Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 27

Our question this week was whether your current spanking frequency, duration, and severity was appropriate, too little, or too much. Here are your thoughts.

Raven Red: Being in a different country than Nick posed a problem at first. With Nick, there is not actually any problem. He will spank me when he deems enough is enough, normally after a warning or two (which I am "happy" with), and he knows exactly when to stop.

However, back in South Africa, I have to rely on two local disciplinarians to do the spanking. It was a little bit tough in the beginning. If I am being spanked, I do need to be pushed to the point where I totally submit, accept and even understand the reasoning for the spanking (and not just my version).

If the spanking is stopped too early, I become extremely unsettled, and then everything is wrong, including a Raven who becomes extremely argumentative, sharp with the tongue and unruly.

It has taken a couple of months of mutual trust, and for the two local men to understand that I do not break, it is consensual, but most importantly, it is quite a need within me.

As for frequency, Nick and I have determined that it is about a two-week cycle. After a spanking, I become soft, gentle and docile. However, slowly but surely, it will start building up again within a two-week period.

The severity of the spankings for me personally depends on how stubborn or emotional I am. I can be caned quite hard before the stubbornness gives. But I must be honest, being over Nick's knee is probably the worst, even though it is a hand spanking. It is intimate, humiliating, and dear gods, that man has a hand made from steel!

My firm believe is that a good spanking depends upon how well the spanker understands the spankee in all aspects.

Xantu: Our spanking sessions are mostly impromptu. My Master is very much an impulsive, blitz-attack kind of guy. Too frequent? Not frequent enough? Too severe? Not severe enough? That varies so wildly that it is nearly impossible to make a general statement.

Frequency is more than adequate, though his timing can be freakin' awful. Sometimes, when it is happening, a spanking seems so severe as to be unbearable. But when it stops, I feel like it was not severe enough.

I think if I had any control, I would prefer planned sessions. I would like to be able to develop a sense of anticipation and I wish that spankings be less severe and last longer. At the same time, I do not want to have any sense of control over what is happening to me. It is a bit of a conundrum.

Uncle Nick: Raven has pretty much covered everything, so I will content myself with pondering on the meanings of "frequent" and "severe."

Sure, I enjoy paddling a backside, but if I never touched one again I could live with that. Thus the frequency and severity really depend on the degree of delinquency. If a girl is good and does as she is told, then she will never feel my hand. On the other hand, if she isn't then she will.

Valley Girl: Being unpartnered, I have to say there's never enough spanking! I crave it! Where are all the spankos in my area hiding?

Hermione: I'd have to say that my spankings are just the right severity, and usually long enough, although I would gladly accept harder and longer ones.

As for frequency, I'd like them more often. Ours are always scheduled, and although that's a fine arrangement that works for both of us, I would also enjoy some spontaneous spankings that are equally formal and not just a few playful swats.

She: It depends on the time of year, I guess. There will be a few months where everything is perfect. Then, stuff happens, and it slowly gets pushed to the back burner. At that point, they are no longer frequent or severe enough.

OnHerKnee: My spankings certainly need to be much more frequent, MUCH more severe and MUCH longer.

Also, they need to be delivered using intense scary implements that will leave me extremely sore for a very long time. I want all of these things. I crave it all desperately and I fantasize about it constantly and it’s all I can think about. I want all of these things for my spankings. I NEED it for my next spanking and if it happens in the next five minutes it won’t be soon enough.

However… When I hear the first implement being pulled out of the toy drawer, I realize that it's headed for my ass and there's nothing I can do to stop it, I want none of it.

Six of the Best: It depends on the type of spanking given. A punishment spanking lasts about ten minutes. A romantic interlude spanking takes about a half hour. Punishment is always much more severe, so a cane or birch rod is used. For romantic spankings, I prefer a hand, paddle, or hairbrush.

Make Mine Red: Mine are quite often neither long enough nor severe enough and they are never frequent enough! But he is improving. The last two were perfect. :) I finally experienced one where I still felt it the next day. You all were right – it didn't hurt to sit, but it sure hurt when standing back up! I'm hoping for another one soon. :)

Rayne: I truly enjoy a variety. For example, while I could not mentally or physically handle a more "severe" spanking on a more "frequent" basis, getting the chance to play a more severe scene every once in a while (or perhaps a little more frequently than that, but not too much!) is lovely.

And as much as I enjoy a longer session, whether OTK or otherwise, for the connection and emotional potential -- especially in a role-play, it is also extremely exhilarating to suddenly receive a flurry of smacks in a much shorter duration. :)

As some others, however, being unpartnered presents rather a problem with frequency. While I would enjoy a wide variety of duration and severity, the current frequency (or lack thereof!) is definitely not enough! :D

Ronnie: I'm happy to say that our spanking sessions are frequent, but would like for them to last longer. Severity is just about right, though I think I would gladly accept harder spankings with certain implements.

KellyRed: Now that he has upped the frequency, he has also lessened the severity. I might think "I can't take this" while it is happening, but I always, always wish for more almost the same moment that we're done. They never last long enough though.

I know, I'm never satisfied.

Prefectdt: Frequency – Not nearly enough. I have no regular partner, so my playmates tend to be transient and I cannot afford to pay to play very often. If I get spanked an average of once every three months, then I consider it a good year.

