Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 25

Our topic this week was spanking-related discussion groups and forums. Here are your thoughts.

Poppy: I suppose I kind of do on Dev's site. It is not so much a discussion group as a group of like-minded people chatting. It has more banter than discussion, although a discussion does break out every now and again.

I find it hard to find a discussion group that would fit me and what I am like. I tend to take it to heart if someone tells me I am doing it wrong in this area of my life and people do have such strong opinions on the internet.

I have looked at a couple of sites, but on one of them (can't remember which, but it is a huge one) people kept trying to chat me up and it felt so crude and so base that I ended up feeling bad about myself, so I stopped. Well, Himself told me that I had to stop because it made me sad.

I also looked at World Spanking Forum, but that felt very much like lots of the girls were professionals promoting their sites with all their pictures. I am not really like that at all. I am a bit too quaint (really too hard to work out the proper word) for all that.

I also looked at Fetlife, but what I saw made my eyeballs pop out and as a consequence I really, really am not allowed to go back there.

I would like a discussion forum for people like me, but I have not found it yet and I don't know how many people like me there are out there.

Hot Bottom: I would have to say Fetlife. There is something on every topic.

Hermione: I'm glad you introduced this topic, because I hope to gain some insight into how to use the forums.

I belong to SpankoLife and World Fetish Forum, but once I log in, I don't know what to do after I have changed my status. Except for the odd person who wants to chat (and that usually makes me feel uncomfortable), I feel at a loss. I have joined several groups on each one, and I suppose that's where you go to leave your opinions on various subjects, but I have only done it a few times.

I am so busy with creating daily posts for my own blog, reading and commenting on as many other blogs as I can, and performing various other blogly duties, that I don't have any extra time to devote to the forums. I don't often think of visiting them. Perhaps it's because I have to seek them out. They don't pop up on someone's blogroll with an enticement to go and see what's new.

Sara: I just don't know. I belonged to several Dd forums and while in some ways I got a lot out of them, in others they ended up being quite hurtful. The small ones were cliquish and people were judgmental. It felt like being on a playground in fourth grade and worrying who the cool kids were and if you would be liked. On the other hand, some larger forums were quite untamed and some horrid and harmful things were talked about and condoned (like true abuse). The thing I have liked about blogging is first, I can be myself, and don't have to think too much about following the crowd, and second, across the board, the blogging community is intelligent, open, sane, supportive and ongoing. People can be more independent and find their niche, get support without having to wade through yucky stuff, or play up to moderators, or worry about the kool kids. There are SO many more spanking and Dd blogs now than there were five years ago that I no longer go on or refer people to forums.

Naomi: I have participated in a few forums and discussions before. I do enjoy it, but now I am not 100% sure where to find good ones where my input will actually make some sort of difference or prompt at least intelligent conversation. For a while, I honestly felt as though I had no place in those discussions or forums. Everyone had much more experience than I did, and my inexperience made me feel intimidated. So I have not really participated in any of those things since early in our DD relationship.

R Humphries: I'm not really much help in these modern times. Back in the day, I used to wander around the Mirc chat rooms and met some fabulous and very charming people (the technology reference dates me I guess). I was never much for forums as they seemed to attract the more strident and opinionated element of our community and didn’t feature much in the way of discussion, as Ayn Rand style dissertations seemed to be more the order of the day. As Hermione said earlier, the rare spare time I have between family and business obligations is generally consumed in trying to keep my blog maintained and updated. Nonetheless, I like to participate in the MBS brunches and enjoy some occasional cheerful spanking banter with guests to our site.

Cammie: I like reading, but not so much participating. I get too nervous because everyone knows so much more than I do.

Elysia: I asked a fellow blogger, who like me is new, but participates in a few forums. I cannot remember the names of the forums, but I recall that one is private and you need to ask to be invited. Although that may sound elitist, I think that the point is that the group has more control over the types of discussions. I joined two forums in the beginning and have never commented. It is very intimidating to read how nasty people can be, and I would not take that very well.

I enjoy banter in my comment's section, and banter in others' comment sections as well. I feel safe there.

LDD-4-Me: I’ve joined quite a few forums over the years. A few have just gone away and I’ve probably forgotten about quite a few. I’ve thought about starting a forum, but unless there is an active base of contributors with good moderation that bans the trolls, forums can go downhill in a hurry.

The only forum I’ve been active in for quite some time is the discussion forum on Spanking Classics. It seems to be very helpful for new people. I appreciated it when I was new and still enjoy seeing new people getting the support they seek.

Fetlife seems to be both good and bad. It's always a bit funny to see people who want to see their beliefs respected, but aren’t tolerant of others. Also, I don’t get into the whole dark thing with black leather and chrome. It's just not my style.

SpankoLife seems to be a fine place to put a profile, but it doesn’t really seem to have active useable forums.

S.N.M.: Spanking Community is my site of choice. The forum is pretty lifeless, but don't let that fool you. The chat is always lively with a large crew of regulars, and is a pretty friendly community.

I've also been to Spanking Classics, Anime OTK, and Spanking Scouts, but Spanking Community is my favorite so far.

Ronnie: I'm sorry I can't add anything constructive. I don't belong to any forums or discussion groups. I did join one group ages ago (I can't remember which one), but I didn't find it very good.

