for them?

Anonymous said...

You always crack me up. I love reading you blog and have been on and off for about 2 years. Some day I'll get the guts to give myself a screen name as opposed to Anon 1, or Anon 2...

indy said...

I love this mixture of humor and teaching, with a tiny dash of venting. All done with your inimitable style!

Bonnie said...

Erica - Thanks. I wish I'd thought of that!

Raven - I just never quite know what I will find in my mailbox. I couldn't write material as good as some of this stuff.

Ronnie - As I say, these messages are just so bizarre that I have to share them. There's one guy in the world who has a coccyx fetish and he wants to be my friend!

Hermione - The chicken line popped in my head as soon as I read that message. I couldn't resist.

Six - I think bottoms, there as here, come in all shapes and sizes. In other words, there is something for every bottom-lover.

Cara - Thanks. I find spanking sites using several different techniques. I look at who links to my blog. I look at who follows my blog and other blogs they follow. I search Blogger and Wordpress for blogs with spanking-related keywords. I use Google and Twitter. I check blogrolls on other spanking related blogs. But sometimes, bloggers even write me and ask for a link.

Even so, every so often, I'll find an active, fully populated spanking blog I've never seen. There are a lot of people who write about adult spanking!

Anon - Thank you. If you'd like me to invent a name for you, I'd be happy to assist.

Indy - It's my pleasure!

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