Severity – It depends upon the playmate.

Duration – I'm very happy there. :) My shorter sessions tend to be the hour-long paid for variety. With a fellow amateur, things tend to go on longer.

Pink: What our spankings lack in frequency, they make up for in longevity and creativity. D and I don't live together, but we spend every other weekend and some weeknights together, schedules permitting. On those days, he is sure to send me off to bed with a more-than-rosy behind.

As far as severity, hindsight says that he's never been too severe, although I may have thought so at the time. He has a knack for knowing how long, how hard and how often, depending on our particular circumstances.

There are some days when five minutes is way too long for me. Other times, I could go for whole hours of near constant spanking. D is in tune with this, somehow, and usually delivers just what I need.

I just wish he lived across the street, but I suppose that might be asking for too much.

Anne: The frequency could be more often but I can't complain, too much. Severity, as has been pointed out, depends on the moment. Sometimes, he is too severe in my opinion, but not his. As for duration, he always stops long after I think he should.

Really, though, he is in control. I can only make requests, which he may or may not choose to hear.

Daisy: It has been about two years since my last spanking, so I will go back in time to answer from the last time we were actually together. LOL

Punishment spankings were administered when needed, so frequency doesn't really apply! It probably would have been needed less if the maintenance ones had been more often!

Severity and length go hand-in-hand. The more severe a punishment spanking was, the shorter its length. This is because it was either a "short sharp shock" or a long hard lesson with a bigger build up.
For fun spankings, the frequency was not enough!

Regarding severity, I could have taken harder, especially with a long, slow, sensuous build up and lecture... (who cares what about? LOL)

As to the length: LONGER, LONGER, DON'T STOP! Damn it, I will have to misbehave now...

Anon: Since our spankings are mostly foreplay, they almost always end too soon for my taste. He is eager to get on to the "main event."

Severity is just about right, though I could take even a bit more and still enjoy it.

Our frequency is maybe once a week or so. It's not every time we have sex. I could enjoy a spanking session that had nothing to do with sex, but it doesn't seem to happen.

CurtisG: I'm presently unpartnered. I could enjoy spankings daily. I've never been into punishment or discipline, so I'm not into great severity. However, I am into longer spankings that may have greater or lesser sting depending upon the mood of the day.

Respecting Mistress: Since we adopted our FLR lifestyle, my spankings tend to be punishments and therefore tend to err on the side of severity. Are they severe enough? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Are they frequent enough? Mistress would say no and I tend to agree. Too often, outside forces upset our home routine and regime.

S: It depends whether the spankings are for punishment or pleasure. In our case, it's mainly the latter.

My preferred frequency is as often as possible, but after my bottom has recently taken a sound spanking, I like to let it return to normal before the next one. Presenting a very tender bottom for a new spanking is not fun. I can take a good hard spanking provided that it is with a 'smacky' implement such as a hand, hairbrush, slipper, paddle, etc. The more lethal weapons like canes and tawses fall more into the punishment group!

Provided that my spanking has started with a good warm up, and my bottom has first been raised to a hot smart, I can take any more that D wants to dish out. As I lie there, my bottom feels hotter and hotter, and more and more blown up, as it bounces under his vigorous spanks. But spankings also make me feel very sexy. It gets to the point where a good seeing to becomes more important than a sound spanking !

D often makes me adopt some rather uncomfortable poses, which I would rather not hold for too long. Among these are OTK and over a chair arm. Lying flat is just fine for heating up my rear cheeks, but the diaper position, kneeling but bent, and toe touching (the one I really don't like) are so undignified and offer my private bits to the spanking tool.

RosieBee: With kids and family around ALL of the time, I have to say most definitely not frequent enough. Serverity and duration have been on target for the most part, from my bottom point of view, that is. I'm not sure what my husband would say, considering that I'm the spanko and he's the more than willing vanilla. I believe he doesn't have as much of a problem with the frequency of our sessions as I do.

Our Bottoms Burn: Our spankings are just what we like. Of course, we sometimes ask for the spanking we want and that would be like cheating for many.

Mark: I agree with Raven Red who just about covered it.

I believe it must be defined whether it's a punishment spanking or just fun. We do exclusively the fun type. Something that is both hilarious and frustrating is happening. Due to family and living circumstances, the opportunity just isn't there as it used to be in the past, so... we "do it" wherever we can, when we can. Hotels, BTW, just don't cut it anymore, I think that there is not enough privacy.

Our frequency is nowhere nearly enough. Severity has increased substantially, as if we are craving to "catch up." Most of the time, this produces very long lasting visible and painful effects (not that this is bad).

Duration is about the same as severity. It's as if we are looking to catch up for all the spankless times. However, when certain areas become no longer safe to spank, we extend the play to other areas as well. Exploration is good.

Bonnie: I definitely have opinions about this subject and enunciate them from time to time. However, at our house, Randy makes the decisions about spankings. I've learned over the years that this arrangement works best for the two of us. So even when I think a spanking is too intense, too long, or too soon after the previous one, it's not.

Submission is a big part of the attraction of spanking for me. Allowing him to spank however he pleases pushes a lot of those buttons. In that light, I'm quite satisfied.