With all the comments, e-mails, and two way traffic generated within the blogging community, I don't have any extra time. But I will be interested in reading the recommendations.

Prefectdt: I used to do a lot of history forums in my vanilla life, even moderating, but as the forums grew there where more and more idiots using these forums to bloat their own egos. This kind of put me off forums of all sorts.

I lurked on some spanking and kinky forums, sometimes following an interesting topic. But sooner or later, I came across the egotists on these forums and that put me off joining and interacting.

I do not have an awful lot of time to spend in front of a computer everyday anyway. It is a struggle just to keep up with e-mails sometimes. I think that I will stick to blogs for my online spanko/BDSM interactions.

Miss Jules: I'm registered at Fetlife and SpankoLife, but I rarely use them. I like FetLife more because it has some interesting discussions and profiles. Even so, I still mostly just read and rarely get active.

The one forum I really use is the forum of the SMJG, a young German community for kinksters under 28. I love it because while I enjoy interacting with older kinky people, it gives me a more "sheltered" place to talk. I enjoy discussing with people who are roughly my age and have similar interests/experiences. Plus, the board is strictly moderated. Randomly hitting on people is prohibited, and the moderators ensure an amicable, relaxed atmosphere. Another plus is that you can communicate with a wider range of people than with blog posts because your query will be read by most members, not just the loyal readers. That helps if you need advice. Oh, and the final reason I like the SMJG is that I met my boyfriend in the chatroom. :-)

Daisy: I joined SpankoLife, but haven't been back since! It's just not my scene. This blog is the only discussion group I belong to. Not that it's probably a discussion group, per se, but it's perfect for what I want! There are so many different takes on TTWD, this is where I feel comfortable!

Aw, thanks, Daisy!

Anon: I go to This Thing We Do forum.

Bonnie: I've visited many different spanking-related forums over the years and participated to greater or lesser degrees in most of them. As has been observed, some are active, some are slow, some are crude, some are friendly, and some are combative. I usually enjoyed my interactions (and departed quickly if I did not). I know that many people have been helped by answers they received from these discussion groups.

For the past five years, however, my time, energy, and imagination, at least in terms of spanking discussion, have been absorbed by this blog. I wish I had more time to invest in the larger community, but MBS remains my first priority.

Thanks, everyone, for another great brunch conversation!

MBS Spanko Brunch #223

I hope everyone is enjoying a weekend of peace and beauty, or if you're more like me, I hope you're getting a lot done!  Either way, we have a fine question submitted by a friendly lurker.

Do you participate in spanking-related forums or discussion groups?  If so, which ones do you recommend and why?  What features or attributes make a spanking forum or discussion group worth your time?

I hope you will join our conversation, especially if you know of quality forums with which readers might not be familiar.  To add your voice, just enter a comment below.  Once everyone has had their turn, I will post an edited summary.

Blogroll Update

Hi, everybody, and welcome to the weekend!  As you may have noticed, our spring cleaning around the blog has gone very well (Thank you, Hermione!).  I wanted to follow up on our recent blogroll poll.  MBS readers confirmed by a wide margin my belief that the blogroll is valuable and worth the time it takes to maintain.

By a 2-to-1 margin, you said you weren't very interested in links to blogs written in languages other than English.  I have mixed feelings about this.  My inclination is to return links from legitimate blogs with similar content.  In addition, an English-only policy seems uncomfortably provincial to me.  However, as a practical matter, my lack of understanding of languages like Spanish, German, Czech, and Danish leaves me unable to assess the content of these blogs.  A link from me is a recommendation, or at least a suggestion.  I don't feel as though I can send MBS readers to a blog that I am unable to read.  I may change my mind, but for now, that's how we will handle this question.

The alphabetical versus chronological vote was a lot closer than I expected.  While a majority preferred the status quo alphabetical list, a sizable minority opted for the most recently updated format.  The only practical solution was to do both.  If you haven't seen it yet, I added a time-based blogroll at the bottom of the right column.  By default, it displays only the most recent 25 blogs.  However, readers can expand it to show all blogs.

I'm pretty enthusiast about this new blogroll.  Were I inclined toward hyperbole, I might claim that it's bigger than the Universe and better connected than the Network.  But I'll let you be the judge.  Whether you're looking for an old favorite or seek to discover the latest and greatest, I think you'll find there's something here for every spanking enthusiast.

I was pleased to see that the results from the content question were in line with my current practice.  The types of blogs you said you wanted to see linked are the same ones I've been trying to find.

I'm still pondering some sort of category notation on the alphabetical blogroll.  The challenge is that many blogs fit into multiple categories.  I don't want five little marks after a blog name.  Nor do I want to list a versatile blog in five different places.  At that point, the updates become insane.

I am grateful to MBS readers for telling me what you like (and sometimes don't like).  Working together, I believe we can make this a better blog.

In with the New: A Fresh Dozen

So cool. So hot. So new. So spanko!

Amicable Settlement Bonnie-Jo, Life of a College Spanko Broken Glass Blog Domestic Bliss Kinky Clover Lexan Motivation Spanked by My Lady Straight from the Corner The Adventures of Rosie Cheeeks The Memories of a Strict Uncle The Pink Report Underling's Humblings

I think this is a great group of blogs and I hope you will enjoy exploring them. When you do, please take a minute to say hello. Your supportive comments mean a lot for a new blogger.

I wish all of these bloggers great success and lots of engaged readers!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 18

Our topic of the week was spanking music. Here are your thoughts.

JJ: My "top five" songs in this category would include:

1. John Mellencamp / Hurts So Good


2. Pat Benatar / Hit Me with Your Best Shot


3. Kim Carnes / Bette Davis Eyes with its steady, percussive beat which resembles an implement repeatedly striking flesh


4. Devo / Whip It – I'd be remiss not including that one


5. Little Anthony and the Imperials / Hurts So Bad to throw in an oldie to round out the list

Welcome, JJ! Those are definitely some classics.

Six of the Best: Some of my happiest years I spent in England. That's where I learned to appreciate spanking a naughty lady. So any tune that reminds me of England, such as The White Cliffs of Dover, brings back my nostalgic feelings of giving a good spanking to a naughty lady on her bare bottom.

Hermione: I have to agree with JJ. Hurts So Good is the number one spanking song for me, both because of the beat and the lyrics.

Prefectdt: The early part of play is often hard for me and until about 10 to 15 minutes into play, when I start to get my head in the right place, all is just pain with no joy. During this time there is a song, that I have memorized down to the last chord, that I am often replaying in my head. It helps bring on the "I can take it" adrenaline that helps me handle things until it is "Hello fairies" time.

The song is Be My Enemy by The Waterboys. However, I tend to think of it as Pretend To Be My Enemy :-)

Daisy: I like any song, really, with the right tempo to coincide with spanks! This, of course, depends on what sort of spanking it is! Reggae is good, in general...

Janet: There are two songs that remind me of spanking. The first is called "He hit me and It Felt Like a Kiss" It is from the Motels off of their 1982 album, All 4 One. It really doesn't continue on past that line to talk much about TTWD. But there have been times when a spanking has felt more like a kiss then a punishment.

Another song that reminds me of TTWD, not particularly about spanking is Home from Chris Daughtry. The line, "careful what you wish for cus you just might get it all, and then some you don't want" sure rings true as my HOH grows more comfortable in his role.

Poppy: All the songs that remind me of spanking are just songs that remind me of the man that spanks me.

So Kathy's Song by Simon and Garfunkel and, alas, Leaving on a Jet Plane by Peter Paul and Mary are both songs that remind me of him, being over his knee and being kissed and... everything. He has spanked me over every type of music and so no one song represents spanking.

Ms. Betty: For me, it's Irish music. The fast, upbeat tempo seems made for swinging a spoon or hairbrush.

I have a gothic band called Inkubus Sukkubus I enjoy spanking to as well.

When I'm in a darker mood, I tend to like to put on Concrete Blonde. Because I Can and Someone's Calling Me are both great scene music. But my favorite is to have a boy bound somewhere in the dark as the first beats of Bloodletting come throbbing through the speakers.

I think Inkubus Sukkubus would probably be sufficiently dark for me. : )

Scunge: I suggest Stevie Nicks' Leather and Lace. I love the line, “Give to me your leather, take from me my lace.” It just makes my butt tingle EVERY time I hear it!

R Humphries: Our personal spanking life generally has a somewhat theatrical bent to it and invariably involves food, wine, and of course music. I think that one of the all-time great spanking albums is “Greetings from LA” by the tragically late Tim Buckley (for trivia buffs, he was the natural father of the also sadly late Jeff Buckley). Apart from being an all-time classic recording, it has a gloriously decadently debauched feel to it with such tracks as Sweet Surrender, Sitting in a Hong Kong Bar, and the more obvious Make it Right that features the chorus line “She’s gonna beat me, whip me, spank me, make me feel right again.” That's not exactly my personal preference, but nonetheless, it's an absolutely fabulous album.

But I think my/our real favorites to spank to are the somewhat less dark, Wheels Start Turning by the Blues Jumpers, who sadly only ever made one album, or the big band swing sounds of albums like Satin Doll by Michael Maxwell and his Orchestra. We enjoy swing, jazz, be-bop, good food, some iced bubbles, and some damn good spanking fun. Life doesn’t get much better than that .

S.N.M.: Nope. Even songs ABOUT spanking don't really do it for me. I prefer to let my mind and body come up with their own mood-setters.

A. Luirker: For me, it's Under My Thumb by the Rolling Stones. The lyrics and the beat remind me of spanking every time! I have often wondered about Jagger because he has a few other songs that refer to spanking. Brown Sugar includes the line "hear him whip the women just around midnight" and Jumpin' Jack Flash lyrics state, "I was schooled with a strap across my back."

The song Sexyback by Justin Timberlake has the line "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave." It makes me chuckle quietly to myself.

Kia: Like A. Luirker, I often giggle a little whenever I hear "Sexyback."

Though, for me, the song most strongly connected with spanking is Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson, especially the line, "all the violent sweet perfect words that you said." I can't help but smile to myself every time I hear it.

Welcome, Kia!

Jean Marie: I've never had music playing when I've been spanked, either in play or for punishment. I quite simply LOVE the sound of his bare hand on my bared bottom! Variations on that theme by his using implements only up the ante - the echoing crack of a wooden paddle, the reassuring "thwap" of leather, the "swish/snick" of the cane. No music could match such an evocative symphony for me.