Thanks, everyone, for another excellent conversation. See you next week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #267

Once again, we are gathered for a weekend conversation about that one topic that is always on our minds. This week's concept was suggested by our new friend Kathy.

Do you (and/or your partner) feel as though as though your spanking sessions are frequent enough, too frequent, or not frequent enough? Are your spankings appropriately severe, too severe, or not severe enough? Are they long enough in duration, too long, or not long enough?

I invite you to join our discussion by entering your response below in the form of a comment. Once everyone has registered their opinions, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings. Please tell us what you think!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 20

Are we surrounded by spanking references or does it just seem that way to those of us who already have spanking on our minds? Our question of the week probed the degree to which our frequent observation of spanking references in the vanilla world is influenced by our interest in the topic. Here are your thoughts.

Xantu: I don't know if it was always there, is really there or if I wear spanking-colored glasses these days. But now just about anything with a handle is looked at speculatively and assessed for spanking potential (and, at times, embarrassingly 'tested out' in the store aisle). Other people's relationships are analyzed for relative power exchange. Scenes from movies where the uppity female protagonist is tipped over a lap and swatted soundly are met with new appreciation and applause.

Luna: I think innuendo is everywhere depending on your frame of mind and life experiences. That's why kinky people can pick up kinky references, spankos can pick up spanking references and the sexually obsessed see and hear sex everywhere.

We always take our own experiences and use those to interpret the world around us, so if we are a spanko, we'll see these things around us, even if they really are unrelated.

Raven Red: In the period where I was trying to ignore the spanking side of my personality, I was still very aware of spanking references around me. Leather belts, wooden spoons, and rulers were things that I was very "uncomfortable" to be around.

However, after embracing that part of myself, spanking references are everywhere. I even attended a lecture and ended up wondering whether the man is a spanker!

I think that what is important to us on a personal and intimate level, is what we inevitably will see and subconsciously look for in the world around us.

Rayne: My friends see a low wall to sit on, I see something at the perfect height for bending over. My family sees a kitchen-ware store. I see a veritable smorgasbord of delightful implements. My non-spanko lovers of the past saw a sexual advance when I was communicating my need for a spanking...

I think it is absolutely true that these things are always here, and that our own personal frames of reference shape them into what we see.

This is true for most of our observed and imagined world. It doesn't just pertain to spanking references. When I am hungry, I look at an orange and see something potentially good to eat, while someone who is angry may look at the same orange and see something potentially good to throw. :D The world is ours to create!

Daisy: As others have said, these things are always around us, but only those who are so oriented will see them,. People have always worn belts, used wooden spoons in the kitchen, had trees/bushes (full of switches!) in their gardens, used bath brushes to wash and hairbrushes to brush hair. To vanillas, that is their purpose. To us spankos, there is another purpose entirely!

So, the question isn't really either/or. It is more of a statement of fact. These cues are always there. We see them BECAUSE of our spanking biased perspective, but that doesn't make them any LESS there just because others don't recognise the references!

Uncle Nick: I inserted a spanking reference on the Daily Telegraph's website today. I said that a woman in the story needed to be taken in hand. My meaning was clear, and if it wasn't, my Twitter silhouette should have made it so. At the time of this writing, six people have recommended my comment!

Hermione: I think it's all a matter of perspective. If you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. If you're a spanko, and especially if you are under pressure to create daily spanking-related posts, then you wear your spanking filters and see spanking possibilities everywhere. It's so much fun!

Six of the Best: How many times have you heard people use the word phrase 'spanking new' in conversations. For example, I just bought a 'spanking' new car or a 'spanking' new dishwasher. My wife just delivered the family a 'spanking' new baby boy or girl.

Emanuele Lombardi: I do think that spanko references are everywhere, but having spanko-colored glasses myself, I can see the more subtle ones put there by like-minded creative people.

Defer and Submit: Spanking references are everywhere to some, just as bondage references are everywhere to others. It's all viewed from an individual's perception and personally, I love the view!

On Her Knee: There are references and pervertables everywhere. Funny, it didn't seem to be that way until I became a card carrying spanko.

Without any attempt to eavesdrop, and with basic poor hearing in one of my ears, I still manage to pickup keywords in a crowd.

My fine lady and I went out for an hour or so on Valentine's Day. I heard a woman laughing as she commented "...But he won't let me whip him..." Now, she could have been talking about games of chess, but somehow I suspected that their games weren't quite so boring. As we were leaving, I asked her, "Did you say he won't let you whip him?" Her reply was, "Yeah, he won't let me cuff and whip him..." I laughed and said, "Well, then put on the heels and garter belt. He'll come around."

MarQe: I think that people with even the faintest interest in spanking drop a reference into an otherwise vanilla conversation. I must admit that I do it myself with my vanilla friends. I threatened to take my mate's wife across my knee in jest once. Her eyes sparkled and she asked, "Is that a promise?" I'm sure she was more than curious, but sadly, I never did find out!

Mark: Just envision the scene: every man around you whipping off his belt, then doubling it over in his hands... and then looping it back through after having gone through with "it."

"It" is security stuff at your friendly airport, of course, what did you think?