Larken: John Mellencamp has another song that always reminds me of spanking, and that's The Authority Song. He sings, “I fight authority, authority always wins…” Why does authority always win? Because authority carries a paddle. :-)

And for some reason, Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun makes me think of spanking, too. I wonder why that is? ;-)

Bonnie-Jo: Music can inspire many things, but music that inspires spanking? Got to be the best.

I agree about Devo's Whip It. If you look it up on YouTube, there are some exceptionally weird videos that go with that song. Pat Benatar's Hit Me with Your Best Shot is definitely on the list too.

I think that the music you've been spanked to (which will differ from top to top) will without fail bring back spanko thoughts/desires. Thus, when I listen to Drummer Boy next Christmas, I'm going to be remembering a certain ironic paddling I received.

Anon: We always use music for spanking. The lyrics and tempos of some songs constitute handy scenarios. Here are some examples:

1. Bobby Vee / The Night Has a Thousand Eyes


2. Jennifer Warnes and Leonard Cohen / Joan of Arc – We find this one good for long slow canings


3. Dovells / You Can't Sit Down – This one needs no explanation


4. John Leyton / I'll Cut Your Tail Off – Explicit OTK reference in this one


5. Florence +The Machine / Drumming Song – Sweeter than heaven, hotter than hell


6. Pearl Bailey / Beat Out That Rhythm On A Drum - One big arse in all the world


7. Sibry / The Spank Song - We might use this sometime

Bonnie: Here are a few favorite inspirations:

1. John Mellencamp (again) / Jack and Diane – Lots of smacking sounds and an actual spanking in the video


2. Sir Mix-a-Lot / I like Big Butts – Randy's theme song


3. Madonna / Hanky Panky – I completely agree


4. Ian Dury / Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick - Hit me, hit me, hit me!


5. The Safaris / Wipeout – Those drums...

Thanks, everyone for tuning in!

MBS Spanko Brunch #222

The weekend provides us with a welcome opportunity to sit back, spend time with friends and reflect on life. So it is with our brunch. Each week, we examine a different topic related to our favorite pastime. This time, we have a musical theme.

Are there songs that make you think about spanking? If so, is the connection with the lyrics, the beat, associated memories, or something else? Does the music inspire you to spank or be spanked, does it enhance the experience of spanking, or does it simply bring the subject to the forefront of your attention?

If you would like to participate in our conversation, you can enter a comment below. It's OK. Really. Yes, you. Everyone here is kind and loves newcomers. Once all of the responses have arrived, I will post an edited summary.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 11

Our topic this week was SpankingTube. Here are your reactions.

Naomi: I love SpankingTube! I go on there occasionally, maybe every two weeks or so, and just browse the new videos. I am more interested in the real couples making home videos. I can relate more and I just sit there and think how brave they are!

I would love to make a video and share it on SpankingTube. But I haven't grown big enough nads for it yet.

Poppy: I don't tend to go there at all.

I find spanking videos almost too much for me. I am so picky about my tastes that it would have to be just so. When I do see a spanking video, I get overwhelmed. The sounds, the words, and the sight of a bum make me have to hide my eyes and crawl under a sofa.

I think it is a great idea and I applaud those people who put things up there, but it is too much stimulus for me. I need someone else to be in charge when I see or experience anything connected to spanking.

I bet I will be the only person who is so easily floored by the whole thing.

Janet: I have never heard of SpankingTube, but I will be sure to check it out! Thanks for the heads up.

Hermione: I have visited once or twice, but I tend to feel it is overwhelming. There is so much there, I don't know where to start.

Like Poppy, I am picky about quality, and I would want to watch something that appeals to me personally, not just any spanking. If I knew specifically where to look for something that I could relate to, I might watch it.

I'm sure that for those who feel comfortable filming their spankings, it's a great place to put them on display. I feel slightly embarrassed watching people do something that I consider an intimate act in front of a camera.

So Poppy, you aren't the only one. It really isn't for me either.

Sunflower: I've also never been to SpankingTube. I'm with Poppy and Hermione in how picky I am about the things I want to watch. I've honestly never checked it out because 1) I prefer to read my erotica rather then watch it, and 2) there is a plethora of well written spanking stories on the various blogs I already visit so I've never felt an urge to look. Maybe someday I will.

I'm also still somewhat shy about exploring the internet for TTWD, so I've never gotten the gumption to watch a video, even if I had the desire!

Jean Marie: Like Naomi, I love SpankingTube. When I have time, I surf it for great lengths of time. Soon I find that I have to disrobe and touch myself as I watch and fantasize and self-spank.

Mark: I'm probably in the minority on this blog since I am spanked by my wife. But SpankingTube doesn't have much F/m stuff. I like watching cute girls get spankings too though. The videos tend to leave out the best part (to me at least) which is the scolding and 'aftercare'.

Daisy: I often go to SpankingTube. I have seen virtually every video on it for the past year or two! However, I tend to watch only the first few seconds of each. They are "much of a muchness" and, as others have said, I am particular about what I want to see!

I like the ones where the girl objects, but is spanked anyway, by a loving partner, not the "actor" ones. I can't bear the ones where the spankee is passive and just lies there, no squirming, squealing, footlifting or hands flying back.

I also like to hear a lecture about why it is taking place. There is one actor who always lectures with one word to each spank, it gets so irritating. If he is in a video, I switch it off as soon as I see it is him!
There are some great amateur home videos though. They are really the best ones. The only exception is a fantastic video by Amber Pixie Wells where she is waiting for a spanking. The acting throughout is awesome. It's my all time favorite.