Are you wired to feel faint and then aroused when seeing a male do that with his belt? Or have you read it stated somewhere that there are those who do?

Well then, that shows the answer is somewhere between Yes and No. Yes, for when you filter it through your kink. No, because there are just too many opportunities for random associations around us.

How about the sports commentators' vocabulary: "whip," "beat," "spank," "flog, and "thrash," Do you think that if they were spankos, would they be so free with placing these words? Then again, I don't hear women sportscasters use the same words, so who knows?

Then again, maybe the answer is Yes. There are signs everywhere: 2/3 of the cooking implements at Target and Bed, Bath & Beyond cannot possibly be used for cooking, but only for striking soft defenseless surfaces, so who knows...

Bonnie: I honestly don't know the answer. I've been a dedicated spanko for as long as I can remember. My radar has always been tuned to detect bottom warming references.

I have to mention that when I hear those special words in a seemingly vanilla context, I sometimes pause for a second or two as I imagine what it would feel like to have my bottom spanked while lying over someone's lap. Randy jokingly calls this reaction “spankolepsy.” For those brief moments, I am absent from the conversation. He likes to unleash the S word in public places just to see if he can get me to engage in a mid-sentence daydream. What can I say? I love my spankings.

Thank you, everyone, for joining this week's brunch!

MBS Spanko Brunch #266

Happy weekend and welcome back, everyone!

Several years ago, our good friend Hermione adopted this motto:

          From there to here,
          From here to there,
          Spanking things are everywhere!

If you follow her blog, as I think most MBS readers do, you will encounter a bountiful supply of spanko references in otherwise vanilla contexts.

This raises an intriguing question suggested by RosieBee.

Are there really spanking references everywhere or is this simply a reflection of our biased perspective?

To join our conversation, please enter your answer in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has had their chance to respond, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.

Midweek Fun with Anagrams

Do you like anagrams? I do.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 13

Our question this week concerned five things that make a spanking better. Here are your suggestions.

Dioneo:

1. A partner
2. Dialog
3. A reason (even if pretend)
4. Enthusiasm!
5. Thank you's

Luna:

1. Music
2. Comfortable position
3. Rhythm
4. Ramping up
5. Sex afterward

Abby:

1. Leather toys
2. Hand warm up
3. OTK
4. Rubbing
5. Length: the longer the better!

Just a Girl:

1. Anticipation and/or dread, depending on the circumstances
2. Lasting effects and lingering feelings
3. OTK and being held either forcefully or lovingly while it's happening
4. Communication before, during, and after
5. That it's with the one that I love

Hermione:

1. Leisurely, not rushed
2. Leather implements
3. Laughter
4. Lasting soreness
5. Loving partner

Six of the Best:

1. Partner
2.Type of scene
3. The type of clothing the lady wears before she must bare her bottom
4. Spanking implement (cane)
5. Sexual activity after

Prefectdt:

1. Building or reinforcement of the trust bond between spanker and spankee
2. A nice clean bit of floor to look at whilst you are over that knee, desk, or whatever
3. Endorphins and someone who knows how to get you into subspace
4. A good pause between serious implement strokes so that you can process and savour the changing nature of the pain
5. The knowledge that you will be doing this again :)

Raven Red:

1. The anticipation
2. Complete trust
3. A spanking that breaks down in me what needs to be broken down
4. A warm, red and tender bottom
5. Comfort and softness afterward

Anon:

1. Anticipation
2. Serious scolding
3. Bare bottom
4. Leather strap
5. Cornertime

Velvet:

1. The smell of Him so close to me
2. The sound of His breathing as he leans over me
3. The taste of the gag which will muffle my sounds
4. The touch of His hand softly stroking before He begins
5. Anticipation builds... and the blindfold hides my sight

Xantu:

1. Strong hands holding you down
2. Having no control of intensity or duration
3. Knowing that he is enjoying this
4. Feeling loved
5. The loose, warm, relaxed, tingly sensations that linger

RosieBee:

1. The dreamy, content, happy, state of mind afterward
2. The warm up
3. Successfully submitting physically and mentally – In other words, taking my spanking without fighting, complaining or topping from the bottom
4. The after soreness
5. Happy husband, happy wife, and happy household

A-Non:

1. Rubbing, before, during, and after. A little back rubbing with the left hand is nice, too
2. A nice, long warm up
3. Gradual removal of skirt and panties, with sets of spanks on each
4. Sexual play. Sorry, that's just how I like it
5. Surprise. Every spanking should have some small element of surprise. Perhaps the fact that you're getting one is a surprise, or a brief flurry with a certain implement is, or the position is

Curtis:

1. Physical contact via OTK with hand and bottom on couch or bed
2. Long languorous spanking
3. Rubbing
4. Arousal
5. Personal, physical, and/or intellectual chemistry

KellyRed:

1. Duration
2. Leather impliments
3. Being tied or held
4. The element of surprise
5. Sex – before, during, and/or after

Our Bottoms Burn:

1. Anticipation
2. Sexy clothes and undies
3. No need to rush
4. Playful banter and laughter
5. Something unexpected

Just five?

Respecting Mistress:

1. The anticipation
2. The lecture to remind me of my failings
3. The sting of the thin Dragon cane
4. A good collection of stripes
5. Long, loving hugs and kisses afterward

Daisy:

1. The anticipation/anxiety – Having to wait for it to begin and wanting it to start, yet dreading it!
2. Once in position, the lecture in that firm, brooks no nonsense, sexy voice
3. A long, slow warm up
4. Once it starts in earnest, a break between each stroke to process the pain and wait for the next, hopefully with a stern voice scolding
5. Aftercare such as rubbing, lotion, icepack, cuddles, reassurance, and maybe more ;)

Pink:

1. A tight connection between partners
2. A lecture, with lots of eye contact
3. A warm-up, including an unveiling in parts: over pants, then over panties, then bare
4. A progression of implements and positions
5. Snuggling afterward

Ronnie:

1. Taking time
2. The Anticipation
3. Lecturing
4. Aftercare
5. Lasting sting and redness

Abby Williams:

1. Open communication, ranging from deciding whether we're going to share the selection of implements or if I'm at his whim/mercy to being told "This is going to hurt." I like knowing the parameters so I can find the necessary headspace. In addendum, I love being included and knowing that the experience is for both of us.
2. A long, slow warm-up with lots of rubbing and massaging. Cold spankings, whether in a cold room or on a cold bottom, are just awful.
3. Being told that I'm taking my spanking well. I love when Mr. W leans down close to my ear and tells me, especially after a few hard strokes, "You're doing so well, young lady." Sometimes he'll do this even when I haven't been doing the best job of taking it, but he knows I'm trying. It reminds me that we are partners, that we love each other, that he knows I want to keep playing but I need encouragement to do so.
4. Laughter, often from something unexpected, makes a spanking memorable.
5. I'll jump on the sex bandwagon and agree that sex afterward is almost always a must. Sex and spanking go hand in hand in our household. There have been a few times where the experience itself has been enough, but the levels of intensity required for a spanking alone to satiate both of us is a lot to muster on a random Tuesday. At this point in my life, I'd rather have an intensely fun spanking than an intensely painful one.

Michelle Carlyle:

1. Being chased down
2. Being wrestled to the bed
3. Having my pants torn off me
4. A really good whacking with one hand underneath on my clit
5. Outrageous sex

Thanks, Bonnie! Now I'm really horny! Where is my HUBBY?

D:

1. A plump firm bottom that bounces nicely under my spanking palm or paddle
2. S, not in the nude, but wearing 'ordinary' clothes such as a skirt around her waist, panties around her knees, and her lower parts adorned in stockings and suspenders
3. S gently but securely tied so that she can not move her bottom away from my stinging hand
4. Her blazing red cheeks, hot and quivering after her spanking
5. The final sex, whilst she is still firmly bound in the bent-over pose, bringing her to a fine climax, as my loins grind against her hot sore cheeks, and I pound away inside her

Emanuele Lombardi:

I really love spanking, but it's difficult to name just five things to improve the experience. These busy days can detract from enjoying it for both parties.

How about these?

1. A quiet setting without distraction
2. Enough time, no deadline, and not being rushed
3. Being in sync, both aroused and ready
4. Without a doubt, not sick or tired
5. The ambiance of a fire or candlelight

These things improve the experience, but sometimes you have to accept things as they are.

OnHerKnee:

1. The anticipation from the promise that tells you "You're getting a spanking" and knowing nothing that you say or do will change that, but could possibly only make it longer or more severe
2. The summons... “(my name), come here now”
3. The order to "Drop 'em"
4. The warm-up rub and even the warm up slaps that put you at ease knowing you are under the control of the one who loves you and will make sure you feel considerable pain, but never let you be hurt
5. The cornucopia of sensations afterward such as aftercare, making love with a sore ass, and the heat, sting and soreness, especially when it lasts for days and reminds you with every prang of pain that there is someone who loves you enough to spank you

Uncle Nick:

1. A decent reason - you may not believe me, but I don't just spank for fun!
2. A nervous girl who will do anything to avoid what is now about to happen
3. A comfortable chair for me to sit on because I like to be relaxed when I am correcting a wayward wench
4. Lots of kicking, wriggling and squealing, especially as the panties are lowered
5. A subdued, obedient young madam when it is all over

MarQe:

Happy Valentine's Day

Thomas: Hmm.... What makes a spanking better?

1. A lovely bottom to spank. For my personal tastes, I like a bottom with a little plumpness and pertness. I'd say that a touch more than "pleasingly plump" but a touch less than "Rubenesque" would be ideal.
2. The right outfit for the scenario. I'm partial to short skirts that have some openness to them. Pleated or loose-fitting skirts are best. I don't care much for tight skirts or long dresses. About mid-thigh is perfect.
3. Skin that marks easily. Maybe it's just me, but I like to see the results. If it's for discipline or punishment, I want to know that I've done my job. If it's for play, then I'll probably amuse myself by dragging my fingernails across her bottom and watching the little white lines follow my fingers around.
4. A good reason is always a plus. However, I tend to accept "just because" as a good reason if other reasons aren't forthcoming. Flipping a girl across my knee after she's been a brat is certainly a favorite. I like the suddenness of it.
5. The perfect place to give the spanking. Some of my personal favorites have been the parking lot at Taco Bell, the parking lot at Denny's, the parking lot at Walmart (sensing a pattern here?), and the men's room at Ryan's Steakhouse (you should have seen the look on her face as I yanked her in, and the look on the waitress's face when I walked her back out). Usually, the "best place" is wherever she brats me and ends up earning it (See item #4).