I would never appear in a video, much less post it for others. I'm not brave enough for that, and much too paranoid!

Dr. Ken: I don't go to SpankingTube. I have nothing against it. I just have a really ancient computer and it would probably take hours to load the smallest of clips!

I don't just "buy a new computer" because I really can't afford it right now, and the old one still does all the things I really need. If my computer were new, I'd probably spend a little time checking it out, but I doubt I would spend very much time there. I'm with Poppy and Hermione on this one.

Loki: I love SpankingTube! I have never seen such a variety of spankings all in one place.

Now as for favorites, while I will always love spanking video company productions, I am very partial to videos made by we average non-actors. Real is always the best! And I do plan to add me and my wife to the mix!

Scunge: My Sir and I also LOVE SpankingTube. We don't watch,well at least I don't watch, the hardcore torture videos. Lately, there do seem to be more males getting spanked as well. I used to go there quite a bit, but now it is maybe about once a month or so.

Anon #1: There is very little on SpankingTube that I don't like. Most everything posted I consume avidly.

I'm there daily for relatively short lengths of time, and will watch most anything. I can't tolerate viewing some of the amateur "actors" due to a possibly unfair bias I've developed toward certain tops who seem like such lowlifes! I know that's elitist, but it's how I feel and I'm sure I'm not alone in that assessment. Anyway, I hope SpankingTube is around for a very long time. It has really saved the day for me, especially as I recall all the time, effort and money I wasted doing what I had to do before the internet.

Also, I am SO glad some are finding SpankingTube for the first time thanks to MBS!

Another point: I recognize that commercial sites are the backbone of SpankingTube as an enterprise, and most likely one operator in particular.

For me, I can't imagine NEEDING more than this vast array of delightful vignettes, as opposed to
actually buying the longform versions. Again, that's just me. Obviously, enough paying customers launch off of SpankingTube and support producers with their (repeat) business, or it wouldn't exist.

As an aside to Dr. Ken, there has to be a way to beef up even your dinosaur of a computer. You're missing too much not having the capability to watch ST!

Anon #2: I LOVE Spanking Tube! I visit a couple of times a week. My favorites are M/F, but I like F/F as well. I especially like paddlings and hairbrush spankings.

Anon #3: Many of the videos on SpankingTube are too harsh for me to watch. I agree that "real" M/f are best. I like to see the woman's face and hear her protests.

Betina: I like SpankingTube, but I do not watch everything on it. I just click the videos I think I will like based upon the mouseover text and the picture. I think it's wonderful that some are brave enough to post there, but I never would.

Ronnie: I'm sorry,but I can't really be of any help. I have only visited the site once. I didn't know where to start and haven't been back.

R Humphries: SpankoTube is not really to our particular tastes. Nonetheless, any service that expands access to new material within the community should be encouraged and applauded.

Anon #4: It's good for a visit now and then, but too many videos don't have emotion behind them. They're all mechanical. There are not enough videos where affection and release are strongly carried forth, IMHO.

So, yeah, I guess I'm "picky" too.

Prefectdt: I go to SpankingTube when I can and enjoy it, but it is difficult to find enough computer time to go there as often as I would like.

I submitted a clip to SpankingTube once, but it was not accepted. I did not mind so much that they did not put it up, perhaps it was just something that was not their sort of thing, but I was rather annoyed that they never gave a reason.

For some reason, I have difficulty embedding clips from SpankingTube on my blog. Any tips or tricks would be very welcome.

Bonnie: Video is not my favorite medium. Unlike prose or even still photographs, it typically leaves nothing to the imagination. With that said, I enjoy watching many SpankingTube videos.

The videos that appeal to me are first and foremost those crafted by genuine spanking enthusiasts. They understand and convey how real people spank and are spanked. The banter is not just believable, it's authentic. These sequences are never 23 seconds in length. Nor are they offered solely as teasers for longer clips at a pay service. I have no gripe with professional producers, and I might well like their complete films, but those two or three whack snippets on SpankingTube are a waste of my time.

It's extremely unlikely that Randy and I would ever post video on a public site. That's just not us.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and insights. I hope you'll join us again next weekend for more fun discussion.

MBS Spanko Brunch #221

Hi everybody! I think we pretty much survived yesterday's changes to the blog. Hopefully, we didn't lose or damage anything valuable while striving to improve the interface. If you have any specific comments or suggestions, please send them to me.

Today, however, we're here for brunch. Our topic was suggested by a new reader.

What do you think of SpankingTube? Do you visit regularly? Have you ever contributed video? Does any particular sort of spanking video appeal to you? If you don't care for SpankingTube, why not?

To join our conversation, just enter a comment below. Once everyone has had their chance to speak, I will post an edited summary.

Pardon Our Ouch

In order to enhance my blogroll (as I've been promising for a year), I have to undertake a slightly scary upgrade to my blog template. Things may look a bit weird around here for a while. Like a good, long, hard spanking, I keep reminding myself that it's (probably) worth the pain.

Poll: The MBS Blogroll

I'd like to hear what you think.