Bonnie: Just to be sporting, I intentionally didn't choose any that I mentioned five years ago.

1. A drawn-out warm-up
2. A purpose for the spanking, even if frivolous
3. Humor makes everything better
4. Just enough ouch when I need it to really hurt
5. The feeling of contented fulfillment that follows

Thanks, everyone, and Happy Valentines Day!

MBS Spanko Brunch #265

Welcome back, dear friends! A few weeks ago, you expressed a desire to revisit some of our classic brunch topics. Here is the first installment.

Please name five things that make a spanking better.

If you're curious, the original February, 2006 discussion can be found here.

As always, anyone with an interest in adult consensual spanking is welcome to join our conversation. You don't have to register, create an account, or tell us your real name. Just enter a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to make their points, I will post an edited summary.

In with the New: Midwinter Edition

Presented below for your perusing pleasure are a dozen delicious new spanking-oriented blogs. I hope you'll visit them all and leave a comment on those you find to your liking.

Anonymously Beautiful

CDD Taken in Hand Stories

Curiouser and Curiouser

Emily Winters' Spanking Forum

Getting Spanked

Hidden Answers

OHQ5 Photoblog

Sp-Kee Photoblog

Stumbling Chi

Submissive Wife

Tender Bottomed Girl

Truth B Told

To these new members of our community, I bid you welcome. If you would like some blogging tips and suggestions, try these. In any case, we're glad you're here!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 6

Our topic of the week was sharing your secret with a close but presumably vanilla friend. Here are your reactions.

Michael: No, I have never shared my spanko-ness with a vanilla, but I have on occasion when I was younger mentioned to a few mostly male friends in the course of "locker room" talk that I like smacking the butt of a woman. I have long stopped doing this as it minimized the depth and emotion of what spanking really means to us.

Make Mine Red: No, I have not. It is something shared only between the hubby and me (and y'all on here). :D

Indy: I've pretty much told all of my good friends, and even my dad. I probably wouldn't have done so if I'd explored spanking only within the confines of a romantic relationship, especially not if that relationship had been previously established. I might have shared internet insights with a close friend or two, but certainly not family!

As it turned out, my exploration of this interest has involved a lot of travel and new friendships. It was just too exciting not to share with my best friends! I told friends I might not otherwise have told as I wanted someone in my home town to know where I was just in case. With time, I grew tired of lying to my parents about where I was and what I was doing, so I told my dad. I think he's told my mom, as she uncharacteristically asked no questions about the friends I was visiting in England.

Friends' reactions have ranged from shocked but intrigued to downright encouraging. Most don't want to hear any details, though they are interested in the friends I've made. In general, they're glad I'm finally paying attention to this part of my life. One is mildly disapproving of the scene, but that hasn't really changed my relationship with her at all.

If you're a bottom, I would recommend emphasizing safety when you talk to vanillas about your interest, especially if your spanking exploration involves meeting people with whom you've connected only over the internet. I was very careful about that with my dad, but less so with friends. I just didn't think about it then. I didn't realize until some time later that they were concerned, or in the case of one friend, would have been had she not been a regular listener of Dan Savage's podcasts. I think explaining scene safety protocols reassured them.

Xantu: A few close friends and family know that we are in a Master/slave relationship.

I don't talk so much about liking being spanked (and all the other fun things) as being obedient to my husband. That topic only came up when a good friend questioned my "feminism" after I made frequent references to my husband letting me do things.

I explained it terms of finding the correct balance that kept us together and happy. I also said that everybody who has been together for long takes the wishes of their partner into consideration before making big decisions.

I don't talk about the sex part much though, not with friends and family. That wouldn't feel right. That would be TMI.

Michelle Carlyle: The only time I've "come out" to my friends was normally at a party after imbibing half the bar. Usually, there is a pause in the conversation. Then I go, "I write romantic spanking fiction." Every time, the room goes quiet. One by one, people turn to me with "that look." It's like I've just announced that I sleep with squirrels. Or got abducted by aliens the night before. After this long awkward pause, someone clears their throat. Then they pretend I didn't say anything. After one such announcement, my sister-in-law spent the rest of the evening, staring into space and saying, "Romantic spanking fiction." Only once has a friend come up afterward and whispered in my ear, "I like spanking, too." So I don't say anything anymore.

Thank GOD, I have a huge group of romance writer lady friends who see no shame in writing spanking fiction and they all know. But I think they can distance themselves in their heads from what this means: that I loooooove being spanked and think about spanking constantly. We don't talk about that part. They just want to know about my sales.

But as far as "coming out" anymore? I just don't do it. Maybe once in a while, but I hate the long, awkward pauses and the way they look at me. Forget it. I don't need people's validation or permission or approval. I'm totally cool with my spanky life.

But I really don't think anything any one of us is doing is weird. When you consider how many couples live, not speaking, not having sex, completely living in their own separate worlds, our relationships are WAY closer and far more intimate. And I think healthier. Yay Spankos!

Jay: Yes. I had a disagreement with a co-worker. I mentioned that she should be spanked. I smiled, and she started laughing. The disagreement was forgotten.

A couple days later, she came to me and asked if I would really do that. Boldly smiling, I said, yes, of course.

She said she would think about it, smiling. A day or so later, she said okay, let's do it. But no sex. Of course not, I said.

So, we had spanking session for two, where I made her confess to real mistakes, naughty things she had done. It was very cool.

It was positive response. Out of the blue. It was a secret just between us, as far as I know.

Six of the Best: An open discussion between a spanko and vanilla friends is mostly taboo. I regret to say that most of the world is much too puritanical.

Texringer: I'd be afraid of just the reaction Michelle got were I to tell anyone I know. However, I'm supposed to be starting an improv class soon. This will entail meeting a new group of total strangers. It's possible I'll try out telling them if a likely moment comes up. But my family and folks I know now, I don't think so.

Audra: A few of my close vanilla friends have their suspicions. They just blow it off and say, "she's into that submission thing..." LOL

A vanilla friend told me last week that if I kept up with my Starbucks addiction, my hubby would beat my ass and she wasn't going to stop him! Little does she know that he already beats my ass! Hee hee

My sister knows the most, but not even she knows the whole truth. She has officially just deemed me "crazy!" I think that is why I cherish my spanko friends so much! They are the few who know the absolute truth about me!

Emanuele Lombardi: Most of my life, I did not talk about my secret side. I was already an odd duck and did not need to add fuel to those fires. For the longest time, I felt that I was just wrong somehow, and thought that I would develop more traditional desires. My closest friends eventually pointed out to me that my hidden secret was not so secret to them. Only recently have I been expressing myself by blogging and I think that I have relieved a lot of pressure this way.

Em: All of my closest vanilla friends know at least a little. Some of them know more details that others. We all met when we were young and in that point of our lives where "experimenting" was normal.

An ex-coworker of mine once found out by accident. She was a bit freaked out at first, but we basically just pretended it never happened.

I think after you've known someone a while, you get an idea for what they'll be able to handle. I have some friends who clearly wouldn't be able to handle it, and I have no desire to force that information on them.

I don't feel the need to share this part of my life with many people outside of this community. I will say that it is nice knowing that my closest friends understand (as much as they can) and accept this part of me.

My family is also somewhat aware - although that did not go well at all. This is another case where we just pretend no one knows anything and we're all OK.

RosieBee: Thanks for using my question, Bonnie, and thanks to all who responded. The need to share waxes and wanes for me. Sometimes, I think being spanked makes me feel so wonderful that everyone must be into this and if they are not, they should be. However, considering that my husband is the only person I've ever told and it took me 38 years of life and 8 years of life with him to do even that, I think it will be a while before I find the courage to share with others. Anyway, there is something cool about having a little secret that is only between him and me (and all of you, of course). ;)

Anne: I think it might be okay with one or two of my vanilla friends for the most part. But I don't think I would say anything. I am already considered the "crazy" one.

I have one good friend who was in a D/s relationship before she met her husband. I asked her about it once and she was quite open about answering my questions. This helped me to open my mind to more possibilities. I am glad we discovered/started exploring spanking. I firmly believe it saved us, because we were on a real downhill spiral before we found this.

Stormy: When we started our DD lifestyle, I told my closest friend. She was very upset, and I probably should not have told her. We agreed not to talk about it. I sometimes wish I had not told her, but you cannot unring that bell.

Dr. Ken: Nope, no one knows, and I'm not likely to tell anyone either. It would just seem too weird, and I'm not sure how well I'd handle any negative reactions. The only people who know are my friends within the spanking community and the ladies with whom I'm lucky enough to play. That's plenty, right there.

W: I have a friend who is much more than just a friend. She is like a sister, but even closer than that. We have been best friends for over twenty years and when I started my exploration in the life style. I did end up telling her.

Of course, she isn't wired that way so it was hard for her to grasp and understand. But mostly, she was concerned for my safety and afraid that I might hook up with someone who would hurt me. Bless her beautiful soul. I love her to bits.

After a while and a lot of talking, she came to understand my needs and desires. I was going to be very careful. I also had protection from a Dom friend and that made me feel even safer. It was a difficult decision to make, but I am really glad I did tell her.

If I could just find a Dom who loves to spank, but doesn't want a slave, that would be great. I am a submissive person by nature and I love to be spanked. If I go too long without one, it shows. I just look for some reason to be spanked. I am a novice and need to learn more, but at the same time, I want to have fun and be happy.

Daisy: The short answer is NO!
The long answer is OH MY GOSH, NO WAY!

Poppy: I have shared this interest with a couple of friends. But like anything that involves sexuality, I have not gone into the nitty gritty.

One friend I felt shared my interest, but she is the most vanilla friend I have in terms of everything in life, not just spanking. So I took the risk. We talked, but much more about the emotional implications rather than anything else. She was curious, but it is not for her. My other friends that know (there are three others) and just see it as a part of my thing. But, I cannot emphasise this enough, there are no icky details. They would not get it, nor should they. No one needs to imagine anyone else's bottom ever (Unless they like that sort of thing).