1. Is the blogroll an important reason why you visit MBS? Yes No 2. Should we add links to blogs written primarily in languages other than English? Yes No 3. Do you prefer a blogroll sorted in alphabetical order (easy to find specific blogs) or chronological order (easy to see what is new)? Alphabetical Chronological 4. Which one of the following subjects would you most like to see emphasized when we add to the blogroll? Erotic spanking Domestic discipline Recreational spanking Ageplay Spanking photographs/video Spanking fiction F/M spanking blogs F/F spanking blogs M/M spanking blogs Dominance/submission BDSM Commercial spanking sites Spanking models Something else Current Results

Thank you!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 4

Our question of the week examined the assumption held by many vanillas that no one sane would willingly participate in adult spanking. Here are your thoughts.

RPT (Fred Bloggs): Supposedly sane people do many strange activities that are considered quite normal in society. Smoking cigarettes is one example.

It's the context within society that makes people think spanking is weird but inhaling toxic fumes is OK.

Spanking is not "mainstream." Perhaps we need to change that!

morningstar: I have come to two conclusions over my years of spankings, D/s, being owned, and all of it:

1) It is the way I am hot wired and there is nothing I can do about it.

2) There is no point in trying to explain why I crave/need spankings to someone who is not wired the same way.

Trying to explain the spanking scenario to vanillas is a bit like when I was working at the Blind School and I had a child ask me to describe the sky. I said it is "blue" and he asked "what is blue?"

It just can't be done. Pointe Finale.

Elysia: My children love SpongeBob SquarePants cartoons. There is an episode where SpongeBob finds out that his fellow employee Squidward has never tried a Krabby Patty which is the main product that they sell at the Krusty Krab fast food restaurant where they both work. Squidward is adamant that he would find them awful. SpongeBob tells him that "The only people who don't like Krabby Patties have never tasted one!" Needless to say, Squidward becomes addicted after just one bite.

My advice to the e-mailers, would be "Try it! You'll like it!" or perhaps, "Don't knock it until you try it!"

Rob: I frequently wrestle with this in my own mind, (as a male on the receiving end) so it is not hard for me to believe that others would see this as strange or abusive. My spouse and I just had this conversation a few weeks ago. She was asking me what I get out of spankings. I tried to explain that it's just always been a fascination of mine. As Morningstar said, I'm just wired that way. I may not be able to make my spouse fully understand, but she does see it as a need that I have and thankfully she's willing to explore it with me.

Anon #1: It's like trying to explain why a fish needs to swim, or why an artist needs to paint. I hope that my husband will one day understand this. I'm dying to be turned over his knee. :) I've tried to explain this many times. I guess if you aren't wired this way, it's difficult to comprehend.

The original e-mailer must get some gratification from making themselves feel superior to others. Why else would they sit in judgment? Furthermore, he/she must have have this desire and be unwilling to pursue it because he/she doesn't consider it to be mainstream. Why would that person sit in judgment if that individual is checking out your website in the first place? It's kind of like going to church and announcing to the faithful congregation that you don't believe in God.

I didn't perceive the tone of these e-mails to be condemnation, so much as concern. Now, the latter could have been a facade for the former, but I didn't perceive it as such. Had I thought they were simply criticizing what they don't understand, it would have been much easier to simply delete their message and forget about it.

Keagen: I believe that the issue with most "vanillas" lies in the connotation. There are two things that immediately jump to mind for most vanillas, and those are extreme forms of BDSM that are portrayed by the media and internet, and domestic violence.

First, there is pain and power play, they assume, being exchanged as people "enjoy" it. Now, I know we look at that and say, "So what?" To them, though, the most vivid and extreme examples of BDSM come to mind. It's all they've been exposed to.

On the second count, there is pain, hitting, crying, and in some cases, large amounts of control being exchanged. When those are the only known elements (beyond the loving, caring, supportive relationship behind it), it can look really scary, especially if it's a close friend or family member.

They're judging our actions and words, I believe, based upon what they know. That's the common human measuring stick, unfortunately. The connotation is that it's either "extremely weird" or "extremely abusive."

We are wired this way, and the relationships most of us are involved in aren't problematic in the slightest sense. But when viewed through a certain lens, it definitely can appear so.

Hermione: I think the perception of violence and physical abuse is what comes first to the mind of most vanillas. Why would someone want to be hurt? Couple that with the inherent humiliation of baring one's bottom and assuming humiliating positions, it's no wonder they think we are either crazy, unbalanced or just plain nuts. I don't think we can change a vanilla's way of looking at us or convince one that we not only like it, we love and crave it. It's simply a fact that we are made that way, and they aren't.

I do think it is possible for a vanilla to learn to enjoy spanking or being spanked - especially if their partner is a spanko and wants them to play the desired other role - but that would come from actually experiencing it, not just talking about it.

Poppy: I think that an admirable fear of hurting women is partly at the core of vanilla outrage about spanking. Also, I think people tend to feel they have to speak out strongly against fetishes (I hate calling it a fetish) that are not their own. I think that is a great shame and reminds me of the school yard where one had to separate oneself from any group that one was not in.

I think of Yeats' line from "He wishes for the cloths of Heaven" when I speak of other people's desires. "Tread softly for you tread on my dreams."

I only do this as long as everyone is consenting, maybe vanilla people are concerned or could not imagine that there could be consent. That is why I would try to respond calmly and gently to any concerns.