Hermione: As a child, I had no inhibitions about playing "school" or "house" with friends and cousins. That always involved spanking dolls, teddies, or each other. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and think it was normal. But I would not share my spanking interest with anyone else now. It's part of my intimate relationship with my husband, and nobody else's business.

From time to time, I have shared vanilla details about being submissive, and that usually results in looks of pity or amazement from my audience. There is no way they would understand about spanking.

My advice to someone contemplating spilling the beans about their spanking interest is that once something has been said, it can never be unsaid. Think twice, then think again before you speak.

Just a Girl: The most that any of my closest friends know is that I like "kinky" things. They all seem to assume this means handcuffs or role playing something like a scene out of an amateurish, seventies bondage porn video.

Needless to say, other than occasionally admitting that things like plastic wrap can turn me on, I don't elaborate.

PK: I shared with my sister and my closest vanilla friend. Both thought it was amusing and I realized that they didn't really have any understanding of the real appeal. They think it's a bit of slap and tickle foreplay. And that's fine. Not being spankos themselves, they will never really understand that part.

Prefectdt: Yes I have, with several vanilla friends actually. But not once have I been taken seriously. Apparently I am just "Not the type."

Ronnie: As much as I'd love to share TTWD with my vanilla friends, I know them too well. They'd be shocked and feel uncomfortable. There is no way they would understand.

I would say think hard, think very hard, before sharing.

Curtis: It's complicated. When I was a child, I openly played spanking games with friends and often talked about spankings with them. Then for a long time, I didn't tell anybody but by actions converted a number of previously vanilla women into spanking. More recently (five years ago), I needed to explain to a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a marriage counselor and my two longest standing friends why I had this four-year affair built, in part, on spanking and why that was leading me to divorce my wife (not only because of conflict over spanking -- although that is a long and sad story). I'm not presently open about my proclivities, but I wouldn't be embarrassed if someone found out. Probably many already know because the world is on the Internet.

Pink: I have hinted with one friend and outright told another (sort of by accident as I thought she was confessing to it as well... and vodka was involved). She now jokes about it when we are alone... and it's all good. I knew she was one of my best friends for a reason!

My female friends are strong feminists, as am I. I am able to see how feminism and spanking can coexist, and I'd like to give them the credit for seeing it, too. But I just don't have the desire to have my psychology picked apart over drinks. So I avoid the topic as much as possible even though I know that they would understand eventually and even embrace me for being true.

When I was single, they would often set me up with their male friends. My main qualifying question to them was, "Is he a take-charge kind of guy?", which, as we know, is thin code for, "Will he spank me silly?" Sadly, none of the prospects were.

Mark: I did tell my close friend, a day after he asked me to have a drink after work. I had to turn him down, saying, "Sorry, I am tied up tonight." Which was the plan of record for the evening, really, over a spanking bench. :-) I thought it so funny that I opened up the next day and told him my secret. His reaction? "Wow, that's neat, an extra dimension, eh? - I always like patting a girl's bottom..."

We discussed a few details of the mind and also how you meet friends, and that was all. Today, we find double entendres together and make the occasional comment on this and that, but don't talk about it, as I am pretty sure he is not into it.

I suspected, and now I am convinced, that it is a good idea to keep it to yourself and people you intend to marry or otherwise enter into a relationship with.


Raven Red: One of my closest friends knows, and I was actually amazed by her reactions. She has become an avid reader of my blog (which, by the way, was my way with some conversations, to come clean).

Although it is not her thing, she only has been supportive. If anything, it somehow deepened the friendship as a huge element of "extra" trust has been added.

Having said that, I do believe that there is quite a bit of risk involved when confiding in close friends. Their reactions (and your continued acceptance) mostly rely upon their own value systems.

My advice is to be very careful in deciding when to confide, to who you want to confide, and to know your reasons for wanting to do so.

She: I don't think I have a friend that doesn't know in some way. Some have been more exposed than others, but they all know at least a little. Usually, it comes out when we're talking about marriage, or something along those lines.

I'm not afraid of what people will think about it, because every single person I've told has shown some sort of interest. Some have even gone on to start using it in their own lives.

Bonnie: Randy and I have been carefully hiding this secret of ours for so long that I can barely imagine doing otherwise.

At a different level, though, Randy is not above launching a spanko wise crack or giving me a quick swat in mixed company. He wants to see if he can spread the blush to both ends. But most witnesses (and believe me, there are witnesses) seem to think it's just silliness.

There have been a number of people over the years who I'm fairly certain overheard our shenanigans, but they had the good taste not to mention it.

Thanks, everyone, for joining our Super Bowl Sunday brunch!

MBS Spanko Brunch #264

Welcome to our weekly community cyber-gathering. This is a place where we discuss adult consensual spanking. Our question this time comes from RosyBee.

Have you ever shared your interest in spanking with a close but presumably vanilla friend? If so, how did you tell them? What was their reaction? Have you any advice for someone contemplating sharing their secret in this way?

To join the conversation, just enter your response in the form of a comment below. After brunch is completed, I will post an edited summary.