I don't want to convert anyone to anything and if they speak from a wish that we are all safe and happy then there is no cause for righteous anger.

Sunflower: There are several reasons why I think it is hard for vanillas to accept. One is that humans are hardwired to avoid pain. For those who don't understand the sensual nature of pain because they aren't wired that way. To them, an adult willingly seeking out and embracing pain is strange.

Also, the common idea of spanking is that of a parent chastising a wayward child. Again, this makes it hard for those who don't understand to grasp why it's pleasurable. I don't think they're being judgmental. They just can't fathom it because they aren't wired that way. It's like broccoli - either you like it or you don't. There's nothing wrong or right about broccoli, but some people just can't eat it and others love it. It's the same with adult spanking, I think.

Tina: Although I am terribly masochist and quite submissive (and quite sane, it seems, and definitely very strong), I have the same prejudice. When I see women being treated badly, in clubs or at parties, I always think they must be psycho, weak, or whatever. It's the strangest thing!

The internet seems very useful in that account. By reading stuff like yours, Bonnie, or even Kaya's much tougher blog, I am understanding a little better.

Thanks, Tina. If this blog achieves nothing else, I do hope to promote understanding of TTWD.

Mark: People are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. To most normal people, spanking causes pain and is therefore to be avoided. Given the way my wife wields a hairbrush, I agree with them. But they don't see or understand the psychological aspects that dominate the physical aspects. For those with the spanko gene, to avoid the (physical) pain would just cause greater (emotional) pain.

We like to be spanked because the entire experience is not defined simply by the stroke of the implement and the pain it causes.

Of course, there are those who just like to take the pain, but they are real freaks... Just kidding.

Mary: I think that adult spanking is hard for some to understand because it is just so far from what they could imagine. To them, it just seems as though there must be something wrong.

Anon #2: Here's an unusual Easter tradition. I wonder what vanillas think about Dyngus Day? This occurs on the Monday after Easter. This is a Czech and Polish tradition where the men spank women with whips and switches. The women can get even with the men by pouring buckets of ice water on them later.

By the end of the day, I imagine a popular young woman could end up with a very sore Dyngus.

Spank-A-Lot: As the saying goes, "One man's food is another man's poison."

I am sure there are many reasons why vanillas or the "unconverted" shiver in such horror when faced with spankos like us. Of course, I am sure some were due to bad experiences. But I still strongly believe that inside every human is that hint of spanko-ism just waiting to be unleashed. Assuming that is the case, I guess the shivers of horror and ghastly faces from vanillas are merely a normal reaction to the "unknown."

An example was my reaction the first time my mother asked me to try chicken feet (I am Singaporean and Chinese). However, I tasted it, I fell in love. So to all vanillas out there, don't write it off if you haven't tried it. You don't know what you are missing!

Bonnie: I have no desire to promote this activity to anyone who is not already interested. One can ask why anyone without at least some curiosity would visit this blog. But I am certain it does happen. Think, for example, about Keyword Chaos. Many of those people were not looking for information about consensual adult spanking, but through the shifting winds of the internet, landed here anyway.

When these lost cyber-tourists stop at MBS, I have an opportunity to speak to them and occasionally with them. My message is not, “Spanking is cool and you should grab your partner and start paddling right now.” I recognize that won't register with true vanillas. My message instead is, “We're really not weird or scary or dangerous. We're positive, sane, caring people who choose express our love through spanking.”

Other minorities have worked for decades or even centuries to gain acceptance within society. This is the path we walk as well. For the moment, however, my aspirations are more modest. I have no intention of telling friends from the office that my husband spanks me. But should they ever find out, I don't want to be shunned or ridiculed.

Spanking is my choice. Each time I drape myself across Randy's lap, it's because I want to be there. Spanking enthusiasts are a community. I stand with them because we share common interests and goals. Vanillas are not our enemy. The foes we face are ignorance, misinformation, and stereotypes.

I look forward to a day when spanking is considered like, say, fellatio. Not all lovers practice this technique, but it's common enough that few people think much one way or the other about those who partake.

Daisy: I think spanking is difficult for vanillas to accept because it is like a fear of the unknown. I don't consider it a fetish. It's just a different way of expressing love and utter trust.

There are many ways of expressing love. As Bonnie said, oral sex is one way. Not all participate, and of those who do, not all enjoy. Yet it is not considered a fetish by those who don't. Some have a penchant for feet, toe sucking, etc. Different people just get turned on by different things.

When you hear others talking about their nights of passion, you sometimes cringe in horror/embarrassment, for you don't do THAT! But this reaction doesn't make it wrong!

I am sure there must be a link between abuse and spanking in the eyes of the uninitiated, and there probably always will be, however much we deny it. It's just a lack of understanding, and we should pity them, for we know what they are missing!

R Humphries: As a lifelong dedicated spanko, my view of this subject might seem rather surprising. I spent a considerable period of my early life in a very loving and successful vanilla relationship. To my former partner's credit, when I explained my predilection she willingly (I use that term rather loosely) indulged me and experimented. But it was clear that she did not and never would ‘get it’ or gain any pleasure from being spanked. She simply could not understand the concept of deriving pleasure, sensual or otherwise, at either imparting or receiving pain. That was her perception/interpretation of spanking. I saw no virtue in trying to ‘convert’ her.

I have never felt the need to discuss our intimate life-style at vanilla dinner parties or for the most part with anybody outside the spanking community. But if I did, I think in all likelihood most of our friends would just roll their eyes and laugh. I have never really encountered any ‘anti-adult spanking’ crusaders. But despite my own preference, I can actually understand (though not agree or sympathize with) the subjective viewpoint that could be taken by observers of either genre with regard to spanking activities as described in the question Bonnie posed. In my case, life is just too short to kvetch over how outsiders perceive our chosen lifestyle. We like it, we understand it, and that’s good enough for me.

Prefectdt: I think that people who ask such questions need to have pointed out how sexist they are being by singling out women from the spankee group. When made to think of men and women together, they can at least remove the "battered wife" scenario from the equation.

As for the question itself, I don't think that there is any reason why vanillas should understand. There are many fetishes that I don't understand. Desperation/pee fetishes are one example. All that I have to know about these fetishes and all that vanillas need to know about adult spanking is that it is safe, consensual and is not going to be imposed on them if they do not want it.

Prefectdt, I didn't interpret those e-mails as being necessarily sexist, though you may be correct. My perception was that the authors were speaking to me, so they assigned genders accordingly.

Zille Defeu: I was just talking the other day with a friend about how “vanillas” are often so ready to accept a bit of spanky-bot-bot as normal foreplay, how so many of them have a pair of handcuffs or a silk scarf in the bedside drawer, and how it is so easy for them to accept that as a bit of harmless fun. It's kind of in the way that a completely straight girl could be perfectly comfortable in a room full of naked gals, in a way that a bi or lesbian woman is no longer able to be entirely comfortable, but has to avert her eyes or she feels like she’s ogling.

So I think that the comparison of spanking with fellatio is actually more reasonable than you may think. It’s just that you are getting emails from the sorts of people who might think fellatio is also sick and not part of a healthy sex life!

So one does wonder iwhether all of those people who refuse to believe that “any intelligent, capable adult woman would allow herself to be subjected to repeated spankings” are closeted spankos (or other kinky type) who cannot accept in others what they refuse to allow in themselves.

Another point, however, is that vanillas tend to understand a bit of spanking as a part of sex. But if you are completely satisfied and fulfilled by spanking, that strikes them as weird (There’s your “mental health issues!”). And if you are using spanking for behaviour modification, well, that’s just sick and wrong, obviously (And there’s the “battered wife!”).

If you are going to be able to explain it to vanillas at all, I’ve found the best thing is to compare it to a “runner’s high.” Runners and other exercisers will go through all sorts of pain (The first day back at the gym can be more painful than the average spanking!) for a variety of “understandable” reasons, like the release of adrenalin and endorphins which make you feel so good after the pain/exertion is over. Or the “results,” which are physical for gym-goers and more emotional for spankees. But even a good workout can leave you feeling centered and calmed, the way a spanking does.

But you can never get the people who are repressed to accept “beneficial consensual adult spankings.” And most unrepressed vanillas will never “get it” outside of a sexual context.

Not that spankings don’t have their place in said sexual context! Never let it be said that I am against mixing spanking and sex! [grins]

Rob of NYC: There is a difference between fellatio and spanking. Spanking can be and has been used abusively. Non-consensual spanking clearly is abusive. However, when it's mutually consensual the equation completely changes. And that is what needs to be stressed. I have told two friends. Never again. No more explaining that I am not the slightest bit violent. I don't use spanking for punishment (I'm not into it, though others are), or do anything related to spanking that is not fully consensual. Since I don't feel like explaining what I do, I refrain from discussing it in the first place. Live and learn.

Love4her: Why can some not understand that the house does not need to be spotless? How can one not fold their underwear in the drawer? How can some people not like black coffee? Why can’t some people ever seem to hit the laundry basket with their dirty clothes?

There are many questions in life and why one can not understand another’s need for a sound spanking can be one of them, especially if the one desiring is mated to a non-spanko. There are also huge sexual and power play overtones with spanking that really force the giver and the receiver to examine their roles in the exchange. That examination is difficult because some just don’t think of sex, including spankings and other kinks, as something playful in the sense of loose boundaries and rules and they operate within pretty strict limits as to what is “normal” or we might say “vanilla.”

On another blog someplace the question of the day is...

Why is it so difficult for a kinky mate to accept that there are successful, sane, happy people who simply have no interest, see no point, no need and find no pleasure or satisfaction in (fill in the blank) spanking another or being spanked? Why can they not accept that this position too is normal?

That question certainly brought out some interesting and diverse opinions. Thanks to one and all for a great discussion.

MBS Spanko Brunch #220

Happy Easter. Happy Passover. Happy Equinox. Happy Spring. Happy weekend. Happy spankings!

Our topic this week is based upon a question I have received from (often anonymous) e-mailers several times in various forms over the years. The basic theme is that the sender has a difficult time believing that any intelligent, capable adult woman would allow herself to be subjected to repeated spankings. The implication is that I must either have mental health issues or be a battered wife. Of course, neither is true. If they seem earnest, I write back and try to explain this, but I doubt I change anyone's mind.

Why is it so difficult for many vanillas to accept that there are successful, sane, happy people who find consensual adult spankings to be beneficial?

If you would like to join our conversation, just enter a comment below. Once everyone has had their fair chance to speak, I will post an edited summary.